Archive for March, 2011

WHEN BUTTONS ARE PUSHED

March 25, 2011

 Have you noticed people’s buttons getting pushed lately? Some respond with anger, frustration or depression. Others find that finger pointing, denial and avoidance are easier than talking things through.

 Opportunities abound to deal with issues, but some prefer to ignore the elephant in the room. It would take more than new glasses to correct that vision.

 Changing perspective helps: step back emotionally and observe in a detached way. This reminds you not to take it personally. But what should you do about it?

 Ask yourself: Is there something to get out of it, something to learn? Or is the point to get out of it and leave?

 And what’s the best action to take? This depends on the circumstances. But driving yourself bonkers and making yourself wrong only leads to a dead-end street.

 A lovely woman sent me a very ugly email. She wrote about demonic forces and people we once knew. She couldn’t be friends with me anymore because I was still associated with them, even though I wasn’t for years.

 Weeks later she apologized. Because of past injustices inflicted on her by this group, her deep pain was triggered. She obviously wasn’t herself when she wrote it.

 The point? I got out of it lessons of compassion; forgiveness; grace; and not judging as people make mistakes.

The action? Let go of the past and move on. We renewed our friendship.

 A few months later she sent another email explaining how she couldn’t be my friend because of my involvement with these same people.  

 The point? Get out of it. When people create too much drama and repeat patterns that they’re not shifting, it’s often best to step back.

The action? Don’t respond. Bless the situation and relationship and let them go.

 Here are tips on what you can do when buttons are pushed. Oh well, I can honestly say I’ve learned each one by doing the opposite.

 You can choose to push the easy button instead by using the following:

  1. Breathe deeply in a relaxed way.
  2. Step back emotionally and observe rather than become enmeshed with the story.
  3. Listen to what’s being expressed and understand their perspective.
  4. Let go of a need to be heard, validated and to express your viewpoint.
  5. Ask yourself that even if you don’t like it: Why is it essential that others should think the way you think they should?
  6. Tune in to your gut – what do you feel is true and the best action to take?

 “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” Then take action.

 Warning: using these tips will not give you the emotional exhilaration received from feeling right; trying to fix or rescue people; feeling victimized; having your ego stroked; expressing anger; trying to control; or the comfort of familiarity from reliving your sad story.

 It will:

  • Bring you peace of mind and heart
  • Awaken you to greater wisdom and awareness
  • Honor others even if you’re sure they’ve lost their mind
  • Reclaim your time and energy to enjoy life and pursue your goals
  • Bring you better results in the long run.

 My cousin just called. “Be sure to tell people that everyone needs some silly in their lives and that laughter is the best medicine.” Thanks, Sharon, for the best ideas. Don’t take things too seriously. It’s all good.

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READY FOR A CHANGE? 5 STEPS TO MAKE IT EASY

March 15, 2011

In this part of my dream, I was in a room filled with well-worn, cushioned, reclining chairs. I thought there was an available seat near a window that overlooked trees, but it was taken. In fact, every seat I could see was taken except for a too-small-for-me wooden chair at my side. I thought there might be a chair available on the other side of the smallish room. But if I left the wooden chair, someone else might take it, and I could be left with nothing. Then I woke up.

It’s a risk to let go of what’s available, even if it isn’t a fit, uncomfortable and too small. In my dream, there wasn’t a reason why I had to stay in that room, even if there wasn’t a place to sit on the other side.

I awoke knowing to let go of people, attitudes and situations that no longer fit the person I’ve become.

We often settle for things that don’t work when we feel that the familiar is safe and secure – or at least known. This may lead us to believe the unknown is risky.

However, nothing stays the same forever. Economies go up and down. People and work change. A seemingly stable Japan reels with a massive earthquake, tsunami and nuclear explosions.

It reminds me of a woman who didn’t want to move because she enjoyed the companionship of a friend who lived nearby. Soon after, that friend sold her house and moved out of town.

Some are afraid of leaving a job that’s on a downward spiral. Others cling to non-supportive relationships. Some hold onto old business models.  Is something really better than nothing? And who says that replacing something will leave you with nothing?

While writing, I saw a client’s email that I saved three years ago:

I recently met a wonderful woman who was reduced to tears by “friends” she admired but had rejected her. My advice? Don’t waste your time. Look for WONDERFUL people who make you feel good. And focus on your wonderful self who is “crying” to be born and nurtured.

Change is always for good. Something positive always emerges, regardless of appearances. But, you don’t have to wait for a catastrophe to make a change.

What Have You Outgrown?

Are you discouraged, stuck or frustrated about something that hasn’t been working? Are you holding on to a belief about it? This may be the reason your life or business isn’t what you’d like it to be.

Perhaps you only need a change in attitude or perspective. Another viewpoint may reveal the solution.

By the way, don’t think you’ve got to see the big picture and know all the pieces before taking action. You can start where you are and with what you know right now.

TIP: You’re always given your next step – listen within for what it is. You can prevent overwhelm by redirecting your focus on the present and doing one thing at a time.

You can make change easy on yourself by using these five steps:

  1. Be willing to consider a change. Willingness opens you to possibilities even if you’re not ready to commit to a change. 
  2. Take consistent action in your new direction. If you were to make a change, what action would you take? Do it. Then tune in to the next step and do that. 
  3. Get support from a friend or team or coach. Discussing possibilities and being heard can be powerful steps to clarity, action and change.
  4. Choose that the change and lessons learned be gentle. If you believe change is hard, it is. There are people who remain positive even in the face of disaster. Set an intention to make changes with ease and grace. 
  5. Breathe your way through it. Breathing deeply in a relaxed way puts you in divine flow instead of the flow of fear.

Give yourself a gift of a new beginning. You have the power within to create changes without drama, with ease and grace.