SHOCKED About My Mother After Learning This

This changed me forever.

She blamed my father for her miserable life.

My mother, who passed in 1988, used what I call mantras – words she repeated so many times that I still know them verbatim.

Because of regular reiteration, I believed and didn’t question some of them. It was like repetition used to learn arithmetic tables, but these were impressed on me with far more feeling.

“When I was young, I used to be happy-go-lucky. Then I met your father.”

Because they argued intensely, she started her day with this mantra: “I wonder what that S.O.B. is going to do to make my life miserable today.”  (Note – she didn’t use initials.)

She had no idea that her daily proclamations and choice of emotions were what made her life miserable, not anything my father did or didn’t do.

She thought her suffering was my father’s fault, and I accepted it as true, too. I didn’t have an attitude about him. I liked and loved him. At the same time, I saw her perspective and believed her woeful declarations.

Then around 2002, I was talking to one my teachers about how I felt sorry for them. He knew my parents and replied,

“Your mother wanted your father to change so she wouldn’t have to change.”

What?!!??

This was a throw-a-bucket-of-ice-cold-water-in-my-face moment.

It was his fault. That was a given. Never questioned it. She lived a miserable life because of him.

Here’s the kicker.

As long as she complained about and blamed him, she didn’t have to take responsibility for her own emotions and actions. It was his fault. She was the victim. Pointing her finger at what she decided were his failings absolved her of cleaning up her attitudes, feelings and thoughts.

In a flash, I realized the blaming wasn’t true. She could’ve been happy if she stopped giving him power over the way she felt.

In a shocking moment, for the first time, I stopped feeling sorry for them.

I realized that my pity (vs. compassion) was condescending and disrespectful of their choices. They decided how to interact with each other. They had complete control over the way they felt. If they chose to argue as a way of life, and if she chose to feel miserable, those were their decisions.

As emotions create reality, she created a “living hell” for herself where she felt “like a prisoner in my own home.” Her life was a self-fulfilled prophecy.

Think about the implications in your life. Who are you blaming for what doesn’t work and how you feel?

• Do you want others to behave the way you think they should so you can feel good? In other words, do you want others or situations to change so you can feel better? Or will you decide to feel better anyway?
• As you create your future by how you feel, do you allow others to affect how you feel by reacting to strangers who drive weird, crazy acting people, politicians or past hurts?
• Are you blaming yourself? Or will you take command of your own energy because, if you don’t, you block your dreams coming true? Guilt, regrets, bemoaning your past, blaming yourself and others are false narratives… and an insult to your divine nature. Everyone’s learning. It’s okay.
• What mantras run through your head? I can’t afford it. There’s never enough. What if I run out of money or time? Nothing I do ever works out. My life would be so much better if only…

Even if they’re “wrong,” you still can choose your attitude and how you respond. As like attracts like, how you feel shapes your future.

What does this have to do with your life, business or work?

Your feelings and thoughts magnetize your experience, so don’t hand the keys of your emotions to others and “if only” things would be different. Don’t give your power away.

Allowing others to affect how you feel relinquishes the keys to your kingdom – or queendom – of success, happiness and ability to enjoy personal, financial and emotional freedom.

By the way, blame is one of ego’s greatest tools; no matter where it’s directed, it holds you back.

You choose how you react and feel.

Your now and future depend on it.

“When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don’t blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce.

Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like the lettuce.

Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience.

No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change”  

Thích Nhất Hạnh

Edited excerpt from Soulgoals’ post of March 13, 2017.

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Ready to live YOUR life, let go of blaming and complaining and gain emotional mastery? 

Contact me to learn how at:

virginia@soulgoals.com
http://www.soulgoals.com

I help women to tune in to their true Selves, see clearly and live their personal and professional dreams.

Copyright © 2023 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

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Are You Selling Yourself Out? Probably!

Ever wonder why some people are crazymakers?

Friend,

“All unhappiness is caused by our trying to be limited, to be an ego. The more we are our Self, the happier we are. We will never be completely happy until we are completely being our Self.”

Lester Levenson

I’m writing this today because I’ve observed many people UNCONSCIOUSLY giving their power away. But they think their thinking is logical.

We give our power away when we allow others, the news, work, relationships, health, money, events, politics, etc. to upset or limit us or emotionally react in a negative way. In doing so, we deplete our energy – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

The ego is a false identity that we think is real. It’s the part of us that’s fearful, worries, complains, gets angry and more.

I created the Liberation of Lunacy technique to help people gain mastery over the tyranny of our minds… that which we think is real, but it’s not!

Here’s an excerpt:

Can you remember times when you felt afraid, stuck, taken advantage of, frustrated, judgmental, overwhelmed, resistant, critical, hard on yourself, worried, stressed, confused, addicted or powerless – you’ve done it all and nothing helps? These are moments you were manipulated by the ego.

Just like all your bites can come from one mosquito, all of your negative emotions come from one source – the ego.

Liberation of Lunacy (LoL) Technique

Examples about truly lovely, nice people:

• A man felt uncomfortable complaining with me. He wanted to spend endless time analyzing his complaints or, if we looked at them from a more positive perspective, he’d change the subject. He resisted attempts to let go of his negativity and be free of the control his ego had on him. Even though his fears prompted him to make decisions that created financial losses, he continued to take actions based on his fears. But, despite evidence of how negativity literally doesn’t pay, he didn’t believe being positive and the Law of Attraction works – like attracts like.
• A sweet woman got terribly upset while sharing an experience with me and told me to “F” off when she became increasingly, emotionally unhinged. She felt she wasn’t being heard, and what she raged about was blaming someone else, her fears, self-justified anger and negativity. She was completely closed off to hearing a more expansive perspective, which she translated to my not hearing her. Later when I communicated with her about it, her response showed that she whitewashed her memory and changed her story about what she previously shared at length. What happens is that in the moment the ego is in control, it can’t hear what doesn’t affirm it. Then it can attack.
• A woman was distraught, crying and ranting, because she didn’t have a million dollar podcast contract like Joe Rogan. It was 10 AM on a Saturday, and it sounded like she’d been drinking. She really tried to get me to react and agree with her. I told her I wasn’t going to allow her to manipulate me emotionally the way she wanted. In response, she squealed in pain like an alien in the movies. She doesn’t even have a podcast or a blog.
• Several others dished out excuses. Excuses that were based on limited thinking. We’d address one, and 30 minutes later another would appear. Address that, but actually there was another issue that popped up soon after. On and on. Some felt quite self-justified, too. As I believe in these people (I wouldn’t continue that conversation with just anyone), I showed another way at looking at their concerns. Some were able to connect the dots and see their own games or at least change their behavior and be proactive.
• Some created a story about their (mis)interpretation of an experience or event, believed their own perception/ lies, then copped an attitude based on their limited perspectives. Of course, someone else is to blame. Drama ensues. The ego doesn’t like to be wrong.

Can you see why it’s lunacy? Have things like this happened to you? Have you done some variation of these to others? Probably.

That’s what occurs until we learn to break free of the ego’s control, replaced by emotional mastery and an observer or Soul perspective.

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The ego tries to pull others into its illusions and can get upset when they won’t play their games…. especially if they won’t go along with them as they did in the past.

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I write these stories so that you might see how the ego controls. Because your ego is the source of every time you limit yourself or feel limiting emotions. Also, you can see how others try to control you.

Fear not. You are more courageous than you may believe.

Peace is a Soul-sourced emotion, the real You, that’s more powerful than anger, blame, frustration, confusion, doubt, negative storytelling, excuses and more. When you find peace within, you’ll find answers to your most bothersome questions. You go beyond limited thinking about what’s possible to discovering freedom and infinite possibilities.

How? Start by recognizing the ego’s patterns. Take your power back. You don’t have to sell yourself out.

Virginia Goszewska, September 12, 2022

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Time to reclaim your power?
Contact me to learn how at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck or could 
use new tools or support.

I help them connect with their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.

Copyright © 2022 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.