Is Someone Trying to Control You?

View Post

• A husband manipulated his wife by convincing her to doubt herself and instead follow his self-centered thinking so she would do what he wanted. He harangued her until she gave him half of her business within two months of their marriage, he spent her inheritance within one day of her receiving it and more. (Ever hear of gaslighting? The term originated from the brilliant, 1944 movie Gaslight with Ingrid Bergman, which you can watch for FREE here: binged.it/46nGfsI )
• A woman in her 80s controls the behavior of a man, 20 years younger, with whom she shares a platonic relationship. Initially, she rescued him from a bad situation. Later, they decided to pool their monies, and he built a house for them with his own hands. Legally, they own the house 50-50. Seemed like a great idea at the time. Now, however, she controls him by using her illness and insinuations of moving out-of-state to be with and selling her half of the house to her children. He knows they’d sell it. Therefore, he goes along with whatever she wants because her intimidation clouds his ability to believe in himself as well as find an alternative, empowering solution.
• A therapist got angry with her coach, who didn’t buy into her fear-based bullying, because she wanted her views to be validated after a break-up in her relationship. Her manipulative tactics included rants of insulting her, blaming others and mocking her coach… even making fun of her because she was dealing with her own personal aftermath of her town’s catastrophic flood that also produced a severe, physical reaction in her from mold. When her coach didn’t bend to her wishes, the therapist upped the ante by raising her voice, serving one nasty and cheap shot after another, and getting more and more upset. Although it was an uncharacteristic tirade, later she was oblivious of what she did. So ended that professional relationship. If you haven’t guessed it, I was the coach.

When change occurs, some people feel they’re losing control. It can feel as if their very life is threatened, and they’ll do whatever it takes to survive – emotionally or otherwise.

Chances are the perpetrators won’t see or believe what they’re doing!

Stand at arm’s length if you try to tell them lest they throw a punch. Ever hear the adage about not trying to teach a pig how to fly? A pig can’t fly, and you’ll just irritate the pig.

Yes, forgive them for they know not what they do… and take care of yourself! You have a responsibility to be steward of YOUR life.

You have a choice to be a follower of someone else’s fears and expectations, and give away your power in the process, or think for yourself.

You won’t be truly happy unless you follow the rhythm of your own drum.

By avoiding dealing with situations like these (and there are countless variations), you might believe that when the people disappear into the sunset, it will be happy trails forevermore. Not true, until you release the underlying cause.

Unless you address your emotional issues (that you may not realize are the core of the problem), you carry this vibration, these feelings, in your energy field. You’ll attract more of the same type of people and experiences in the future, even if your current situation goes away.

---

Why bother dealing with it?

Is it better not to rock the boat?

Avoid conflict?

Life offers you opportunities to grow, release what’s not serving you and be free.

---

What should you do? The answer is found within you, as each situation is different.

• Identify what’s happening.
• Then thoughtfully make a decision if it’s better to say something or take another approach.
• How? Release the issue to God and the universe. Let it go.
• Be open to receive. Be alert for guidance, and take action to follow it when it comes.
• There’s always an answer. However, it may not come in the form or timing that you expected.

What does this have to do with you, your life and your goals?

If you succumb to fear by kowtowing to please others, you may end up doubting yourself and being unconsciously manipulated and controlled.

Others will live their dream on the shoulders of you limiting or suppressing yours.

You deserve much more.

Edited Soulgoals’ Blog that was originally posted on June 7, 2016

---

Know others who might like this? Please share this blog post.

Ready to reclaim your power and live free?

Contact me to learn how:
virginia@soulgoals.com
http://www.soulgoals.com

I help women to tune in to their true Selves, see clearly and live their personal and professional dreams.

---

Copyright © 2023 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

What You Can Do When Someone Pushes Your Buttons

 

 

 

Have you noticed people’s buttons getting pushed lately? Maybe yours? Some respond with anger, frustration or depression. Others find that finger pointing, denial and avoidance are easier than talking things through. Opportunities abound to deal with issues, but some prefer to ignore the elephant in the room. It would take more than new glasses to correct that vision. Changing perspective can help you: step back emotionally and observe in a detached way. This reminds you not to take it personally. But what should you do about it? Ask yourself: Is there something to get out of it, something to learn? Or is the point to get out of it and leave? And what’s the best action to take? This depends on the circumstances. But driving yourself bonkers and making yourself wrong only leads to a dead-end street. A lovely woman sent me a very ugly email. She wrote about demonic forces and people we once knew. She couldn’t be friends with me anymore because I was still associated with them, even though I hadn’t been for years.  Weeks later she apologized. Because of past injustices inflicted on her by this group, her deep pain was triggered. She obviously wasn’t herself when she wrote it.  The point? I got out of it lessons of compassion; forgiveness; grace; not judging as people make mistakes.  The action? Let go of the past and move on. We renewed our friendship.  A few months later she sent another email explaining how she couldn’t be my friend because of my involvement with these same people… people I still hadn’t talked with for a very long time.    The point? Get out of it. When people create too much drama and repeat patterns that they’re not shifting, it’s often best to step back.  The action? Don’t respond. Bless the situation and relationship and let them go.  Here are tips on what you can do when your buttons are pushed. Oh well, I can honestly say I’ve learned each one by doing the opposite. You can choose to push the easy button instead by using the following: Breathe deeply in a relaxed way. Step back emotionally and observe rather than become enmeshed with the story. Listen to what’s being expressed and understand their perspective. Let go of a need to be heard, validated and to express your viewpoint. Ask yourself that even if you don’t like it: why is it essential that others should think the way you think they should? Tune in to your gut – what do you feel is true and the best action to take?  “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” Then take action. Through my school of hard knocks learning, I’m adding one more. Don’t try to explain yourself using logic if someone is emotional. Mental and emotional approaches are on two different wave lengths. When someone is emotional, they often aren’t listening, can’t really hear what you’re saying unless it’s what they want to hear. They may not even have the foundation to understand what you’re saying. They just get annoyed and feel justified in making you look like the jerk. Instead listen and say: thanks for sharing your opinion. Warning: using these tips will not give you the emotional exhilaration received from feeling right; trying to fix or rescue people; feeling victimized; having your ego stroked; expressing anger; trying to control; or the comfort of familiarity from reliving your sad story.   It will: Bring you peace of mind and heart Awaken you to greater wisdom and awareness Honor others even if you’re sure they’ve lost their mind Reclaim your time and energy to enjoy life and pursue your goals Bring you better results in the long run. My cousin just called. “Be sure to tell people that everyone needs some silly in their lives and that laughter is the best medicine.” Thanks, Sharon, for the best ideas. Don’t take things too seriously. It’s all good.   This is a reprint from March, 2011. If you’d like to get help with your pushed buttons, contact me for a complimentary Do What You Love Break Free Session. Email me at: virginia@soulgoals.com I work with people who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support. I help them be richly compensated doing what they love.

Copyright © 2019 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.