Archive for the ‘Buttons are pushed’ Category

What You Can Do When Someone Pushes Your Buttons

October 16, 2019

 

 

 

Have you noticed people’s buttons getting pushed lately? Maybe yours?

Some respond with anger, frustration or depression. Others find that finger pointing, denial and avoidance are easier than talking things through.

Opportunities abound to deal with issues, but some prefer to ignore the elephant in the room. It would take more than new glasses to correct that vision.

Changing perspective can help you: step back emotionally and observe in a detached way. This reminds you not to take it personally. But what should you do about it?

Ask yourself: Is there something to get out of it, something to learn? Or is the point to get out of it and leave?

And what’s the best action to take? This depends on the circumstances. But driving yourself bonkers and making yourself wrong only leads to a dead-end street.

A lovely woman sent me a very ugly email. She wrote about demonic forces and people we once knew. She couldn’t be friends with me anymore because I was still associated with them, even though I hadn’t been for years.

 Weeks later she apologized. Because of past injustices inflicted on her by this group, her deep pain was triggered. She obviously wasn’t herself when she wrote it.

 The point? I got out of it lessons of compassion; forgiveness; grace; not judging as people make mistakes.

 The action? Let go of the past and move on. We renewed our friendship.

 A few months later she sent another email explaining how she couldn’t be my friend because of my involvement with these same people… people I still hadn’t talked with for a very long time.  

 The point? Get out of it. When people create too much drama and repeat patterns that they’re not shifting, it’s often best to step back.

 The action? Don’t respond. Bless the situation and relationship and let them go.


 Here are tips on what you can do when your buttons are pushed.

Oh well, I can honestly say I’ve learned each one by doing the opposite.

You can choose to push the easy button instead by using the following:

  1. Breathe deeply in a relaxed way.
  2. Step back emotionally and observe rather than become enmeshed with the story.
  3. Listen to what’s being expressed and understand their perspective.
  4. Let go of a need to be heard, validated and to express your viewpoint.
  5. Ask yourself that even if you don’t like it: why is it essential that others should think the way you think they should?
  6. Tune in to your gut – what do you feel is true and the best action to take?

 “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” Then take action.

Through my school of hard knocks learning, I’m adding one more.

Don’t try to explain yourself using logic if someone is emotional.

Mental and emotional approaches are on two different wave lengths. When someone is emotional, they often aren’t listening, can’t really hear what you’re saying unless it’s what they want to hear. They may not even have the foundation to understand what you’re saying. They just get annoyed and feel justified in making you look like the jerk. Instead listen and say: thanks for sharing your opinion.


Warning: using these tips will not give you the emotional exhilaration received from feeling right; trying to fix or rescue people; feeling victimized; having your ego stroked; expressing anger; trying to control; or the comfort of familiarity from reliving your sad story.

  It will:

  • Bring you peace of mind and heart
  • Awaken you to greater wisdom and awareness
  • Honor others even if you’re sure they’ve lost their mind
  • Reclaim your time and energy to enjoy life and pursue your goals
  • Bring you better results in the long run.

My cousin just called. “Be sure to tell people that everyone needs some silly in their lives and that laughter is the best medicine.” Thanks, Sharon, for the best ideas. Don’t take things too seriously. It’s all good.

 

This is a reprint from March, 2011.

If you’d like to get help
with your pushed buttons,

contact me
for a complimentary
Do What You Love Break Free Session.

Email me at:

virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love.

Copyright © 2019 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Do People Bug You? Maybe I’m One of Them.

May 21, 2018

girl in mirror

We’re interested in our self-image at a very young age.
The possibilities of how we’d like the world to see us are endless.

 

I’ve had an uncanny knack of what I used to perceive as saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

My tendency is to hear unhelpful thought patterns, what people are thinking and feeling (instead of what they’re actually saying) or maybe trying to hide from others as well as themselves. This can really bug people because we all have a self-image, belief or emotional need we try to communicate, but I’m responding to what others unconsciously project or the issues they’ve suppressed.

Then I may say things, usually unintentionally, that trigger and expose that part of them that they’re trying to hide or ignore.

We all have a self-image that we’ve created, and this is what we want the world to see. When someone empathically sees through the projection and instead sees what people are really thinking and feeling… well, most don’t see themselves as having the problem. They believe the fault lies with others.

Our thoughts and feelings are found in a field of energy that emanates from us. They create a filter through which we see the world.

Even when we we’re hiding something or trying to act positive when we’re really not, others can sense it. This is especially true if the others are empathic, which means they can feel people’s energies, hear and see beyond others’ spoken words.


You may have felt this, too, when people give you an excuse for not wanting to do something that you know isn’t the truth. They expect you to buy their inauthentic story, but your gut knows better. 


Sometimes I say things that annoy others, which can lead to their breakthrough.

Years ago when my mom was alive, she used a walker after a hospital stay. One day, she got so mad at me for something I said that she threw the walker aside just to show me how angry she was.

And that was the end of her using the walker.

Inadvertently, I said something that triggered her to release the need for her walker, which then freed her to walk on her own. 

My uncanny ability to say things that might annoy people has happened so frequently in my life that I asked one of my teachers about it. I have a knack for highlighting truths that people don’t want to look at even though it could help them.

He replied, “I know this may sound strange, but God wants you to say these things.”

OK, but still it’s rather awkward because people usually don’t want to connect the dots to reveal what they’ve been hiding even to themselves, and I don’t get informed in advance of how I’m being used to awaken people.

Granted, this doesn’t exclude me from saying or doing dumb things because I’m fully capable of saying and doing dumb things all on my own. But now I don’t beat myself over it like I used to because often those seemingly dumb things may serve a bigger purpose of bringing up people’s issues that they can release, if they choose. If they’re ready.

My clients have experienced this during coaching sessions when I say something that really bothers them.

At first they might believe it’s my fault for saying things or not saying things in a way that pleases them. I’ll say or do something that triggers their issue. (Oh what a gift… is it too late to apply for one that’s more glamorous?)

For the ego, blame must be placed on something or someone outside oneself.

However, we’re never mad for the reasons we think we’re mad, and the irritation opens an opportunity for a breakthrough.

During an upset, a crossroads emerge. Choice point: react and finger point or pause and reflect? When have I had this emotional reaction I’m feeling before? Maybe starting in childhood? Is this a pattern? Do I often react in the same way?

If one is willing, the aha moment arises. Perhaps because they see it, they can start to let go of this pattern.

At the moment the ego starts to act out, there’s a choice: be a victim, blame others, defend one’s viewpoint, get irritated or see and release patterns that have been holding them back.

What can be revealed is that very mysterious something that may have been holding them back throughout their entire lives!

For issues to be released they usually surface first, and those moments before one has clarity and breaks free can be f@*%#!!! irritating.

However, emotional and mental releasing of stuffed issues has assisted my clients to soar to greater heights personally and professionally.

I don’t heal, but I help clients remove blocks that in the past prevented them from healing themselves.

For example:

If you’re upset because you feel you’re not being heard or understood or you feel you’re being pushed into doing things you don’t want to do, maybe you felt suppressed as a child. If you’re really over the issue, you wouldn’t be bothered by others’ behaviors and would articulate your feelings without anger, blame or frustration. Maybe this is your break-free opportunity.

Perhaps you feel uncomfortable around arrogant people who have greater wealth or status than you. At the root of why you feel this way, you discover your self-worth feels jeopardized. You may choose not to be around those braggadocious pygmies. But instead of being aggravated while you’re with them, you can observe and be silently entertained at their self-centered actions.


“We would like to help you to understand that neither the good feeling you find when you observe wanted behavior, nor the bad feeling you find when you observe unwanted behavior, is actually the reason that you feel good or bad. The way you feel is only ever about your alignment, or misalignment, with the Source within you. It is only your relationship with the Source within you (with your own Inner Being) that is the reason for the emotions that you feel.”

“When you think about other people and what they think of you, do you understand that what they think of you has very little to do with what you are? It has mostly to do with the habits of thought that they have developed. It has more to do with them as thinkers than it does with you as the subject of their thought.”

Abraham-Hicks


If you’re bugged by somebody or something, what pattern are you on the verge of releasing?

 
I work with people, at any age,
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love by aligning
with their Soul’s goals.

Copyright © 2018 Resolved for Results, All rights reserved.

Guilt, Know-It-Alls & Being #1

November 6, 2017

Wire

Are you in a self-imposed prison with freedom in view?

 

Feeling guilty had been drilled into her by her family throughout her life.

When my client was at the top, business associates and family triggered these guilty feelings by their passive-aggressive behaviors. She felt like she was doing something wrong.

Not feeling good about the price she paid for her success, her sales slipped.

People in her family had jobs. Furthermore, what’s a woman doing being successful, especially in her own business?! They had to work hard in their employment; why should she be any different?

She didn’t realize it was their own jealousy, insecurity, a need to control and their disappointment in themselves for not going after their dreams that were the underlying culprits of others’ manipulative behaviors.

Ever hear of the lobster syndrome or the crab mentality?

When either of these is alone in a lidless container, it can escape.

However, when sharing their enclosure, none can get out because they will be pulled back down, even into boiling water.

In society or business, this can happen when people are bettering themselves, and others try to bring them down.

How can they do that? Through guilt, fear, making others feel they’re doing something wrong, shunning, shaming and the threat of being ostracized if they don’t fit in with the community.

Some religions exert control by indoctrinating their followers with the fear of damnation or how their future lives will be affected.

Previously, my client couldn’t stay away from her cell phone out of fear of missing calls from prospective customers. Working hard is acceptable as a road to success.

So when she fulfilled her goal of a five-week vacation, and still remained #1, it was at the expense of others’ disparaging remarks.

Even though at the top of her game and years away from what most consider retirement age, she couldn’t stop thinking about leaving the business world behind.

She told me about a close friend and business associate. “There’s something about him lately that rubs me the wrong way – so I’ve distanced myself — although we’re working on a deal together. With him, it’s a debate or he knows some expertise about things. He’s done and knows everything.”

She was exhausted by critical people: if it’s not done their way, then in their way of looking at things, it’s being done wrong.

“Because I am surrounded by that thinking and attitude, my cup runneth over with this. My response is to disassociate with people who have these behaviors.”

When I asked where she’s seen those patterns before, she recalled that her mother and sister had the same habit of being critical know-it-alls. Both parents ruled by creating guilt in others.

We discussed that no matter where you go, there you are. If she continued to react, she’d attract more people who would act the same, wherever she went.

She realized that unless she changed, even if she left her business, she’d continue to run into similar, annoying behaviors from others.


Programmed from childhood, traits like lack of confidence, guilt and worry can prompt you to continue brainwashing yourself with limiting beliefs, even when those who put these ideas in your head aren’t around. 

Don’t listen to your inner, critical voice that bullies you and makes you question your ability to succeed or be happy. It lies.

That nagging voice reflects how the people who told you that nonsense feel about themselves. It’s not about you.

Your true essence guides you with a kind, non-judgmental and supportive voice.


Her insight: this session made her step back and look at the bigger picture.

She realized that she won’t be affected by others when she has a different perspective. And when her buttons are no longer pushed, she won’t attract people who think like that.

By the way, she’s back to being #1 and having her best year ever. Life is more fun, and she feels free now that she no longer reacts to guilt trips and know-it-alls in the way she did before.

You can step out of your self-imposed prison of any limiting beliefs, even if you don’t know what’s holding you back.

Start by having confidence that believing in yourself brings.

Remember, those voices to the contrary are figments of someone else’s imagination that they projected on you.

Freedom and success are yours if you’re open to receive them.

P.S. Know someone who might enjoy this post? Please share.

 
I work with people, at any age,
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love by aligning
with their Soul’s goals.

Copyright © 2017 Resolved for Results, All rights reserved.

CHALLENGED? 5 CHOICES FOR AN EASIER LIFE

March 22, 2012

 Life presents challenges. How you respond – your emotional choices and mental focus – is YOUR choice. You can get sucked into the quicksand of negative emotions, railing against the world and how tough everything is, focus on what’s not working and bemoan your tale of woes with others or in your head… and attract the opposite of what you want.

 Or you can make a different choice.

 Some of my clients are in the midst of the most heart-wrenching experiences of their lives. One left a country where he worked over three years in a highly regarded profession to interview for a job. His current position finishes in three months, and so far all his efforts to find new employment haven’t produced results. Frustrated by multiple rejection letters – literally, where in the world will this gifted man live and create an income? This follows a year of intense personal and professional challenges.

 Upon his return, immigration blocked his re-entry because of visa problems. He was arrested, detained and deported back to the city where he had just interviewed. Banned to go back for his belongings at work and home which is also where his girlfriend lives, he has no cell phone or office to continue his job search. His attorney says there is no help legally and made excuses for not properly advising him.

 At first he was in shock and emailed “I AM REALLY F___ED… I am devastated, exhausted, overwhelmed and at the end of my wits.”

 Soon after, he Skyped me from a computer in a noisy café for a session.

 Decision time: be the victim and miserable in a living hell or surrender and have faith that there’s a divine purpose and something positive will come of this.

 Feelings and thoughts manifest. His personal honesty allowed him to see how he created this experience – he really didn’t want to work at his job or be in that country anymore. This situation assured he wouldn’t spend another minute there.

 He also has a strong desire to dump childhood patterns and traumas. Realizing his former tension and aggressiveness stemmed from being where he wasn’t appreciated, he chooses now to use this time as a transformation to express his positive nature.

 Cut free from the burden of having to go back, the following day brought a feeling of liberation, contentment and a sense of being in a divine comedy.

 With his newfound attitude, his nightmare vanished like a bad dream after waking up. “I’m in the right place at the right time, and I know there’s opportunity here. I have friends and feel that I’m amongst kindred spirits in this city. I have to take action and not be complacent. My girlfriend and colleagues will pack up my things, and she’ll bring them here next month. She wanted to move away from there anyway. I’m looking at life with childlike wonder knowing my good is here. I feel purposeful. I’ll figure it out and make it work.” 

Months of anxiety and fear about finding a job and where it would be disappeared, too. It’s either in this city and country or something better.

 I asked him to pick an image to reflect his perspective. He chose Fred Astaire – light and with good technique.

 You can transform any situation in your life by choosing to: 

  1. Let go of the exhausting struggle: your story of your hard life and what if the worse happens. Write it down and burn or shred it. Choose to let it go! Repeat as needed.
  2. Change your perspective from one that creates stress and deteriorates your health and finances to one where you surrender to a divine source with an attitude of anticipating the best. Look for the positive in any situation; it’s always there.
  3. Stop thinking and talking about what’s wrong and instead focus on what’s working
  4. Enjoy quality time with those who nipped the self-indulgent habit of #1-3.
  5. Take action in the direction of your dreams.

 As you gently let go of the struggle, you’ll float to the top of the quicksand of fear and move to the shore of creativity and abundance.

WHEN BUTTONS ARE PUSHED

March 25, 2011

 Have you noticed people’s buttons getting pushed lately? Some respond with anger, frustration or depression. Others find that finger pointing, denial and avoidance are easier than talking things through.

 Opportunities abound to deal with issues, but some prefer to ignore the elephant in the room. It would take more than new glasses to correct that vision.

 Changing perspective helps: step back emotionally and observe in a detached way. This reminds you not to take it personally. But what should you do about it?

 Ask yourself: Is there something to get out of it, something to learn? Or is the point to get out of it and leave?

 And what’s the best action to take? This depends on the circumstances. But driving yourself bonkers and making yourself wrong only leads to a dead-end street.

 A lovely woman sent me a very ugly email. She wrote about demonic forces and people we once knew. She couldn’t be friends with me anymore because I was still associated with them, even though I wasn’t for years.

 Weeks later she apologized. Because of past injustices inflicted on her by this group, her deep pain was triggered. She obviously wasn’t herself when she wrote it.

 The point? I got out of it lessons of compassion; forgiveness; grace; and not judging as people make mistakes.

The action? Let go of the past and move on. We renewed our friendship.

 A few months later she sent another email explaining how she couldn’t be my friend because of my involvement with these same people.  

 The point? Get out of it. When people create too much drama and repeat patterns that they’re not shifting, it’s often best to step back.

The action? Don’t respond. Bless the situation and relationship and let them go.

 Here are tips on what you can do when buttons are pushed. Oh well, I can honestly say I’ve learned each one by doing the opposite.

 You can choose to push the easy button instead by using the following:

  1. Breathe deeply in a relaxed way.
  2. Step back emotionally and observe rather than become enmeshed with the story.
  3. Listen to what’s being expressed and understand their perspective.
  4. Let go of a need to be heard, validated and to express your viewpoint.
  5. Ask yourself that even if you don’t like it: Why is it essential that others should think the way you think they should?
  6. Tune in to your gut – what do you feel is true and the best action to take?

 “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” Then take action.

 Warning: using these tips will not give you the emotional exhilaration received from feeling right; trying to fix or rescue people; feeling victimized; having your ego stroked; expressing anger; trying to control; or the comfort of familiarity from reliving your sad story.

 It will:

  • Bring you peace of mind and heart
  • Awaken you to greater wisdom and awareness
  • Honor others even if you’re sure they’ve lost their mind
  • Reclaim your time and energy to enjoy life and pursue your goals
  • Bring you better results in the long run.

 My cousin just called. “Be sure to tell people that everyone needs some silly in their lives and that laughter is the best medicine.” Thanks, Sharon, for the best ideas. Don’t take things too seriously. It’s all good.