Maybe There’s Another Way of Looking at Things

Your reaction to life depends on how you look at things.

I’ve been building another Soulgoals’ website, which necessitated revisions to my lovely, new logo and banner. When they were reduced in size, some of the lettering was so small that it was unreadable.

My request for changes has been going on for months, but I was busy with other things so I let it slide. Periodically, I checked in and got modificatins, but they weren’t the ones I sought.

Finally, I got annoyed. A few days ago, I asked her in a very kind, detailed email to work as a team. PLEASE complete this. 

She replied: “Okay so, to be honest, it’s not a lack of communication between us. I am going through chemo and it is causing havoc with my work, even my eyes if you can believe it!”

Yikes. It seems whenever I get bothered about something, there are other factors involved that I hadn’t considered, another way of looking at things.

Oh, but the ego, our false identity, loves having a justifiable reason to be irritated or against something or someone. This has an underlying egoic “benefit” of feeling superior to others. To the egoic self, it feels so satisfying to be right while making others wrong. It loves to cop an attitude and often won’t listen to anything but the way it wants to look at things.

I’ve had people angry with me for years. Eventually when we talked, it turned out that their interpretation didn’t have anything to do with what I actually said or my intention of presenting a different viewpoint.

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No matter the truth, people see what they want to see.

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They based what they thought I meant through their filter of how they usually saw things. Assumptions. Instead, I offered a perspective that could stretch them beyond the way they perceived things… if they allowed themselves to look at life another way.

“Attain to the place where no one and no thing can disturb you.”

Lester Levenson

Listen to the inner whispers guiding you. Make choices so you’re not allowing others or situations to affect your emotional energy. 

Like attracts like. Like energy attracts like energy. Consciously take care of yours to create your best life.

Consider a new point of view because nothing is what it seems. All is in divine order and surpasses your wildest imagination.

Nothing would be what it is.

Because everything would be what it isn’t.

And contrary-wise – what it is, it wouldn’t be.

And what it wouldn’t be, it would.

You see?

Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

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Could you use help in changing the way you see some things?

Contact me to learn how at:

virginia@soulgoals.com
http://www.soulgoals.com

I help women to tune in to their true Selves, see clearly and live their personal and professional dreams.

Copyright © 2023 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

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DON’T Try to Figure Things Out

There’s a BETTER way!

“I don’t know how to do it” and “I gotta figure it out” are seductions, siren songs of the egoic self, to lure you into keeping you small.

The egoic self is a false identity, which all of us have, that pretends to be us. We can recognize one aspect of it by the voice in our heads that never stops talking – often unsupportive, fearful and negative.

Its purpose? It wants you to stay limited under the guise of playing it safe.

However, the lack of money and happiness as well as business and personal fulfillment aren’t safe places to be at all!

The ego lies.

It seduces you into believing that you have to know HOW to do something. It insists you must have the big picture, all your ducks in a row and conditions must be just right before taking action.

Faulty assumptions are made. I don’t have the money. My life will be too disrupted. The children. My health. It’s not the right time. It’s not fill in the blank excuse.

I’ve observed this when people give me a list of why they can’t take action now toward their dreams. Really logical sounding reasons. Often they’re excuses in sheep’s clothing, aka listening to the egoic self’s whispers of fear and limitation.

Some, in trying to figure things out and looking for validation, ask others for their opinion. Then they’re dealing with others’ issues in addition to their own.

Hint: listen to the very first guidance that comes. It can be a gut feeling, an excitement, relief or a flash of insight. What comes after, with all the logical reasons or someone else planting doubt, can be ego-sourced. Well-meaning, seemingly safe, but actually neither.

If we continue to ignore our inner guidance, then life’s 2 x 4 can whack us to get our attention and change. Life crises in health, relationships, finances, accidents, job turnaround, death, divorce, emotional distress, natural disaster and more, for all their yuckiness, are catalysts for change.

However, having the courage to listen to our inner nudges is easier, even though we may try to talk ourselves into believing it isn’t.

By the way, the egoic self is very defensive because it believes its survival and identity depend on its perspective. Woe to anyone who might suggest otherwise… unless someone has had enough of unconsciously being unconscious and reaches out for freedom.

“Protecting and enhancing that false sense of self then becomes your primary motivating force.”

Eckhart Tolle, Stillness Speaks

The mindset of the egoic self is opposite of how the creative process works.

“If you ask the “how” question before the “what” question, all you can ever hope to create are variations of what you already have.”

Robert Fritz, The Path of Least Resistance

Use your imagination. Focus on the results, where you choose to be, not on the process or where you are.

The way will makes itself known.

If you think that you have to figure something out first, you limit your options.

You have limited experience. To go where no man or woman has gone before, you have to tap into a creative power and allow yourself to be guided by it.

Be wary of the excuses logical reasons you give yourself that hold you back.

Another way of saying this is get out of your head, and don’t try to figure things out.

Instead, relax and open yourself to infinite possibilities. Then take action by following your inner guidance.

Edited Soulgoals’ Blog excerpt from March 20, 2017

Copyright © 2023 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

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Could you use help to discover new options and perspectives?

Learn how: virginia@soulgoals.com • http://www.soulgoals.com

I help women tune in to their true Selves, see clearly and live their personal and professional dreams.

You’re More Than Enough

Cornucopia: an abundant, endless, overflowing supply. Allow your abundance to come in.

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Your egoic self will seduce you to believe that you’re limited and not enough. It goes on and on with endless versions of not enoughs… you’re not good enough; you don’t have enough; you’re not a good enough parent or child; you’re not pretty or handsome enough: your weight isn’t good enough; you don’t match up to others; you’re not smart enough; you don’t have enough money. Get the idea?

It invades your thinking, but it lies!

“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”

Louise Hay

How Can You Tell If You’ve Been Invaded Like The Walking Dead?

Ask if what you believe is true. (Your ego will convince you it’s true.) You feel that you’re right, they’re wrong. You have an emotional charge. You can’t shake negative feelings and mind chatter. Your filter believes you see clearly, but your vision is clouded by a finger pointing at inductees into your Villains’ Hall of Fame.

If you’re reading this with some comprehension, in this moment, your ego has taken a hike. Left to the ego’s devices, this information does not compute. Just like what happened in the following example.

Trekkie Talk

Data, an enlightened, artificial intelligence life form who’s programmed to help humans, understands this concept as he talks with a primitive clone of himself in Star Trek Nemesis:

Data: You have been programmed to gather information that can be used against this ship.

Clone: I do not understand.

Data: I know.

And Data detached the clone from its power source.

When the ego’s program is running, there’s little understanding that the ego is controlling you. How is that possible? It imposes its faulty rationale, a filter that’s been influencing your perspective, that causes you to think and feel negatively and with limitation.

One of its programs is you against “them.” “Them” can be a generic somebody or something other than you. There’s little or no responsibility taken for one’s actions. You’re the victim. “They” are out to get you. Be afraid of what others might do to you in the future.

No, that’s not just the way you are. That’s the way you’ve been programmed by family, TV, church, school, friends, etc.

You can be running this computer-like mental and emotional software unconsciously. You can be completely unaware that its logic isn’t what you think it is. You may even adamantly defend it.

When this occurs, just like Data’s clone, there’s little recognition that the ego’s lies are actually working against you. For example, fearing the worse possible outcomes for the future isn’t protecting you. In truth, you’re setting yourself up for failure because of a misuse of your imagination.

It’s like seeing through a glass darkly as you become a pawn to do the ego’s bidding.

However, you can detach from this power source, just like Data did with his clone!

When You are in charge, your true Essence, you’ve got the bandwidth, clarity and energy to go beyond fear, make your dreams real and enjoy your best life.

Liberation of Lunacy (LoL)

I created a tool that my clients experience at the beginning of my Soulgoals’ program, called Liberation of Lunacy (the LoL Technique) to free yourself of doubt, limit, fear and lack through your power of choice, perspective and putting your Essence in charge. We’re all a little bit crazy when the ego takes over control. Meanwhile, here’s how to start freeing yourself when the siren sings you’ve really got a hold on me.

The ego will echo what you think, believe, say and feel emotionally. So quit beating yourself up. Stop blaming and making yourself and others wrong. Refrain from complaining about, comparing yourself and feeling superior or inferior to others.

Replace feeling a separation between you and “them” with an awareness of a connectedness with all of life.

Edited Excerpt from Soulgoals’ Blog, originally posted on June 18, 2018

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Ready to reap the harvest of feeling good enough?

Contact me to learn how at:

virginia@soulgoals.com
http://www.soulgoals.com

I help women to tune in to their true Selves, see clearly and live their personal and professional dreams.

Copyright © 2023 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Who’s to Blame? Is It Your Fault or Theirs?

Who’s Controlling Your Life?

Here’s a Simple Formula:

If you’re used to thinking it’s all your fault and you screwed up (again), it may be the other person who’s the culprit:

Your programming could include the belief that there’s something wrong with or oddly divergent about you, and now you’re convinced that’s true. (By the way, that program was put there by someone else, probably in childhood.) Because of this belief, and like attracts like, you attract others who accuse you of the same thing. This adds false evidence that your seeming inadequacy must be correct, and your life can feel controlled by what others think about you.

If you’re used to blaming, pointing fingers and complaining about others, the issue may be yours:

This programming could include not taking responsibility for how you’re creating your life as well as projecting your feelings on others. You believe other people, the government or circumstances are to blame for the wrongs done to you, and your words reveal you feel victimized or persecuted (although you might never think of yourself this way).

You can generalize: everybody feels that way or everyone knows that. Furthermore, if you blame hard enough, you might get others to doubt themselves or feel shame… then you feel in control. You can be very annoyed if others don’t go along with your beliefs, or you could feel they just don’t get it. If only they’d see the light from your perspective or apologize, you’d feel validated. But the relief doesn’t last for long because your concealed programming is still running.

Regardless, if you unwittingly try to control others’ behaviors or allow others to control how you feel, the underlying trickster is the same. It isn’t about You but your egoic self, a false identity that you’ve spent your life thinking is you!

Who’s Controlling Your Life?

Ever feel that you want to crawl in bed with the covers pulled over your head? Feelings arise when your story about them adds interpretation to emotions… which leads to beliefs… which circles back to those yucky feelings like frustration, disappointment and suffering. Hey, it’s not just you. We’re all wired like this, and we can change it!

Eckhart Tolle said, “the ego believes it is real and tries hard to maintain its supremacy.” He shares that negative states of mind, such as anger, resentment, fear, worry, blame and envy, are products of the ego. When it’s in control, these grievances appear justified, and usually someone or something else is blamed for these feelings. (Obviously, says the ego, it’s their fault.)

The true cause of this skewed thinking is not found in You but in the very structure of your egoic mind.

An Alternative:

You have the ability to:

• Let go of allowing others and external circumstances control the way you feel and act.
• Let go of trying to control how others think and live their lives.
• Stop investing your emotional energy into who’s right and wrong.

Instead, make new choices. Shift your focus away from others’ and your so-called faults to seeing that you are more than enough. Actually, you’re awesome! Look for what’s good in you.

When people can’t find perfection in themselves, they judge others.

So allow others to be who they are, learning lessons just like you. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. It doesn’t mean you don’t have boundaries. But accept life for what it is.

You can have emotional mastery. Acceptance is your ticket to freedom. Resistance is futile.

You can do this. You’ll feel lighter, which makes it easier to take action on what’s important to you.

P.S. Know someone who might
like this? Please forward.

Edited Excerpt from Soulgoals’ Blog, originally posted on June 18, 2018

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Copyright © 2023 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

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Ready to live YOUR life, let go of blaming and complaining and gain emotional mastery? 
Contact me to learn how at:

virginia@soulgoals.com
http://www.soulgoals.com

I help women to tune in to their true Selves, see clearly and live their personal and professional dreams.

3 Tips to Be in Charge

The freedom of letting go.

You know that voice in your head that never stops talking? It tells you lots of negative things, especially why things can’t work, and you’ll probably not do well if you try. Nothing is good enough, especially you, your time, your money and what you do.

This voice that pretends to be you is your ego. And it’s a good reason not to believe everything you think is true.

It’s a part of you that gives a list of seemingly logical reasons why you should hold back: don’t take the course of action that can help you break free of limitations. And if anyone challenges it, the ego gets upset and defends its (unconscious) faulty assumptions.

You have a choice!

Instead of acting helpless in the grips of Robo-Ego, know that you’re in charge, and unsupportive feelings can leave.

Here are a few tips:

1. If you want or need something, you’re coming from lack. You’ll be perpetually in a place of wanting instead of having what you choose.
2. What you resist persists. Although it sounds counter-intuitive, if you don’t like something, you’re holding onto it.
3. When you let go of trying to control, wanting validation or desiring safety, you can have them.

Ever notice when someone wants or needs a relationship? The objects of their desire want to run. Same thing with money, health or anything.

The freedom everyone longs for breezes in when we let go because then we allow our spirit, our wise self within, to be in charge.

Freedom can happen in seconds not years. 

But we block ourselves from having what we really, really want when we clutch onto yucky feelings in our chest or gut or being stuck in our heads.

There are underlying beliefs we’ve tucked away that impact us, but they can be prompted to surface and be released. Everyone has the ability to let go although some resist.

So, we come back to who’s in charge of you? You DO have a choice.

Edited excerpt from March 31, 2014

Copyright © 2023 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

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Could you use help to be in charge of your life?

Learn how: virginia@soulgoals.com • http://www.soulgoals.com

I help women tune in to their true Selves, see clearly and live their personal and professional dreams.

Getting Blamed and It’s Not Your Fault?

In The Wizard of Oz, the young girl Dorothy had to deal with many challenges to find her way back home, most of them created by a Wicked Witch.

It was rough going until she realized that she always had the power within her to return.

One turning point came when it appeared there was no way out of a fiery disaster. I mean, that wicked witch was going to kill them all, including Toto the dog! She started by setting on fire Dorothy’s dear friend the Scarecrow, who was made of straw.

Forgetting I’d seen this story countless times, I was shocked. How could they get out of this predicament? There seemed to be none. I couldn’t think of any.

Here’s where the magic of life steps in.  There was a solution, but one they couldn’t have figured out.

To save her friend from the flames, Dorothy threw a bucket of water on him; some of it landed on the witch. Dorothy had no idea what her action would do.

Even if it appears that there’s no way out, there is. Life can step in and provide solutions that you couldn’t imagine.

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Wicked Witch of the West: 

“Don’t throw that water. (The witch screams.) You cursed brat! Look what you’ve done! I’m melting, melting. Oh what a world, what a world! Who would have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness! I’m going! Oh! Oh!”

And the witch was dead!

Surrounded by the Wicked Witch’s minions, Dorothy apologized for this unintended consequence. However, everyone rejoiced and broke into song, “Ding Dong! The Wicked Witch is dead.”

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Notice how the Wicked Witch blamed Dorothy, as if Dorothy was the one who did something wrong, forgettting it was the witch who set her friend on fire!

This is such a common strategy of people lost in their own convoluted thinking. They want others to change so they can continue their goofy, limited approach to life.

By the way, blame is one way the egoic mind operates: You… You… You’re wrong! It’s your fault. Apologize. (I certainly won’t look at how I might be the cause of a problem.)

You don’t have to fall for this attempt to doubt yourself!

Just like in Star Wars where a ragtag group defeated the Empire. Just like how a good, little girl like Dorothy and her friends melted the witch…

You can get over any hurdles in your path, too.

There are ways of breaking free to enjoy the life, business or work of your dreams. There is a better way than trying to make things happen, trying to figure things out or getting tired of trying.

You have the power within you!

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To learn more about how to break free, contact me at virginia@soulgoals.com

I help women to tune in to their true Selves, see life clearly and live their personal and professional dreams.

Edited from Soulgoals June 25, 2018 post

Copyright © 2022 Soulgoals

Who’s Controlling Your Life?

 Is it because you think you’re not good enough?

Ever feel that you want to crawl into bed with the covers pulled over your head? Feelings arise when thoughts add interpretation to emotions… which lead to beliefs… which can create those yucky feelings like frustration, disappointment and suffering. Hey, it’s not just you. We’re all wired like this, and we can change it!

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Eckhart Tolle said “the ego believes it is real and tries hard to maintain its supremacy.” He shares that negative states of mind, such as anger, resentment, fear, worry and envy are products of the ego. When it’s in control, these appear to be justified and usually another person is blamed for these feelings. The true cause of this skewed thinking is not found in your life but in the very structure of the egoic mind.

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How Can You Tell If You’ve Been Invaded Like The Walking Dead?

Ask if what you believe is true. You’re right, they’re wrong. You have an emotional charge. You can’t shake negative feelings and mind chatter. Your filter believes you see clearly, but your vision is clouded by a finger pointing at inductees into your Villains’ Hall of Fame.

If you’re reading this, in this moment, your ego has taken a hike. Left to its own devices, this information does not compute.

Trekkie Talk

Data, an enlightened artificial intelligence life form, gets it as he talks with a primitive clone of himself in Star Trek Nemesis:

Data: You have been programmed to gather information that can be used against this ship.

Clone: I do not understand.

Data: I know.

And Data detached the clone from its power source.

When the ego’s program is running, there’s little understanding. It’s like seeing through a glass darkly as the person becomes a pawn to do the ego’s bidding. When YOU are in charge, you’ve got the bandwidth, clarity and energy to make your dreams real.

Liberation of Lunacy (LoL)

You can experience a tool I created called Liberation of Lunacy (LoL) to free yourself of doubt, limit, fear and lack through your power of choice, perspective and putting your Essence in charge. We’re all a little bit crazy when the ego takes charge. To help you break free of your ego’s lunacy, here’s how to start freeing yourself when the siren sings you’ve really got a hold on me.

You’re More Than Enough

Don’t fall for lies of limitation. The ego is a tool and will echo what you think and say. So, quit beating yourself up. Instead, shift your focus to you are more than enough. Actually, you’re awesome! Look for what’s good in you. You can do this. You’ll feel lighter making it easier to take action on what’s important to you.

Ready to get more control of your life? Contact me to learn how at: virginia@soulgoals.com I work with people who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or could  use new tools or support.I help them connect with their Soul’s goals and be richly compensated doing what they love. Original Soulgoals’ Post was on September 22, 2015

Copyright © 2022 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Are You Selling Yourself Out? Probably!

Ever wonder why some people are crazymakers?

Friend,

“All unhappiness is caused by our trying to be limited, to be an ego. The more we are our Self, the happier we are. We will never be completely happy until we are completely being our Self.”

Lester Levenson

I’m writing this today because I’ve observed many people UNCONSCIOUSLY giving their power away. But they think their thinking is logical.

We give our power away when we allow others, the news, work, relationships, health, money, events, politics, etc. to upset or limit us or emotionally react in a negative way. In doing so, we deplete our energy – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

The ego is a false identity that we think is real. It’s the part of us that’s fearful, worries, complains, gets angry and more.

I created the Liberation of Lunacy technique to help people gain mastery over the tyranny of our minds… that which we think is real, but it’s not!

Here’s an excerpt:

Can you remember times when you felt afraid, stuck, taken advantage of, frustrated, judgmental, overwhelmed, resistant, critical, hard on yourself, worried, stressed, confused, addicted or powerless – you’ve done it all and nothing helps? These are moments you were manipulated by the ego.

Just like all your bites can come from one mosquito, all of your negative emotions come from one source – the ego.

Liberation of Lunacy (LoL) Technique

Examples about truly lovely, nice people:

• A man felt uncomfortable complaining with me. He wanted to spend endless time analyzing his complaints or, if we looked at them from a more positive perspective, he’d change the subject. He resisted attempts to let go of his negativity and be free of the control his ego had on him. Even though his fears prompted him to make decisions that created financial losses, he continued to take actions based on his fears. But, despite evidence of how negativity literally doesn’t pay, he didn’t believe being positive and the Law of Attraction works – like attracts like.
• A sweet woman got terribly upset while sharing an experience with me and told me to “F” off when she became increasingly, emotionally unhinged. She felt she wasn’t being heard, and what she raged about was blaming someone else, her fears, self-justified anger and negativity. She was completely closed off to hearing a more expansive perspective, which she translated to my not hearing her. Later when I communicated with her about it, her response showed that she whitewashed her memory and changed her story about what she previously shared at length. What happens is that in the moment the ego is in control, it can’t hear what doesn’t affirm it. Then it can attack.
• A woman was distraught, crying and ranting, because she didn’t have a million dollar podcast contract like Joe Rogan. It was 10 AM on a Saturday, and it sounded like she’d been drinking. She really tried to get me to react and agree with her. I told her I wasn’t going to allow her to manipulate me emotionally the way she wanted. In response, she squealed in pain like an alien in the movies. She doesn’t even have a podcast or a blog.
• Several others dished out excuses. Excuses that were based on limited thinking. We’d address one, and 30 minutes later another would appear. Address that, but actually there was another issue that popped up soon after. On and on. Some felt quite self-justified, too. As I believe in these people (I wouldn’t continue that conversation with just anyone), I showed another way at looking at their concerns. Some were able to connect the dots and see their own games or at least change their behavior and be proactive.
• Some created a story about their (mis)interpretation of an experience or event, believed their own perception/ lies, then copped an attitude based on their limited perspectives. Of course, someone else is to blame. Drama ensues. The ego doesn’t like to be wrong.

Can you see why it’s lunacy? Have things like this happened to you? Have you done some variation of these to others? Probably.

That’s what occurs until we learn to break free of the ego’s control, replaced by emotional mastery and an observer or Soul perspective.

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The ego tries to pull others into its illusions and can get upset when they won’t play their games…. especially if they won’t go along with them as they did in the past.

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I write these stories so that you might see how the ego controls. Because your ego is the source of every time you limit yourself or feel limiting emotions. Also, you can see how others try to control you.

Fear not. You are more courageous than you may believe.

Peace is a Soul-sourced emotion, the real You, that’s more powerful than anger, blame, frustration, confusion, doubt, negative storytelling, excuses and more. When you find peace within, you’ll find answers to your most bothersome questions. You go beyond limited thinking about what’s possible to discovering freedom and infinite possibilities.

How? Start by recognizing the ego’s patterns. Take your power back. You don’t have to sell yourself out.

Virginia Goszewska, September 12, 2022

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Time to reclaim your power?
Contact me to learn how at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck or could 
use new tools or support.

I help them connect with their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.

Copyright © 2022 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

That Voice in Your Head – Truth or Lies?

If you choose to get in shape, what’s that voice in your head telling you when you look in the mirror? Which do you think will help you attain your hot body faster?

• Beating yourself up for the %@#! you see in the mirror?

OR

• Approving of yourself just the way you are while envisioning your ideal body and taking action?

We’ve been trained to worry and be hard on ourselves with the erroneous belief that it will whip us into shape. Instead, that critical voice will either hold us back or make us unhappy.. 

You have the ability to change how you see yourself. By doing so, you set your success ceiling.

All your negative thoughts, feelings and beliefs come from the ego – a false identity everyone has. The ego is very wily and knows exactly how to trick you into believing lack, limit, anxiety, fear and you’re not good enough.

You know if your ego is running your life when you’re not getting the results you choose.

Your energy creates. Your feelings create. The conversations in your head create.

Want more success? Shift your energy. Change your concept of yourself.

Any negative way you talk to yourself, any depressing feelings, that critical voice in your head, all come from your ego.

Your ego acts as if it’s being rational when it tells you negative things. It says its being realistic and just telling you the way it really is. It advises you to be afraid, very afraid, and to worry.

Just because you’re thinking something doesn’t make it true!

Your ego lies.

Your TIP is to rewrite a negative story you tell yourself.

There’s a perspective to make you the hero of your story. Not an egotistical one. But one that feels like, when you’re living it, you’re satisfied and grateful.

Find it. It’s there!

By doing so, you put your core Essence, your Soul, in the driver’s seat of your life and business. Results? Whatever YOU choose!

Edited excerpt from Soulgoals’ blog posted on July 25, 2016

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I work with people who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support.

I help them be richly compensated doing what they love by connecting with their Soul’s goals.

How can you stop that critic in your head?  

Contact me for information about a complimentary Soulgoals’ Break-free Session.

Email me at virginia@soulgoals.com

Copyright © 2022 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

 

I Learned This While Existing in a Living Hell

During my twenties, miserable because of a five-year relationship, I had a dream. For years I kept its message on my dresser, although I didn’t know what it meant or how to do anything about it:

 Find the Heart and Rescue It 

He had a Ph.D. in psychology and was a revered member of our spiritual community, which played into why it took me a while to realize I lived with a self-centered, master manipulator who cared only for himself.

He easily saw my vulnerabilities of low self-esteem and self-doubt and how to use them to intimidate me and undermine my self-confidence while bending me to his will.

Although we had been dating long distance, he lived a six-hour drive away, we solidified our legal commitment to be together within three weeks after my father passed away. 

Note: It’s recommended to avoid making big decisions after experiencing a death.

In our second month together, I was bullied to let go of my business and with it my financial freedom. Amongst countless other examples, he listened in on my phone conversations and would scream at me non-stop if I didn’t do what he wanted. He even left me stranded in a southwestern desert at 3 PM in the middle of the summer with no cash or credit cards as he drove away – to return 30 minutes later. 

In our third month together, the stress of what my life had become short-circuited my adrenals, thyroid, blood sugar and more – so I wasn’t able to speak my words in the right order, think well, have physical energy to move and would cry if someone said hello. 

Enabling this behavior was my belief there was something wrong with me. Years later, when I saw the 1944 movie Gaslight with Ingrid Bergman, I recognized that this was what he tried to do… make me believe I was crazy so he could control me.

My unhappiness induced me to question and think. 
 

He insisted his reality was truth, but was it? His created what I called a living hell on earth.

I made a bad choice to be with him, which put me on a sorrowful path. Eventually, I figured out that regardless of how many good choices I subsequently made, I was still on the wrong path. 

I had to listen to my heart, my truth, and not give my power away.
Even if others claimed to know more or be an authority.
Even at the risk of losing my worldly goods. 
Even with my perceived HUMILIATION that, once again, I made a relationship mistake.

Actually, it was my ego’s need to protect this self-image that held me back the most. 

My survival ultimately depended on my ability to listen to my guidance, speak up for MYSELF and not be cowered into obedient silence and submission.

When I got honest with me, changes occurred, which made my exit easy. I packed my car and was gone in three weeks. 

The good news is that this experience taught me to think for myself and not believe others’ so-called authority. I learned to separate what I saw was true vs. what others told me I should believe.

And be the coach I am today.

It’s like the person who says the proverbial, “Yes, I’ll still love you in the morning” … not. Beware: many people lie to get what they want. Many believe their own lies!

What life do you want to live? Are you living it? Are you willing to honestly speak up, at least to yourself, and acknowledge what’s in your heart? 

Don’t wait for permission. It’s YOUR life!

Edited excerpt from Soulgoals’ Blog Post May 8, 2011

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