Have you noticed people’s buttons getting pushed lately? Maybe yours?
Some respond with anger, defensiveness, frustration or depression. Others find that finger pointing, denial and avoidance are easier than talking things through.
Opportunities abound to deal with issues, but some prefer to ignore the elephant in the room. It would take more than new glasses to correct that vision.
Changing perspective can help you: step back emotionally and observe in a detached way. This reminds you not to take it personally.
But what should you do about it?
Ask yourself:
- Is there something to get out of it and learn?
- Or is the point to get out of it and leave?
And what’s the best action to take?
This depends on the circumstances. But driving yourself bonkers and making yourself wrong only leads to a dead-end street.
A lovely woman sent me a very ugly email. She wrote about demonic forces and people we once knew. She couldn’t be friends with me anymore because I was still associated with them, even though I hadn’t been for years.
Weeks later, she apologized. Because of past injustices inflicted on her by this group, her deep pain was triggered. She obviously wasn’t herself when she wrote it.
The point? I got out of it lessons of compassion; forgiveness; grace; not judging as people make mistakes.
The action? Let go of the past, and move on. We renewed our friendship.
A few months later, she sent another email explaining how she couldn’t be my friend because of my involvement with these same people… people I still hadn’t talked with for many years.
The point? Get out of it. When people create too much drama and repeat patterns that they’re not shifting, it’s often best to step back.
The action? Don’t respond. Bless the situation and relationship, and let them go.
Here are tips on what you can do when your buttons are pushed. Oh well, I can honestly say I’ve learned each one by doing the opposite.
- Breathe deeply in a relaxed way.
- Step back emotionally and observe rather than become enmeshed with the story.
- Listen to what’s being expressed and understand their perspective.
- Let go of a need to be heard, validated and to express your viewpoint.
- Ask yourself that even if you don’t like it: Why is it essential that others should think the way you think they should?
- Tune in to your gut – what do you feel is true and the best action to take?
“Forgive them for they know not what they do.” Then take action.
Through my school of hard knocks learning, I’m adding one more. In the past, I’ve tried soooo hard to explain myself thinking they’d be able to get it. NOT!
Don’t try to explain yourself using logic if someone is emotional.
Mental and emotional approaches are on two different wave lengths.
When someone is emotional:
- They often aren’t listening.
- Can’t really hear what you’re saying unless it’s what they want to hear.
- They may not even have the foundation to understand what you’re saying.
They just get annoyed and feel justified in making you look like the jerk. Instead, listen and say:
Thanks for sharing your opinion.
WARNING
Using these tips will not give you the the comfort of familiarity as well as the dubious, emotional exhilaration from:
- Feeling right
- Trying to fix or rescue people.
- Feeling victimized.
- Having your ego stroked.
- Receiving sympathy from others.
- Expressing anger
- Trying to change or control circumstances or others’ opinions.
- Remembering and sharing your sad story.
It can:
- Bring you peace of mind and heart.
- Awaken you to greater wisdom and awareness.
- Honor others even if you’re sure they’ve lost their minds.
- Reclaim your time and energy to enjoy life and pursue your goals.
- Bring you better results in the long run.
Your choice. Give your power away by reacting. Or be empowered by emotional mastery.
This entry was originally posted on Soulgoals’ blog of March 25, 2011.
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