Posts Tagged ‘Make yourself wrong’

Stop Feeling There’s Something Wrong With You

November 8, 2021

Stop scaring yourself with the stories you tell about yourself.

“Regardless of how he presents himself he is your gremlin and his view of “what is so” is grounded in make-believe. Be aware of him. It is unnecessary to try to ignore him or to fight. Simply notice him.”

Richard D. Carson, Taming Your Gremlin, A Guide to Enjoying Yourself

I had mononucleosis in college and was out of school for a month. It took me a while to return to the rhythm of taking classes again. At the same time, my boyfriend came home from his college, and we enjoyed ourselves visiting with his family.
 
For me to make my 2 P.M. class, I had to leave his house at 1 P.M. At 1:15 I could have gone, but I would have been late. At 1:30 it was a lost cause and water over the dam… but not for me.
 
They listened to me try to decide “should I or shouldn’t I go” for a while. Then when it was too late to leave, they listened to me whine that I should have gone. Finally, his older brother said, “You made your decision. Stop beating yourself up over what you chose to do. There is nothing you can do about it now. Let it go.”


I didn’t realize I had a choice in my thinking. I thought the responsible thing to do was agonize over my decision so it would be known that I knew I should have gone but somehow couldn’t rise to the occasion… and there’s something wrong with me.


So much unnecessary confusion follows this type of thinking, because the “problem” isn’t happening outside of us.

The problem is caused from our perception and reaction to what occurs.

The downside is that a great deal of energy is spent spinning around something that doesn’t matter, and then comes another problem – frustration. It’s very difficult to get off a merry-go-round when it’s moving in circles.

When we go in circles we watch life pass us by and think about so many things we would like to do and have to do that we’re not doing…

Then we jump off one ride, not to land on solid ground of “what is,” but to go on another ride. We start beating ourselves up over what we didn’t do or perhaps what we feel we should’ve done.

There are additional carnival adventures such as getting angry, which is a variation of the frustration ride. Other forms of entertainment include blame, worry, fear, anxiety, and playing victim. Another favorite is inaction – spending a lot of time on the merry-go-round of the mind creates such dizziness that it’s impossible to think straight and be clear enough to do anything.

If you insist on thinking there’s something wrong with you, you’re off on a roller coaster ride.

You may choose to change some of your actions and the consequences they create, but there’s nothing wrong with you.

Does any of this sound familiar?

The effort used focusing on these rides instead could be redirected to what’s important to you.

The first step is to put an adult in your control booth, thank your inner kids for picking up the slack during your time out, and communicate confidence that qualified supervision is taking over.

If this sounds like schizophrenic behavior, that’s what happens when we allow child parts of ourselves to take over and rule our lives as if they are us. Our perceptions and reactions become those of a child in an adult body.

How can you make the shift?

You know. Inside of you, you know.

Think about how a mature adult talks and acts, and start talking to yourself that way.

The adult you is only found in the now, not the past or the future.

You can show yourself self-respect and appreciation. Speak to yourself the way you would like others to talk with you.

Few will treat you any better than you treat yourself.


A child part will not be shushed or ignored, or like a child, it simply will act out in another way. What it wants is what any child wants, even though it may be rebellious. It wants to know it is safe and loved.

You provide the internal terrain that is a safe haven by acting like an adult who is in control, and the child part can relax and leave you at peace.
 
One tool to accomplish this is to simply notice it, without reacting or judging or making yourself wrong.

Be the watcher, the observer. 

As your gain greater perspective, you may see that perhaps you could make different choices, but there’s nothing wrong with you.


Tired of that sickening feeling of feeling wrong?
Contact me to learn how at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck or could 
use new tools or support.

I help them ignite their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.

Original Soulgoal Missive written in 2002 

Copyright © 2021 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

About Those CRAZY Makers in Your Life

June 7, 2021

What do you see?  A young woman or an old one? 
This optical illusion was created over 100 years ago.


Many problems in our world are because people see illusions of what they want to see and believe them to be true.


Have you noticed people crazy making and buttons getting pushed? Some respond with anger, frustration or depression. Others find that finger pointing, denial and avoidance are easier than talking things through.

 Opportunities abound to deal with issues, but some prefer to ignore the elephant in the room. It would take more than new glasses to correct that vision.

 Changing perspective helps: step back emotionally and observe in a detached way. This reminds you not to take things personally. But what should you do about it?



 Ask yourself: Is there something to get out of it, something to learn?
Or is the point to get out of it and leave?


What’s the best action to take? This depends on the circumstances. But driving yourself bonkers and making yourself wrong only leads to a dead-end street.

 A lovely woman sent me a very ugly email. She wrote about demonic forces and people we once knew. She couldn’t be friends with me anymore because she wrote that I was still associated with them, even though I hadn’t been for years.

Weeks later she apologized. Because of past injustices inflicted on her by this group, her deep pain was triggered. She obviously wasn’t herself when she wrote it.

The point? I got out of it lessons of compassion; forgiveness; grace; and not judging as people make mistakes.

 The action? Let go of the past and move on. We renewed our friendship.

 A few months later, she sent another email explaining how she couldn’t be my friend because of my involvement with these same people.  

The point? Get out of it. When people are perpetually crazy making, create too much drama and repeat patterns that they’re not shifting, it’s often best to step back.

 The action? Don’t respond. Bless the situation and relationship and let them go.

PLEASE NOTE: There are people who have mental and emotional considerations and are well-served by our support to receive help! I’m referring to those whose default patterns are often unconscious, repetitive, self-centered and create chaos. It’s part of our journey to learn the difference and set boundaries when appropriate.

The following ideas may help you with the crazy makers in your life. Oh well, I can honestly say I’ve learned each one by doing the opposite.

  1. Breathe deeply in a relaxed way. Relax your body.
  2. Step back emotionally and observe rather than become enmeshed with the story.
  3. Listen to what’s being expressed and understand their perspective.
  4. Let go of a need to be heard, be validated or express your viewpoint.
  5. Ask yourself, even if you believe they’re wrong: Why is it essential that others should think and act the way you think they should? Do you need their approval? Are you wanting control? Are you letting them make you feel unsafe or insecure? Are you judging them? Do you need to be right?
  6. Everyone has a right to their viewpoint. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to stick around, at least emotionally and mentally if you can’t leave physically.
  7. Tune in to your gut – what do you feel is true, which usually isn’t your story about it, and the best action to take? You know the answer if you have the willingness and courage to be quiet within and see it.


 “Forgive them for they know not what they do.”


 Using these tips will:

  • Bring you peace of mind
  • Awaken you to greater wisdom, awareness and empowerment
  • Honor others even if you’re sure they’ve lost their mind
  • Reclaim your time and energy to enjoy life and pursue your goals
  • Bring you better results in the long run.

Avoidance and resistance to honestly look at a situation are futile.

Tap into your inner mastership. Don’t be afraid to step back, observe, SEE, then act, lest you start crazy making yourself.

 If you don’t like what you see, envision something better. Focus on your new choice without the emotional drama.


Warning: using these tips will not give you the emotional exhilaration received from feeling right; trying to fix or rescue people; feeling victimized; having your ego stroked; expressing anger; trying to control; or the comfort of familiarity from reliving your sad story. 

 None of these provide long-lasting satisfaction anyway. 

 Using these tips will:

  • Bring you peace of mind
  • Awaken you to greater wisdom, awareness and empowerment
  • Honor others even if you’re sure they’ve lost their mind
  • Reclaim your time and energy to enjoy life and pursue your goals
  • Bring you better results in the long run.

Avoidance and resistance to look honestly at a situation are futile.

Tap into your inner mastership. Don’t be afraid to step back, observe, SEE, then act, lest you start crazy making yourself.

 If you don’t like what you see, envision something better. Focus on your new choice without the emotional drama.


Many problems in our world are because people see illusions of what they want to see and believe them to be true.


If you’d like help with any crazy making in your life,
contact me for a free consultation at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck or could 
use new tools or support.

I help them ignite their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.”

Edited from Soulgoals’ published on March 25, 2011, When Buttons Are Pushed

Copyright © 2021 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

5 Steps to Make Change Easy

February 11, 2020

In this part of my dream, I was in a room filled with well-worn, cushioned, reclining chairs. I thought there was an available seat near a window that overlooked trees, but it was taken. In fact, every seat I could see was taken except for a too-small-for-me wooden chair at my side. I thought there might be a chair available on the other side of the smallish room. But if I left the wooden chair, someone else might take it, and I could be left with nothing. Then I woke up.

It’s a risk to let go of what’s available, even if it’s uncomfortable, too small or isn’t a fit.

In my dream, there wasn’t a reason why I had to stay in that room, even if there wasn’t a place to sit on the other side.

I awoke knowing to let go of people, attitudes and situations that no longer fit the person I’ve become.

We often settle for things that don’t work when we feel that the familiar is safe and secure – or at least known. This may lead us to believe the unknown is risky.

However, nothing stays the same forever. Economies go up and down. People and work change.

It reminds me of a woman who didn’t want to move because she enjoyed the companionship of a friend who lived nearby. Soon after, that friend sold her house and moved out of town.

What are you afraid of leaving?

Some are afraid of leaving a job that’s on a downward spiral. Others cling to non-supportive relationships. Some hold onto old business models.  Is something really better than nothing?

And who says that replacing something will leave you with nothing?

While writing, I saw a client’s email that I saved three years ago:

I recently met a wonderful woman who was reduced to tears by “friends” she admired but had rejected her. My advice? Don’t waste your time. Look for WONDERFUL people who make you feel good. And focus on your wonderful self who is “crying” to be seen and nurtured.

Change is always for good. Something positive always emerges, regardless of appearances. But, you don’t have to wait for a catastrophe to make a change.

What have you outgrown?

Are you discouraged, stuck or frustrated about something that hasn’t been working? Are you holding on to a belief about it? This may be the reason your life or business isn’t what you’d like it to be.

Perhaps you only need a change in attitude or perspective. Another viewpoint may reveal the solution.

By the way, don’t think you’ve got to see the big picture, figure everything out and know all the steps to take before taking action. You can begin where you are and with what you know right now.

Just start. Then by taking a step at a time, subsequent steps will reveal themselves.


TIP: You’re always given your next step – listen within for what it is. You can prevent overwhelm by redirecting your focus on the present and doing one thing at a time.


You can make change easy on yourself by using these five steps:

  1. Be willing to consider a change. Willingness opens you to possibilities even if you’re not ready to commit to a change.
  2. Take consistent action in your new direction. If you were to make a change, what action would you take? Do it. Then tune in to the next step, and do that.
  3. Get support from a friend or coach. Discussing possibilities, being heard and receiving validation can be powerful steps to clarity, action and change.
  4. Choose that the change and lessons learned be gentle. If you believe change is hard, it is. There are people who remain positive even in the face of disaster. Set an intention to make changes with ease and grace.
  5. Breathe your way through it. Breathing deeply in a relaxed way puts you in divine flow instead of the flow of fear.

Give yourself a gift of a new beginning. You have the power within to create changes without drama, with ease and grace.

Reprinted from Soulgoal Archives March 15, 2011

Would you like help with your changes?
If so, contact me for a complimentary
Do What You Love Break-Free Session at
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love by aligning
with their Soul’s goals.

 

Copyright © 2020 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.