No one really likes to change. Well, we say we do, but we only want the so-called bad things to change. We’d like other things to stay just the way they are, thank you very much.
We want others to change and for us to stay the same.
However, when one part of a system changes, everything is affected. It’s like when the body gets hurt – the right leg may be injured, but the other side of the body compensates.
We often resist change. Call it bad. Likewise, when the “good” changes come, everything shifts. In the process, it can feel uncomfortable.
But when it becomes too painful to stay put and remain tight, we’re willing to risk in ways that we may otherwise have thought too painful.
Dynamic scene before the storm. Guadalupe River State Park
Oh, why not? If you know you’re going to make a change anyway, put yourself out of your misery or discomfort. Take a risk. Be willing to go for the change. Enjoy blossoming!
Reprinted from Soulgoals’ Post of October 18, 2010
Ready to break free? It’s less of a risk than you might imagine.
What you want and what inspires you to feel happy changes over time.
Your focus as a baby is different from when you’re a young adult ready to launch a new phase of this human adventure and varies at every stage of you being alive.
Likewise, what satisfies you shapeshifts.
Perhaps you are on or have had a financially safe and profitable career path, and you keep telling yourself that you should be happy. However, if you’re honest with yourself, it’s unfulfilling and you want more — something different, more meaningful with more money, more time and more fun.
Maybe you’re unsatisfied and are ready to make a change, but you believe it’s too impractical, you’re too old in today’s market to do something different or you don’t know what else you’d do that will pay you enough.
So you settle.
Once I met a friend of a friend at a party who, because of his divorce a couple of years prior to our conversation, had to close his business.
He was an adamant advocate of his limited beliefs. It took him twenty years to build his old business, and it would take that long to do it again. It was too late to start anything else. That’s a fact. Period. There was no other way of looking at it.
He couldn’t see that maybe, in his re-creation of his next step, it could be easier and success could come faster. His view was that this was impossible.
Although he appeared to be a nice man, he was one of the unhappiest and most negative people I’ve ever met.
I remembered the saying, don’t try to teach a pig how to fly. First, pigs can’t fly. Second, you just irritate the pig.
Mind you, he wasn’t a pig. But I could see that he got irritated thinking beyond his self-imposed doom.
A picture of my winged pig that can’t fly.
There is a way to manifest your heart’s desire that exceeds your wildest imagination. It starts by getting in touch with the soul of your goal.
The soul of your goal satisfies the true intention of your objective. You feel fulfilled and happy when you achieve a goal that has the essence of what you choose and frustrated or disappointed when you don’t…
Even if you don’t know how to label what you want, you can identify the soul of your goal. If you’re ready for change, even if you can’t describe what it looks like specifically, you can receive satisfying results.
A friend told me that she got what she asked for but not what she wanted:
A woman, who had taken care of others throughout her life, wondered when it was going to be her turn to be taken care of. She found out when her health challenges required years of round-the-clock caregiving by others.
Lacking clarity on the soul of your goal can bring less than satisfying results.
Excerpt from my Soulgoals’ program
While there are simple steps to clarify and align yourself with the soul of your goal, here’s something that may help you to start.
TIP: Clear and conscious intentions create a blueprint of what you choose. They replace unconscious pictures you carry from default programming. You attract what you energize with clarity and feeling.
Your brain may not be able to fathom how your goals can occur. However, if your intention is in alignment with the soul of your goal, miracles can happen.
Excerpt from my Soulgoals’ program
You don’t have to settle! You can go beyond trying to find yourself, a better life, career or business. You can be satisfied by consciously creating your ideal life or something better!
This Soulgoals’ Blog was originally posted on October 30, 2017.
One afternoon, while on Broadway in midtown Manhattan, New York City, I walked a few people behind a man who was having an animated argument with someone. Speaking in a loud voice, hands gesticulating passionately, I wondered who was the recipient of such a tirade.
It was just him battling with himself.
Someone and something really got to this guy, and he allowed it to drive him to act crazy.
Throughout your life, some people have done you wrong, and some may have gotten to you.
In the past (or maybe present), you’ve been:
abused, misused, ignored, rejected, undermined, betrayed, robbed, disappointed, manipulated, humiliated, the focal point of someone’s greedy, crazy, unconscious, demeaning, insecure, unfair or malevolent intent…
Often the perpetrators have been those most trusted and least expected to turn on you, such as:
close friends, family, significant others, church members, neighbors, co-workers, clients, bosses or business associates.
The results may have left you feeling that you’ve lost:
hope, your confidence, your spark of life, your capacity to find joy, your ability to ever succeed again or even care about it, your connection to the universe or your faith in God.
“The most important question you can ever ask is if the world is a friendly place.”
Albert Einstein
Einstein’s question is a game changing one to ponder. Your answer determines if you’re going to let the crazies, past or present or less-than-favorable circumstances, get to you. Consequently, will you allow them to impede your ability to be open to the success and enjoyment you richly deserve?
Are you letting undesirable memories occupy your attention so much that you won’t allow yourself to see that the world is a friendly place?
Often we’re attached to how we expect people and things are supposed to be. When they go haywire, our ego/ brain loves to binge-watch reruns of movies about personal, sad stories of our lives over and over again.
Instead, change the channel and focus on something in your life that works.
Relitigating your past by vacillating between trying to prove how you’re right and “how dare they” doesn’t help. Have you noticed? You won’t end up feeling better, and feeling good is important as it’s a key to attracting success.
Personally, instead of letting go of my faith in life and humanity, I (eventually) learned to have greater discernment.
You’ve got to know when to hold ’em Know when to fold ’em Know when to walk away And know when to run.
Kenny Rogers, “The Gambler”
Some people in my life who appeared to be helpful, trustworthy, supportive, emotionally healthy, well-meaning and even spiritually awake… I came to realize were toxic, emotionally immature, going in a different direction or no longer fit who I had become.
I could grumble about them incessantly, which I’ve done. I found it more useful, though, to see them as my teachers: learn my lessons, chalk it off to another life experience and move on.
It took me a while to see people for who they are, not for who I thought they were or wanted them to be.
Here’s an interesting twist.
Underneath this crazymaking, there’s a whole lot of disapproval going on.
Sometimes the other person starts it, and we respond back with disapproval and judgment, or vice versa.
When we enmesh ourselves in disapproval energy, we give others the power to control our happiness — from complete strangers whose driving we don’t like to annoying people in our day-to-day lives.
When we expect others to behave or show up in a certain way so we can feel good about ourselves, in essence we’re saying:
You need to change so I don’t have to change. My caring about you is conditional. It’s dependent on you acting the way I think you should. Otherwise, I might feel that I’ve lost control.
When the awareness comes that we alone have control of our attitude, then we don’t need others to be different so we can feel good.
Of course, do what’s wise to care of yourself, but you get to choose your attitude.
Energy changes when practicing this. The crazies start to evaporate from your life like the morning fog when the sun comes up.
Do you allow others to affect your psyche, your joy of living, your success, your ability to pick yourself up and start again regardless of whoever or whatever happened or is happening to you?
If you feel you don’t have enough time, you’re reflecting lack – a lack of time. This echoes other forms of lack and not enough – such as money, love, fulfillment and health.
When you most need to take time for you is when you don’t think you have the time to take the time. (Yeah, read that one again.)
If you’ve been getting nudges to make a change, start now with small steps. If you don’t like how you started, start again and again, if needed.
The key is to do it without judgment. Don’t beat yourself up if you haven’t taken time to have fun and enjoy yourself. That’s totally counter productive.Learning is a process – a layer at a time.
Life isn’t meant to be an endurance test. It’s a gift for you to appreciate and enjoy.
Everyone is going through a moment of truth now more than ever. It’s not just you.
Biggest fears are front and center.
What’s been denied or put off to look at can no longer be avoided.
Challenges are revealed to be dealt with.
The charade is fading, and it’s time to be real.
The process is often uncomfortable so it gets your attention. Then action becomes less painful than toleration.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
Anaïs Nin
Why is this happening to you? Because your very essence, your soul, is guiding you to live in greater joy, in closer alignment with who you really are. And, from this authentic place, express your gifts to the world.
It’s time for an awakening – to remember life is not meant to be laborious and a struggle but to be lived more true to you than ever before. And the core of you is joy.
The question is how conscious do you choose to be in the process? How hard do you make it? You can choose to learn your lessons in a gentle way by decreeing it so.
At the end of your life you can look back with no regrets and say, “I learned a lot. I loved. And I enjoyed the ride.
”Excerpt from August 2, 2010 Soulgoals’ Blog.
If you’d like support to discover how to live a more meaningful life, enjoy it to the fullest,and make it a whole lot easier, contact me at: virginia@soulgoals.com http://www.soulgoals.com
I help women to tune in to their true Selves, see clearly and live their personal and professional dreams.
A mastermind team did an exercise called “Strategy for Success,” which included prioritizing personal and professional goals, identifying obstacles, followed by strategies to overcome each one. If there was a roadblock, what could they do about it?
Procrastination was a big obstacle. Many delays were due to questioning themselves. Are they capable? Are they good enough? Are they doing the right thing?
Avoidance happened when their goals involved new activity and knowledge that differed from how they’d done things in the past. They were growing their businesses in new ways, which meant doing things they’d never done before.
Venturing into an arena unknown to them brought on self-doubt, which immobilized them from moving forward.
One woman, who took on a new-to-her project, didn’t know how to complete it. She simply didn’t have the expertise to finish the job. With deadlines looming, she held herself back from doing a pile of other work, that she easily knows how to do, until she finished her worrisome project.
It turned out that a business associate had already offered, completely free of charge, to help her every step of the way. He also told her point blank that she was fully capable of doing this work on her own once she learned the steps.
All she really needed was help to walk through each step. Then she’d have it.
After she completed his initial instructions, she felt that she should know how to finish it on her own. However, because she had no prior experience with it, there’s no way she could know.
She was stuck because her self-esteem felt jeopardized.
She didn’t want to call him for help because that made her feel there was something wrong with her abilities and herself. That she wasn’t good enough.
So she remained frozen for way too long, which meant she wasn’t receiving income for a stack of work she could do.
By changing her perspective, she was able to see how asking for help had nothing to do with her self-worth, and she was willing to contact him again.
When going outside the known and our comfort zone, when choosing to take ourselves to another level, it’s likely new tools and skills will be needed. This has nothing to do with not being good enough or a reason to be afraid of rejection!
Once we get over our “yes, buts,” “you don’t understand,” “I was told this is the way it is (or I am),” “there’s nothing that can be done” and countless other reasons we try to legitimize why we do things the way we’ve always done, new solutions can appear.
The answers to get you through any challenge live within you. You’ll either get pointed in a direction, a direct insight will come, you’ll overhear something by chance… somehow your personal GPS will show you the way.
Pay attention to your inner nudges. They provide clues.
Be open to step back and see things in a new perspective. The seemingly impossible may actually be possible with a different approach.
“Every great and deep difficulty bears in itself its own solution. It forces us to change our thinking in order to find it.”
Niels Bohr, who won the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1922
Bohr, who contributed to understanding atomic structure and quantum theory, tapped into his creativity to use outside the box thinking, which allowed him to be part of breakthrough discoveries.
Expand your territory. Change your perspective. Open to support and breakthroughs.
P. S. Know someone who might be interested in this post? Please share.
Original Soulgoals’ Blog was posted on March 26, 2018.
Tired of feeling overwhelmed and want to feel at peace instead?
“All we have of freedom, all we use or know – This our fathers bought for us long and long ago.”
Rudyard Kipling, The Old Issue, 1899
While you enjoy the liberty to do whatever you choose today – be with friends and family, catch up on your to do list, have fun, work, kick back and do nothing – there are those who risked their lives so we can enjoy these freedoms.
Memorial Day is a time to recognize what others have given in service for us to live in democracy in the U.S.A. Although imperfect at times (well, lots of times), we are on a quest to create what the Preamble to the Constitution calls “a more perfect union.”
The Preamble is a short, introductory statement of the Constitution’s fundamental purposes and guiding principles.
It posits what the Founding Fathers’ intentions were regarding the Constitution’s meaning and what they hoped it would achieve:
We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
The Preamble to the Constitution of the United States.
Each year on Memorial Day, a national moment of remembrance takes place at 3 PM local time.
As you go about your life, will you take a moment to give a sacred nod of appreciation to those who cared enough about us and this ideal of democracy to serve their country?
A moving tribute to those who made the ultimate sacrifice is “Hymn to the Fallen” by John Williams.
“In honor of the soldiers who give us the freedoms we have today.”
My mother, who passed in 1988, used what I call mantras – words she repeated so many times that I still know them verbatim.
Because of regular reiteration, I believed and didn’t question some of them. It was like repetition used to learn arithmetic tables, but these were impressed on me with far more feeling.
“When I was young, I used to be happy-go-lucky. Then I met your father.”
Because they argued intensely, she started her day with this mantra: “I wonder what that S.O.B. is going to do to make my life miserable today.” (Note – she didn’t use initials.)
She had no idea that her daily proclamations and choice of emotions were what made her life miserable, not anything my father did or didn’t do.
She thought her suffering was my father’s fault, and I accepted it as true, too. I didn’t have an attitude about him. I liked and loved him. At the same time, I saw her perspective and believed her woeful declarations.
Then around 2002, I was talking to one my teachers about how I felt sorry for them. He knew my parents and replied,
“Your mother wanted your father to change so she wouldn’t have to change.”
What?!!??
This was a throw-a-bucket-of-ice-cold-water-in-my-face moment.
It was his fault. That was a given. Never questioned it. She lived a miserable life because of him.
Here’s the kicker.
As long as she complained about and blamed him, she didn’t have to take responsibility for her own emotions and actions. It was his fault. She was the victim. Pointing her finger at what she decided were his failings absolved her of cleaning up her attitudes, feelings and thoughts.
In a flash, I realized the blaming wasn’t true. She could’ve been happy if she stopped giving him power over the way she felt.
In a shocking moment, for the first time, I stopped feeling sorry for them.
I realized that my pity (vs. compassion) was condescending and disrespectful of their choices. They decided how to interact with each other. They had complete control over the way they felt. If they chose to argue as a way of life, and if she chose to feel miserable, those were their decisions.
As emotions create reality, she created a “living hell” for herself where she felt “like a prisoner in my own home.” Her life was a self-fulfilled prophecy.
Think about the implications in your life. Who are you blaming for what doesn’t work and how you feel?
Do you want others to behave the way you think they should so you can feel good? In other words, do you want others or situations to change so you can feel better? Or will you decide to feel better anyway?
As you create your future by how you feel,do you allow others to affect how you feel by reacting to strangers who drive weird, crazy acting people, politicians or past hurts?
Are you blaming yourself? Or will you take command of your own energy because, if you don’t, you block your dreams coming true? Guilt, regrets, bemoaning your past, blaming yourself and others are false narratives… and an insult to your divine nature. Everyone’s learning. It’s okay.
What mantras run through your head? I can’t afford it. There’s never enough. What if I run out of money or time? Nothing I do ever works out. My life would be so much better if only…
Even if they’re “wrong,” you still can choose your attitude and how you respond. As like attracts like, how you feel shapes your future.
What does this have to do with your life, business or work?
Your feelings and thoughts magnetize your experience, so don’t hand the keys of your emotions to others and “if only” things would be different. Don’t give your power away.
Allowing others to affect how you feel relinquishes the keys to your kingdom – or queendom – of success, happiness and ability to enjoy personal, financial and emotional freedom.
By the way, blame is one of ego’s greatest tools; no matter where it’s directed, it holds you back.
Youchoose how you react and feel.
Your now and future depend on it.
“When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don’t blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce.
Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like the lettuce.
Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience.
No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change”
Thích Nhất Hạnh
Edited excerpt from Soulgoals’ post of March 13, 2017.
Ready to live YOUR life, let go of blaming and complaining and gain emotional mastery?
Once I left a half an hour later than intended for a talk I gave. I needed the extra time to place hand outs on 50 chairs and organize other aspects of my presentation.
I knew if I used the mantra on the 45-minute drive, “I’m late; I’m late,” I would have been an emotional wreck by the time I arrived.
Instead, I told my chattering mind, “I have all the time I need.” When I got there I discovered that one of my clients, who regularly attends this group and likes to arrive early, was available and very happy to assist me.
I had more than enough time.
Time is malleable. You can change your self-imposed concept of time in your life.
IT DOESN’T MATTER if you can’t figure out how you’ll find the time.
IT DOESN’T MATTER if you think you need more time in the day or more time before you exit the planet.
Talk with your Essence, the very core of who you are, and make an agreement: I have all the time I need to do everything I have to do.
Start by re-evaluating one area of your life where you feel you do not have enough time. Look at it from the viewpoint of a wise friend and reframe your perspective to one where you have all the time you need… and won’t run out of it.
“You can’t get it wrong, and you never get it done.“
Abraham-Hicks
Need to get control of your time? Feel like you’ll never catch up or you missed your boat? Maybe you’re so busy that you feel you aren’t able to get off your merry-go-round?
Cornucopia: an abundant, endless, overflowing supply. Allow your abundance to come in.
Your egoic self will seduce you to believe that you’re limited and not enough. It goes on and on with endless versions of not enoughs… you’re not good enough; you don’t have enough; you’re not a good enough parent or child; you’re not pretty or handsome enough: your weight isn’t good enough; you don’t match up to others; you’re not smart enough; you don’t have enough money. Get the idea?
It invades your thinking, but it lies!
“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
Louise Hay
How Can YouTell If You’ve Been Invaded Like The Walking Dead?
Ask if what you believe is true. (Your ego will convince you it’s true.) You feel that you’re right, they’re wrong. You have an emotional charge. You can’t shake negative feelings and mind chatter. Your filter believes you see clearly, but your vision is clouded by a finger pointing at inductees into your Villains’ Hall of Fame.
If you’re reading this with some comprehension, in this moment, your ego has taken a hike. Left to the ego’s devices, this information does not compute. Just like what happened in the following example.
Trekkie Talk
Data, an enlightened, artificial intelligence life form who’s programmed to help humans, understands this concept as hetalks with a primitive clone of himself in Star Trek Nemesis:
Data: You have been programmed to gather information that can be used against this ship.
Clone: I do not understand.
Data: I know.
And Data detached the clone from its power source.
When the ego’s program is running, there’s little understanding that the ego is controlling you. How is that possible? It imposes its faulty rationale, a filter that’s been influencing your perspective, that causes you to think and feel negatively and with limitation.
One of its programs is you against “them.” “Them” can be a generic somebody or something other than you. There’s little or no responsibility taken for one’s actions. You’re the victim. “They” are out to get you. Be afraid of what others might do to you in the future.
No, that’s not just the way you are. That’s the way you’ve been programmed by family, TV, church, school, friends, etc.
You can be running this computer-like mental and emotional software unconsciously. You can be completely unaware that its logic isn’t what you think it is. You may even adamantly defend it.
When this occurs, just like Data’s clone, there’s little recognition that the ego’s lies are actually working against you. For example, fearing the worse possible outcomes for the future isn’t protecting you. In truth, you’re setting yourself up for failure because of a misuse of your imagination.
It’s like seeing through a glass darkly as you become a pawn to do the ego’s bidding.
However, you can detach from this power source, just like Data did with his clone!
When You are in charge, your true Essence, you’ve got the bandwidth, clarity and energy to go beyond fear, make your dreams real and enjoy your best life.
Liberation of Lunacy (LoL)
I created a tool that my clients experience at the beginning of my Soulgoals’ program, called Liberation of Lunacy (the LoL Technique) to free yourself of doubt, limit, fear and lack through your power of choice, perspective and putting your Essence in charge. We’re all a little bit crazy when the ego takes over control. Meanwhile, here’s how to start freeing yourself when the siren sings you’ve really got a hold on me.
The ego will echo what you think, believe, say and feel emotionally. So quit beating yourself up. Stop blaming and making yourself and others wrong. Refrain from complaining about, comparing yourself and feeling superior or inferior to others.
Replace feeling a separation between you and “them” with an awareness of a connectedness with all of life.
Edited Excerpt from Soulgoals’ Blog, originally posted on June 18, 2018
So what have you been telling yourself about you recently?
Stupid, smart, not good enough, grateful?
Is that really what you think about yourself?
If you want more money, which thinking do you believe works best?
I really need it, but I don’t think I’ll ever get paid what I’m worth.
(In spite of my circumstances) I feel prosperous, and more money is coming to me.
If you want more of something, feel as if you already have it. Otherwise, if you’re waiting for it to appear before you believe it, either:
You may not get what you want.
You could be miserable once you get it.
You could be challenged holding onto it.
Your thoughts about yourself are just mental concepts. Your thoughts and ideas are only pictures in your mind, and often times they were downloaded into your brain by others.
The tendency is to accept all of your perceptions as real because they’re in your head. However, they’re limiting because more possibilities exist than you can imagine.
“To look upon the appearance of disease will produce the form of disease in your own mind, and ultimately in your body, unless you hold the thought of the truth, which is that there is no disease; it is only an appearance, and the reality is health.
“To look upon the appearances of poverty will produce corresponding forms in your own mind, unless you hold to the truth that there is no poverty; there is only abundance.”
Wallace D. Wattles, The Science of Getting Rich
What do you think about yourself?
Do you say you want more money but think about yourself as poor, in lack or needy?
Do you say you want greater health but see your body as sick?
How you identify who you believe you are now is writing your script for who you’ll be in the future.
If you focus on your outer circumstances, you’ll repeat them in the future. Focus on what you choose instead.
Don’t be fooled by appearances, and certainly don’t beat yourself up because you feel you’re not good enough. Your current circumstances exist because of old ways that you thought about yourself.
You always have a choice about how you feel and think, even if things seem out of your control.
Imagine what life would be like if you see yourself as the hero of your dreams coming true!
Edited excerpt from Soulgoals’ Blog posted on March 20, 2018.
Could you use help changing the way you see yourself and your prospects for a better future?
Virginia Goszewska (go-SHEF-ska) awakens people to be richly compensated doing what they love by aligning with their Soul’s goals.
Based on decades of extensive research and personal discoveries, Virginia created the unique mastermind and success program Soulgoals: A Step-by-Step System to Do What You Love – even if you failed before, lost hope, are afraid, stuck, stressed or confused. The mastermind is an energy created when two or more gather in harmony for the attainment of a shared, definite objective.
Soulgoals' Blog 