Are you in a self-imposed prison with freedom in view?
Feeling guilty had been drilled into her by her family throughout her life.
It was a way others could control her. If they could disempower her through feeling guilty, she could kowtow to their ways and do and be what they wanted.
Because she was used to feeling guilty, especially when my client became #1 in her territory, business associates and family triggered those familiar feelings.
She felt that she was doing something wrong by being successful.
Unconsciously, here’s the message others sent: if I make you doubt yourself or feel bad about yourself, I’ll bring you down to a place where your success no longer makes me feel uncomfortable. Who do you think you are? What’s wrong with you? Be more like me… and whine about how life’s unfair.
People in her family had jobs. Furthermore, what’s a woman doing being successful and making more money than them, especially in her own business?! They had to work hard in their employment; why should she be any different?
Not feeling good about the price she paid for her success (she received negative input from others), her sales slipped. A part of her was trying to stop being a target that resulted in guilty feelings.
She didn’t realize it was their own jealousy, insecurity, a need to control and their fear and disappointment in themselves for not going after their dreams that were the underlying culprits of others’ manipulative behaviors.
Ever hear of the lobster syndrome or the crab mentality?
When either of these is alone in a lidless container, it can escape.
However, when sharing their enclosure, none can get out because they will be pulled back down, even into boiling water.
In society or business, this can happen when people are bettering themselves and others try to bring them down.
How can they do that? Through guilt, fear, anger, making others feel they’re doing something wrong, shunning, shaming and the threat of being ostracized if they don’t fit in with the community.
Some religions exert control by indoctrinating their followers with the fear of damnation or how their future lives will be affected.
Previously, my client couldn’t stay away from her cell phone out of a concern of missing calls from prospective customers. Her belief was that working hard is the road to success.
So when she fulfilled her goal of a five-week vacation, and still remained #1, it was at the expense of others’ disparaging remarks.
Even though at the top of her game and years away from what most consider retirement age, she couldn’t stop thinking about leaving the business world behind.
She told me about a close friend and business associate. “There’s something about him lately that rubs me the wrong way – so I’ve distanced myself — although we’re working on a deal together. With him, it’s a debate or he knows some expertise about things. He’s done and knows everything.”
She was exhausted by critical people: if it’s not done their way, then in their way of looking at things, it’s being done wrong.
“Because I am surrounded by that thinking and attitude, my cup runneth over with this. My response is to disassociate with people who have these behaviors.”
When I asked where she’s seen those patterns before in childhood, she recalled that her mother and brother had the same habit of being critical know-it-alls. Both parents ruled by creating guilt in others.
We discussed that no matter where you go, there you are. If she continued to react, she’d attract more people who would act the same, wherever she went.
She realized that unless she changed, even if she left her business, she’d continue to run into similar, annoying behaviors from others.
Programmed from childhood, traits like lack of confidence, guilt and worry can prompt you to continue brainwashing yourself with limiting beliefs, even when those who put these ideas in your head aren’t around.
Don’t listen to your inner, critical voice that bullies you and makes you question your ability to succeed or be happy. It lies.
That nagging voice reflects how the people who told you that nonsense feel about themselves. It’s not about you.
Your true essence guides you with a kind, non-judgmental and supportive voice.
Her insight: this coaching session made her step back and look at the bigger picture.
She realized that she won’t be affected by others when she has a different perspective. And when her buttons are no longer pushed, she won’t attract people who think like that.
By the way, she’s back to being #1 and having her best year ever. Life is more fun, and she feels free now that she no longer reacts to guilt trips and know-it-alls in the way she did before.
You can step out of your self-imposed prison of any limiting beliefs, even if you don’t know what’s holding you back.
Start by having confidence that believing in yourself brings.
Remember, those voices to the contrary are figments of someone else’s imagination that they projected on you.
There are many ways you can feel imprisoned, especially during a pandemic.
But good things can emerge during challenging times.
Freedom and success are yours if you’re open to receive them.
Make the most of this moment. Isolation can give birth to unimaginable heights.
You think you’re challenged? Look at Nelson Mandela’s life (1918 – 2013; passed away at 95):
- Mandela, as a young lawyer, joined the African National Congress (ANC) in 1944 to advocate for an end to South African apartheid, an oppressive system of government built on racial segregation.
- In 1963, he and other cohorts were sentenced to life in prison.
- He spent 18 years in the cell, seen above, that was 43 square feet.
- The floor was his bed, and he used a bucket for a toilet.
- He was forced to do hard labor in a quarry.
- He was allowed one visitor a year for 30 minutes.
- He could write and receive one letter every six months.
- In 1990, having served 27 years in prison, he was released by South African President de Klerk.
- In 1993, he won the Nobel Peace Prize with de Klerk.
- Mandela became president of South Africa in 1994.
P.S. Know someone who might benefit from this post? Please share.
Think about you on the other side of the pandemic.
Can you see that you’re no longer willing
to put up with the old way you’ve been doing things?
Do you know you can consciously create your life?
If you’d like to learn about a complimentary session so
you can start fresh, contact me at
I work with people
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.
I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love by aligning
with their Soul’s goals.
Updated from Soulgoals’ Archives posted on November 6, 2017
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