“Regardless of how he presents himself he is your gremlin and his view of “what is so” is grounded in make-believe. Be aware of him. It is unnecessary to try to ignore him or to fight. Simply notice him.”
Richard D. Carson, Taming Your Gremlin, A Guide to Enjoying Yourself
I had mononucleosis in college and was out of school for a month. It took me a while to return to the rhythm of taking classes again. At the same time, my boyfriend came home from his college, and we enjoyed ourselves visiting with his family.
For me to make my 2 P.M. class, I had to leave his house at 1 P.M. At 1:15 I could have gone, but I would have been late. At 1:30 it was a lost cause and water over the dam… but not for me.
They listened to me try to decide “should I or shouldn’t I go” for a while. Then when it was too late to leave, they listened to me whine that I should have gone. Finally, his older brother said, “You made your decision. Stop beating yourself up over what you chose to do. There is nothing you can do about it now. Let it go.”
I didn’t realize I had a choice in my thinking. I thought the responsible thing to do was agonize over my decision so it would be known that I knew I should have gone but somehow couldn’t rise to the occasion… and there’s something wrong with me.
So much unnecessary confusion follows this type of thinking, because the “problem” isn’t happening outside of us.
The problem is caused from our perception and reaction to what occurs.
The downside is that a great deal of energy is spent spinning around something that doesn’t matter, and then comes another problem – frustration. It’s very difficult to get off a merry-go-round when it’s moving in circles.
When we go in circles we watch life pass us by and think about so many things we would like to do and have to do that we’re not doing…
Then we jump off one ride, not to land on solid ground of “what is,” but to go on another ride. We start beating ourselves up over what we didn’t do or perhaps what we feel we should’ve done.
There are additional carnival adventures such as getting angry, which is a variation of the frustration ride. Other forms of entertainment include blame, worry, fear, anxiety, and playing victim. Another favorite is inaction – spending a lot of time on the merry-go-round of the mind creates such dizziness that it’s impossible to think straight and be clear enough to do anything.
If you insist on thinking there’s something wrong with you, you’re off on a roller coaster ride.
You may choose to change some of your actions and the consequences they create, but there’s nothing wrong with you.
Does any of this sound familiar?
The effort used focusing on these rides instead could be redirected to what’s important to you.
The first step is to put an adult in your control booth, thank your inner kids for picking up the slack during your time out, and communicate confidence that qualified supervision is taking over.
If this sounds like schizophrenic behavior, that’s what happens when we allow child parts of ourselves to take over and rule our lives as if they are us. Our perceptions and reactions become those of a child in an adult body.
How can you make the shift?
You know. Inside of you, you know.
Think about how a mature adult talks and acts, and start talking to yourself that way.
The adult you is only found in the now, not the past or the future.
You can show yourself self-respect and appreciation. Speak to yourself the way you would like others to talk with you.
Few will treat you any better than you treat yourself.
A child part will not be shushed or ignored, or like a child, it simply will act out in another way. What it wants is what any child wants, even though it may be rebellious. It wants to know it is safe and loved.
You provide the internal terrain that is a safe haven by acting like an adult who is in control, and the child part can relax and leave you at peace.
One tool to accomplish this is to simply notice it, without reacting or judging or making yourself wrong.
Be the watcher, the observer.
As your gain greater perspective, you may see that perhaps you could make different choices, but there’s nothing wrong with you.
Tired of that sickening feeling of feeling wrong?
Contact me to learn how at:
virginia@soulgoals.com
I work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck or could
use new tools or support.
I help them ignite their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.
Original Soulgoal Missive written in 2002
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