Posts Tagged ‘anger’

Are You Jumping to the Right Conclusion?

February 4, 2019

Are your conclusions a stretch of your imagination?

 

After sitting through a couple of traffic lights behind a car that wouldn’t budge, my friend got very annoyed.

He thought, what’s wrong with these people along with several choice expletives.

Finally, he angrily swerved around to get in the lane next to them. In the car was a man and a child in the passenger seat.

As my friend turned to the driver to give him a piece of his mind, the man asked, “Which way to the hospital? I have to take my child to the hospital, and I don’t know if I need to turn right or left.”

With this new information and perspective, his annoyance instantly left. He became fully engaged in helping.

Recently, a woman explained how she was quite bothered by something I’d said. She felt upset for months, since we had our last conversation. When we finally talked again, she told me that she didn’t know how I could’ve said such a thing and made analogies all pointing to why she should be indignant.

She assumed the story she was telling herself was correct, and therefore she was justifiably angry with me.  

A couple of minutes into her explanation, when I realized she had totally misinterpreted the point I was making, I clarified what I was saying. Very quickly, the story and irritation at me that she’d been holding onto for so long evaporated.

I suggested that, in the future, she talk with me if she had an issue rather than jump to conclusions.

If you find yourself upset about something and jumping to conclusions, take a step back and observe. Is this a one-time or ongoing occurrence? Might there be a different way of connecting the dots? There may be a different way of handling this.

Perhaps there’s a lesson for you to learn. Maybe there’s a different story you can tell about it and discover a new conclusion.

Are you using or misusing your imagination?

With gratitude,

Virginia

P.S. Know someone who might enjoy this post? Please share.

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NEED ANSWERS? POP IT IN!

April 29, 2011

 When something went wrong, my old response was to gasp and think: “Oh no. What am I going to do? I don’t know what to do.” I’d repeat it again and again – but I didn’t even realize I was saying it.

 Next came the sickish anxiety in my gut. Fear clutched me like tentacles from a sci-fi film. Solutions had no way to penetrate that thick gunk of worry.

 One afternoon, I discovered that I went over a credit card limit that day. All I could think about were the fees, marks on my credit report and a higher interest rate.

 I noticed a broken record playing in my head. What was it? “What am I going to do? I don’t know what to do.”

 Funny how that mantra sounded like my mother!

 When I heard it, I changed my tune.

 I said to myself, “There’s a part of me that doesn’t have a clue about what to do. There’s another part that knows. I ask my wise self to pop in an answer.”

I Got What I Asked For

 After my request, I relaxed, let the situation go, and left for an appointment. As I walked to my car after my meeting, an idea popped in my head. Drive straight to the bank and pay the overage before the end of the business day.

 When I did and the bank heard my concern, they also extended my credit limit. Problem solved; benefits gained.

 Learning to relax and trust that all will be taken care of, no matter what, helps to wash away the goo of confusion. After all, if God takes care of the flowers and birds, surely you and I rate, too. But what about getting answers?

 A theme found in several Biblical references offers age old wisdom. Ask, and it shall be given to you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

Put These Together.  Don’t Worry. Ask for Help.

 Now, when I need answers, I place a simple request: POP IT IN.

 For example, I’m writing and get stuck. What I used to do was:

  • Whine: You know the mantra.
  • Worry: “What if I don’t get an answer?”
  • Get angry and complain: “I don’t have time for this.”
  • Feel like a helpless victim: “Why is this happening to me?”

 Now, I ask inwardly for help: “I need a headline. POP IT IN.”

 The answer comes – either immediately or after it incubates for a while.

 Prayers are always answered in divine right timing, Therefore, I let the concern go and do something else. This takes care of the seeking and knocking.

 Taking action refocuses me. It helps me to detach from fixating on results and when they should arrive.

 Easy. Simple. Clear.

Only Supportive Ideas Are Welcome.

 By the way, if an unsupportive idea pops in your head, pop it out. It’s your head, so claim dominion of it. Don’t give your power away to negative thinking. You have the power to pop in or out what goes in it.

 When those supportive ideas pop in, even if they’re a little outside-the-box, act on them. This is a key.

 Remember, everything is given according to your belief. If you allow the possibility, this really works.

 I invite you to experiment. Need answers? Relax and ask inwardly to “POP IT IN!”

WHEN BUTTONS ARE PUSHED

March 25, 2011

 Have you noticed people’s buttons getting pushed lately? Some respond with anger, frustration or depression. Others find that finger pointing, denial and avoidance are easier than talking things through.

 Opportunities abound to deal with issues, but some prefer to ignore the elephant in the room. It would take more than new glasses to correct that vision.

 Changing perspective helps: step back emotionally and observe in a detached way. This reminds you not to take it personally. But what should you do about it?

 Ask yourself: Is there something to get out of it, something to learn? Or is the point to get out of it and leave?

 And what’s the best action to take? This depends on the circumstances. But driving yourself bonkers and making yourself wrong only leads to a dead-end street.

 A lovely woman sent me a very ugly email. She wrote about demonic forces and people we once knew. She couldn’t be friends with me anymore because I was still associated with them, even though I wasn’t for years.

 Weeks later she apologized. Because of past injustices inflicted on her by this group, her deep pain was triggered. She obviously wasn’t herself when she wrote it.

 The point? I got out of it lessons of compassion; forgiveness; grace; and not judging as people make mistakes.

The action? Let go of the past and move on. We renewed our friendship.

 A few months later she sent another email explaining how she couldn’t be my friend because of my involvement with these same people.  

 The point? Get out of it. When people create too much drama and repeat patterns that they’re not shifting, it’s often best to step back.

The action? Don’t respond. Bless the situation and relationship and let them go.

 Here are tips on what you can do when buttons are pushed. Oh well, I can honestly say I’ve learned each one by doing the opposite.

 You can choose to push the easy button instead by using the following:

  1. Breathe deeply in a relaxed way.
  2. Step back emotionally and observe rather than become enmeshed with the story.
  3. Listen to what’s being expressed and understand their perspective.
  4. Let go of a need to be heard, validated and to express your viewpoint.
  5. Ask yourself that even if you don’t like it: Why is it essential that others should think the way you think they should?
  6. Tune in to your gut – what do you feel is true and the best action to take?

 “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” Then take action.

 Warning: using these tips will not give you the emotional exhilaration received from feeling right; trying to fix or rescue people; feeling victimized; having your ego stroked; expressing anger; trying to control; or the comfort of familiarity from reliving your sad story.

 It will:

  • Bring you peace of mind and heart
  • Awaken you to greater wisdom and awareness
  • Honor others even if you’re sure they’ve lost their mind
  • Reclaim your time and energy to enjoy life and pursue your goals
  • Bring you better results in the long run.

 My cousin just called. “Be sure to tell people that everyone needs some silly in their lives and that laughter is the best medicine.” Thanks, Sharon, for the best ideas. Don’t take things too seriously. It’s all good.

KINDNESS, ANGER & FRANK SINATRA

February 28, 2011

 How would you feel if this were you?

 A friend waited behind a car as it sat through not one but TWO green lights. Well, he had several choice words for that driver.

 Angrily he drove his car next to the driver and a little girl who sat next to him. The man turned to my friend and said, “I have to take my daughter to the hospital, but I don’t know which way to turn. Can you help me?”

 His anger and judgment vaporized with this new perspective.

 While waiting at a counter in a small shop, the woman next to me wanted to reclaim a lay-away that had been there for several months. The clerk very politely explained that their policy was for 30 days, she didn’t have a record of it, and the owner wasn’t present.

The customer responded by heartlessly debasing the clerk for being rude  which she wasn’t being at all. After she left, the clerk told me that the customer had no idea of the challenges in her life and how much courage it took for her just to come to work.

 If the customer looked beyond her self-interests, she may have handled things differently.

Then there’s this story of kindness with Frank Sinatra.

 At a party hosted by Frank Sinatra at his ex-wife’s home, a young woman accidentally knocked over one of a pair of alabaster birds and smashed it. His daughter Nancy began to say how they were one of her mother’s favorites, but Frank stopped her with a look. As 40 guests stared in stunned silence, he quickly walked over to the other bird. He flicked it with a finger to the floor and smashed it, too.  Then he kindly put his around the woman and told her in a way to diffuse the situation and her discomfort, “That’s okay, kid.”

 Ahhh, grace in action.

 From individuals to world politics, I’ve heard many stories this week of missed opportunities for consideration, kindness or communication. An acting manager complicated instead of resolved a situation while treating a customer like a low-life. A delay in a project with no urgent deadline elicited unnecessary rebuke. People locked into a negative viewpoint while refusing dialogue.

 The ego wears many masks including: righteous indignation; superiority posing as the high road; impatience; sticking it to people; projecting one’s issues onto others; belittling; and judgment.

 How do you respond when things don’t go your way and your buttons are pushed?

 Everyone has bad days and maybe you could’ve done some things differently. But, there are times you’ve chosen grace and kindness. You’ve listened; considered other viewpoints before jumping to conclusions; welcomed communication; and allowed people to be themselves although different from you.

 The most important person to be kind and non-judgmental to is you. You can’t give away what you don’t have.

 How does this affect your goals?  When you’re hard on yourself and others, you may repel what you want most or find it slipping through your fingers once you achieve it.

 What can you do about it right now? Just change your perspective – consider another way of looking at things.

 Ask yourself, “What did I learn?”

Fast forward to the present moment as you leave the past behind. Benefit from your lessons and move on to your next adventure. One option is to do it without judgment, with grace.