Challenged? 5 Steps to Make it Easier on Yourself

Life presents challenges. How you respond – your emotions and mental focus – is your choice. You can get sucked into the quicksand of negative feelings, railing against the world and how tough everything is, focus on what’s not working and bemoan your tale of woes with others or in your head… and attract the opposite of what you want. Or you can make a different choice. Some of my clients are in the midst of the most heart-wrenching experiences of their lives. A man left a country where he worked over three years, in a highly regarded profession, to interview for a job. His current position finishes in three months, and so far all his efforts to find new employment haven’t produced results. Frustrated by multiple rejection letters – literally, where in the world will this gifted man live and create an income? This follows a year of intense personal and professional challenges. Upon his return, immigration blocked his re-entry because of visa problems. He was arrested, detained and deported back to where he had just interviewed in New York City. Banned to go back for his belongings at work and home, which is also where his girlfriend lives, he has no cell phone or office to continue his job search. His attorney says there is no help legally and made excuses for not properly advising him. At first he was in shock and emailed “I AM REALLY F___ED… I am devastated, exhausted, overwhelmed and at the end of my wits.” Soon after, he Skyped me from a computer in a noisy café for a session. Decision time: be the victim and miserable in a living hell or surrender and have faith that there’s a divine purpose and something positive will come of this. Feelings and thoughts manifest. His personal honesty allowed him to see how he created this experience – he really didn’t want to work at his job or be in that country anymore. This situation assured he wouldn’t spend another minute there. He also has a strong desire to dump childhood patterns and traumas. Realizing his former tension and aggressiveness stemmed from being where he wasn’t appreciated, he chooses now to use this time as a transformation to express his positive nature. Cut free from the burden of having to go back, the following day brought a feeling of liberation, contentment and a sense of being in a divine comedy. With his newfound attitude, his nightmare vanished like a bad dream after waking up. “I’m in the right place at the right time, and I know there’s opportunity here. I have friends and feel that I’m amongst kindred spirits in this city. I have to take action and not be complacent. My girlfriend and colleagues will pack up my things, and she’ll bring them here next month. She wanted to move away from there anyway. I’m looking at life with childlike wonder knowing my good is here. I feel purposeful. I’ll figure it out and make it work.” Months of anxiety and fear about finding a job and where it would be disappeared, too. It’s either in this city and country or something better. I asked him to pick an image to reflect his perspective. He chose Fred Astaire – light on his feet and with good technique. You can transform any situation in your life by choosing to:  Let go of the exhausting struggle: your story of your hard life and what if the worse happens. Write it down and burn or shred it. Choose to let it go! Repeat as needed. Change your perspective from one that creates stress and deteriorates your health and finances to one where you surrender to a divine source with an attitude of anticipating the best. Look for the positive in any situation; it’s always there. Stop thinking and talking about what’s wrong and instead focus on what’s working Enjoy quality time with those who nipped the self-indulgent habits of #1-3. Take action in the direction of your dreams. As you gently let go of the struggle, you’ll float to the top of the quicksand of fear and move to the shore of creativity and abundance. Reprinted from Soulgoals’ Archive, March 22, 2012 If you’d like support through challenging times, contact me for a complimentary Do What You Love Break Free Session. If it’s been a while since you’ve had one, you’re welcome to contact me again. Email me at: virginia@teamingwithsuccess.com I work with people who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support. I help them be richly compensated doing what they love.

Copyright © 2019 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

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Stop Shoulding on Yourself

Have you ever had a deadline or goal but felt stuck and simply couldn’t take action? Maybe you were “shoulding” on yourself and immobilized from your mental tyranny.

In August 2001, every day for two weeks, I sat in front of my computer to write a seminar…and not one word came. Nothing.

I put so much pressure on myself that I stifled any creativity to write.

Eventually, I listened to what I was telling myself: I should’ve already done this, and I should’ve done it years ago.

I made peace with the situation by shifting my perspective from feeling “resistance is futile” to: I am where I am, and from here I will start.

Over the next four months I wrote a 60-page workbook… and then, because it became so big, I didn’t know what to do with it. After all of that work, it sat on a pile.

Fast forward seven years. I remembered the workbook when I discovered I didn’t like a manual for a four-day retreat I was to facilitate. Oh, did I mention it was less than a week away?

The workbook was a key for breakthroughs and fun throughout the event and saved me from being in another writing rut.

Retreat Workbook

TIP: Stop shoulding on yourself. Self-judgment holds you back. Like it or not, this is where you are, so make peace within by allowing you to be in the present moment.

When you accept yourself and your circumstance, you let go of the shoulds, pressure and negative self-talk.  Then any small step will get you started. When this happens, you get out of your rut and pave the way for momentum.

This is a reprint from July 2010

If you’d like support
to stop judging,
contact me
for a complimentary
Do What You Love Break Free Session.

If it’s been a while since you’ve had one,
you’re welcome to contact me again.

Email me at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love.

 

Copyright © 2019 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

What You Can Do When Someone Pushes Your Buttons

 

 

 

Have you noticed people’s buttons getting pushed lately? Maybe yours? Some respond with anger, frustration or depression. Others find that finger pointing, denial and avoidance are easier than talking things through. Opportunities abound to deal with issues, but some prefer to ignore the elephant in the room. It would take more than new glasses to correct that vision. Changing perspective can help you: step back emotionally and observe in a detached way. This reminds you not to take it personally. But what should you do about it? Ask yourself: Is there something to get out of it, something to learn? Or is the point to get out of it and leave? And what’s the best action to take? This depends on the circumstances. But driving yourself bonkers and making yourself wrong only leads to a dead-end street. A lovely woman sent me a very ugly email. She wrote about demonic forces and people we once knew. She couldn’t be friends with me anymore because I was still associated with them, even though I hadn’t been for years.  Weeks later she apologized. Because of past injustices inflicted on her by this group, her deep pain was triggered. She obviously wasn’t herself when she wrote it.  The point? I got out of it lessons of compassion; forgiveness; grace; not judging as people make mistakes.  The action? Let go of the past and move on. We renewed our friendship.  A few months later she sent another email explaining how she couldn’t be my friend because of my involvement with these same people… people I still hadn’t talked with for a very long time.    The point? Get out of it. When people create too much drama and repeat patterns that they’re not shifting, it’s often best to step back.  The action? Don’t respond. Bless the situation and relationship and let them go.  Here are tips on what you can do when your buttons are pushed. Oh well, I can honestly say I’ve learned each one by doing the opposite. You can choose to push the easy button instead by using the following: Breathe deeply in a relaxed way. Step back emotionally and observe rather than become enmeshed with the story. Listen to what’s being expressed and understand their perspective. Let go of a need to be heard, validated and to express your viewpoint. Ask yourself that even if you don’t like it: why is it essential that others should think the way you think they should? Tune in to your gut – what do you feel is true and the best action to take?  “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” Then take action. Through my school of hard knocks learning, I’m adding one more. Don’t try to explain yourself using logic if someone is emotional. Mental and emotional approaches are on two different wave lengths. When someone is emotional, they often aren’t listening, can’t really hear what you’re saying unless it’s what they want to hear. They may not even have the foundation to understand what you’re saying. They just get annoyed and feel justified in making you look like the jerk. Instead listen and say: thanks for sharing your opinion. Warning: using these tips will not give you the emotional exhilaration received from feeling right; trying to fix or rescue people; feeling victimized; having your ego stroked; expressing anger; trying to control; or the comfort of familiarity from reliving your sad story.   It will: Bring you peace of mind and heart Awaken you to greater wisdom and awareness Honor others even if you’re sure they’ve lost their mind Reclaim your time and energy to enjoy life and pursue your goals Bring you better results in the long run. My cousin just called. “Be sure to tell people that everyone needs some silly in their lives and that laughter is the best medicine.” Thanks, Sharon, for the best ideas. Don’t take things too seriously. It’s all good.   This is a reprint from March, 2011. If you’d like to get help with your pushed buttons, contact me for a complimentary Do What You Love Break Free Session. Email me at: virginia@soulgoals.com I work with people who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support. I help them be richly compensated doing what they love.

Copyright © 2019 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, MAYBE YOU’RE GOING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION

 Have you noticed people’s buttons getting pushed lately? Maybe yours?

Some respond with anger, frustration or depression. Others find that finger pointing, denial and avoidance are easier than talking things through.

Opportunities abound to deal with issues, but some prefer to ignore the elephant in the room. It would take more than new glasses to correct that vision.

Changing perspective can help you: step back emotionally and observe in a detached way. This reminds you not to take it personally. But what should you do about it?

Ask yourself: Is there something to get out of it, something to learn? Or is the point to get out of it and leave?

And what’s the best action to take? This depends on the circumstances. But driving yourself bonkers and making yourself wrong only leads to a dead-end street.

A lovely woman sent me a very ugly email. She wrote about demonic forces and people we once knew. She couldn’t be friends with me anymore because I was still associated with them, even though I hadn’t been for years.

 Weeks later she apologized. Because of past injustices inflicted on her by this group, her deep pain was triggered. She obviously wasn’t herself when she wrote it.

 The point? I got out of it lessons of compassion; forgiveness; grace; not judging as people make mistakes.

 The action? Let go of the past and move on. We renewed our friendship.

 A few months later she sent another email explaining how she couldn’t be my friend because of my involvement with these same people… people I still hadn’t talked with for a very long time.  

 The point? Get out of it. When people create too much drama and repeat patterns that they’re not shifting, it’s often best to step back.

 The action? Don’t respond. Bless the situation and relationship and let them go.

---

 Here are tips on what you can do when your buttons are pushed. Oh well, I can honestly say I’ve learned each one by doing the opposite.

You can choose to push the easy button instead by using the following:

1. Breathe deeply in a relaxed way.
2. Step back emotionally and observe rather than become enmeshed with the story.
3. Listen to what’s being expressed and understand their perspective.
4. Let go of a need to be heard, validated and to express your viewpoint.
5. Ask yourself that even if you don’t like it: Why is it essential that others should think the way you think they should?
6. Tune in to your gut – what do you feel is true and the best action to take?

 “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” Then take action.

Through my school of hard knocks learning, I’m adding one more.

Don’t try to explain yourself using logic if someone is emotional.

Mental and emotional approaches are on two different wave lengths. When someone is emotional, they often aren’t listening, can’t really hear what you’re saying unless it’s what they want to hear. They may not even have the foundation to understand what you’re saying. They just get annoyed and feel justified in making you look like the jerk. Instead listen and say: thanks for sharing your opinion.

---

Warning: using these tips will not give you the emotional exhilaration received from feeling right; trying to fix or rescue people; feeling victimized; having your ego stroked; expressing anger; trying to control; or the comfort of familiarity from reliving your sad story.

  It will:

• Bring you peace of mind and heart
• Awaken you to greater wisdom and awareness
• Honor others even if you’re sure they’ve lost their mind
• Reclaim your time and energy to enjoy life and pursue your goals
• Bring you better results in the long run.

My cousin just called. “Be sure to tell people that everyone needs some silly in their lives and that laughter is the best medicine.” Thanks, Sharon, for the best ideas. Don’t take things too seriously. It’s all good.

This is a reprint from March, 2011.

If you’d like to get help
with your pushed buttons,
contact me
for a complimentary
Do What You Love Break Free Session.

Email me at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.
I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love.

If you’re ready for miracles in your life, it helps to know how to find them.

Remember this game?  Children look for an object and are told cold, warm or hot as they get further away or closer to it.

Life gives you clues like this, too, so you’ll know if you’re on the right track.

• You’re cold when you feel like you’re pushing a brick wall, and it won’t budge.
• You’re warm when you feel like you’re in the flow, enjoying a magic carpet ride.
• You’re hot when you’re manifesting (what you want happens).

What can that look like in real life?

Ever make yourself wrong when you don’t have energy to do what you think you “should”?

Yes, sometimes you just have to take action to get your mojo running.

Sometimes you need a course correction. Even if it’s the right goal, it could be the wrong approach or attitude.

When you feel like a fish swimming upstream, maybe it’s because you’re going against the flow. 

Another way to know? If you’re moping, whining, angry, frustrated, complaining, fearful or worried, you splashed ashore. You jumped out of the flow and became a fish out of water.

This is a good time to pause and observe. What makes you happy?

Do you really have to force yourself to go in the direction you’re going – and the way you’re doing it? 

Let yourself be guided by the flow instead of trying to make things happen.

Here’s how I went from cold to hot in manifesting.

 I decided to get living room furniture. 

 I had images of what I wanted. The back of the sofa had curved lines. Because I enjoy holiday decorating, I wanted the sofa to be red or green.

 COLD: I became irritated whenever I went to a store. I couldn’t find what I wanted. Shopping was laborious. Spending all that money and not enjoying it didn’t seem right. So I stopped forcing myself to shop.

 Soon after, new neighbors moved in next door. Their previous home was twice the size and several hours away.

 Not knowing which living room set to use until they could try them out in their new home, they brought both of them.

HOT: They sold me the sofa from their rarely used formal living room, nicely protected in movers’ plastic. The back? Curved. Colors? Red and green.

 Added to this was the entire living room set: two end tables; a coffee table; two lamps; rug; chair; and a throw blanket. Anxious to clear their garage, they sold all of it to me for $175! All items looked brand new!

 Instead of pricey delivery costs because I live out-of-town from the stores, we only had to move it across the yard.

 My lack of interest and irritation was my guidance telling me to stop shopping.

Here are some components that allowed me to manifest the furniture: 

• Made a choice – I decided to have new living room furniture.
• Identified details – I only had images about the colors and curved back, so I had my attention on those. I worked with what I knew, and that was enough.
• Took action – Shopping focused my energy. It was an on-the-job visualization.
• Let it go – I didn’t force myself to do what didn’t bring me joy. This allowed me to relax and open to the flow of possibilities.

There’s another part of the story.  I almost missed out on this deal.

At first I was told the sofa was plaid, so I said I wasn’t interested. It didn’t fit my mental picture.

Fortunately, the next morning I woke up and decided it wouldn’t hurt to look. When I did, I discovered it fit the image and feel of what I wanted better than any style I’d looked at in the stores.

ON THE VERGE OF TURNING INTO AN ICE CUBE: I almost turned my back on this manifestation because I prejudged without even looking into it. 

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Now it’s your turn.

1. Breathe and relax.
2. Set an intention to receive what you choose for your life.
3. Choose to be in divine flow.
4. Take action in the direction of your goal.

 Let it go. I mean really let go of the need or desire to have it. Allow divine timing to work its wonders. Let me know your results!

This is a reprint from April 21, 2011.

 

If you’d like to change
the way your life is going
to create something better,
contact me
for a complimentary
Do What You Love Break Free Session.

Email me at:

virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love.

Copyright © 2019 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.