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My contact list cleansing started innocently when my journaling meandered to an experience that happened a few months ago. On multiple occasions, I had conversations and hugs with a woman who works at a local store. We enjoyed some similar interests.
Longer story short, I invited her to my home; she was going to give me ideas about colors to paint my rooms. I thought it would be a nice opportunity to know her better, too.
She was to arrive at 2 PM. An hour earlier, I started to prepare food dishes that I planned for her visit.
At 2:01, she texted me: “Hey Virginia. This date won’t work.”
Mmmm, like she just realized this one minute after she was supposed to arrive? No other comment?
I texted a cordial reply.
Next I invited my 79-year old neighbor to join me as I lured her with a change of beverage from tea to wine. We savored my array of appetizers and our conversation.
While journaling, it occurred to me that the name of the woman who was a no-show started with an “A,” was at the beginning of my phone Contacts, and I saw it practically every time I opened my list.
As I don’t plan on needing this woman’s number anymore — she’s changing jobs, I’m unlikely to see her again, there’s no reason for her to call me and the thought of her was attached to this experience — why was I keeping her phone number?
Delete contact.
Ms. “A” was the beginning of 200 more contacts who met their expunged destinies. After a while, I realized I was following a method similar to cleaning closets. If I haven’t talked with them for a long while and we no longer share mutual interests… DELETE CONTACT! If I really need their numbers, I could find a way to get them.
And so the process began with a keen consideration about why I kept them on my list.
As clarity came once I got into the swing of why and how to let go, it became easier to release.
Letting go was liberating. I felt empowered.
I discovered that a part of me had been holding myself back.
Until I finished letting go of them on my list, I didn’t realize that I also deleted unconscious thoughts and feelings that I should be the person that some of them wanted me to be. I let go of ugly interactions.
Especially if I hadn’t talked with them for years and didn’t believe there’d be future contact, what was I holding onto?
In part, I’d been holding onto memories or a vision of rewriting who we are together, that our lives hadn’t drifted in different directions.
For others, it meant that for me to have a mutually satisfying relationship with them, I’d have to be who I used to be or someone else to fit in.
That’s no longer an option, and this exercise let go of old energy to make room for me to be ME in a bigger way.
Before computerization, I pulled out cards with contact info of people I knew when I lived on the other side of the country. I didn’t want to let them go, but we hadn’t talked because we were no longer involved with mutual activities. I secured the cards with a rubber band and filed them with other papers.
When I found the pile of cards later, I couldn’t even remember who they were.
We grow. We move on.
No longer seeing certain names so frequently helps to refocus on the now and the future instead of the past.
I often feel profound gratitude to be with friends and clients who have traveled life’s roads with me, or our paths have periodically intersected, sometimes for decades. I’ve also discovered that the caliber of these individuals is often worlds apart from those who I attracted 10, 20 or more years ago. With my current peeps, I can more fully be myself. They understand my heart and what I teach. As a result their lives, and mine because of them, have gotten better and better.
Removing those 200 contacts created space, and the universe doesn’t like a vacuum. This means I’m attracting those who are in greater energetic alignment with who I am now.
What are you willing to let go of so you can move on to bigger and better things?
P.S. Know someone who might enjoy this post? Please share.
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Don’t have time or money to travel? I enjoyed a trip to Mexico minutes from my home and discovered traditions and a rich culture that I never knew existed – especially meaningful in our divisive times.
Guelaguetza is a like a big party of cultural exchange. Indigenous folkloric dances and performances honor the diversity of traditions from eight distinct regions of the Mexican state of Oaxaca.
After two years of planning, this festival was proudly shared for the first time in Austin, Texas.
The audience spontaneously sang beloved songs and stood while they sang the national anthems of the United States and Mexico.
Between a couple of the performances, colorfully costumed women served mezcal, a cousin to tequila, in orange peppers that were the size of jalapeno peppers.
Another first for me, just one sip went down very warm and smooth.
When we finished the drink, we ate the pepper.
Well over 50% of Oaxaca’s population is native indigenous, compared to 20% of Mexico as a whole.
Another way of seeing this, more than half of the people come from distinctly different cultures.
As it was described to me, “these tribes gather annually to celebrate good wishes, goodwill, friendship and love between each other.”
This photo was taken as the women completed their dance. Each wore a different costume representing her region. Their headdresses represent food they brought to share. Apologies for the fuzzy picture. I thought it better for you to see it rather than not include it because it wasn’t perfect.
“This event celebrates cooperation with each other instead of war.
“Our planet is filled with people who are different. Guelaguetza acknowledges and revels in our differences.”
What a gift we’re given in our modern times to witness people who honor their differences through celebration!
Let that sink in a moment.
If other humans on our planet can co-exist, respect and honor differences, so can we.
We don’t have to be afraid of people who aren’t like us.
What if we had conversations that opened us to each other’s uniqueness?
Think what this can mean in your business and life.
Instead of feeling anxious because you don’t know somebody and don’t know what to expect because they might be different than you, enjoy the contrast.
What are your chances of creating a better business or personal relationship if you approach people in the spirit of appreciating their uniqueness?
Here’s an example of this giving spirit before the event began.
My friends and I arrived early, and I ordered a Oaxacan specialty dish from a food trailer.
Although there was no line when I ordered, it took 15 minutes to receive my food.
When my friend inquired about the delay, she reacted uncharacteristically with a disapproving tone.
I received my food and found a place in the shade to eat it.
But where were my friends?
I watched an ever growing line of people waiting for food.
When my friend saw that the guy was working by himself because he wasn’t expecting a crowd, she felt she needed to help him.
He didn’t look at the long line of people standing in the direct sun of over 100 degree heat; he wanted to cook.
But he couldn’t do it all by himself.
It was taking 15 minutes per person to receive food as people waited in the hot sun.
She didn’t ask if he wanted help as she went into the little trailer.
She told the overwhelmed, young man that she’d take orders, and he could focus on cooking.
For the next two hours, she worked in the “sauna” taking orders and managing the kitchen as family members came to help.
Her older brother stood by the side door. Instead of going to watch the performances, he cheerily said he was standing there to be entertained.
Actually, he was watching out for his sister and smoothing the emotions of the customers who questioned the wait time.
Later, when I asked why she did it, she replied.
“I had a feeling that someone had to help him. When you’re some place, there’s a reason. I felt in the moment, I need to help him. And, I enjoyed the experience of taking orders.”
She refused any payment and accepted some soda and water for us.
We had lots of laughs about it later, and no one even hinted at a word or sentiment of complaint.
Let’s take it another step.
When you take action have a feeling of goodwill and appreciation in your heart.
Imagine how powerful, productive, compassionate and loving your business and personal interactions can be.
Do this often enough and you’ll feel so great that your life can be as if you’re on a perpetual vacation.