Who’s Controlling Your Life?

 Is it because you think you’re not good enough?

Ever feel that you want to crawl into bed with the covers pulled over your head? Feelings arise when thoughts add interpretation to emotions… which lead to beliefs… which can create those yucky feelings like frustration, disappointment and suffering. Hey, it’s not just you. We’re all wired like this, and we can change it!

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Eckhart Tolle said “the ego believes it is real and tries hard to maintain its supremacy.” He shares that negative states of mind, such as anger, resentment, fear, worry and envy are products of the ego. When it’s in control, these appear to be justified and usually another person is blamed for these feelings. The true cause of this skewed thinking is not found in your life but in the very structure of the egoic mind.

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How Can You Tell If You’ve Been Invaded Like The Walking Dead?

Ask if what you believe is true. You’re right, they’re wrong. You have an emotional charge. You can’t shake negative feelings and mind chatter. Your filter believes you see clearly, but your vision is clouded by a finger pointing at inductees into your Villains’ Hall of Fame.

If you’re reading this, in this moment, your ego has taken a hike. Left to its own devices, this information does not compute.

Trekkie Talk

Data, an enlightened artificial intelligence life form, gets it as he talks with a primitive clone of himself in Star Trek Nemesis:

Data: You have been programmed to gather information that can be used against this ship.

Clone: I do not understand.

Data: I know.

And Data detached the clone from its power source.

When the ego’s program is running, there’s little understanding. It’s like seeing through a glass darkly as the person becomes a pawn to do the ego’s bidding. When YOU are in charge, you’ve got the bandwidth, clarity and energy to make your dreams real.

Liberation of Lunacy (LoL)

You can experience a tool I created called Liberation of Lunacy (LoL) to free yourself of doubt, limit, fear and lack through your power of choice, perspective and putting your Essence in charge. We’re all a little bit crazy when the ego takes charge. To help you break free of your ego’s lunacy, here’s how to start freeing yourself when the siren sings you’ve really got a hold on me.

You’re More Than Enough

Don’t fall for lies of limitation. The ego is a tool and will echo what you think and say. So, quit beating yourself up. Instead, shift your focus to you are more than enough. Actually, you’re awesome! Look for what’s good in you. You can do this. You’ll feel lighter making it easier to take action on what’s important to you.

Ready to get more control of your life? Contact me to learn how at: virginia@soulgoals.com I work with people who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or could  use new tools or support.I help them connect with their Soul’s goals and be richly compensated doing what they love. Original Soulgoals’ Post was on September 22, 2015

Copyright © 2022 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

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I Learned This While Existing in a Living Hell

During my twenties, miserable because of a five-year relationship, I had a dream. For years I kept its message on my dresser, although I didn’t know what it meant or how to do anything about it:

 Find the Heart and Rescue It 

He had a Ph.D. in psychology and was a revered member of our spiritual community, which played into why it took me a while to realize I lived with a self-centered, master manipulator who cared only for himself.

He easily saw my vulnerabilities of low self-esteem and self-doubt and how to use them to intimidate me and undermine my self-confidence while bending me to his will.

Although we had been dating long distance, he lived a six-hour drive away, we solidified our legal commitment to be together within three weeks after my father passed away. 

Note: It’s recommended to avoid making big decisions after experiencing a death.

In our second month together, I was bullied to let go of my business and with it my financial freedom. Amongst countless other examples, he listened in on my phone conversations and would scream at me non-stop if I didn’t do what he wanted. He even left me stranded in a southwestern desert at 3 PM in the middle of the summer with no cash or credit cards as he drove away – to return 30 minutes later. 

In our third month together, the stress of what my life had become short-circuited my adrenals, thyroid, blood sugar and more – so I wasn’t able to speak my words in the right order, think well, have physical energy to move and would cry if someone said hello. 

Enabling this behavior was my belief there was something wrong with me. Years later, when I saw the 1944 movie Gaslight with Ingrid Bergman, I recognized that this was what he tried to do… make me believe I was crazy so he could control me.

My unhappiness induced me to question and think. 
 

He insisted his reality was truth, but was it? His created what I called a living hell on earth.

I made a bad choice to be with him, which put me on a sorrowful path. Eventually, I figured out that regardless of how many good choices I subsequently made, I was still on the wrong path. 

I had to listen to my heart, my truth, and not give my power away.
Even if others claimed to know more or be an authority.
Even at the risk of losing my worldly goods. 
Even with my perceived HUMILIATION that, once again, I made a relationship mistake.

Actually, it was my ego’s need to protect this self-image that held me back the most. 

My survival ultimately depended on my ability to listen to my guidance, speak up for MYSELF and not be cowered into obedient silence and submission.

When I got honest with me, changes occurred, which made my exit easy. I packed my car and was gone in three weeks. 

The good news is that this experience taught me to think for myself and not believe others’ so-called authority. I learned to separate what I saw was true vs. what others told me I should believe.

And be the coach I am today.

It’s like the person who says the proverbial, “Yes, I’ll still love you in the morning” … not. Beware: many people lie to get what they want. Many believe their own lies!

What life do you want to live? Are you living it? Are you willing to honestly speak up, at least to yourself, and acknowledge what’s in your heart? 

Don’t wait for permission. It’s YOUR life!

Edited excerpt from Soulgoals’ Blog Post May 8, 2011

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If you’d like support
to listen to
your heart and
what to do about it,
contact me
for a complimentary
Soulgoals’ Break-Free Session
by phone.
Email me at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people who choose to
enhance their lives or share their gifts 
in a BIGGER way but
don’t know how, feel stuck or could use new tools or support.

I help them be richly compensated doing what
they love by connecting with their Soul’s goals.

Copyright © 2022 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Guilt, Know-It-Alls, Being #1 and Challenging Times

Are you in a self-imposed prison with freedom in view?

 

Feeling guilty had been drilled into her by her family throughout her life.

It was a way others could control her. If they could disempower her through feeling guilty, she could kowtow to their ways and do and be what they wanted.

Because she was used to feeling guilty, especially when my client became #1 in her territory, business associates and family triggered those familiar feelings.

She felt that she was doing something wrong by being successful.

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Unconsciously, here’s the message others sent: if I make you doubt yourself or feel bad about yourself, I’ll bring you down to a place where your success no longer makes me feel uncomfortable. Who do you think you are? What’s wrong with you? Be more like me… and whine about how life’s unfair.

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People in her family had jobs. Furthermore, what’s a woman doing being successful and making more money than them, especially in her own business?! They had to work hard in their employment; why should she be any different?

Not feeling good about the price she paid for her success (she received negative input from others), her sales slipped. A part of her was trying to stop being a target that resulted in guilty feelings.

She didn’t realize it was their own jealousy, insecurity, a need to control and their fear and disappointment in themselves for not going after their dreams that were the underlying culprits of others’ manipulative behaviors.

Ever hear of the lobster syndrome or the crab mentality?

When either of these is alone in a lidless container, it can escape.

However, when sharing their enclosure, none can get out because they will be pulled back down, even into boiling water.

In society or business, this can happen when people are bettering themselves and others try to bring them down.

How can they do that? Through guilt, fear, anger, making others feel they’re doing something wrong, shunning, shaming and the threat of being ostracized if they don’t fit in with the community.

Some religions exert control by indoctrinating their followers with the fear of damnation or how their future lives will be affected.

Previously, my client couldn’t stay away from her cell phone out of a concern of missing calls from prospective customers. Her belief was that working hard is the road to success.

So when she fulfilled her goal of a five-week vacation, and still remained #1, it was at the expense of others’ disparaging remarks.

Even though at the top of her game and years away from what most consider retirement age, she couldn’t stop thinking about leaving the business world behind.

She told me about a close friend and business associate. “There’s something about him lately that rubs me the wrong way – so I’ve distanced myself — although we’re working on a deal together. With him, it’s a debate or he knows some expertise about things. He’s done and knows everything.”

She was exhausted by critical people: if it’s not done their way, then in their way of looking at things, it’s being done wrong.

“Because I am surrounded by that thinking and attitude, my cup runneth over with this. My response is to disassociate with people who have these behaviors.”

When I asked where she’s seen those patterns before in childhood, she recalled that her mother and brother had the same habit of being critical know-it-alls. Both parents ruled by creating guilt in others.

We discussed that no matter where you go, there you are. If she continued to react, she’d attract more people who would act the same, wherever she went.

She realized that unless she changed, even if she left her business, she’d continue to run into similar, annoying behaviors from others.

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Programmed from childhood, traits like lack of confidence, guilt and worry can prompt you to continue brainwashing yourself with limiting beliefs, even when those who put these ideas in your head aren’t around. 

Don’t listen to your inner, critical voice that bullies you and makes you question your ability to succeed or be happy. It lies.

That nagging voice reflects how the people who told you that nonsense feel about themselves. It’s not about you.

Your true essence guides you with a kind, non-judgmental and supportive voice.

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Her insight: this coaching session made her step back and look at the bigger picture.

She realized that she won’t be affected by others when she has a different perspective. And when her buttons are no longer pushed, she won’t attract people who think like that.

By the way, she’s back to being #1 and having her best year ever. Life is more fun, and she feels free now that she no longer reacts to guilt trips and know-it-alls in the way she did before.

You can step out of your self-imposed prison of any limiting beliefs, even if you don’t know what’s holding you back.

Start by having confidence that believing in yourself brings.

Remember, those voices to the contrary are figments of someone else’s imagination that they projected on you.

There are many ways you can feel imprisoned, especially during a pandemic.

But good things can emerge during challenging times.

Freedom and success are yours if you’re open to receive them.

Make the most of this moment. Isolation can give birth to unimaginable heights.

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You think you’re challenged? Look at Nelson Mandela’s life (1918 – 2013; passed away at 95):

• Mandela, as a young lawyer, joined the African National Congress (ANC) in 1944 to advocate for an end to South African apartheid, an oppressive system of government built on racial segregation. 
• In 1963, he and other cohorts were sentenced to life in prison.
• He spent 18 years in the cell, seen above, that was 43 square feet.
• The floor was his bed, and he used a bucket for a toilet.
• He was forced to do hard labor in a quarry.
• He was allowed one visitor a year for 30 minutes.
• He could write and receive one letter every six months.
• In 1990, having served 27 years in prison, he was released by South African President de Klerk.
• In 1993, he won the Nobel Peace Prize with de Klerk.
• Mandela became president of South Africa in 1994.

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P.S. Know someone who might benefit from this post? Please share.

Think about you on the other side of the pandemic.
Can you see that you’re no longer willing
to put up with the old way you’ve been doing things?
Do you know you can consciously create your life?
If you’d like to learn about a complimentary session so 
you can start fresh, contact me at

virginia@soulgoals.com

http://www.soulgoals.com

I work with people
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love by aligning
with their Soul’s goals.

Updated from Soulgoals’ Archives posted on November 6, 2017

 

Copyright © 2020 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

You Don’t Own Me – Enough of Crazy-Makers and Annoying Thoughts

“If you do not run your subconscious mind yourself,
someone else will run it for you.”
Florence Scovel Shinn

This is a reprint of an email I sent to my clients on March 31, 2014. Now I’m sharing it with you.

While driving, a client told me that he had to pull over to the side of road to scream at his thoughts to shut up.

It reminds me of these lyrics: “You don’t own me. I’m not just one of your many toys… And don’t tell me what to do. And don’t tell me what to say… So just let me be myself. That’s all I ask of you.”

Few welcome being controlled, yet most are controlled by feelings and thoughts they don’t want.

Have you ever been plagued by beating yourself up with worry and fear over money; stress about time or relationships; grief; suffering over the way you look or feel; confusion over what to do; sadness or countless other ways of feeling bad? That’s why many turn to drugs, alcohol, food, over-working and blaming others.

What to do?

Gotta DO something. Ah yes, the default response: analyze, take time to process, wrap your brain around it or intellectually understand.  

But here’s the trickster’s game of your ego, which is the false identity you think is you.

Because our computer/ brain was never programmed with how to get rid of these feelings and thoughts, we end up feeling worse because we can’t find answers.

Or we get ideas that we can’t get to make work, blame ourselves… but keep trying ineffective approaches.

As a client said, it’s like going to a dry well looking for a drink of water, and the well is toxic anyway.

Regardless, most have a habit of trying to figure out how to let go of the way they feel, and they often can’t allow themselves to hear anything that doesn’t center around mental solutions. If you’ve done this, it’s an indicator that you’ve given your power to your ego to control you, own you, instead of knowing how to gain mastery of your life.

Results? As like attracts like, if you’re feeling negative you’ll attract more negativity. Positive attracts positive.

If you feel unwanted emotions, who’s having you feel this way?  They may have started with childhood messages or emerged because of circumstances, but there’s no one in your head telling you to think or feel this way.

As you’re the one who’s doing it, you CAN choose to do something differently.

Before you start beating yourself up about having beaten yourself up, there’s NOT something pathetically wrong with you. It’s the way the ego works, and we all have one.  BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO CONTROL YOUR LIFE,  MAKE YOU FEEL MISERABLE, DRIVE YOU NUTS OR HOLD YOU BACK FROM MAKING YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE!

Everything is energy, and the energy from thoughts or feelings can be released. They’re only feelings. They don’t have to own you.

Years ago while we were talking, a friend of mine felt anxiety about her upcoming divorce. I suddenly felt anxiety in my gut, but hers was gone. I said I didn’t want it and gave it back to her. We laughed as we bounced the sick in the gut feeling back and forth between us before deciding to let it go. In other words, we could control the presence and absence of this gut-wrenching feeling which meant we could simply let it go.

This includes any feeling!

You can do the same.

Instead of acting helpless in the grips of Robo-Ego, know that you’re in charge and undesirable feelings can leave.

Here are a few tips:

• If you want or need something, you’re coming from lack. You’ll be perpetually in a place of wanting instead of having what you choose.
• What you resist persists. Although it sounds counter-intuitive, if you don’t like something, you’re holding onto it.
• When you let go of trying to control, wanting validation or desiring safety, you can have them.

Ever notice when men or women want a relationship? The objects of their desire want to run. Same thing with money, health or anything.

The freedom everyone longs for breezes in when we let go because then we allow our spirit, our wise self within, to be in charge. It can happen in seconds not years. But we block ourselves from having what we really, really want when we clutch onto yucky feelings in our chest or gut or when we’re stuck in our heads.

There are underlying beliefs we’ve tucked away that impact us, but they can be prompted to surface and be released.

Everyone has the ability to let go although some resist. So, we come back to who owns you?

You DO have a choice.

The ego is at the core of all the lack of success and suffering we experience.

I’m more than happy to share phenomenally effective tools I’ve learned and created to unravel patterns and help you release their incessant drone of control, disapproval and insecurity so you experience true freedom and make your dreams come true.

Those dreams can be anything from financial success to living a better life.

What would feel better? Feeling anxiety or having peace? Wanting success or having success?

If you’d like to learn more about letting go so you can master your feelings and have what you really, really want, please contact me at virginia@soulgoals.com.

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I received this email from Kathryn Brown, CEO of Adventure Más, describing results from a recent VIP Letting Go Session. (She creates zip lines and more. How cool is that!)  Here’s a practical demonstration of what letting go can do about relationships and money:

Toward the end of my second time participating in Virginia’s program, I decided to try one of her sessions designed to help clear the ego of its default “methods of operation.” At first I resisted. I didn’t want to add anything more to my plate, even knowing that it would more than likely exponentially assist me in clearing old programs that were blocking my progress. I thought, “I can do this later.” It was really no surprise, given the success I had with her program, when I witnessed the synchronicity of events on the day I agreed to do the session.

I realized when I arrived at Virginia’s that I had forgotten my card I had written my issues on for our session. No problem—Virginia picked up on the issues I had forgotten.

It was a great session, and Virginia was very gracious with her time. It was sometime after I got home that I found the card I wrote my issues on and noticed my husband’s handwriting on the back of it. Although I hadn’t gone into any details about what I was going to talk about, he had picked up on many of the issues Virginia and I had discussed and very sensitively and lovingly addressed them bringing me to tears. The issues were about control and security although we had what I considered to be a good relationship.

One of the great blessings was realizing on a much deeper level that everything we think and feel about someone, they know, whether spoken or not.

Our judgments have a big impact on our lives and can block our progress. I began to see how my judgments driven by ego, no matter how quickly I thought I let them go, were really hanging around. My need for control and security was larger than I had imagined.

Additionally, I had a business contract that was ready to renew. Not only did it renew but I was offered more money than before!

What I walked away with were:

• Skills I can use in my everyday life when I catch myself in my own ego traps.
• I feel much more at peace in situations.
• I am very much at ease with who I am.
• I’m comfortable with my need for control and security at times—I just love them unconditionally and release them unconditionally.
• I have learned to let go of many things I had so tightly hung onto out of an unconscious fear.
• The world keeps spinning but I don’t have to.

I would recommend this session to anyone whether you think you are “ready or not”!

Kathryn Brown
President & CEO of Adventure Más

If you’d like to learn more about letting go so you can master your feelings and make room to have what you really, really want, please contact me at virginia@soulgoals.com

With gratitude,
Virginia

If you’d like to find out
more about how you can
be free of what’s 
holding you back so
you can live a more
wonderful life,
contact me
for a complimentary
Do What You Love Break Free Session.

Email me at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

 

I work with people
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
living a life they love.

Quotes by Deepak Chopra: The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

Deepak Chopra standing next to me as he prepared to enter the stage in 2012.

The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success – A Practical Guide to the Fulfillment of Your Dreams by Deepak Chopra is a transformational work. “Desperate striving isn’t necessary or even desirable. In the natural world, creation comes forth with ease. A seed doesn’t struggle to become a tree―it simply unfolds in grace.”

May you enjoy manifesting your heart’s desires, be they business or personal, with ease and grace.

“The Ego, however, is not who you really are. The ego is your self-image; it is your social mask; it is the role you are playing. Your social mask thrives on approval. It wants control, and it is sustained by power, because it lives in fear.”

“At the moment you consciously make a choice, pay attention to your body and ask your body, “If I make this choice, what happens?” If your body sends a message of comfort, that’s the right choice. If your body sends a message of discomfort, then it’s not the appropriate choice.”

“Attachment to money will always create insecurity no matter how much money you have in the bank.”

“Consciously put your attention in the heart and ask your heart what to do.”

“When you struggle against this moment, you’re actually struggling against the entire universe.”

“Attention energizes, and intention transforms. Whatever you put your attention on will grow stronger in your life. Whatever you take your attention away from will wither, disintegrate, and disappear.”

“Success in life could be defined as the continued expansion of happiness and the progressive realization of worthy goals.”

“Least effort is expended when our actions are motivated by love, because nature is held together by the energy of love.”

“What does responsibility mean? Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself. Having accepted this circumstance, this event, this problem, responsibility then means the ability to have a creative response to the situation as it is now. All problems contain the seeds of opportunity, and this awareness allows you to take the moment and transform it to a better situation or thing.”

“When you seek power and control over other people, you waste energy. When you seek money or power for the sake of the ego, you spend energy chasing the illusion of happiness instead of enjoying happiness in the moment. When you seek money for personal gain only, you cut off the flow of energy to yourself, and interfere with the expression of nature’s intelligence. But when your actions are motivated by love, there is no waste of energy. When your actions are motivated by love, your energy multiplies and accumulates — and the surplus energy you gather and enjoy can be channeled to create anything that you want, including unlimited wealth.”

“But when our internal reference point is our spirit, our actions are motivated by love, and there is no waste of energy. Our energy multiplies, and the surplus energy we gather can be channeled to create anything we want, including unlimited wealth. When we harness the power of harmony and love, we use our energy creatively for the experience of affluence and evolution.”

“By looking at the behavior of the cells in our own body, we can observe the most extraordinary and efficient expression of The Seven Spiritual Laws. This is the genius of nature’s intelligence. These are the thoughts of God – the rest are details.”

“We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other, to meet, to love, to share. This is a precious moment, but it is transient. It is a little parenthesis in eternity. If we share with caring, lightheartedness and love, we will create abundance and joy for each other. And then this moment will have been worthwhile.”

 

I work with people who choose to share their gifts or
business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or
could use new tools or support.

I help them be richly compensated doing what
they love by discovering their Soul’s goals. 

Who’s Controlling Your Life?

Here’s a simple formula:

If you’re used to thinking it’s all your fault and you screwed up (again), it’s probably the other person who’s the culprit.

Your programming includes the belief that there’s something wrong or oddly divergent about you, so now you believe it. Then you attract others who accuse you of the same thing, which adds proof that your seeming inadequacy must be true. The only reason this keeps happening is because your beliefs attract experiences that mirror your thinking and feeling. Your core assumption that there’s something wrong with you is false and can leave you feeling your life is out of control.

If you’re used to blaming, pointing fingers and complaining about other people, the issue probably is yours.

Your programming includes not taking responsibility for how you’re creating your life and then projecting your feelings on others. You really believe other people are to blame for the wrongs done to you. On top of that, if you blame hard enough, you might get others to doubt themselves or feel shame… then you feel in control. You can be very annoyed if others don’t go along with your beliefs or you can feel they just don’t get it.  If only they’d apologize, you’d be validated… but the relief doesn’t last for long because the underlying issue hasn’t been released.

Regardless if you unwittingly try to control others’ behaviors or allow others to control how you feel, the underlying trickster is the same.

Here are excerpts from my September 2015 blog post:

Ever feel that you want to crawl into bed with the covers pulled over your head? Feelings arise when thoughts add interpretation to emotions… which lead to beliefs… which can create those yucky feelings like frustration, disappointment and suffering. Hey, it’s not just you. We’re all wired like this, and we can change it!

Eckhart Tolle said “the ego believes it is real and tries hard to maintain its supremacy.” He shares that negative states of mind, such as anger, resentment, fear, worry and envy are products of the ego. When it’s in control, these appear to be justified and usually another person is blamed for these feelings. The true cause of this skewed thinking is not found in your life but in the very structure of the egoic mind.

How Can You Tell If You’ve Been Invaded Like The Walking Dead?

Ask if what you believe is true. You’re right, they’re wrong. You have an emotional charge. You can’t shake negative feelings and mind chatter. Your filter believes you see clearly, but your vision is clouded by a finger pointing at inductees into your Villains’ Hall of Fame.

If you’re reading this with some comprehension, in this moment, your ego has taken a hike. Left to the ego’s devices, this information does not compute.

Trekkie Talk

Data, an enlightened artificial intelligence life form, gets it as he talks with a primitive clone of himself in Star Trek Nemesis:

Data: You have been programmed to gather information that can be used against this ship.

Clone: I do not understand.

Data: I know.

And Data detached the clone from its power source.

When the ego’s program is running, there’s little understanding. It’s like seeing through a glass darkly as the person becomes a pawn to do the ego’s bidding. When YOU are in charge, you’ve got the bandwidth, clarity and energy to make your dreams real.

Liberation of Lunacy (LoL)

I created a tool called Liberation of Lunacy (LoL) to free yourself of doubt, limit, fear and lack through your power of choice, perspective and putting your Essence in charge. We’re all a little bit crazy when the ego takes charge. Meanwhile, here’s how to start freeing yourself when the siren sings you’ve really got a hold on me.

You’re More Than Enough

Don’t fall for lies of limitation.

The ego is a tool and will echo what you think and say. So quit beating yourself up. Stop blaming others. Go beyond the separation between you and others. Let go of trying to control or allowing others to control the way you feel and act.

Instead, shift your focus to you are more than enough.  Actually, you’re awesome! Look for what’s good in you. You can do this. You’ll feel lighter, which makes it easier to take action on what’s important to you.

P.S. Know someone who might
like this? Please forward.

I work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck, could 
use new tools or support.

I help them ignite their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.

Are you teachable?

A woman I knew took personal salsa dancing lessons from a friend of mine, who was a big salsa teacher in town. While the woman enjoyed dancing, she had little dance training nor did she have experience in the rhythm or style of Latin dance.

However, that didn’t stop her from telling my friend how she was teaching her wrong and what the steps were supposed to be. She wouldn’t listen to anything other than what she wanted to hear, wouldn’t see how the dance actually looked other than her impression of how she thought it was supposed to look, wouldn’t talk about anything other than her interpretation of what the dance was.

After a couple of classes, she decided to stop the lessons.

She wasn’t teachable, and she wouldn’t allow herself to listen or learn beyond her preconceived ideas.

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Several years ago, another woman was desperate to join one of my mastermind programs. Part of the experience is 1:1 partnering sessions, where every couple of weeks team members switch partners. This woman went to each of five team members to share her story in the first week.

After politely listening, each member then redirected her attention to solutions. She wasn’t interested.

Her intention was on others hearing her story and feeling validated. Her focus was centered on her confusion, her circumstances and how what she wanted to do wasn’t working, not on getting on track or manifesting actual results.

Five people called me individually to tell me how they really tried to help her, but she wasn’t open.  Not getting the type of attention she wanted, she left the group after the second week.

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“Listen, be teachable. Laugh at good stories and learn to tell them. For as long as you are green, you can grow.”      Mother Teresa

“Be teachable. That is the whole secret.”      Vernon Howard

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Being heard by others is a gift. Are you also open to receive?

What can you do to be teachable? Choose to be open to the guidance that life brings you moment by moment. Sounds too simple, but your intention will open you to learn.

Are you open to receive ideas and solutions or is your focus on having your story heard? Are you reliving familiar feelings when you repeat your story?

Are you teachable?

 

P. S. Know someone who might be interested in this TIP?  Please share.

I work with people, at any age,
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love by aligning
with their Soul’s goals.

Copyright © 2018 Resolved for Results, All rights reserved.

Christmas Spirit – I Mean A Real Spirit

 

Ever needed help but felt so alone? You’re never alone!

 

After her beloved father passed a couple of years ago, she was shocked at what happened next. Family members did the unimaginable by creating legal maneuvers over a fortune that left them riding high and her nearly destitute.

They cornered her from every angle she had available so she wasn’t able to stand up to them effectively. She was left feeling angry, frustrated, betrayed, broke and nearly broken by those she trusted.

It looked hopeless with no way out.

Recently, her father appeared to her in a lucid dream. She told me, “It was real; I felt like I was alive and really there in the dream.

“We were looking out at a field of grass and flowers with trees perfectly in a row lining each side. It was beautiful, very colorful and really alive.

“I know we were with other family members.” One in particular is the one whose greed had guided the misdeeds.

With anger that had been common while he was alive physically, he told his wife, “Get it corrected! The will is not be in any one else’s hands!!”

She shared the following with me but with no one else because others might not believe her vivid encounters. As my writing is anonymous, she agreed to let me share this with you.

Her father appears to my client often as if he’s in physical form. Even after writing my draft of this post, she texted that she saw him while she was driving; this time he appeared as a young man.

“Seeing him calms me down, and I know he’s with me and correcting the situation.”

Recently, I saw Charles Dickens’ The Christmas Carol where Scrooge had a change of heart because of visitations by Christmas ghosts.

Life works in mysterious ways. Events happen that make the seeming impossible possible. As Scrooge learned, it’s not too late for anyone to change, to Be, to receive, to give, to open to Love.

If you open to receive, you can discover that help is always available and you’re never alone.

Maybe there’s more to the story of The Christmas Carol than just a metaphor.

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Einstein said, ““Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another.” 

So what happens to anyone’s energy when they pass on? Could they be alive but in another form? My client has frequent rendezvous with her father that cause her to believe that there’s more to life than what we think we know.

Think of the possibilities you have available right now if you allow yourself to receive support from intelligence and profound caring from infinite sources. 

Think of the impact that could make on any of your problems from money and business to relationships and health. 

Over the years, I’ve found if I let go of my limited beliefs and shift instead to be open to receive, miracles happen in my life that defy logical assumptions or solutions I could imagine.

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Consider playing a game. Think of an issue you have and then let go of it emotionally. Just for an experiment, let go of worrying, being in fear or trying to control outcomes.

When you let go of being all balled up emotionally, you also let go of resistance to your issues.

You now have created more space for solutions to appear.

While you’re in a more receptive mode (or even if you’re not), ask for help.

According to your beliefs, help may come from your inner wisdom, God, Jesus, loved ones who’ve passed on or a team on the other side who are waiting for you to ask for assistance.

You can open to a calm presence within and situations resolving themselves beyond your wildest imagination.

YOU can be a living example of peace on earth, goodwill to man.

P.S. Know someone who might enjoy this post? Please share.

 

I work with people, at any age, who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support. I help them be richly compensated doing what they love by aligning with their Soul’s goals.

Guilt, Know-It-Alls & Being #1

Are you in a self-imposed prison with freedom in view?

 

Feeling guilty had been drilled into her by her family throughout her life.

When my client was at the top, business associates and family triggered these guilty feelings by their passive-aggressive behaviors. She felt like she was doing something wrong.

Not feeling good about the price she paid for her success, her sales slipped.

People in her family had jobs. Furthermore, what’s a woman doing being successful, especially in her own business?! They had to work hard in their employment; why should she be any different?

She didn’t realize it was their own jealousy, insecurity, a need to control and their disappointment in themselves for not going after their dreams that were the underlying culprits of others’ manipulative behaviors.

Ever hear of the lobster syndrome or the crab mentality?

When either of these is alone in a lidless container, it can escape.

However, when sharing their enclosure, none can get out because they will be pulled back down, even into boiling water.

In society or business, this can happen when people are bettering themselves, and others try to bring them down.

How can they do that? Through guilt, fear, making others feel they’re doing something wrong, shunning, shaming and the threat of being ostracized if they don’t fit in with the community.

Some religions exert control by indoctrinating their followers with the fear of damnation or how their future lives will be affected.

Previously, my client couldn’t stay away from her cell phone out of fear of missing calls from prospective customers. Working hard is acceptable as a road to success.

So when she fulfilled her goal of a five-week vacation, and still remained #1, it was at the expense of others’ disparaging remarks.

Even though at the top of her game and years away from what most consider retirement age, she couldn’t stop thinking about leaving the business world behind.

She told me about a close friend and business associate. “There’s something about him lately that rubs me the wrong way – so I’ve distanced myself — although we’re working on a deal together. With him, it’s a debate or he knows some expertise about things. He’s done and knows everything.”

She was exhausted by critical people: if it’s not done their way, then in their way of looking at things, it’s being done wrong.

“Because I am surrounded by that thinking and attitude, my cup runneth over with this. My response is to disassociate with people who have these behaviors.”

When I asked where she’s seen those patterns before, she recalled that her mother and sister had the same habit of being critical know-it-alls. Both parents ruled by creating guilt in others.

We discussed that no matter where you go, there you are. If she continued to react, she’d attract more people who would act the same, wherever she went.

She realized that unless she changed, even if she left her business, she’d continue to run into similar, annoying behaviors from others.

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Programmed from childhood, traits like lack of confidence, guilt and worry can prompt you to continue brainwashing yourself with limiting beliefs, even when those who put these ideas in your head aren’t around. 

Don’t listen to your inner, critical voice that bullies you and makes you question your ability to succeed or be happy. It lies.

That nagging voice reflects how the people who told you that nonsense feel about themselves. It’s not about you.

Your true essence guides you with a kind, non-judgmental and supportive voice.

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Her insight: this session made her step back and look at the bigger picture.

She realized that she won’t be affected by others when she has a different perspective. And when her buttons are no longer pushed, she won’t attract people who think like that.

By the way, she’s back to being #1 and having her best year ever. Life is more fun, and she feels free now that she no longer reacts to guilt trips and know-it-alls in the way she did before.

You can step out of your self-imposed prison of any limiting beliefs, even if you don’t know what’s holding you back.

Start by having confidence that believing in yourself brings.

Remember, those voices to the contrary are figments of someone else’s imagination that they projected on you.

Freedom and success are yours if you’re open to receive them.

P.S. Know someone who might enjoy this post? Please share.

 
I work with people, at any age,
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love by aligning
with their Soul’s goals.

Copyright © 2017 Resolved for Results, All rights reserved.

Are Crazy People Taking Over Your Life?

 

 

One afternoon, while on Broadway in midtown Manhattan, New York City, I walked a few people behind a man who was having an animated argument with someone. Speaking in a loud voice with gesticulating hands, I wondered who was the recipient of such a tirade. It was just him battling with himself. Someone and something really got to this guy, and he allowed it to drive him to act crazy. Throughout your life, some people have done you wrong, and some may have gotten to you. In the past (or maybe present), you’ve been: abused, misused, ignored, rejected, undermined, betrayed, robbed, disappointed, manipulated, misunderstood, humiliated, put down or the focal point of someone’s greedy, crazy, unconscious, demeaning, insecure, unfair or malevolent intent. Often the perpetrators have been those most trusted and least expected to turn on you, such as: close friends, family, significant others, church members, neighbors, co-workers, clients, bosses or business associates. The results may have left you feeling that you’ve lost: hope, your confidence, your spark of life, your capacity to find joy, your ability to ever succeed again or even care about it, your connection to the universe or your faith in God. “The most important question you can ever ask is if the world is a friendly place.”  Einstein It’s a big question to ponder. Your answer determines if you’re going to let the crazies, past and present, or less-than-favorable circumstances get to you, and consequently, impede your ability to be open to the success and enjoyment you richly deserve. Are you letting undesirable memories occupy your attention so much that you won’t allow yourself to see that the world is a friendly place? Often we’re attached to how we expect people and things are supposed to be. When they go haywire, our ego/ brain loves to binge watch reruns of movies about our sad stories over and over again. Instead, change the channel and focus on something in your life that works. Relitigating your past by vacillating between trying to prove how you’re right and “how dare they” doesn’t help. Have you noticed? You won’t end up feeling better, and feeling good is important as it’s a key to attract success. Personally, instead of letting go of my faith in life and humanity, I (eventually) learned to have greater discernment. As Kenny Rogers sang in “The Gambler:” You’ve got to know when to hold ’em Know when to fold ’em Know when to walk away And know when to run. Some people in my life who appeared to be helpful, trustworthy, supportive, emotionally healthy, well-meaning and even spiritually awake… I came to realize were toxic. I could grumble about them incessantly, which I’ve done. I found it more useful, though, to see them as my teachers: learn my lessons, chalk it off to another life experience and move on. It took me a while to see people for who they are, not for who I thought they were or wanted them to be.    Here’s an interesting twist. Underneath this crazymaking, there’s a whole lot of disapproval going on. Sometimes the other person starts it, and we respond back with disapproval and judgment, or vice versa. When we enmesh ourselves in disapproval energy, we give others the power to control our happiness — from complete strangers whose driving we don’t like to annoying people in our day-to-day lives. When we expect others to behave or show up in a certain way so we can feel good about ourselves, in essence we’re saying: You need to change so I don’t have to change. My caring about you is conditional. It’s dependent on you acting the way I think you should. Otherwise, I might feel that I’ve lost control. When the awareness comes that we alone have control of our attitude, then we don’t need others to be different so we can feel good. Of course, do what’s wise to take care of yourself, but you get to choose your attitude. Energy changes when practicing this. The crazies start to evaporate from your life like the morning fog when the sun comes up. Do you allow others to affect your psyche, your joy of living, your success, your ability to pick yourself up and start again regardless of whoever or whatever happened or is happening to you? It’s your choice. With gratitude, Virginia I work with people, at any age, who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support. I help them be richly compensated doing what they love by aligning with their Soul’s goals.   Copyright © 2017 Resolved for Results, All rights reserved.