Your Buttons Got Pushed – Now What?

 Have you noticed people’s buttons getting pushed lately? Maybe yours?

 Some respond with anger, defensiveness, frustration or depression. Others find that finger pointing, denial and avoidance are easier than talking things through.

 Opportunities abound to deal with issues, but some prefer to ignore the elephant in the room. It would take more than new glasses to correct that vision.

 Changing perspective can help you: step back emotionally and observe in a detached way. This reminds you not to take it personally.

But what should you do about it?

 Ask yourself:

1. Is there something to get out of it and learn?
2. Or is the point to get out of it and leave?

And what’s the best action to take? 

  This depends on the circumstances. But driving yourself bonkers and making yourself wrong only leads to a dead-end street.

---

 
  A lovely woman sent me a very ugly email. She wrote about demonic forces and people we once knew. She couldn’t be friends with me anymore because I was still associated with them, even though I hadn’t been for years.

 Weeks later, she apologized. Because of past injustices inflicted on her by this group, her deep pain was triggered. She obviously wasn’t herself when she wrote it.

The point? I got out of it lessons of compassion; forgiveness; grace; not judging as people make mistakes.

 The action? Let go of the past, and move on. We renewed our friendship.

 A few months later, she sent another email explaining how she couldn’t be my friend because of my involvement with these same people… people I still hadn’t talked with for many years.  

The point? Get out of it. When people create too much drama and repeat patterns that they’re not shifting, it’s often best to step back.

 The action? Don’t respond. Bless the situation and relationship, and let them go.

---

Here are tips on what you can do when your buttons are pushed. Oh well, I can honestly say I’ve learned each one by doing the opposite.

1. Breathe deeply in a relaxed way.
2. Step back emotionally and observe rather than become enmeshed with the story.
3. Listen to what’s being expressed and understand their perspective.
4. Let go of a need to be heard, validated and to express your viewpoint.
5. Ask yourself that even if you don’t like it: Why is it essential that others should think the way you think they should?
6. Tune in to your gut – what do you feel is true and the best action to take?

“Forgive them for they know not what they do.” Then take action.

 Through my school of hard knocks learning, I’m adding one more. In the past, I’ve tried soooo hard to explain myself thinking they’d be able to get it. NOT!

Don’t try to explain yourself using logic if someone is emotional.

Mental and emotional approaches are on two different wave lengths.

When someone is emotional:

• They often aren’t listening.
• Can’t really hear what you’re saying unless it’s what they want to hear.
• They may not even have the foundation to understand what you’re saying.

They just get annoyed and feel justified in making you look like the jerk. Instead, listen and say:

Thanks for sharing your opinion. 

---

 WARNING

 Using these tips will not give you the the comfort of familiarity as well as the dubious, emotional exhilaration from:

• Feeling right
• Trying to fix or rescue people.
• Feeling victimized.
• Having your ego stroked.
• Receiving sympathy from others.
• Expressing anger
• Trying to change or control circumstances or others’ opinions.
• Remembering and sharing your sad story.

  It can:

• Bring you peace of mind and heart. 
• Awaken you to greater wisdom and awareness.
• Honor others even if you’re sure they’ve lost their minds.
• Reclaim your time and energy to enjoy life and pursue your goals.
• Bring you better results in the long run.

  Your choice. Give your power away by reacting. Or be empowered by emotional mastery. 

This entry was originally posted on Soulgoals’ blog of March 25, 2011.

---

Sounds good. But could you use help to figure out how to do it?

Contact me to learn how at:
virginia@soulgoals.com
http://www.soulgoals.com

I help women to tune in to their true Selves, see clearly and live their personal and professional dreams.

Copyright © 2023 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Are You Justifiably Judgmental?

You’re feeling great and in the flow. You can do it. This is your time. Nobody can stop you… until some dodo bird starts pecking away at you, and you want to run. (Note: dodo birds are extinct, flightless birds.)

Experiencing this way too often, and although she’s at the top of her business, competent and relatively young, my client told me that she couldn’t stop focusing on retirement.

She felt that she could no longer handle the stress created from customers’ unrealistic demands and exhausting herself to get them to see reason.

During her Soulgoals Session, she realized that she was attracting people who brought out a quality in her that was like her father – being judgmental. People weren’t acting the way she thought they should.

As like attracts like, she was magnetizing people who would bug her so that she could be “justifiably” judgmental.

To counterbalance her father’s inflexible attitude, she played the role of the peacemaker throughout her life. Now that he’s passed and she’s tired of “battling,” she thought those days were over.

However, his judgmental attitude was still alive inside her because she absorbed his energy, and she continued to attract people that required her to be the peacemaker.

She connected the dots and saw that unless she made inner changes, these patterns would follow her wherever she went – even into retirement.

She was on the verge of letting go of a great career instead of letting go of the unwanted energy she harbored within. It was time to stop blaming others and her business as they weren’t the problem.

Done with attracting challenging people who were like her father, she decided to release her judgmental energy and change her perspective.

“I don’t want to put up with other people’s stuff… my big insight is that if you leave, you’re not going to get away from your issues. Instead, deal with them through journaling.”

How to journal? Write what you’re feeling and thinking on paper, which helps to release the emotional charge on the issue. Then other perspectives have an opportunity to emerge and be considered.

---

Another client found herself consistently attracting unqualified clients.

One got nastily irate when she told him that his application didn’t go through.  Although she quickly let him go as a client, she knew she had to change her focus to stop attracting dodo birds.

Whatever is focused upon grows.

In the past, she complained about how many applicants didn’t qualify, so she kept having more applicants who didn’t qualify.

Now, she focuses her attention on having great applicants who both qualify and purchase her high end products, all with grace and ease.

Her new perspective is working.

Are there the same (annoying) types of people or circumstances showing up in your life again and again?

Journal about how you feel when the dodo birds get you down.

• Does how you feel remind you of people from your past?
• When you notice the patterns, choose to let them go.
• Replace them with a new perspective.
• After, refocus on your wonderful dreams and goals instead of what you don’t want.

“Complaining about anything holds you in the place of refusing to receive the things you’ve been asking for. Justifying about anything holds you in the place of refusing to let in the very things that you’ve been asking for. Blaming someone holds you in the place of refusing to let in the things that you’ve been asking for. Feeling guilty, feeling angry, it doesn’t matter what you call it; it is a refusal, not a conscious one. You’re asking; you can’t help but ask. The Universe is yielding; it must yield. It’s a big question, folks: why aren’t you letting it in?”

Abraham-Hicks

By the way, all stories about my clients’ experiences are shared after having received their permission in advance. Their intention and mine is that others may benefit.

Original Soulgoals’ Blog was posted on July 31, 2017.

---

Know someone who might enjoy reading this? Please forward.

Feeling judgmental? That’s not you but your egoic self! Contact me to learn how to let it go: virginia@soulgoals.com http://www.soulgoals.com I help women to tune in to their true Selves, see clearly and live their personal and professional dreams.

Copyright © 2023 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Are You Selling Yourself Out? Probably!

Ever wonder why some people are crazymakers?

Friend,

“All unhappiness is caused by our trying to be limited, to be an ego. The more we are our Self, the happier we are. We will never be completely happy until we are completely being our Self.”

Lester Levenson

I’m writing this today because I’ve observed many people UNCONSCIOUSLY giving their power away. But they think their thinking is logical.

We give our power away when we allow others, the news, work, relationships, health, money, events, politics, etc. to upset or limit us or emotionally react in a negative way. In doing so, we deplete our energy – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

The ego is a false identity that we think is real. It’s the part of us that’s fearful, worries, complains, gets angry and more.

I created the Liberation of Lunacy technique to help people gain mastery over the tyranny of our minds… that which we think is real, but it’s not!

Here’s an excerpt:

Can you remember times when you felt afraid, stuck, taken advantage of, frustrated, judgmental, overwhelmed, resistant, critical, hard on yourself, worried, stressed, confused, addicted or powerless – you’ve done it all and nothing helps? These are moments you were manipulated by the ego.

Just like all your bites can come from one mosquito, all of your negative emotions come from one source – the ego.

Liberation of Lunacy (LoL) Technique

Examples about truly lovely, nice people:

• A man felt uncomfortable complaining with me. He wanted to spend endless time analyzing his complaints or, if we looked at them from a more positive perspective, he’d change the subject. He resisted attempts to let go of his negativity and be free of the control his ego had on him. Even though his fears prompted him to make decisions that created financial losses, he continued to take actions based on his fears. But, despite evidence of how negativity literally doesn’t pay, he didn’t believe being positive and the Law of Attraction works – like attracts like.
• A sweet woman got terribly upset while sharing an experience with me and told me to “F” off when she became increasingly, emotionally unhinged. She felt she wasn’t being heard, and what she raged about was blaming someone else, her fears, self-justified anger and negativity. She was completely closed off to hearing a more expansive perspective, which she translated to my not hearing her. Later when I communicated with her about it, her response showed that she whitewashed her memory and changed her story about what she previously shared at length. What happens is that in the moment the ego is in control, it can’t hear what doesn’t affirm it. Then it can attack.
• A woman was distraught, crying and ranting, because she didn’t have a million dollar podcast contract like Joe Rogan. It was 10 AM on a Saturday, and it sounded like she’d been drinking. She really tried to get me to react and agree with her. I told her I wasn’t going to allow her to manipulate me emotionally the way she wanted. In response, she squealed in pain like an alien in the movies. She doesn’t even have a podcast or a blog.
• Several others dished out excuses. Excuses that were based on limited thinking. We’d address one, and 30 minutes later another would appear. Address that, but actually there was another issue that popped up soon after. On and on. Some felt quite self-justified, too. As I believe in these people (I wouldn’t continue that conversation with just anyone), I showed another way at looking at their concerns. Some were able to connect the dots and see their own games or at least change their behavior and be proactive.
• Some created a story about their (mis)interpretation of an experience or event, believed their own perception/ lies, then copped an attitude based on their limited perspectives. Of course, someone else is to blame. Drama ensues. The ego doesn’t like to be wrong.

Can you see why it’s lunacy? Have things like this happened to you? Have you done some variation of these to others? Probably.

That’s what occurs until we learn to break free of the ego’s control, replaced by emotional mastery and an observer or Soul perspective.

---

The ego tries to pull others into its illusions and can get upset when they won’t play their games…. especially if they won’t go along with them as they did in the past.

---

I write these stories so that you might see how the ego controls. Because your ego is the source of every time you limit yourself or feel limiting emotions. Also, you can see how others try to control you.

Fear not. You are more courageous than you may believe.

Peace is a Soul-sourced emotion, the real You, that’s more powerful than anger, blame, frustration, confusion, doubt, negative storytelling, excuses and more. When you find peace within, you’ll find answers to your most bothersome questions. You go beyond limited thinking about what’s possible to discovering freedom and infinite possibilities.

How? Start by recognizing the ego’s patterns. Take your power back. You don’t have to sell yourself out.

Virginia Goszewska, September 12, 2022

---

Time to reclaim your power?
Contact me to learn how at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck or could 
use new tools or support.

I help them connect with their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.

Copyright © 2022 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Are You Living or Existing?

Do you jump through hoops to please people?

What do you do when someone tries to make you feel uncomfortable about being you or living your dreams?

• Do you stuff what you feel and toe the line? This may be what you’ve been taught to do from infancy. An underlying fear may be that if you don’t fit in, you won’t survive.
• If someone says you’re stupid, does the crowd-pleasing clown emerge. Or did you learn to dumb down and hide your brilliance?
• If the family wants you to follow their traditions, do you do whatever it takes to belong, be loved and not make waves? Even if it means you just get crumbs of love. Even if you’re drowning in what floats their boat.

You’ll never be able to please others enough as they’ll keep changing the hoop they want you to jump through.

Do you desire to live, I mean really live? That includes not living to please other people. Instead, do you make choices that make you feel happy… and do you even know what makes you happy?

---

Are you not living your truth, what’s in your heart, because you’re afraid of or uncomfortable with possible consequences and what others might think?  
Instead, discover what makes you happy, and take time for you, your goals and your life. 

---

If you’re just getting by, living to please others, you’re existing instead of living your best life.

To live more fully, stop giving your power away.

Some ways you can give away your power are:

• Trying to please others and being worried about what they’ll think. Instead, follow your inner guidance, your heart, your gut.
• Living in worry and fear. Instead of thinking what’s wrong or what could go wrong, think about what’s right or could go right.
• Talking about others; blaming and complaining about them. Instead, take responsibility for your actions and life.
• Feeling sorry for yourself; maybe feeling damaged from your past, regardless of circumstances. Instead, look at but don’t feel disheartened by “what is,” and make new choices and actions.
• Avoiding situations or not telling the truth. Instead, speak up – at least to yourself!
• Making excuses, aka reasons, not to live your dreams. Instead, stand up for your passion and take action, even small steps. If it doesn’t work one way, do it another.

Don’t make yourself wrong, feel guilty or have regrets about what you haven’t done or your past. What you learned brought you to where you are today.

Instead, make a decision to make new choices. You are so powerful that when you say, “I choose,” you set forces in motion to redirect your life.

Talk with your soul to discover the best path for you:

1. Go within and ask your questions.
2. Listen and write your answers.
3. Ask for clarity and/or action steps to take.
4. Take action – consistently.

Take a moment now to breathe and do these four steps.

The Beginning

Edited excerpt from my Soulgoals’ post, May 19, 2011

Copyright © 2022 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

---

---

Is it time to let go of your fears and past and reclaim your power?
Contact me for a complimentary
Do What You Love Break-Free Session by phone.

virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support. Or maybe would like a more fulfilling life.  I help them be richly compensated doing what they love by aligning with their Soul’s goals. 

Email me at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

About Those CRAZY Makers in Your Life

What do you see?  A young woman or an old one? 
This optical illusion was created over 100 years ago.

---

Many problems in our world are because people see illusions of what they want to see and believe them to be true.

---

Have you noticed people crazy making and buttons getting pushed? Some respond with anger, frustration or depression. Others find that finger pointing, denial and avoidance are easier than talking things through.

 Opportunities abound to deal with issues, but some prefer to ignore the elephant in the room. It would take more than new glasses to correct that vision.

 Changing perspective helps: step back emotionally and observe in a detached way. This reminds you not to take things personally. But what should you do about it?

---

 Ask yourself: Is there something to get out of it, something to learn?
Or is the point to get out of it and leave?

---

What’s the best action to take? This depends on the circumstances. But driving yourself bonkers and making yourself wrong only leads to a dead-end street.

 A lovely woman sent me a very ugly email. She wrote about demonic forces and people we once knew. She couldn’t be friends with me anymore because she wrote that I was still associated with them, even though I hadn’t been for years.

Weeks later she apologized. Because of past injustices inflicted on her by this group, her deep pain was triggered. She obviously wasn’t herself when she wrote it.

The point? I got out of it lessons of compassion; forgiveness; grace; and not judging as people make mistakes.

 The action? Let go of the past and move on. We renewed our friendship.

 A few months later, she sent another email explaining how she couldn’t be my friend because of my involvement with these same people.  

The point? Get out of it. When people are perpetually crazy making, create too much drama and repeat patterns that they’re not shifting, it’s often best to step back.

 The action? Don’t respond. Bless the situation and relationship and let them go.

PLEASE NOTE: There are people who have mental and emotional considerations and are well-served by our support to receive help! I’m referring to those whose default patterns are often unconscious, repetitive, self-centered and create chaos. It’s part of our journey to learn the difference and set boundaries when appropriate.

The following ideas may help you with the crazy makers in your life. Oh well, I can honestly say I’ve learned each one by doing the opposite.

1. Breathe deeply in a relaxed way. Relax your body.
2. Step back emotionally and observe rather than become enmeshed with the story.
3. Listen to what’s being expressed and understand their perspective.
4. Let go of a need to be heard, be validated or express your viewpoint.
5. Ask yourself, even if you believe they’re wrong: Why is it essential that others should think and act the way you think they should? Do you need their approval? Are you wanting control? Are you letting them make you feel unsafe or insecure? Are you judging them? Do you need to be right?
6. Everyone has a right to their viewpoint. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to stick around, at least emotionally and mentally if you can’t leave physically.
7. Tune in to your gut – what do you feel is true, which usually isn’t your story about it, and the best action to take? You know the answer if you have the willingness and courage to be quiet within and see it.

---

 “Forgive them for they know not what they do.”

---

 Using these tips will:

• Bring you peace of mind
• Awaken you to greater wisdom, awareness and empowerment
• Honor others even if you’re sure they’ve lost their mind
• Reclaim your time and energy to enjoy life and pursue your goals
• Bring you better results in the long run.

Avoidance and resistance to honestly look at a situation are futile.

Tap into your inner mastership. Don’t be afraid to step back, observe, SEE, then act, lest you start crazy making yourself.

 If you don’t like what you see, envision something better. Focus on your new choice without the emotional drama.

---

Warning: using these tips will not give you the emotional exhilaration received from feeling right; trying to fix or rescue people; feeling victimized; having your ego stroked; expressing anger; trying to control; or the comfort of familiarity from reliving your sad story. 

 None of these provide long-lasting satisfaction anyway. 

 Using these tips will:

• Bring you peace of mind
• Awaken you to greater wisdom, awareness and empowerment
• Honor others even if you’re sure they’ve lost their mind
• Reclaim your time and energy to enjoy life and pursue your goals
• Bring you better results in the long run.

Avoidance and resistance to look honestly at a situation are futile.

Tap into your inner mastership. Don’t be afraid to step back, observe, SEE, then act, lest you start crazy making yourself.

 If you don’t like what you see, envision something better. Focus on your new choice without the emotional drama.

---

Many problems in our world are because people see illusions of what they want to see and believe them to be true.

---

If you’d like help with any crazy making in your life,
contact me for a free consultation at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck or could 
use new tools or support.

I help them ignite their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.”

Edited from Soulgoals’ published on March 25, 2011, When Buttons Are Pushed

Copyright © 2021 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Guilt, Know-It-Alls, Being #1 and Challenging Times

Are you in a self-imposed prison with freedom in view?

 

Feeling guilty had been drilled into her by her family throughout her life.

It was a way others could control her. If they could disempower her through feeling guilty, she could kowtow to their ways and do and be what they wanted.

Because she was used to feeling guilty, especially when my client became #1 in her territory, business associates and family triggered those familiar feelings.

She felt that she was doing something wrong by being successful.

---

Unconsciously, here’s the message others sent: if I make you doubt yourself or feel bad about yourself, I’ll bring you down to a place where your success no longer makes me feel uncomfortable. Who do you think you are? What’s wrong with you? Be more like me… and whine about how life’s unfair.

---

People in her family had jobs. Furthermore, what’s a woman doing being successful and making more money than them, especially in her own business?! They had to work hard in their employment; why should she be any different?

Not feeling good about the price she paid for her success (she received negative input from others), her sales slipped. A part of her was trying to stop being a target that resulted in guilty feelings.

She didn’t realize it was their own jealousy, insecurity, a need to control and their fear and disappointment in themselves for not going after their dreams that were the underlying culprits of others’ manipulative behaviors.

Ever hear of the lobster syndrome or the crab mentality?

When either of these is alone in a lidless container, it can escape.

However, when sharing their enclosure, none can get out because they will be pulled back down, even into boiling water.

In society or business, this can happen when people are bettering themselves and others try to bring them down.

How can they do that? Through guilt, fear, anger, making others feel they’re doing something wrong, shunning, shaming and the threat of being ostracized if they don’t fit in with the community.

Some religions exert control by indoctrinating their followers with the fear of damnation or how their future lives will be affected.

Previously, my client couldn’t stay away from her cell phone out of a concern of missing calls from prospective customers. Her belief was that working hard is the road to success.

So when she fulfilled her goal of a five-week vacation, and still remained #1, it was at the expense of others’ disparaging remarks.

Even though at the top of her game and years away from what most consider retirement age, she couldn’t stop thinking about leaving the business world behind.

She told me about a close friend and business associate. “There’s something about him lately that rubs me the wrong way – so I’ve distanced myself — although we’re working on a deal together. With him, it’s a debate or he knows some expertise about things. He’s done and knows everything.”

She was exhausted by critical people: if it’s not done their way, then in their way of looking at things, it’s being done wrong.

“Because I am surrounded by that thinking and attitude, my cup runneth over with this. My response is to disassociate with people who have these behaviors.”

When I asked where she’s seen those patterns before in childhood, she recalled that her mother and brother had the same habit of being critical know-it-alls. Both parents ruled by creating guilt in others.

We discussed that no matter where you go, there you are. If she continued to react, she’d attract more people who would act the same, wherever she went.

She realized that unless she changed, even if she left her business, she’d continue to run into similar, annoying behaviors from others.

---

Programmed from childhood, traits like lack of confidence, guilt and worry can prompt you to continue brainwashing yourself with limiting beliefs, even when those who put these ideas in your head aren’t around. 

Don’t listen to your inner, critical voice that bullies you and makes you question your ability to succeed or be happy. It lies.

That nagging voice reflects how the people who told you that nonsense feel about themselves. It’s not about you.

Your true essence guides you with a kind, non-judgmental and supportive voice.

---

Her insight: this coaching session made her step back and look at the bigger picture.

She realized that she won’t be affected by others when she has a different perspective. And when her buttons are no longer pushed, she won’t attract people who think like that.

By the way, she’s back to being #1 and having her best year ever. Life is more fun, and she feels free now that she no longer reacts to guilt trips and know-it-alls in the way she did before.

You can step out of your self-imposed prison of any limiting beliefs, even if you don’t know what’s holding you back.

Start by having confidence that believing in yourself brings.

Remember, those voices to the contrary are figments of someone else’s imagination that they projected on you.

There are many ways you can feel imprisoned, especially during a pandemic.

But good things can emerge during challenging times.

Freedom and success are yours if you’re open to receive them.

Make the most of this moment. Isolation can give birth to unimaginable heights.

---

You think you’re challenged? Look at Nelson Mandela’s life (1918 – 2013; passed away at 95):

• Mandela, as a young lawyer, joined the African National Congress (ANC) in 1944 to advocate for an end to South African apartheid, an oppressive system of government built on racial segregation. 
• In 1963, he and other cohorts were sentenced to life in prison.
• He spent 18 years in the cell, seen above, that was 43 square feet.
• The floor was his bed, and he used a bucket for a toilet.
• He was forced to do hard labor in a quarry.
• He was allowed one visitor a year for 30 minutes.
• He could write and receive one letter every six months.
• In 1990, having served 27 years in prison, he was released by South African President de Klerk.
• In 1993, he won the Nobel Peace Prize with de Klerk.
• Mandela became president of South Africa in 1994.

---

 

P.S. Know someone who might benefit from this post? Please share.

Think about you on the other side of the pandemic.
Can you see that you’re no longer willing
to put up with the old way you’ve been doing things?
Do you know you can consciously create your life?
If you’d like to learn about a complimentary session so 
you can start fresh, contact me at

virginia@soulgoals.com

http://www.soulgoals.com

I work with people
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love by aligning
with their Soul’s goals.

Updated from Soulgoals’ Archives posted on November 6, 2017

 

Copyright © 2020 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

What You Can Do When Someone Pushes Your Buttons

 

 

 

Have you noticed people’s buttons getting pushed lately? Maybe yours? Some respond with anger, frustration or depression. Others find that finger pointing, denial and avoidance are easier than talking things through. Opportunities abound to deal with issues, but some prefer to ignore the elephant in the room. It would take more than new glasses to correct that vision. Changing perspective can help you: step back emotionally and observe in a detached way. This reminds you not to take it personally. But what should you do about it? Ask yourself: Is there something to get out of it, something to learn? Or is the point to get out of it and leave? And what’s the best action to take? This depends on the circumstances. But driving yourself bonkers and making yourself wrong only leads to a dead-end street. A lovely woman sent me a very ugly email. She wrote about demonic forces and people we once knew. She couldn’t be friends with me anymore because I was still associated with them, even though I hadn’t been for years.  Weeks later she apologized. Because of past injustices inflicted on her by this group, her deep pain was triggered. She obviously wasn’t herself when she wrote it.  The point? I got out of it lessons of compassion; forgiveness; grace; not judging as people make mistakes.  The action? Let go of the past and move on. We renewed our friendship.  A few months later she sent another email explaining how she couldn’t be my friend because of my involvement with these same people… people I still hadn’t talked with for a very long time.    The point? Get out of it. When people create too much drama and repeat patterns that they’re not shifting, it’s often best to step back.  The action? Don’t respond. Bless the situation and relationship and let them go.  Here are tips on what you can do when your buttons are pushed. Oh well, I can honestly say I’ve learned each one by doing the opposite. You can choose to push the easy button instead by using the following: Breathe deeply in a relaxed way. Step back emotionally and observe rather than become enmeshed with the story. Listen to what’s being expressed and understand their perspective. Let go of a need to be heard, validated and to express your viewpoint. Ask yourself that even if you don’t like it: why is it essential that others should think the way you think they should? Tune in to your gut – what do you feel is true and the best action to take?  “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” Then take action. Through my school of hard knocks learning, I’m adding one more. Don’t try to explain yourself using logic if someone is emotional. Mental and emotional approaches are on two different wave lengths. When someone is emotional, they often aren’t listening, can’t really hear what you’re saying unless it’s what they want to hear. They may not even have the foundation to understand what you’re saying. They just get annoyed and feel justified in making you look like the jerk. Instead listen and say: thanks for sharing your opinion. Warning: using these tips will not give you the emotional exhilaration received from feeling right; trying to fix or rescue people; feeling victimized; having your ego stroked; expressing anger; trying to control; or the comfort of familiarity from reliving your sad story.   It will: Bring you peace of mind and heart Awaken you to greater wisdom and awareness Honor others even if you’re sure they’ve lost their mind Reclaim your time and energy to enjoy life and pursue your goals Bring you better results in the long run. My cousin just called. “Be sure to tell people that everyone needs some silly in their lives and that laughter is the best medicine.” Thanks, Sharon, for the best ideas. Don’t take things too seriously. It’s all good.   This is a reprint from March, 2011. If you’d like to get help with your pushed buttons, contact me for a complimentary Do What You Love Break Free Session. Email me at: virginia@soulgoals.com I work with people who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support. I help them be richly compensated doing what they love.

Copyright © 2019 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Do People Bug You? Maybe I’m One of Them.

We’re interested in our self-image at a very young age.
The possibilities of how we’d like the world to see us are endless.

 

I’ve had an uncanny knack of what I used to perceive as saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

My tendency is to hear unhelpful thought patterns, what people are thinking and feeling (instead of what they’re actually saying) or maybe trying to hide from others as well as themselves. This can really bug people because we all have a self-image, belief or emotional need we try to communicate, but I’m responding to what others unconsciously project or the issues they’ve suppressed.

Then I may say things, usually unintentionally, that trigger and expose that part of them that they’re trying to hide or ignore.

We all have a self-image that we’ve created, and this is what we want the world to see. When someone empathically sees through the projection and instead sees what people are really thinking and feeling… well, most don’t see themselves as having the problem. They believe the fault lies with others.

Our thoughts and feelings are found in a field of energy that emanates from us. They create a filter through which we see the world.

Even when we we’re hiding something or trying to act positive when we’re really not, others can sense it. This is especially true if the others are empathic, which means they can feel people’s energies, hear and see beyond others’ spoken words.

---

You may have felt this, too, when people give you an excuse for not wanting to do something that you know isn’t the truth. They expect you to buy their inauthentic story, but your gut knows better. 

---

Sometimes I say things that annoy others, which can lead to their breakthrough.

Years ago when my mom was alive, she used a walker after a hospital stay. One day, she got so mad at me for something I said that she threw the walker aside just to show me how angry she was.

And that was the end of her using the walker.

Inadvertently, I said something that triggered her to release the need for her walker, which then freed her to walk on her own. 

My uncanny ability to say things that might annoy people has happened so frequently in my life that I asked one of my teachers about it. I have a knack for highlighting truths that people don’t want to look at even though it could help them.

He replied, “I know this may sound strange, but God wants you to say these things.”

OK, but still it’s rather awkward because people usually don’t want to connect the dots to reveal what they’ve been hiding even to themselves, and I don’t get informed in advance of how I’m being used to awaken people.

Granted, this doesn’t exclude me from saying or doing dumb things because I’m fully capable of saying and doing dumb things all on my own. But now I don’t beat myself over it like I used to because often those seemingly dumb things may serve a bigger purpose of bringing up people’s issues that they can release, if they choose. If they’re ready.

My clients have experienced this during coaching sessions when I say something that really bothers them.

At first they might believe it’s my fault for saying things or not saying things in a way that pleases them. I’ll say or do something that triggers their issue. (Oh what a gift… is it too late to apply for one that’s more glamorous?)

For the ego, blame must be placed on something or someone outside oneself.

However, we’re never mad for the reasons we think we’re mad, and the irritation opens an opportunity for a breakthrough.

During an upset, a crossroads emerge. Choice point: react and finger point or pause and reflect? When have I had this emotional reaction I’m feeling before? Maybe starting in childhood? Is this a pattern? Do I often react in the same way?

If one is willing, the aha moment arises. Perhaps because they see it, they can start to let go of this pattern.

At the moment the ego starts to act out, there’s a choice: be a victim, blame others, defend one’s viewpoint, get irritated or see and release patterns that have been holding them back.

What can be revealed is that very mysterious something that may have been holding them back throughout their entire lives!

For issues to be released they usually surface first, and those moments before one has clarity and breaks free can be f@*%#!!! irritating.

However, emotional and mental releasing of stuffed issues has assisted my clients to soar to greater heights personally and professionally.

I don’t heal, but I help clients remove blocks that in the past prevented them from healing themselves.

For example:

If you’re upset because you feel you’re not being heard or understood or you feel you’re being pushed into doing things you don’t want to do, maybe you felt suppressed as a child. If you’re really over the issue, you wouldn’t be bothered by others’ behaviors and would articulate your feelings without anger, blame or frustration. Maybe this is your break-free opportunity.

Perhaps you feel uncomfortable around arrogant people who have greater wealth or status than you. At the root of why you feel this way, you discover your self-worth feels jeopardized. You may choose not to be around those braggadocious pygmies. But instead of being aggravated while you’re with them, you can observe and be silently entertained at their self-centered actions.

---

“We would like to help you to understand that neither the good feeling you find when you observe wanted behavior, nor the bad feeling you find when you observe unwanted behavior, is actually the reason that you feel good or bad. The way you feel is only ever about your alignment, or misalignment, with the Source within you. It is only your relationship with the Source within you (with your own Inner Being) that is the reason for the emotions that you feel.”

“When you think about other people and what they think of you, do you understand that what they think of you has very little to do with what you are? It has mostly to do with the habits of thought that they have developed. It has more to do with them as thinkers than it does with you as the subject of their thought.”

Abraham-Hicks

---

If you’re bugged by somebody or something, what pattern are you on the verge of releasing?

 
I work with people, at any age,
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love by aligning
with their Soul’s goals.

Copyright © 2018 Resolved for Results, All rights reserved.

Guilt, Know-It-Alls & Being #1

Are you in a self-imposed prison with freedom in view?

 

Feeling guilty had been drilled into her by her family throughout her life.

When my client was at the top, business associates and family triggered these guilty feelings by their passive-aggressive behaviors. She felt like she was doing something wrong.

Not feeling good about the price she paid for her success, her sales slipped.

People in her family had jobs. Furthermore, what’s a woman doing being successful, especially in her own business?! They had to work hard in their employment; why should she be any different?

She didn’t realize it was their own jealousy, insecurity, a need to control and their disappointment in themselves for not going after their dreams that were the underlying culprits of others’ manipulative behaviors.

Ever hear of the lobster syndrome or the crab mentality?

When either of these is alone in a lidless container, it can escape.

However, when sharing their enclosure, none can get out because they will be pulled back down, even into boiling water.

In society or business, this can happen when people are bettering themselves, and others try to bring them down.

How can they do that? Through guilt, fear, making others feel they’re doing something wrong, shunning, shaming and the threat of being ostracized if they don’t fit in with the community.

Some religions exert control by indoctrinating their followers with the fear of damnation or how their future lives will be affected.

Previously, my client couldn’t stay away from her cell phone out of fear of missing calls from prospective customers. Working hard is acceptable as a road to success.

So when she fulfilled her goal of a five-week vacation, and still remained #1, it was at the expense of others’ disparaging remarks.

Even though at the top of her game and years away from what most consider retirement age, she couldn’t stop thinking about leaving the business world behind.

She told me about a close friend and business associate. “There’s something about him lately that rubs me the wrong way – so I’ve distanced myself — although we’re working on a deal together. With him, it’s a debate or he knows some expertise about things. He’s done and knows everything.”

She was exhausted by critical people: if it’s not done their way, then in their way of looking at things, it’s being done wrong.

“Because I am surrounded by that thinking and attitude, my cup runneth over with this. My response is to disassociate with people who have these behaviors.”

When I asked where she’s seen those patterns before, she recalled that her mother and sister had the same habit of being critical know-it-alls. Both parents ruled by creating guilt in others.

We discussed that no matter where you go, there you are. If she continued to react, she’d attract more people who would act the same, wherever she went.

She realized that unless she changed, even if she left her business, she’d continue to run into similar, annoying behaviors from others.

---

Programmed from childhood, traits like lack of confidence, guilt and worry can prompt you to continue brainwashing yourself with limiting beliefs, even when those who put these ideas in your head aren’t around. 

Don’t listen to your inner, critical voice that bullies you and makes you question your ability to succeed or be happy. It lies.

That nagging voice reflects how the people who told you that nonsense feel about themselves. It’s not about you.

Your true essence guides you with a kind, non-judgmental and supportive voice.

---

Her insight: this session made her step back and look at the bigger picture.

She realized that she won’t be affected by others when she has a different perspective. And when her buttons are no longer pushed, she won’t attract people who think like that.

By the way, she’s back to being #1 and having her best year ever. Life is more fun, and she feels free now that she no longer reacts to guilt trips and know-it-alls in the way she did before.

You can step out of your self-imposed prison of any limiting beliefs, even if you don’t know what’s holding you back.

Start by having confidence that believing in yourself brings.

Remember, those voices to the contrary are figments of someone else’s imagination that they projected on you.

Freedom and success are yours if you’re open to receive them.

P.S. Know someone who might enjoy this post? Please share.

 
I work with people, at any age,
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love by aligning
with their Soul’s goals.

Copyright © 2017 Resolved for Results, All rights reserved.

CHALLENGED? 5 CHOICES FOR AN EASIER LIFE

 Life presents challenges. How you respond – your emotional choices and mental focus – is YOUR choice. You can get sucked into the quicksand of negative emotions, railing against the world and how tough everything is, focus on what’s not working and bemoan your tale of woes with others or in your head… and attract the opposite of what you want.

 Or you can make a different choice.

 Some of my clients are in the midst of the most heart-wrenching experiences of their lives. One left a country where he worked over three years in a highly regarded profession to interview for a job. His current position finishes in three months, and so far all his efforts to find new employment haven’t produced results. Frustrated by multiple rejection letters – literally, where in the world will this gifted man live and create an income? This follows a year of intense personal and professional challenges.

 Upon his return, immigration blocked his re-entry because of visa problems. He was arrested, detained and deported back to the city where he had just interviewed. Banned to go back for his belongings at work and home which is also where his girlfriend lives, he has no cell phone or office to continue his job search. His attorney says there is no help legally and made excuses for not properly advising him.

 At first he was in shock and emailed “I AM REALLY F___ED… I am devastated, exhausted, overwhelmed and at the end of my wits.”

 Soon after, he Skyped me from a computer in a noisy café for a session.

 Decision time: be the victim and miserable in a living hell or surrender and have faith that there’s a divine purpose and something positive will come of this.

 Feelings and thoughts manifest. His personal honesty allowed him to see how he created this experience – he really didn’t want to work at his job or be in that country anymore. This situation assured he wouldn’t spend another minute there.

 He also has a strong desire to dump childhood patterns and traumas. Realizing his former tension and aggressiveness stemmed from being where he wasn’t appreciated, he chooses now to use this time as a transformation to express his positive nature.

 Cut free from the burden of having to go back, the following day brought a feeling of liberation, contentment and a sense of being in a divine comedy.

 With his newfound attitude, his nightmare vanished like a bad dream after waking up. “I’m in the right place at the right time, and I know there’s opportunity here. I have friends and feel that I’m amongst kindred spirits in this city. I have to take action and not be complacent. My girlfriend and colleagues will pack up my things, and she’ll bring them here next month. She wanted to move away from there anyway. I’m looking at life with childlike wonder knowing my good is here. I feel purposeful. I’ll figure it out and make it work.” 

Months of anxiety and fear about finding a job and where it would be disappeared, too. It’s either in this city and country or something better.

 I asked him to pick an image to reflect his perspective. He chose Fred Astaire – light and with good technique.

 You can transform any situation in your life by choosing to: 

1. Let go of the exhausting struggle: your story of your hard life and what if the worse happens. Write it down and burn or shred it. Choose to let it go! Repeat as needed.
2. Change your perspective from one that creates stress and deteriorates your health and finances to one where you surrender to a divine source with an attitude of anticipating the best. Look for the positive in any situation; it’s always there.
3. Stop thinking and talking about what’s wrong and instead focus on what’s working
4. Enjoy quality time with those who nipped the self-indulgent habit of #1-3.
5. Take action in the direction of your dreams.

 As you gently let go of the struggle, you’ll float to the top of the quicksand of fear and move to the shore of creativity and abundance.