“All we have of freedom, all we use or know – This our fathers bought for us long and long ago.”
Rudyard Kipling, The Old Issue, 1899
While you enjoy the liberty to do whatever you choose today – be with friends and family, catch up on your to do list, have fun, work, kick back and do nothing – there are those who risked their lives so we can enjoy these freedoms.
Memorial Day is a time to recognize what others have given in service for us to live in democracy in the U.S.A. Although imperfect at times (well, lots of times), we are on a quest to create what the Preamble to the Constitution calls “a more perfect union.”
The Preamble is a short, introductory statement of the Constitution’s fundamental purposes and guiding principles.
It posits what the Founding Fathers’ intentions were regarding the Constitution’s meaning and what they hoped it would achieve:
We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
The Preamble to the Constitution of the United States.
Each year on Memorial Day, a national moment of remembrance takes place at 3 PM local time.
As you go about your life, will you take a moment to give a sacred nod of appreciation to those who cared enough about us and this ideal of democracy to serve their country?
A moving tribute to those who made the ultimate sacrifice is “Hymn to the Fallen” by John Williams.
“In honor of the soldiers who give us the freedoms we have today.”
My mother, who passed in 1988, used what I call mantras – words she repeated so many times that I still know them verbatim.
Because of regular reiteration, I believed and didn’t question some of them. It was like repetition used to learn arithmetic tables, but these were impressed on me with far more feeling.
“When I was young, I used to be happy-go-lucky. Then I met your father.”
Because they argued intensely, she started her day with this mantra: “I wonder what that S.O.B. is going to do to make my life miserable today.” (Note – she didn’t use initials.)
She had no idea that her daily proclamations and choice of emotions were what made her life miserable, not anything my father did or didn’t do.
She thought her suffering was my father’s fault, and I accepted it as true, too. I didn’t have an attitude about him. I liked and loved him. At the same time, I saw her perspective and believed her woeful declarations.
Then around 2002, I was talking to one my teachers about how I felt sorry for them. He knew my parents and replied,
“Your mother wanted your father to change so she wouldn’t have to change.”
What?!!??
This was a throw-a-bucket-of-ice-cold-water-in-my-face moment.
It was his fault. That was a given. Never questioned it. She lived a miserable life because of him.
Here’s the kicker.
As long as she complained about and blamed him, she didn’t have to take responsibility for her own emotions and actions. It was his fault. She was the victim. Pointing her finger at what she decided were his failings absolved her of cleaning up her attitudes, feelings and thoughts.
In a flash, I realized the blaming wasn’t true. She could’ve been happy if she stopped giving him power over the way she felt.
In a shocking moment, for the first time, I stopped feeling sorry for them.
I realized that my pity (vs. compassion) was condescending and disrespectful of their choices. They decided how to interact with each other. They had complete control over the way they felt. If they chose to argue as a way of life, and if she chose to feel miserable, those were their decisions.
As emotions create reality, she created a “living hell” for herself where she felt “like a prisoner in my own home.” Her life was a self-fulfilled prophecy.
Think about the implications in your life. Who are you blaming for what doesn’t work and how you feel?
Do you want others to behave the way you think they should so you can feel good? In other words, do you want others or situations to change so you can feel better? Or will you decide to feel better anyway?
As you create your future by how you feel,do you allow others to affect how you feel by reacting to strangers who drive weird, crazy acting people, politicians or past hurts?
Are you blaming yourself? Or will you take command of your own energy because, if you don’t, you block your dreams coming true? Guilt, regrets, bemoaning your past, blaming yourself and others are false narratives… and an insult to your divine nature. Everyone’s learning. It’s okay.
What mantras run through your head? I can’t afford it. There’s never enough. What if I run out of money or time? Nothing I do ever works out. My life would be so much better if only…
Even if they’re “wrong,” you still can choose your attitude and how you respond. As like attracts like, how you feel shapes your future.
What does this have to do with your life, business or work?
Your feelings and thoughts magnetize your experience, so don’t hand the keys of your emotions to others and “if only” things would be different. Don’t give your power away.
Allowing others to affect how you feel relinquishes the keys to your kingdom – or queendom – of success, happiness and ability to enjoy personal, financial and emotional freedom.
By the way, blame is one of ego’s greatest tools; no matter where it’s directed, it holds you back.
Youchoose how you react and feel.
Your now and future depend on it.
“When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don’t blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce.
Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like the lettuce.
Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience.
No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change”
Thích Nhất Hạnh
Edited excerpt from Soulgoals’ post of March 13, 2017.
Ready to live YOUR life, let go of blaming and complaining and gain emotional mastery?
Ever feel like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole? Consider finding a better match… or at least put it in perspective and don’t feel bad.
A woman carefully planned and was excited to talk to a group about her business offering. It seemed like the perfect target market because there were many people of the same demographic who already used and were grateful to have found her product.
Part way through her presentation, she was cut off. They repeatedly asked her the same question. However, each time she answered, they just weren’t getting it.
They misinterpreted her, and without even being able to finish, she had to leave.
Although we hadn’t talked for a while, I happened to call her when she was driving away – hurt, bewildered, doubting herself, wondering if she was in the right business.
By the end of our conversation, she realized that even though it appeared to be an ideal group, they really weren’t in a place to “get it.” She presented a progressive perspective; her audience identified with a traditional approach. They couldn’t understand and weren’t open to new ideas.
In siutations like this, and before feeling discombobulated (cool word for confused, disconnected or upset), consider that you may be on different wavelengths. They’re not wrong and neither are you.
Suggestion: set an intention that you’ll connect with people who are in alignment with you. Life is so much easier being yourself than trying to twist yourself into a pretzel trying to fit in to be something you’re not. It works personally and in business, too.
Edited excerpt from Soulgoals’ Blog of May 15, 2017
Ready to live YOUR life, let go of blaming and complaining and gain emotional mastery?
Once I left a half an hour later than intended for a talk I gave. I needed the extra time to place hand outs on 50 chairs and organize other aspects of my presentation.
I knew if I used the mantra on the 45-minute drive, “I’m late; I’m late,” I would have been an emotional wreck by the time I arrived.
Instead, I told my chattering mind, “I have all the time I need.” When I got there I discovered that one of my clients, who regularly attends this group and likes to arrive early, was available and very happy to assist me.
I had more than enough time.
Time is malleable. You can change your self-imposed concept of time in your life.
IT DOESN’T MATTER if you can’t figure out how you’ll find the time.
IT DOESN’T MATTER if you think you need more time in the day or more time before you exit the planet.
Talk with your Essence, the very core of who you are, and make an agreement: I have all the time I need to do everything I have to do.
Start by re-evaluating one area of your life where you feel you do not have enough time. Look at it from the viewpoint of a wise friend and reframe your perspective to one where you have all the time you need… and won’t run out of it.
“You can’t get it wrong, and you never get it done.“
Abraham-Hicks
Need to get control of your time? Feel like you’ll never catch up or you missed your boat? Maybe you’re so busy that you feel you aren’t able to get off your merry-go-round?
Once upon a time there was a farmer named Sei Weng who had one horse and one son. One day the horse wandered away, and the neighbors commented that this was unfortunate. The farmer replied, “How do you know it’s bad luck?”
Soon after the horse returned bringing several wild mares with him. The neighbors congratulated him on his good luck. Ah, what lovely, strong horses! However, the farmer responded by saying, “How do you know it’s good luck?”
The son was thrown while riding one of the wild horses and broke his leg. His neighbors once again commented on how sorry they were for his bad luck, at which the farmer said, “Good luck, bad luck. Who knows?”
A war came, and every able-bodied man was conscripted into the military and sent into battle. Because he had a broken leg, the old man’s son didn’t have to go to war. The neighbors were excited about his good fortune, but the farmer remarked, “Is it good or is it bad?”
Another version of this folktale concludes with, “That’s the way it is.” Another says that fortune turns to misfortune, and misfortune to fortune. There is no end to changes, and the mystery can’t be known.
Because the farmer was emotionally detached and didn’t go along with everyone’s thinking, he was able to see a bigger picture.
Life presents both challenges and blessings. Your perspective determines how they affect you and your ability to make your dreams come true and live your best life.
According to the Chaos Theory our lives are always in chaos, and this is what opens us to fresh forms and possibilities.
When we reach what is called a “bi-furcation point,” a “point of departure” takes place, and a “self-organization out of chaos” occurs.
In other words, events that serve as turning points create a new order and structure.
Instead of adversely reacting to circumstances that seem bad, consider they may be a portal to something greater than you currently can imagine.
A messy divorce may be a ticket to personal empowerment and overcoming fear.
Challenging health, work, family or relationship issues, the loss or lack of worldly goods or money, or pain may be what cracks the shell to allow humility and what’s truly important to be seen… and the impetus to get real or pursue one’s dreams.
You can choose your perspective. Look deeper.
No matter how it appears, things change. The highs become lows or ordinary.
Regardless of how frustrated or hopeless aspects of your life may seem, this too shall pass… into something better if you allow yourself to see.
This edited Soulgoals’ Blog was originally posted on March 8, 2013.
Could you use help in changing the way you see some things?
Virginia Goszewska (go-SHEF-ska) awakens people to be richly compensated doing what they love by aligning with their Soul’s goals.
Based on decades of extensive research and personal discoveries, Virginia created the unique mastermind and success program Soulgoals: A Step-by-Step System to Do What You Love – even if you failed before, lost hope, are afraid, stuck, stressed or confused. The mastermind is an energy created when two or more gather in harmony for the attainment of a shared, definite objective.
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