Archive for the ‘Fear and anxiety’ Category

Who Do You Believe More – You or Others? 

November 13, 2017

break free - believe

Recently while flying, I sat next to a woman who was miserable and distraught because she needed to change, but she didn’t know how or what to do. 

A junk business was dumped on her that she had no interest in but had to run for the last five years. She wanted out of a long-term, unhappy marriage where most of their time was spent fighting. Before our conversation, she had zero clarity of direction and no idea at all what to do for income if she left. Plus, they had so much debt that she felt trapped with few options available.

It soon became obvious how she cornered herself. She had a multitude of flawed beliefs that she clung to and wasn’t open to seeing other perspectives… even though these ideas were holding her back!

She was adamant that she couldn’t believe in herself because she, like all people, are transgressors, and her head was filled with negative self-talk.

I asked her if she couldn’t believe in herself, how would she be able to trust what God wanted her to do? She was the one who was listening and watching for a sign, and she proclaimed herself to be untrustworthy.

She lived in fear, unhappiness, frustration, confusion and hopelessness. Her hamster-wheel thinking lacked clarity, and her life mirrored her misguided notions.

Society grooms us not to trust or believe in ourselves. Instead, we’ve been trained in self-doubt and to believe we’re wrong.

We’ve been taught to elevate the opinion of others and feel helpless compared to the power of spiritual forces, experts, leaders, books, spouses, family, friends, bosses, teachers, doctors, world events and even TV commercials.

However, if we don’t learn to trust and believe in ourselves, we’ll be at the mercy of the whims and, very often, limited ideas of others.



If you think there’s something wrong with you, you’ll attract experiences to validate that your beliefs are true.

If you shift your perspective to see yourself as a divine child of God or the holy spirit, or a child of an unlimited universe, you open yourself to receive greater abundance, success, love, happiness and health. 

97% of human bodies are made of stardust, and an analysis of over 150,000 stars in our Milky Way galaxy proved this is literally true.

The Crosby, Stills & Nash song was right: “We are stardust, we are golden. We are billion year old carbon.”

So stop making yourself small. Your heritage is divinely celestial! 

If you don’t believe in you, why should anyone else?

If you don’t believe in you, how will you be able to tune in to your inner guidance, the sweet whispers of direction from within? How will you be able to distinguish it from the nagging voice in your head of fear, worry, doubt and self-belittlement?

If you’re waiting for others, many who live by flawed beliefs, to recognize your worth, you may be better served by going within to recognize your value.

If others don’t believe in themselves, they aren’t capable of fully believing in you.


Be vigilant about how you picture yourself.

Do you see yourself as not good enough? Can you see how your life would change if you believed you have access to infinite possibilities, even if you don’t have a clue as to how to manifest them?

Right now, breathe and take a moment for yourself. Breathe and go beyond the chatter of others and your thoughts.

The more you practice this, the more you’ll discover your self-worth and that you are deeply loved.

When you tap into this essence of you, you’ll feel good about yourself.

When you feel good about yourself, you open to receive abundance and success as you go beyond lack– lack of love, money, time, health, business, fun, acceptance, respect and happiness.

And you believe in you!

This is why I created the Liberation of Lunacy (LoL technique), because when the ego is in charge, and limiting beliefs only come from the ego, we’re all a little bit crazy.

When your ego is in charge, you can’t see a way out.

When your essence is in charge, you tap into an infinite source within. You trust and believe in yourself.

You’re golden.

P.S. Know someone who might enjoy this post? Please share.


I work with people, at any age,
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love by aligning
with their Soul’s goals.

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Guilt, Know-It-Alls & Being #1

November 6, 2017

Wire

Are you in a self-imposed prison with freedom in view?

 

Feeling guilty had been drilled into her by her family throughout her life.

When my client was at the top, business associates and family triggered these guilty feelings by their passive-aggressive behaviors. She felt like she was doing something wrong.

Not feeling good about the price she paid for her success, her sales slipped.

People in her family had jobs. Furthermore, what’s a woman doing being successful, especially in her own business?! They had to work hard in their employment; why should she be any different?

She didn’t realize it was their own jealousy, insecurity, a need to control and their disappointment in themselves for not going after their dreams that were the underlying culprits of others’ manipulative behaviors.

Ever hear of the lobster syndrome or the crab mentality?

When either of these is alone in a lidless container, it can escape.

However, when sharing their enclosure, none can get out because they will be pulled back down, even into boiling water.

In society or business, this can happen when people are bettering themselves, and others try to bring them down.

How can they do that? Through guilt, fear, making others feel they’re doing something wrong, shunning, shaming and the threat of being ostracized if they don’t fit in with the community.

Some religions exert control by indoctrinating their followers with the fear of damnation or how their future lives will be affected.

Previously, my client couldn’t stay away from her cell phone out of fear of missing calls from prospective customers. Working hard is acceptable as a road to success.

So when she fulfilled her goal of a five-week vacation, and still remained #1, it was at the expense of others’ disparaging remarks.

Even though at the top of her game and years away from what most consider retirement age, she couldn’t stop thinking about leaving the business world behind.

She told me about a close friend and business associate. “There’s something about him lately that rubs me the wrong way – so I’ve distanced myself — although we’re working on a deal together. With him, it’s a debate or he knows some expertise about things. He’s done and knows everything.”

She was exhausted by critical people: if it’s not done their way, then in their way of looking at things, it’s being done wrong.

“Because I am surrounded by that thinking and attitude, my cup runneth over with this. My response is to disassociate with people who have these behaviors.”

When I asked where she’s seen those patterns before, she recalled that her mother and sister had the same habit of being critical know-it-alls. Both parents ruled by creating guilt in others.

We discussed that no matter where you go, there you are. If she continued to react, she’d attract more people who would act the same, wherever she went.

She realized that unless she changed, even if she left her business, she’d continue to run into similar, annoying behaviors from others.


Programmed from childhood, traits like lack of confidence, guilt and worry can prompt you to continue brainwashing yourself with limiting beliefs, even when those who put these ideas in your head aren’t around. 

Don’t listen to your inner, critical voice that bullies you and makes you question your ability to succeed or be happy. It lies.

That nagging voice reflects how the people who told you that nonsense feel about themselves. It’s not about you.

Your true essence guides you with a kind, non-judgmental and supportive voice.


Her insight: this session made her step back and look at the bigger picture.

She realized that she won’t be affected by others when she has a different perspective. And when her buttons are no longer pushed, she won’t attract people who think like that.

By the way, she’s back to being #1 and having her best year ever. Life is more fun, and she feels free now that she no longer reacts to guilt trips and know-it-alls in the way she did before.

You can step out of your self-imposed prison of any limiting beliefs, even if you don’t know what’s holding you back.

Start by having confidence that believing in yourself brings.

Remember, those voices to the contrary are figments of someone else’s imagination that they projected on you.

Freedom and success are yours if you’re open to receive them.

P.S. Know someone who might enjoy this post? Please share.

 
I work with people, at any age,
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love by aligning
with their Soul’s goals.

Copyright © 2017 Resolved for Results, All rights reserved.

Wonder What Your Future Will Bring?

October 14, 2017

Jekyl hyde

“When you get to be my age, everything scares you,” an 82-year-old told me. “Just watching TV is enough to make you afraid. You’ll see.”

Because I’ve heard similar comments over my lifetime of “when you get to be my age” followed by limited thinking, I paused.

I noticed how she shared her negativity in a joking way while her attitude depressed and subdued people around her.

This time instead of reacting, I replied, “I made a decision not to be afraid.”

Silence.

In contrast, I had a delightful conversation with Ms. Belle, a 79-year-old. She commented that looking at the way we’re talking, anyone would think we’re old friends. We met only 20 minutes earlier in a neighborhood store.

She told me, “You’ve got to be positive. Life is short.”

She’s amazed at how she meets lovely people wherever she goes, and that there are so many wonderful people in the world.

She goes to the gym and rides a bicycle. One day, she realized that she loves to exercise. She enjoys talking and having fun with others while there, too.

Ms. Belle shared with me the importance of keeping our memory, especially as some people will take advantage of you if you don’t remember things.

Hint: Just like you can make a decision not to be afraid, you can choose to retain your memory, even if you feel it’s not as good as you’d like it to be now. Start by no longer talking about and focusing on how you don’t have a good memory!

So much of life and business is about decisions and perspective.

Which attitudes, behaviors and actions of yours (and others) are you willing to tolerate? Do you see people (including you) and life as inherently bad or good?

Your answers will determine your success. Negativity won’t breed positivity.

Everyone has beliefs. Many are held onto so dearly that you might feel that if you stopped believing them, you’ll go straight to that inferno down below.

Some beliefs upon which you base your life may be the very ones that are holding you back!

If you allow fear and a habit of complaining to control you, you could find yourself on a slippery slope that doesn’t lead to success.

Many blame others, blind to connecting the dots of how their own choices and beliefs created their circumstances.

Wonder what your future will bring? It will bear the fruit of your current and past thoughts, feelings and attitudes, as the two above-mentioned women demonstrate.

Your future will bring you the products of your beliefs just as your present is a reflection of your past ones.

You have the power within you to choose to be afraid of your own shadow or to be courageous.

In this moment, you can change the way you feel about you and the mental picture you carry about yourself and your future.

You can decide nothing will stop you from living the life and having the business or work of your dreams, in spite of the odds.

 

I work with people, at any age, who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support.  I help them be richly compensated doing what they love by aligning with their Soul’s goals.

Copyright © 2017 Resolved for Results, All rights reserved

Hurricane Irma & Know You Are A Force of Nature, Too

September 11, 2017

Bastrop County Complex Fire

Aerial view of the Bastrop County Complex Fire —
Doesn’t it look like a claw of a beast with sharp nails?

Friend,

The day before Hurricane Irma arrived in Florida, I had a long talk with a friend who was on its projected path but decided to ride it out.

I shared with her empowering stories, found below, of people who were in the eye of hurricanes or surrounded by fire and created a different experience than others.

Irma thrashed her city with very intense wind and rain for 28 hours. However, the eye of Irma’s original path shifted to the west of her, the tornadoes were north, and she was in an area with the lowest amount of anticipated storm surge than anywhere on either coast.

She texted me to say she got through it unscathed with the exception of losing two palm trees and power.

As everyone in Florida felt Irma’s force and destruction, please take a moment now to send your positive energy, blessings and prayers.

The South of the U.S. has had its share of natural disasters with hurricanes and fire.

There were Hurricanes Katrina, Ike and Rita, amongst many others.

On September 4, 2011, three separate fires ignited as a result of powerful winds from Tropical Storm Lee. These individual fires joined forces to create one massive blaze in September and October 2011.

The Bastrop County Complex fire, located in Central Texas about 45 minutes east of Austin, became the most destructive wildfire in Texas history.

Especially with hurricane and fires careening across America, here’s a reprint of a Soulgoals’ blog post that show how some people helped to protect themselves from disaster.

With gratitude, Virginia

 

September 26, 2011 —  Reposting from Soulgoals’ Blog:

If disasters scare you or you’re inspired by people making empowered choices, then read these astounding stories. Learning from them may, one day, save you from harm.

You, too, can overcome ANY challenge in your life.

You Are a Force of Nature

A friend who survived Hurricanes Rita and Katrina told me:

“Recognize you are a vortex of power and have as much energy to create in your life as a tornado or hurricane. You are a force of nature. Don’t put yourself as a lesser being that can be jostled about.

“Where I’m living and standing is sacred and remains that way. If there are earth changes taking place, that’s one thing. But my choices of what I experience are different.”

Instead of fear she chose:

  • Safety for her family and their property
  • To feel calm and peaceful (the opposite of a raging hurricane) instead of fearful
  • To ask for divine protection and trust it.

Results: The only damage she incurred from being in the eye of Hurricane Katrina was that part of a gutter was knocked down. While devastation rained on the community and most roofs needed repair, including a nearby house that was split in two by a fallen tree, my friend’s and her neighbors’ homes were safe. Trees fell but missed their houses and vehicles. A shingle flew off and broke someone’s window pane without breaking the window.

How Can This Happen? All Life Is Energy.


Energy reacts to energy. Hurricanes react to swirling emotions. Raging and confused fires react to rage and confusion. Both also react to thoughts of peace, calm and love. 


My friend’s experience isn’t an isolated incident.

  • She had two other properties that remained untouched, including a dock where everyone’s shingles blew off their roofs but hers.
  • A friend told me about a little girl in Houston who hugged her favorite tree and told it to be safe before Hurricane Ike struck. That tree was the only one in the yard that survived.
  • I was at a restaurant with friends when they learned that fires broke out next to their home. We all remained calm, ordered and ate dinner as we asked for divine intervention and focused on prayers of protection. They received phone updates that the fire burned over a mile of trees including their next door neighbor’s home, but it stopped at the edge of their property only scorching some tree branches and grass.

How One Woman Avoided the Raging Texas Wildfires

I received a request to send positive energy to Sheera Rexroad, a phenomenal body worker I’ve used for many years, and her farm near Bastrop, TX, where over 1300 homes were destroyed.  Later, I received the results of her focused intention and trust in a force far greater than the fires.

Most people would go into fear and survival and hope things would work out while being filled with terror and doubt. Sheera made different decisions with miraculous results.

Fascinated with Sheera’s story, I’ve communicated with her through several phone conversations and emails. I’ve chronicled her experience, and now you can read it in her own words:

I saw the fire’s magnitude and told my brother we had to pray for protection. 

Smoke filled the not too distant area.  I called a neighbor who answered and, over the roar of his bulldozer cutting firebreaks, he told us these fires were bad and to warn all of our neighbors to pack and prepare.

At that moment, I knew that informing others and seeing to the safety of livestock were more important than immediately going home to pack. I called people with positive strength and awareness asking for their help.

I asked that they join me in visualizing the bubble of protection, the impenetrable force field, that the property, houses and animals of One Girl Farm and Ranch de Kris are safe. That I was not being selfish, that we needed a safe and secure base to serve from.  That we had much to do to help humanity.

We stopped and shared the message along our road and called the rest of the neighbors.

My only fear was that I might pick the wrong stuff to take with me or I’d take too long and wouldn’t make it to my brother.

I told the cows to have no fear – that if we have fear, they win. Others have fear; don’t give in to their fears. Their fears are not ours.

The Ravenous, Hungry Fire-Beast

We could clearly see the massive flames in front of us to the west.  They were large, like the flames of an oil derrick when it blows.

Torches of orange were leaping into the early evening sky already heavy with smoke.  White smoke, yellow smoke, black smoke.

The sirens of fire engines, sheriff and emergency vehicles competed with the blasting walkie-talkies, the moos of cattle and the roar of bulldozers ripping at the earth.  My senses were full. My heart was full as well.

I knew, I just knew that my immediate world was safe and secure.

Once we were off of the land and on ‘safely higher ground’ I was able to access my vision of the fire. This is what I saw:

This fire is a ravenous, hungry beast with a huge desire to indiscriminately consume mass amounts.  It raced thru the countryside gobbling up all in its path. It charged at the north boundary fence of One Girl Farm. The hot-flamed tongue of the fire-beast attempted to chomp thru the fence – it stopped. It shook its mouth and spat out what it thought it had desired like a toddler that bites something yucky.

The NO BURN ZONE that we were holding solid with our requests, our prayers, our positive thoughts did not taste good.

In Part 2, you’ll find out what happened to the fire as it traveled along her western fence, what she said to create the NO BURN ZONE and the power of group thought and prayer.

Click here to read her fascinating story: https://soulgoals.wordpress.com/2011/10/

By the way, know someone who might like to read this? Please forward.

I work with people, at any age, who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support.

I help them be richly compensated doing what they love by aligning with their Soul’s goals.  

 

Copyright © 2017 Resolved for Results, All rights reserved.

My Personal Experience During a Flood plus a Labor Day of Love with Hurricane Harvey 

September 4, 2017

Hurricane Harvery dog rescue (2)

A little over two years ago, a friend and I enjoyed dinner in a nearby town and casually talked after in the parking lot.

The weather had been unusually beautiful for weeks, and living in a safe community, I even left the back door open to my screened back porch when I was gone.

On my way home that night, the unexpected happened. I turned the corner onto Ranch Road 12 in San Marcos, Texas, and in an instant started driving through forty minutes of treacherous, torrential rain, the likes I had never seen.

I knew if I stopped, the low-water crossings would be flooded, and I might not be able to get back home.

Focus. Focus. Breathe. Relax. Pull over when driving got ridiculously so bad that I couldn’t see a thing. But I couldn’t pause for long; another car might hit me if blinded by rain while on that hilly, winding, country road.

I tapped into the energy of my client John, who likes storm chasing, so I would stop white knuckling the steering wheel.

Arriving home safely, I later learned that neighbors pitched in during the middle of the storm to create a protective barricade. A deluge of water surged from across the street attempting to enter a home two houses away from mine.

The next morning, I awoke with my chest wheezing heavily, gasping for air and sounding like a zombie when I spoke. At first, I thought it was bronchitis.

Even so, I assumed the worse was over. After all, no water had entered my house.

However a few days later, I wondered why my furniture suddenly had a wide swath of green that looked like someone had painted a nearly foot-wide stripe – – and then I found the same streaks across my kitchen cabinets and bathroom. I soon discovered that it got inside my drywall, furniture, kitchen cupboard and on most of the items in my living room, too.

The ferocious, pounding rain and wind hit the ground with such force that it dislodged mold and sent it flying through my open, back door and into my home. When the heat rose to a certain temperature, the mold bloomed.

It took me many months to remove mold from my drywall and home as well as recover from the mental stupor, lack of energy and ill health that mold creates. Add to that the financial impact of not having been able to work beyond taking care of my clients.

It definitely was one of the most challenging times of my entire life. But I got off way easy!!

Twenty miles away on the Blanco River of that Memorial Day weekend, a log jam was created from felled trees and branches… until they let loose. Within three hours, the river rose 33′, cresting at 40′.

People, including a family, were washed away.

Riverside homes, even those out of the flood zone, were ripped apart from their foundations when the force and volume of rising water overwhelmed them. When the flood carried those houses away, and they bobbed down the river, their roofs were knocked off by trees. With nothing to hold the structures together, the houses just fell apart and became rubble.

Overflowing great distances beyond its banks, the rushing water damaged bridges, countless homes and businesses. The landscape changed as huge trees that previously had lined streets no longer existed. FEMA took residence in my small community for months.

  • I was so incapacitated from the mold that I didn’t have the energy to drive a quarter mile out of the way, during my trip to town, to look at where some of the worst disaster hit, let alone help others. The effects of the mold sometimes made it challenging to speak or have the mental clarity to respond during conversations or get out of bed to eat. For a while, with the mold inhabiting my body and mind, I was zoned out as if I was on an opiate drug and couldn’t think or care about anything. It was a rude and frightening awakening when I was able to swim out of my daze. I felt like I’d been under water and had to push myself to the surface and to breathe air again, only to witness the catastrophe that was happening around me in my home, health, personal and financial life.

Years ago, I heard that natural disasters are life’s way of creating a personal growth program. There are gains to be made amidst the crisis.

As bad as it was at the time for me, it was a blessing in disguise.


I can attest that, out of necessity, my harrowing experience forced me to let go of both beliefs that I considered sacrosanct as well as people who I discovered were out for themselves, not for me.

When I did release them, my life became better than ever because some of what I thought were “good and positive” ways of showing up in the world were the very things that had held me back.

When drowning, a survival instinct kicks in. I had to take care of myself or go under. I had no energy to babysit others’ issues or their unconscious, self-serving ways.

Part of my Resolved for Results Mastermind Principle #6 states, “I choose to use my personal empowerment on my behalf, which allows me to serve life more fully.” 

Instead of taking years to understand lessons like this more deeply, I condensed my learning curve into months… including the necessity of letting go of worry and fear.

As life reflects back the energy of our thoughts and feelings, why did I create this? I had been deeply concerned about a business challenge, so I created something else to worry about instead.

And, yes, because I had no energy to hold onto the original issue, the solution manifested during my months-long experience.

“Soulutions” came when I let go of the worry and fear that bound me, making room to be open to answers for which I’d been asking.

Another lesson, ask for breakthroughs with grace and ease.


 

My community recovered as it pulled together in new ways, too. Strong. Compassionate. Having received help from others.

Now during the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey, while remembering that help, individuals, businesses and the local police are returning the goodwill of love to help those in need who are a few hours down the road.

Everyone who’s experienced Harvey will have their own story to tell, what they (had to) let go of, what they learned.

Labor Day is a celebration dedicated to the strength and prosperity of American workers.

On this national holiday of Labor Day, in my part of the world, are demonstrations of labors of love.

How will you celebrate your labors?

With gratitude, Virginia

P.S. Know someone who might enjoy reading this? Please forward.

I work with people, at any age, who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support.

I help them be richly compensated doing what they love by aligning with their Soul’s goals.
Copyright © 2017 Resolved for Results, All rights reserved

What Money and My Telling a Guy I Didn’t Need Him Have in Common

August 21, 2017

Chase

We met by chance when he was house hunting, and I just happened to be outside a home I hadn’t moved into yet.

After our brief meeting, he bought the house next door because he created a fantasy about the two of us getting married.

This sweet man desperately wanted a woman.

Even as time went on, he didn’t have an interest to know me, my beliefs, what I do or if I cared about him. I was “nice,” and that’s all that mattered.

He so needed to feel loved. It was really all about him.

Needy people try to get fulfillment from something outside of themselves that they haven’t found within.

When he put serious moves on me, I told him that I didn’t need him.

He heard this before when his ex-wife said the same thing on her way out the door.

I didn’t say it to hurt him. I’ve learned to guide my life by choice not neediness, especially when it comes to relationships.

Eventually, he found someone in a place of hardship who literally needed help. They got married, and he moved.

I see them on occasion. Now that the crisis has passed, they don’t look too happy together.

Whatever you chase after, because you need it, runs in the other direction.

This can appear to be a brain twister, but follow along because it’s a key to life.

It’s the reason you can have good relationships and, well, everything.

If you want or need a relationship, it means you don’t have one. Energetically, something’s missing. Lack attracts lack. You’re left wanting but not having.

However, when you come from a place of having, you attract more of what you have to you.  From an energy perspective, it doesn’t matter if you actually have it. The key is that you have the feeling within that you do.

It’s the same with needing business or money. If you need it, you push it away.

You can have anything you choose, as long as you don’t want it.

I told you this can be a brain twister. The more you get it, though, changes your life for the better.

When you want something, you’re sending out the energy of lack or not enough, what you don’t have.

Lack energy implies what you want is out there somewhere, but you don’t have it. You’re incomplete. So it will always be out there somewhere.

Ever run after a child or pet? They run the other way.

Ever have someone want you and chase after you? You feel like running and hiding.

Your goals and money will run away from you, too, if they’re out there somewhere and you’re chasing them.

Do you choose to want more or to actually have it?

This isn’t double talk. Consider it this way. Wanting and having are opposing energies.

You can’t drive forward and in reverse at the same time. At best, you’d go in circles.

The way out of this conundrum?

Let go.

This is why I created my Liberation of Lunacy (LoL) technique.  Because we’re all a little crazy when the ego takes over and fills us with fear, anxiety, neediness, limit and doubt.

Instead of needing more money, business, time or a relationship, come from a place of “all your needs are met beyond your wildest expectation.”

That’s a first step in letting go.

Today is your day.

Total eclipse.

Ready to have your life eclipse for the better?

Claim how.

Be sure to include having fun and living with gusto!

With gratitude,

Virginia

P.S. Know someone who might enjoy reading this? Please forward.

I work with people, at any age, who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support.

I help them be richly compensated doing what they love by aligning with their Soul’s goals.

Copyright © 2017 Resolved for Results, All rights reserved.

 

Not enough time? This story may help you.

July 25, 2017

“I don’t have enough time” was a client’s mantra for a very long time.

On the surface, it was tempting to agree with him.

There’s a side-business where he invests several hours of nearly daily training and research before making decisions on actions to be taken.

Later in the day, he starts his high-level and demanding, Monday – Friday, day job for 10-11 hours each day. This can spill over into weekends for special projects.

Because of past health conditions, it’s essential that he exercises and pays attention to eating well and sleep.

After these long hours, he returns home late to family and household responsibilities.

Maybe you can relate to his busyness in your own way.

As he discovered, there was far more to his lack of time than appearances would suggest.

Unbeknownst to him, it wasn’t his schedule that caused his stress, but the guidance coming from his ego.

Wayne Dyer expressed it well: “The ego is only an illusion, but a very influential one. Letting the ego-illusion become your identity can prevent you from knowing your true self. Ego, the false idea of believing that you are what you have or what you do, is a backwards way of assessing and living life.”

How he set himself up for stress

While discussing his strategy on how he approached tasks, he said that he feels the strong need to jump from one to another in order to keep up with them. He also has an underlying feeling that if he lines up tasks and plans them out, they’d seem too predictable and boring.

Ironically, it’s this strategy that creates predictable and boring outcomes: not enough time, the pressure of a deadline looming over him and stress.

Furthermore, when he completed his tasks under duress, he then had justification, in his mild-mannered way, to drop hints to others about how hard he worked… to get their validation and approval.

His ego loves an audience. By the way, this is a common trait of the ego – whine, albeit subtle and with proven evidence, to get attention and sympathy – even if it’s just your own! Ever feel sorry for yourself?

After reading this, so he could include his comments before posting, he added the following insights:

“I learned as a child that I’d receive attention if I was very upset or sick from headaches. For me, pressure leads to stress, headaches or some physical issue. I learned to keep the pressure off by keeping expectations low.  Then, I’d surprise them with a good result. It is all related.”

As an adult, stress still garnered him attention.  Others could see him as a martyr for working hard.

One more pay-off. The stress of not enough time created an adrenalin rush.

In other words, he became addicted to the drama that stress created because the adrenalin rush was like a drug.

An alternative

Recently, a top supervisor asked him to complete a detailed project.

At first, he didn’t enjoy it. Then, he got into it and “was in the flow” of getting it done.

A co-worker just happened to call.

When his colleague learned about the project, he made a recommendation that saved my client lots of time and allowed him to meet his deadline much faster and easier.

Here are his discoveries about his relationship with time:

  • Even though initially he thought the opposite, jumping from one project to another was predictable and created boring results. It usually caused stress with a hope of getting praise for his valiant efforts.
  • Instead, when he was in the flow while doing projects, miracles unpredictably happened, like someone calling for an unrelated reason and providing solutions.
  • By being in the flow, rather than motivated by stress, he actually saved time because he was open to receive unexpected, better and more time-effective solutions.
  • In the past, he strongly held the belief that the only way he wanted to take action was if he felt fear or worry. Now, he realizes his self-created drama fed a stress addiction, which according to the American Institute of Stress, can be as addictive as drugs.

If you find yourself stressed for success with never enough time, what’s your emotional pay off? 

Release this pattern, and you open the way to greater abundance – in business, money, relationships and a satisfying life.

Start releasing patterns through awareness 

  • Notice when the mind chatter begins, and you want to react the same way you usually do.
  • Instead of dutifully listening to and following your ego’s guidance as if it’s the authority on your life, begin to recognize your old habits when they arise.
  • Know you have a choice – blindly follow the ego like you’ve done in the past or consciously choose to take more empowering action.
  • Choose to be in the flow instead of defending your limited thinking.
  • Create a new story about time. Change your affirmation from “I don’t have enough time” to “I have plenty of time.”

When you cast light on shadows, the shadows disappear.

What do you have to lose? If the other way isn’t helping you, why not try something that might?

With gratitude,

Virginia

P.S. Know someone who might enjoy reading this? Please forward.

I work with people, at any age, who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support.

I help them be richly compensated doing what they love by aligning with their Soul’s goals.

I Confess. I Didn’t Know How to Handle This… Until Now.

June 12, 2017

Arguing earthworms

An acclaimed author and speaker sat across the aisle from me during a shuttle bus ride to a conference.

She was recognized by the woman sitting behind her who started a conversation between the two of them.

Just as the ride ended, with a sweet smile and feigned good intentions that she probably believed were innocent and necessary to express, she trashed the famous person with subtle (not really subtle) advice/put downs.

As an observer, I watched the powerful woman’s face drop as she didn’t know what hit her. While disembarking from the bus, I quietly told her that she didn’t do what the accuser claimed, and the other woman was making stuff up.
­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­


After meditating about me and out of so-called concern, a woman decided to list extensively my shortcomings since the beginning of our friendship. She had a pattern of telling me these every couple of years for fifteen years. Adding insult to injury, her skewed perspective caused her opinions to have more holes than Swiss cheese. Her last sharing was her final one with me.


Can you recall interactions that left you wondering whaa – what just happened?

Or maybe you’ve claimed the title of tell-it-like-you-think-others-should-be-or-should-know-about-themselves.

I confess. In the past, handling crazy-makers like these often left me clumsily dumbfounded and reactive. Maybe a month or a year later, I’d think of a clever yet still unsatisfactory response.

Recently during a session with one of my teachers, the sky opened and fairy dust of understanding gently rained upon me.

I’m sharing my pixie enlightenment about some reasons why others use manipulative behaviors that blind-side and what to do about it.

Also, a heads up if this is your M.O. You may choose to stop it. As Dale Carnegie wrote, the pay off is that you’ll win friends, influence more people and feel authentically better about yourself.

THE WHY:

When people are afraid, they look to fight anybody. They will attack a strong person. (You might be perceived as strong by others, even if you don’t feel that way about yourself).

The underlying, usually unconscious thinking of pointing out faults of a strong person is this: I’m insecure. Let’s see if I can take you down to my level.

It’s someone else’s fault, and they’re going to point it out. “Others” are doing something wrong.

Those who use passive-aggressive behavior look for weak parts and take aim at those frailties. 

  1. It can create self-doubt in the other person and throw them off-balance.
  2. It can invert the strong person’s attention onto themselves and away from the aggressor’s shortcomings.

However, the problem actually rests within them. They don’t want to work on their own issues, so they blame others. Again, the focus is on others and their faults so the perpetrators don’t have to look at themselves.

It reminds me of what Eckhart Tolle said regarding people who complain about others, including other drivers.  Disapproval of others makes their ego feel “morally superior,” even to strangers driving in cars.

Passive-aggressiveness is a self-esteem boosting technique born out of feelings of inadequacy or helplessness. It’s one way to get attention and have people listen, which they might not have experienced in their past. 

In short, one way passive-aggressiveness works is to criticize how others are wrong in order to feel better about themselves, enhance superiority or get something they want. 

WHAT TO DO:

Don’t agree or argue with them. Tell them, “I appreciate what you’re saying, but I don’t agree.”

They want you to defend yourself or argue. If you don’t, they look like an idiot.

Eventually, they’ll stop trying to attack because you offer no resistance. Their attempts to get you to provide fuel to fill up their tank of self-esteem isn’t working (instead of finding it within themselves).

Also, they can’t understand you if you talk with them logically when they’re seeing things emotionally. You’re both on different wavelengths. You can’t hear an FM station when you’re tuned into AM.

People blaming “the others,” be it personally, politically, in business or otherwise, is a scapegoat from looking at their own issues.

Does any of this fairy dust bring clarity to you, your business or work?

With gratitude,

Virginia

P.S. Know someone who might like this? Please forward.

I work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how or feel stuck.

I help them ignite their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.

Has This Kept You Up at Night?

May 9, 2017

Awake at night

Have any of these kept you up at night?

Procrastination. Fear of making a (wrong) decision or making a mistake. Trying to figure out what you’re going to do. Indecisive. Avoid people or dealing with things. Have trouble marketing yourself or asking for the sale. Averse to taking risks. Don’t stand up for yourself. Afraid to speak up. Let others control you. Need to fit in. Turn into a chameleon to blend in with others. Let people run over you. Have a hard time being yourself (whoever that is). Wonder what people will say or think. Say yes when you want to say no.

What bogeyman lies beneath this thinking? Personal honesty reveals a deeper insight beyond blaming circumstances.

During multiple mastermind group meetings, I noticed a theme that held people back until they got wise to a game the ego was playing.

It reminds me of a scene from the 1986 comedy The Money Pit with Tom Hanks (who played Walter) and Shelly Long.

Rock star, 12-year-old Benny lounged in his mansion smoking a cigarette while chics waited for him in the Jacuzzi. His help feared him, and his mother wore a maid’s uniform while waiting on him hand and foot.

His temper tantrum, when he refused to loan Walter money, revealed a spoiled, insecure, little boy.

Walter: There is a house I want to buy.

Benny: Let’s cut to the chase, okay? What do you want?

Walter: I want you to loan me $200,000 in cash.

Benny: No.

Walter[raising his voice] Benny.

Benny: You shout at me?

Walter: I shout at you! I need that money, and you are going to loan it to me.

Benny: No, I won’t!

Walter: Yes, you will!

Benny: No, no, no!

Walter: Yes, you will! I saved you ten times that in taxes last year.

Benny: So what?

Walter: Benny, if you don’t loan me that money. I’ll…

Benny: You’ll what? Huh? You’ll what?

Walter: I’ll…not like you anymore! [Long pause and subdued.]

Benny: …All right.

Walter: Thanks.

Here’s the funny clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LY5dV3xghY

A leading cause of fear is wanting approval, so people limit themselves by worrying about what others will think.

A client procrastinated making a big decision. During a session, she realized she was afraid of her family’s disapproval if she didn’t get it right… again.

When the light turned on for her, she was able to research her options. She got clarity, aligned her energy with her decision by feeling good about her choice, and then took action.

Even if she made another unwanted mistake, she knew she could choose again.

She chose wisely. Since then, her business is at the highest it’s been in years.

Several clients realized that they were so intent on being nice to others that they weren’t nice to themselves.

Resolved for Results Mastermind Principle #3 provided guidance:

“I trust my Self and listen to the voice within.”

This served as a valuable GPS instead of the need to people please.

Nobody can please everybody.

There will always be those who won’t like you or what you do. How much simpler life is to accept that instead of resisting it.

Don’t let fear of disapproval hold you down. Keep moving forward anyway with good intentions.

You have no control over what others think, but you can tune in to your Self and take charge of what you think about you.

Listening to your Self is part of your innate intelligence, so you can do this.

How? Choose to redirect your focus to hear You. With practice, your ability improves.

A key is to love and accept yourself just the way you are.

You’ll sleep better at night, too.

With gratitude,
Virginia

P.S. Know someone who might be uplifted by reading this? Please forward.

Copyright © 2017 Resolved for Results, All rights reserved.

I work with people who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how or feel stuck.
I help them ignite their Soul’s goals and be richly compensated doing what they love.

What’s Spring Doing to You?

April 10, 2017

I’ve lived through a few “dark nights of
the soul.” Life or circumstance created
feelings and thoughts that cloaked me
with a heavy pall taking months to release.

Then, just as spring arises from the
barren winter, signs of life within me
determinedly emerged like a phoenix
rising from the ashes.

I understand when people can’t seem to
throw off pervasive feelings that run in
the background like a software program
that’s been slowly and covertly draining
their energy, often for a very long time.

Finally, as if they were running on a low
battery but getting by, the charge is
gone. They can’t take it anymore and
have to do something.

As I ponder what to write to you
today, all I can think about are
several, recent coaching sessions:

People identified specters that lurked
in their shadows for years, haunting
them with their convincing influence
of limitation and disapproval.

______________________________

They courageously pulled back
the curtain that hid their inner
tormenters, which were revealed to
be nothing more than Wizard of Oz
imposters, and freed themselves.
______________________________

Previously, the ego’s dictates filled
their thoughts and feelings like smoke
in a room on fire with little space for
breathing freely.

When the air cleared, the peace
and empowerment of the present
moment shined like the sun on a clear,
cloudless day.

True freedom.

This freedom comes from no longer
being thrashed by past pain or fear
of the future or the hollow echoes that
they, what they do or their lives aren’t
good enough.

______________________________

Maybe you’ve heard those voices in
your head, too – the worrisome talk 
that creates fear, doubt and anxiety
disguised as the voice of reason.

You obediently listened, and now you
don’t take risks or you fritter away your 
energy distracted by blame, shame,
regret, doubts, grief, frustration or
lack that leave you too exhausted to
create the life you really want.
______________________________

Living in the Now even for a moment
brings relief.

The heart freed of shackles, that were
locked in restraint by misty, forgotten
memories, is free to rejoice in renewal,
like the season of spring.

Or is it the spring that can recoil and
stretch to accommodate life’s demands?

______________________________

Living in the Now takes practice, and it
helps to have positive support to
counter the ego’s seduction that tries
to hook you into believing that you can’t
attain the life, business, finances and
happiness you really want.
______________________________

Inevitably, the ego tries to lure you
again with its hypnotic trance of anxiety,
lack, fear, doubt and limit, which results
in dissatisfaction.

However, once the taste of freedom
is savored, it’s proof that peace and
happiness are more than a wishful
hope.

Years of habit have etched neural
pathways in the brain spawning ruts
of discontent.

That all changes when being nurtured
by living in present time as new
pathways gain dominance.

A friend texted for me to write about
never giving up on your dreams.

With an unencumbered
spirit, your dreams or something
even better can come true.

Believe.

P.S. Know others who could use help to be free so they can create a better life and business? Please forward this post.
I work with people who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or would  benefit from new tools or support.

I help them ignite their Soul’s goals and be richly compensated doing what they love.

Copyright © 2017 Resolved for Results, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because of your interest in Virginia’s TIPS.