Posts Tagged ‘People pleasing’

Are You Living or Existing?

February 14, 2022

Do you jump through hoops to please people?
Do you jump through hoops to please people?

What do you do when someone tries to make you feel uncomfortable about being you or living your dreams?

  • Do you stuff what you feel and toe the line? This may be what you’ve been taught to do from infancy. An underlying fear may be that if you don’t fit in, you won’t survive.
  • If someone says you’re stupid, does the crowd-pleasing clown emerge. Or did you learn to dumb down and hide your brilliance?
  • If the family wants you to follow their traditions, do you do whatever it takes to belong, be loved and not make waves? Even if it means you just get crumbs of love. Even if you’re drowning in what floats their boat.

You’ll never be able to please others enough as they’ll keep changing the hoop they want you to jump through.

Do you desire to live, I mean really live? That includes not living to please other people. Instead, do you make choices that make you feel happy… and do you even know what makes you happy?


Are you not living your truth, what’s in your heart, because you’re afraid of or uncomfortable with possible consequences and what others might think?  
Instead, discover what makes you happy, and take time for you, your goals and your life. 



If you’re just getting by, living to please others, you’re existing instead of living your best life.

To live more fully, stop giving your power away.

Some ways you can give away your power are:

  • Trying to please others and being worried about what they’ll think. Instead, follow your inner guidance, your heart, your gut.
  • Living in worry and fear. Instead of thinking what’s wrong or what could go wrong, think about what’s right or could go right.
  • Talking about others; blaming and complaining about them. Instead, take responsibility for your actions and life.
  • Feeling sorry for yourself; maybe feeling damaged from your past, regardless of circumstances. Instead, look at but don’t feel disheartened by “what is,” and make new choices and actions.
  • Avoiding situations or not telling the truth. Instead, speak up – at least to yourself!
  • Making excuses, aka reasons, not to live your dreams. Instead, stand up for your passion and take action, even small steps. If it doesn’t work one way, do it another.

Don’t make yourself wrong, feel guilty or have regrets about what you haven’t done or your past. What you learned brought you to where you are today.

Instead, make a decision to make new choices. You are so powerful that when you say, “I choose,” you set forces in motion to redirect your life.

Talk with your soul to discover the best path for you:

  1. Go within and ask your questions.
  2. Listen and write your answers.
  3. Ask for clarity and/or action steps to take.
  4. Take action – consistently.

Take a moment now to breathe and do these four steps.

The Beginning

Edited excerpt from my Soulgoals’ post, May 19, 2011

Copyright © 2022 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.



Is it time to let go of your fears and past and reclaim your power?
Contact me for a complimentary
Do What You Love Break-Free Session by phone.

virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support. Or maybe would like a more fulfilling life.  I help them be richly compensated doing what they love by aligning with their Soul’s goals. 

Email me at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

Has This Kept You Up at Night?

May 9, 2017

Awake at night

Have any of these kept you up at night?

Procrastination. Fear of making a (wrong) decision or making a mistake. Trying to figure out what you’re going to do. Indecisive. Avoid people or dealing with things. Have trouble marketing yourself or asking for the sale. Averse to taking risks. Don’t stand up for yourself. Afraid to speak up. Let others control you. Need to fit in. Turn into a chameleon to blend in with others. Let people run over you. Have a hard time being yourself (whoever that is). Wonder what people will say or think. Say yes when you want to say no.

What bogeyman lies beneath this thinking? Personal honesty reveals a deeper insight beyond blaming circumstances.

During multiple mastermind group meetings, I noticed a theme that held people back until they got wise to a game the ego was playing.

It reminds me of a scene from the 1986 comedy The Money Pit with Tom Hanks (who played Walter) and Shelly Long.

Rock star, 12-year-old Benny lounged in his mansion smoking a cigarette while chics waited for him in the Jacuzzi. His help feared him, and his mother wore a maid’s uniform while waiting on him hand and foot.

His temper tantrum, when he refused to loan Walter money, revealed a spoiled, insecure, little boy.

Walter: There is a house I want to buy.

Benny: Let’s cut to the chase, okay? What do you want?

Walter: I want you to loan me $200,000 in cash.

Benny: No.

Walter[raising his voice] Benny.

Benny: You shout at me?

Walter: I shout at you! I need that money, and you are going to loan it to me.

Benny: No, I won’t!

Walter: Yes, you will!

Benny: No, no, no!

Walter: Yes, you will! I saved you ten times that in taxes last year.

Benny: So what?

Walter: Benny, if you don’t loan me that money. I’ll…

Benny: You’ll what? Huh? You’ll what?

Walter: I’ll…not like you anymore! [Long pause and subdued.]

Benny: …All right.

Walter: Thanks.

Here’s the funny clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LY5dV3xghY

A leading cause of fear is wanting approval, so people limit themselves by worrying about what others will think.

A client procrastinated making a big decision. During a session, she realized she was afraid of her family’s disapproval if she didn’t get it right… again.

When the light turned on for her, she was able to research her options. She got clarity, aligned her energy with her decision by feeling good about her choice, and then took action.

Even if she made another unwanted mistake, she knew she could choose again.

She chose wisely. Since then, her business is at the highest it’s been in years.

Several clients realized that they were so intent on being nice to others that they weren’t nice to themselves.

Resolved for Results Mastermind Principle #3 provided guidance:

“I trust my Self and listen to the voice within.”

This served as a valuable GPS instead of the need to people please.

Nobody can please everybody.

There will always be those who won’t like you or what you do. How much simpler life is to accept that instead of resisting it.

Don’t let fear of disapproval hold you down. Keep moving forward anyway with good intentions.

You have no control over what others think, but you can tune in to your Self and take charge of what you think about you.

Listening to your Self is part of your innate intelligence, so you can do this.

How? Choose to redirect your focus to hear You. With practice, your ability improves.

A key is to love and accept yourself just the way you are.

You’ll sleep better at night, too.

With gratitude,
Virginia

P.S. Know someone who might be uplifted by reading this? Please forward.

Copyright © 2017 Resolved for Results, All rights reserved.

I work with people who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how or feel stuck.
I help them ignite their Soul’s goals and be richly compensated doing what they love.