Posts Tagged ‘Empowerment’

Can You Be Grateful About What Bugs You?

November 22, 2021

Once I asked someone who’s wise why things in my life weren’t working. I said that I practiced gratitude every morning and night.

The reply I received was what was I doing the rest of the day? 

Gratitude, continuous gratitude, will change your life!

That can seem easier said than done at times, until we realize…

we’re rarely angry for the reason we think we’re angry. How dare they!

That feeling is not necessarily about the other person or situation being wrong. The emotion triggered may be from a similar, emotional memory or our perception that may or may not be accurate.

The reason we have charged emotions is because those challenging feelings surface (and then we get bugged about things) when it’s time for them to be released.

Have you noticed how sometimes people can jump to the wrong conclusion and then become upset by their interpretation, even if it’s false?

Regardless if the other was right or actually the wrongdoer, holding on to a lack of forgiveness or a one-sided, limiting perspective might feel empowering. It might feel validating, proof that you’re right and the other is wrong.

However, there might be another side of the story that’s not being considered because of being locked into a particular viewpoint.

The ego loves feeling right.

But your Essence knows the trap of self-righteousness and sees things differently.

A mother copped an attitude about perceived activity regarding her senior-aged daughter. Things she never did. Not even close. In fact, her accusations were ludicrous.

The whole issue could have been easily dismissed, but not even going to mediation altered her mother’s foolish perspective.

Rather than talking about it or seeing proof to the contrary, she set a court date!

She had her daughter evicted from her house through a court order the day before Thanksgiving. Her daughter had nowhere to go.

By the way, she had invited her daughter, who was down on her luck, to live with her. To do that, she had to sell her car and belongings and move over a thousand miles away.

Replacing her anger, frustration, hurt and fear of what her own mother was doing to her, the daughter began to send her mother love, disregarding any of her mother’s unforgiving attitudes.

The mother began to soften and question her hardline approach.

Empowerment through shifting your perspective to love and gratitude are more truly empowering than feeling justification through a lack of forgiveness or holding onto the feeling of what bugs you. Maybe there’s another angle you’re overlooking.

Perhaps, given an opportunity, you can clear the energy on whatever might be bugging you through discussion or seeing things from a different viewpoint. It doesn’t matter if that does or doesn’t work, love is the greatest healer.

Even if others are convinced you’re wrong, you can be emotionally free.

So if you get annoyed at your world and whatever bugs you about it, consider that there might be another perspective so that you can send love and give thanks, instead.

With gratitude,

Virginia

Edited from an excerpt of a November 19, 2018 Soulgoals’ Blog Post

Contact me to learn how a shift in perspective can dramatically improve your life:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck or could 
use new tools or support.

I help them ignite their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.

Copyright © 2021 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

What Do You Do? Follow or Be Courageous?

November 1, 2021

“Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.”

Eleanor Roosevelt

“I’m the man of the house (although he didn’t act like a responsible one, financially or otherwise), and you need to follow me and support me in everything I do.”

However, she wasn’t considered by him to be a good wife because she started to say no.

In the end, she lost her house that she bought before she married, lost her car, lost her savings, nearly lost her mind, plus the police showed up so often that they knew her by name – because when she disagreed, the beatings would begin.

For him, it was a personal affront that she wouldn’t agree with him.
 
She told me, “I was brought up to be compliant with my husband.
But he was an idiot, and the results proved it. He was misogynistic and would never take any advice – but instead would do the opposite.

“I was going in two different directions. How can you follow someone if they’re taking you to a dead end, and all the time you know that direction is wrong?

“Even a rat has enough sense to jump off a sinking ship. I had to leave the relationship. I had to save my life.”

Just because people you “should” believe say something, demand your obedience to follow, repeatedly lie to fit their own purpose but call it the truth, doesn’t make it true.

The good news. If it weren’t for him, she never would have the clarity she has now to speak her truth, especially in a male-dominated industry where she works.

Her ex trained her to no longer be a wimp and not value others’ reactions more than trusting herself.

She knew better. But she allowed herself to be bullied by someone who was metaphorically blind and demanded unreasonable loyalty.

Eventually, she allowed herself to act on what she knew, what she had the courage to honestly see, and leave him.

Sounds crazy? You think you wouldn’t do something like that?

This is what belief systems can do. If a person believes something, even though the belief is false or doesn’t make sense or can be harmful, people often stick with it.

Her belief was she was taught to be compliant to her husband. See where that belief brought her?

While in my twenties and in a horrific marriage, I had a dream. For months later, although I couldn’t understand its significance at the time, I put its quote on my dresser.

FIND THE HEART AND RESCUE IT. 

Friend, what do you see? Is there something in your life where you know better, you’re ignoring it, but you’re following obediently or blindly anyway?
 
Courage. You can allow yourself to know what you know. Call it for what it is, even if only to yourself.

DON’T GIVE AWAY YOUR POWER.

  • Think for yourself, not what others tell you or what you read on the internet.  If what you firmly believe in is showing cracks and not working like you thought it should, reconsider.
  • See, and then take action according to what your gut and heart tell you, along with your logic, instead of what others say you should feel or do or be.

You may discover your personal honesty is the inevitable route to freedom.

“Speak what you think today in hard words and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said today.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Time to reclaim your power?
Contact me to learn how at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck or could 
use new tools or support.

I help them ignite their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.

Original Soulgoal Missive written in 2002   

Copyright © 2021 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Stop Giving Your Power Away!

November 11, 2019

i am woman

I am man

Before you read this post, I’d like to thank the veterans for their service on today’s celebration of Veterans Day in the U.S.A.

“Why can’t you be more like ­­­­­­­­­­your cousins?” was one of my mother’s mantras.

Translated: who you are isn’t good enough.

A funny twist is when I told this to my cousin, she said her mother implied she should have been more like me!

My mother passed away in 1988, and I still remember her mantras verbatim. Early programming is powerful. It creates one of the voices that chatters in the back of our heads.

Families share attitudes, perspectives and behaviors. The next generation perpetuates how they’ve been raised by passing it on to their children – until someone like you decides to wake up and make more conscious choices.

This pattern is referred to in Exodus 34:7. “Visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.”

You can break the patterns. It starts by becoming aware of them and making new choices… and realizing you are more than good enough.

Here’s another of mom’s favorites: “Where did you get those crazy ideas? You certainly didn’t get them from anyone on my side of the family.”

Translated: there’s something wrong with you and the way you think.

The underlying message?

You’re making me uncomfortable, so stop it. I might have to think or change. That ain’t gonna happen if I can help it. It’s easier for me to lay guilt or blame on you rather than look at myself. A tool I know to keep you in line is to shame you into humble submission. So I can try to control the way you think to make it more like what I’m used to.  So I can maintain my false sense of empowerment.

This isn’t a fault of my mom or anyone else (and we’ve all done things like this in the past). She replicated what she was taught and did the best she could.

What do you do when someone tries to make you feel uncomfortable about being you and living your dreams?

Do you stuff what you feel and tow the line?

This may be what you’ve been taught to do from infancy. You try to fit in because, as a little kiddo, you knew you needed help from others to survive.

If the family says you’re stupid, out comes the crowd-pleasing town idiot. You learned to dumb down.

If the family wants you to follow their traditions, you’ll do whatever it takes to belong and be loved. Even if it means you just get crumbs of love. Even if you’re drowning in what floats their boat.

Remember, you’ll rarely be able to please others as they’ll keep changing the hoop they want you to jump through.

In the early days of protest, the Yemenis chanted: “If, one day, a people desires to live, then destiny will answer their call.”

Do you desire to live, I mean really live? That means, not living to please other people.

Are you not living your truth, what’s in your heart, because you’re afraid of the consequences?  Instead, take time for you, your goals and your life.

If you’re existing, just getting by, you’re not living.

To live instead of exist, you must stop giving your power away.

Stop giving away your power by:

  • Trying to please others and worrying about what they think. Instead, follow your inner guidance, your heart, your gut.
  • Living in worry and fear. Instead of thinking what’s wrong or what could go wrong, think about what’s right or could go right.
  • Talking about others and blaming them. Instead, take responsibility for your actions and life.
  • Feeling sorry for yourself, regardless of your circumstances. Instead, look at “what is” and make new choices and actions.
  • Avoiding situations or not telling the truth. Instead, speak up – at least to yourself!
  • Making excuses, aka reasons, to not live your dreams. Instead, stand up for your passion and take action, even small steps. If it doesn’t work one way, do it another.

Don’t make yourself wrong, feel guilty or have regrets about what you haven’t done or your past. What you learned brought you to where you are today.

Instead, make a decision to make new choices. You are so powerful that when you say “I choose,” you set forces in motion to redirect your life.

Use your power to live, really LIVE.

Talk with your inner Essence to discover the best path for you: 

  1. Go within and ask your question.
  2. Listen and write your answers.
  3. Ask for clarity and/or action steps to take.
  4. Take action – consistently.

Take a moment now to breathe and do these four steps.

The Beginning

Reprinted from my May 13, 2011 post.

If you’d like support
in being more empowered,
contact me
for a complimentary
Do What You Love Break Free Session.
If it’s been a while since you’ve had one,
you’re welcome to contact me again.

Email me at:

virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.
I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love.

Copyright © 2019 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.