SHOCKED About My Mother After Learning This

This changed me forever.

She blamed my father for her miserable life.

My mother, who passed in 1988, used what I call mantras – words she repeated so many times that I still know them verbatim.

Because of regular reiteration, I believed and didn’t question some of them. It was like repetition used to learn arithmetic tables, but these were impressed on me with far more feeling.

“When I was young, I used to be happy-go-lucky. Then I met your father.”

Because they argued intensely, she started her day with this mantra: “I wonder what that S.O.B. is going to do to make my life miserable today.”  (Note – she didn’t use initials.)

She had no idea that her daily proclamations and choice of emotions were what made her life miserable, not anything my father did or didn’t do.

She thought her suffering was my father’s fault, and I accepted it as true, too. I didn’t have an attitude about him. I liked and loved him. At the same time, I saw her perspective and believed her woeful declarations.

Then around 2002, I was talking to one my teachers about how I felt sorry for them. He knew my parents and replied,

“Your mother wanted your father to change so she wouldn’t have to change.”

What?!!??

This was a throw-a-bucket-of-ice-cold-water-in-my-face moment.

It was his fault. That was a given. Never questioned it. She lived a miserable life because of him.

Here’s the kicker.

As long as she complained about and blamed him, she didn’t have to take responsibility for her own emotions and actions. It was his fault. She was the victim. Pointing her finger at what she decided were his failings absolved her of cleaning up her attitudes, feelings and thoughts.

In a flash, I realized the blaming wasn’t true. She could’ve been happy if she stopped giving him power over the way she felt.

In a shocking moment, for the first time, I stopped feeling sorry for them.

I realized that my pity (vs. compassion) was condescending and disrespectful of their choices. They decided how to interact with each other. They had complete control over the way they felt. If they chose to argue as a way of life, and if she chose to feel miserable, those were their decisions.

As emotions create reality, she created a “living hell” for herself where she felt “like a prisoner in my own home.” Her life was a self-fulfilled prophecy.

Think about the implications in your life. Who are you blaming for what doesn’t work and how you feel?

• Do you want others to behave the way you think they should so you can feel good? In other words, do you want others or situations to change so you can feel better? Or will you decide to feel better anyway?
• As you create your future by how you feel, do you allow others to affect how you feel by reacting to strangers who drive weird, crazy acting people, politicians or past hurts?
• Are you blaming yourself? Or will you take command of your own energy because, if you don’t, you block your dreams coming true? Guilt, regrets, bemoaning your past, blaming yourself and others are false narratives… and an insult to your divine nature. Everyone’s learning. It’s okay.
• What mantras run through your head? I can’t afford it. There’s never enough. What if I run out of money or time? Nothing I do ever works out. My life would be so much better if only…

Even if they’re “wrong,” you still can choose your attitude and how you respond. As like attracts like, how you feel shapes your future.

What does this have to do with your life, business or work?

Your feelings and thoughts magnetize your experience, so don’t hand the keys of your emotions to others and “if only” things would be different. Don’t give your power away.

Allowing others to affect how you feel relinquishes the keys to your kingdom – or queendom – of success, happiness and ability to enjoy personal, financial and emotional freedom.

By the way, blame is one of ego’s greatest tools; no matter where it’s directed, it holds you back.

You choose how you react and feel.

Your now and future depend on it.

“When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don’t blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce.

Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like the lettuce.

Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience.

No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change”  

Thích Nhất Hạnh

Edited excerpt from Soulgoals’ post of March 13, 2017.

---

Ready to live YOUR life, let go of blaming and complaining and gain emotional mastery? 

Contact me to learn how at:

virginia@soulgoals.com
http://www.soulgoals.com

I help women to tune in to their true Selves, see clearly and live their personal and professional dreams.

Copyright © 2023 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Advertisement

Who’s to Blame? Is It Your Fault or Theirs?

Who’s Controlling Your Life?

Here’s a Simple Formula:

If you’re used to thinking it’s all your fault and you screwed up (again), it may be the other person who’s the culprit:

Your programming could include the belief that there’s something wrong with or oddly divergent about you, and now you’re convinced that’s true. (By the way, that program was put there by someone else, probably in childhood.) Because of this belief, and like attracts like, you attract others who accuse you of the same thing. This adds false evidence that your seeming inadequacy must be correct, and your life can feel controlled by what others think about you.

If you’re used to blaming, pointing fingers and complaining about others, the issue may be yours:

This programming could include not taking responsibility for how you’re creating your life as well as projecting your feelings on others. You believe other people, the government or circumstances are to blame for the wrongs done to you, and your words reveal you feel victimized or persecuted (although you might never think of yourself this way).

You can generalize: everybody feels that way or everyone knows that. Furthermore, if you blame hard enough, you might get others to doubt themselves or feel shame… then you feel in control. You can be very annoyed if others don’t go along with your beliefs, or you could feel they just don’t get it. If only they’d see the light from your perspective or apologize, you’d feel validated. But the relief doesn’t last for long because your concealed programming is still running.

Regardless, if you unwittingly try to control others’ behaviors or allow others to control how you feel, the underlying trickster is the same. It isn’t about You but your egoic self, a false identity that you’ve spent your life thinking is you!

Who’s Controlling Your Life?

Ever feel that you want to crawl in bed with the covers pulled over your head? Feelings arise when your story about them adds interpretation to emotions… which leads to beliefs… which circles back to those yucky feelings like frustration, disappointment and suffering. Hey, it’s not just you. We’re all wired like this, and we can change it!

Eckhart Tolle said, “the ego believes it is real and tries hard to maintain its supremacy.” He shares that negative states of mind, such as anger, resentment, fear, worry, blame and envy, are products of the ego. When it’s in control, these grievances appear justified, and usually someone or something else is blamed for these feelings. (Obviously, says the ego, it’s their fault.)

The true cause of this skewed thinking is not found in You but in the very structure of your egoic mind.

An Alternative:

You have the ability to:

• Let go of allowing others and external circumstances control the way you feel and act.
• Let go of trying to control how others think and live their lives.
• Stop investing your emotional energy into who’s right and wrong.

Instead, make new choices. Shift your focus away from others’ and your so-called faults to seeing that you are more than enough. Actually, you’re awesome! Look for what’s good in you.

When people can’t find perfection in themselves, they judge others.

So allow others to be who they are, learning lessons just like you. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. It doesn’t mean you don’t have boundaries. But accept life for what it is.

You can have emotional mastery. Acceptance is your ticket to freedom. Resistance is futile.

You can do this. You’ll feel lighter, which makes it easier to take action on what’s important to you.

P.S. Know someone who might
like this? Please forward.

Edited Excerpt from Soulgoals’ Blog, originally posted on June 18, 2018

---

Copyright © 2023 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

---

Ready to live YOUR life, let go of blaming and complaining and gain emotional mastery? 
Contact me to learn how at:

virginia@soulgoals.com
http://www.soulgoals.com

I help women to tune in to their true Selves, see clearly and live their personal and professional dreams.

Are You Messing Up Your Life or Making It Better?

Where’s your focus? What do you see in this optical illusion? Old or young woman?

A couple of my clients are involved with sports that require focus.

While kayaking, Melinda told me that if you focus on what to avoid, you’ll hit it. If you focus on where you’re going, you’ll go there.

In mountain biking, Michele shared that if you focus on obstacles, like the rocks and bumps you go over, you’ll fall. She said that it’s amazing how when you keep your gaze in front of you, where you’re heading, the obstacles don’t effect you and you keep going.

Your life, business, work and finances reflect what you consistently focus on, think about, talk about, complain about, imagine and enjoy – whether you want that thing or not.

In my Soulgoals’ program, there’s a segment called Focus on the Donut and not the Hole:

“One client said, ‘We’re trained to focus on worry. Now I’m retraining my focus on what I choose instead.’”

What’s in your focus? It can mess up your life or make it better. It may be a key to what’s in your wallet and happiness!

Edited excerpt from Soulgoals’ Post of February 27, 2017

UPDATE: Maybe you think you have no idea where to focus because you have so much to do, and it should’ve been done yesterday! You feel that only then would the pressure and weight be lifted off you. 

Consider that your underlying conundrum might be some variation of you’re not getting things done as fast as you’d like.

If so, shift your focus to being okay with where you are right now.

Pick one project on your To Do list to which you feel most drawn, and start to work on it.

Then focus by taking it a step at a time. Work toward completion. With this attitude, you could attract help in unexpected ways, too.

Hakuna matata (from the movie The Lion King meaning no worries; there are no troubles.”)

---

Copyright © 2023 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Need help with your focus? Glass half empty or half full?

Contact me to learn how at: virginia@soulgoals.com • http://www.soulgoals.com

I help women tune in to their true Selves, see clearly and live their personal and professional dreams.

Are You Jumping to the Right Conclusion?

…or are you looking at shadows of the truth?

After sitting through a couple of traffic lights behind a car that wouldn’t budge, my friend got very annoyed.

He thought, what’s wrong with these people along with several choice expletives.

Finally, he angrily swerved around to get in the lane next to them. In the car was a man and a child in the passenger seat.

As my friend turned to the driver to give him a piece of his mind, the man asked, “Which way to the hospital? I have to take my child to the hospital, and I don’t know if I need to turn right or left.”

With this new information and perspective, his annoyance instantly left. He became fully engaged in helping.

Recently, a woman explained how she was quite bothered by something I’d said. She felt upset for months, since we had our last conversation. When we finally talked again, she told me that she didn’t know how I could’ve said such a thing and made analogies all pointing to why she should be indignant.

She assumed the story she was telling herself was correct, and therefore she was justifiably angry with me.  She saw the story through her filter, and therefore she felt she had good reason to feel upset with me!

A couple of minutes into her explanation, when I realized she had totally misinterpreted the point I was making, I clarified what I had said. Very quickly, the story and irritation at me that she’d been holding onto for so long evaporated.

I suggested that, in the future, she talk with me if she had an issue rather than jump to conclusions.

Do you find yourself upset about something and jumping to conclusions? Take a step back and observe. Is this a one-time or ongoing occurrence? Might there be a different way of connecting the dots? There may be a different way of handling this.

Perhaps there’s a lesson for you to learn. Maybe there’s a different story you can tell about it and discover a new conclusion.

Are you using or misusing your imagination?

---

Reprinted from Soulgoals’ Archives, February 4, 2019

---

Ready to find clarity and discover
how you can jump to the conclusion
so you can get what you really want…
or something better?

Contact me to learn how at:

virginia@soulgoals.com

http://www.soulgoals.com

I help women to tune in to their True Selves, see clearly and live their personal and professional dreams.

Copyright © 2022 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Stop Feeling There’s Something Wrong With You

Stop scaring yourself with the stories you tell about yourself.

“Regardless of how he presents himself he is your gremlin and his view of “what is so” is grounded in make-believe. Be aware of him. It is unnecessary to try to ignore him or to fight. Simply notice him.”

Richard D. Carson, Taming Your Gremlin, A Guide to Enjoying Yourself

I had mononucleosis in college and was out of school for a month. It took me a while to return to the rhythm of taking classes again. At the same time, my boyfriend came home from his college, and we enjoyed ourselves visiting with his family.
 
For me to make my 2 P.M. class, I had to leave his house at 1 P.M. At 1:15 I could have gone, but I would have been late. At 1:30 it was a lost cause and water over the dam… but not for me.
 
They listened to me try to decide “should I or shouldn’t I go” for a while. Then when it was too late to leave, they listened to me whine that I should have gone. Finally, his older brother said, “You made your decision. Stop beating yourself up over what you chose to do. There is nothing you can do about it now. Let it go.”

---

I didn’t realize I had a choice in my thinking. I thought the responsible thing to do was agonize over my decision so it would be known that I knew I should have gone but somehow couldn’t rise to the occasion… and there’s something wrong with me.

---

So much unnecessary confusion follows this type of thinking, because the “problem” isn’t happening outside of us.

The problem is caused from our perception and reaction to what occurs.

The downside is that a great deal of energy is spent spinning around something that doesn’t matter, and then comes another problem – frustration. It’s very difficult to get off a merry-go-round when it’s moving in circles.

When we go in circles we watch life pass us by and think about so many things we would like to do and have to do that we’re not doing…

Then we jump off one ride, not to land on solid ground of “what is,” but to go on another ride. We start beating ourselves up over what we didn’t do or perhaps what we feel we should’ve done.

There are additional carnival adventures such as getting angry, which is a variation of the frustration ride. Other forms of entertainment include blame, worry, fear, anxiety, and playing victim. Another favorite is inaction – spending a lot of time on the merry-go-round of the mind creates such dizziness that it’s impossible to think straight and be clear enough to do anything.

If you insist on thinking there’s something wrong with you, you’re off on a roller coaster ride.

You may choose to change some of your actions and the consequences they create, but there’s nothing wrong with you.

Does any of this sound familiar?

The effort used focusing on these rides instead could be redirected to what’s important to you.

The first step is to put an adult in your control booth, thank your inner kids for picking up the slack during your time out, and communicate confidence that qualified supervision is taking over.

If this sounds like schizophrenic behavior, that’s what happens when we allow child parts of ourselves to take over and rule our lives as if they are us. Our perceptions and reactions become those of a child in an adult body.

How can you make the shift?

You know. Inside of you, you know.

Think about how a mature adult talks and acts, and start talking to yourself that way.

The adult you is only found in the now, not the past or the future.

You can show yourself self-respect and appreciation. Speak to yourself the way you would like others to talk with you.

Few will treat you any better than you treat yourself.

A child part will not be shushed or ignored, or like a child, it simply will act out in another way. What it wants is what any child wants, even though it may be rebellious. It wants to know it is safe and loved.

You provide the internal terrain that is a safe haven by acting like an adult who is in control, and the child part can relax and leave you at peace.
 
One tool to accomplish this is to simply notice it, without reacting or judging or making yourself wrong.

Be the watcher, the observer. 

As your gain greater perspective, you may see that perhaps you could make different choices, but there’s nothing wrong with you.

---

Tired of that sickening feeling of feeling wrong?
Contact me to learn how at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck or could 
use new tools or support.

I help them ignite their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.

Original Soulgoal Missive written in 2002 

Copyright © 2021 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

How to Skate Through Life… even in hard times

The Skating Minister by Henry Raeburn

Wouldn’t you rather skate through life than be burdened by it?

My dream this morning gave me a roadmap how.

Let’s say you wanted to ice skate in winter, but there wasn’t a place to do it.
However, you had a place where water could be added to create a pond.

So, you filled that space with an available water source.

Gave it time to freeze.

Now you can skate.

Makes sense. But what does this have to do with anything?

Where’s your focus?

Worrying about problems is how we might believe we’re being responsible, but that’s looking in the wrong direction for answers. Although habits can be hard to break, you do have other choices.

You could:

• whine about not being able to skate because there isn’t a place to do it.
• blame wildlife for drinking the water that could’ve frozen.
• feel sorry for yourself or tell your story so others can feel sorry for you.

However, you still can’t skate if you choose any of these.

You can’t have a problem without already having the answer.
But, if you keep looking at the problem and feeling bad about it, you won’t see the solution!

You have a place within, at the core of who you are, that already has the solution – the space for the pond.

If you’re open to receive, your inner guidance will fill you with answers.

To continue with this metaphor, if you allow answers time to transform from fluid to solid, thoughts and feelings can materialize into solutions.

Here’s where Mastermind Principle #3 from my Soulgoals program comes in handy:

I trust my Self and listen to the voice within.

What if you stay loyal to the what-if-it-doesn’t-work thinking?

Results: Frustration, anger, blame, struggle, complications and disappointment. Same ole, same ole. Your focus is on what doesn’t work, so you magnetize more of the same. Success goes up and down like a seesaw.

Sound familiar?

What else you can do? How can you skate through life?


First step:  Notice how you greet situations.

Is it with fear, doubt, discouragement or other negative feelings?

Instead, focus on any positive experiences you’ve ever had about this.

If you don’t have one, imagine how you’d like it to be. 

Here are examples:

• Before a sales presentation or any potentially challenging situation, remember ones that went great. It doesn’t matter if you’ve put your foot in your mouth a hundred times before. But if once, your long lost uncle bought a candy bar you were selling in grade school, and you felt happy, go to those thoughts and good feelings.
• Feeling weak in the knees because you’re about to talk with someone? Instead, recall moments of empowering interactions.
• If you’re used to feeling the other shoe is going to drop, feeling good may seem downright unnatural.  However, with practice and positive results, you’ll feel more comfortable.

Forget what you may have heard about doubting yourself. That was misery wanting company.

Feeling good IS your natural state. Enjoy skating.

Reposted from October 27, 2015

If you’d like help to live
an ideal life you’ve imagined,
(yes, it’s possible),
contact me at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck or could 
use new tools or support.
I help them ignite their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.

Wonder What Your Future Will Bring?

“When you get to be my age, everything scares you,” an 82-year-old told me. “Just watching TV is enough to make you afraid. You’ll see.” Because I’ve heard similar comments over my lifetime of “when you get to be my age” followed by limited thinking, I paused.I noticed how she shared her negativity in a joking way while her attitude depressed and sucked the life out of people around her. This time instead of reacting, I replied, “I made a decision not to be afraid.” Silence. In contrast, I had a delightful conversation with Ms. Belle, a 79-year-old. She commented that looking at the way we’re talking, anyone would think we’re old friends. We met only 20 minutes earlier in a small, neighborhood store. She told me, “You’ve got to be positive. Life is short.” She’s amazed at how she meets lovely people wherever she goes, and that there are so many wonderful people in the world. She goes to the gym and rides a bicycle. One day, she realized that she loves to exercise. She enjoys talking and having fun with others while there, too. Ms. Belle shared with me the importance of keeping our memory, especially as some people will take advantage of you if you don’t remember things. Hint: Just like you can make a decision not to be afraid, you can choose to retain your memory, even if you feel it’s not as good as you’d like it to be now. Start by no longer talking about and focusing on how you don’t have a good memory! What you talk about becomes your reality, joking or not. So much of life and business are about decisions and perspectives. Which attitudes, behaviors and actions of yours (and others) are you willing to tolerate? Do you see people (including you) and life as inherently bad and evil or good? Your answers will determine your success. Negativity won’t breed positivity. You can’t have a happy ending while feeling miserable along the way. Everyone has beliefs. Many are held onto so dearly that you might feel that if you stopped believing them, you’ll go straight to that inferno down below. Some beliefs upon which you base your life may be the very ones that are holding you back! If you allow fear and a habit of complaining to control you, you could find yourself on a slippery slope that doesn’t lead to success or happiness. Many blame others, blind to connecting the dots of how their own choices and beliefs created their circumstances. Wonder what your future will bring? It will bear the fruit of your current and past thoughts, feelings and attitudes, as the two above-mentioned women demonstrate. Your future will bring you the products of your beliefs and thinking just as your present is a reflection of your past ones. Wonder what your beliefs and thinking have been? Look around you. You have the power within you to choose to be afraid of your own shadow or to be courageous. In this moment, you can change the way you feel about you and the mental picture you carry about yourself and your future. You can decide nothing will stop you from living the life and having the business or work of your dreams, in spite of the odds… regardless of the effects that a pandemic or other circumstances have had on your life. You see, you’re giving others too much power as you even acknowledge how they make you feel. What you’ve got to decide is how I’m going to feel. We would go to a Virtual Reality and we would practice feeling good. Manifestations come on the heels of what you’ve conjured in thought. Abraham-Hicks, Excerpted from North Los Angeles, CA on 3/2/02 Think about you on the other side of the pandemic. Can you see that you’re no longer willing to put up with some of the old ways you’ve been doing things? Do you know you can consciously change your life for the better? If you’d like to learn about a complimentary session so you can start fresh, contact me at virginia@soulgoals.com http://www.soulgoals.com I work with people who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support.  I help them be richly compensated in whatever way is meaningful to them by aligning with their Soul’s goals. Updated from Soulgoals’ Archives posted on October 14, 2017 Copyright © 2020 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

My Tip to Get Over Overwhelm

Wimberley Flood 2015

Feeling stressed and overwhelmed are times when it helps to be the most centered emotionally and mentally, but it’s often when we feel the worse. 

For those who may not be familiar with my story, first, here’s background on why I was on the brink of not knowing how to handle everything. Then, onto my confirmation that this super simple tip works.

The background

One of the most challenging years in my life (and to reach that height is saying something) began Memorial Day weekend four years ago. 

Unprecedented flooding occurred when the Blanco River rose to a record 40.21 feet before it knocked out the flood gauge. It took 2 1/2 hours for the water to rise 31 feet as it washed away homes and people to their demise.

Although my house wasn’t part of that disaster, little did I realize this was the beginning of my personal nightmare for six months followed by another six months of new challenges.

I had dinner with a friend in a neighboring town, and left my back door open to the screened porch, when weeks of sunny skies suddenly turned to a violent storm. The rain hit the ground with such ferocity that it jettisoned mold spores into my home.

Long story short, I suffered from mold throughout my house: in my furniture, dry wall, cupboards and me. Inhaling mold not only had me breathing like a zombie but created an opiate effect on my brain so I couldn’t think straight, laid in bed like I was drugged, and sometimes I couldn’t put a sentence together to talk to people.

When I woke up out of this stupor and realized what a fix I was in, I panicked.

Miraculously, instead of years, I managed to get somewhat back on track in six months. 

I had about a month of normalcy and then the next crisis came. My cat became very ill.

I suppose most people would have put her to sleep after being told by multiple vets there was nothing to be done when her thyroid levels were over four times what they should be and her weight dropped from 15# to 7# in three weeks.

But she made it clear to me that she wasn’t ready to leave yet.

That came with a price.

For six months, I was awakened by her every night, cleaning up because of her illness, so I could only get three hours of sleep at a time. I can assure you that sleep deprivation over so many months takes its toll. Finally, she let me know it was time to go.

At that point I was exhausted, and my life felt like it was in near shambles.

A trusted coach, who I thought understood my situation and had my back, thought I liked the drama, which she mentioned during a guided meditation for me. Ouch! Maybe she thought because it was just a cat and not a parent that I should’ve put her to sleep against her will.

That was the best and worst of times. The best because years of lessons were condensed in months, not a lifetime. 

Talk about overwhelm! My life was assaulted on every level: my physical and brain health, financially, emotionally, unsupported by so-called trusted confidants, my home in disarray, unknown business direction and on and on.

So many things to deal with. I wanted to get my life back and have everything in order yesterday. Every effort seemed so miniscule compared to the task at hand.

How could I ever turn it around?

Just take a step at a time.

Focusing on this simple tip got me out of that deep hole, step at a time.

As simplistic as it sounds, focusing on one project at a time both relieves pressure and fosters progress, as reported by my clients’ experiences, too. 

It still works for me.

For example, in the beginning of this year I focused on educating myself with 45 hours of a variety of free, online health docuseries. The result is that I went on a keto diet, my weight is 25# less than it was a few months ago, the arthritis in my lower back is completely gone and I feel the best I’ve felt in decades.

I focused. I was patient with my progress and myself.

Instead of pacing ourselves, we often want to do everything at once, but life usually doesn’t work like that in the long run. Or we end up doing little or nothing except complain about how much we have to do.

During stressful times, it’s easy to feel like a failure. The step at a time approach redirects attention to what’s working and how you’re moving forward and doing well.

If you’re like most people, you’ve got a stockpile of things that need to be done. Maybe you feel discouraged and that you’ll never get ahead.

You can.

Hold the VISION of seeing your ideal life that’s on the other side of your To Do lists or crises, and STEP AT A TIME you’ll arrive at your destination or someplace better.


Could you use support in
what steps to take?
Contact me
for a complimentary
Do What You Love Break Free Session.

Email me at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love by discovering
their Soul’s goals.

Copyright © 2019 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Go with the Flow or Let the Flow Go?

This week, I received a card from a client and friend that said, “Go with the flow” with a lovely handwritten sentiment inside. While wondering what to write this week, I thought I’d enjoy sharing this concept.

However, when I went online to find related ideas, I was intrigued to find quotes like this:

“If you decide to just go with the flow, you’ll end up where the flow goes, which is usually downhill, often leading to a big pile of sludge and a life of unhappiness. You’ll end up doing what everyone else is doing.”
― Sean Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens

Ah, he’s writing to teenagers, so that makes sense. Sometimes they’re just going along with their peers, which might lead to the lowest common denominator. Going with that flow may not be the best choice.

Here’s another:

“Is it better to go with the flow or let the flow go?” Aidan Chambers

What if the flow is you thinking about things that aren’t working for you in your life or business? This flow will keep you regurgitating self-defeating beliefs.

Herein lies a core question. With which flow are you going?

I expand on this idea in Lesson 2 of my Soulgoals program:

First, what’s the mastermind energy? There are seven Soulgoals’ Mastermind Principles. Here are three of them.

Mastermind Principle #1. I believe there’s an energy created when two or more gather in harmony…

Mastermind Principle #2. I trust that the mastermind energy can and does manifest goals I choose or something better… 

Mastermind Principle #5. I choose to be in divine flow, surrender control to the mastermind, and focus on the present moment.
 
Choose to be in divine flow
 
Life consists of flows of energy. Which flows do you follow?
 
If you tell a policeman you were speeding because you went with the flow of traffic, you’d get a ticket.
 
Do you go with the flow of conversation with people who gossip or talk a lot about their problems?
 
When you choose to be in divine flow, you allow the universal energy and your spirit to take you beyond the daily chaos and ego’s desires.
 
Divine flow elevates you to a zone beyond fear and resistance, to be at peace with what is. You relax and release fixed ideas of how you think your life should go by knowing there’s a bigger plan in play.

Go with the Flow or Let the Flow Go?

It depends on which flow it is!

 

P.S. Know someone who might enjoy this post? Please share.

Looking to get into your own flow
of brilliance, creativity and success…
whatever success means to you?
Contact me for a complimentary
Do What You Love Break Free Session.

Email me at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love by discovering
their Soul’s goals.

Copyright © 2019 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

That Thing that Upset You… Here’s Why!

I know. I know. There’s no way you would EVER want this experience or someone to do to you what happened.

Obviously, someone or something else is to blame. How could you have caused this? It happened outside of you, out of your control. Wouldn’t anyone feel the same way?

If I elaborate on the idea that your thoughts and feelings are things, and they shape your world, you might want to land a punch on me if I were close to you. You might believe I don’t understand this situation. I’m delusional. Or perhaps you think that you already know we attract experiences through our thinking, but you had nothing to do with causing this fill in the blank issue.

Instead, I’ll share two examples, leaving you to evaluate if this idea might have any credibility. It might make more sense if you’ve spent years being angry or blaming others or wondering why things keep happening to you… and perhaps you’re coming to the awareness that those approaches haven’t gotten you what you want.

First is a woman who had COPD and several other physical disabilities that necessitated someone to be with her 24/7. She shared with me that she used to end up being the one to take care of people. She used to say to herself, when’s it going to be my turn to be taken care of? She got her answer, although not in the way she wanted.

Another woman left a position she’d had for several years when she realized the job was literally killing her. The business she planned on starting when she left her job never took off, which was a good thing because she was unwell and extremely weak.

Having no money, she went back to work at a job she had decades before – delivering pizzas. Not her dream job at the age of 60, to say the least.

The job actually had many redeeming qualities for her. She built up her strength. Finally, she was surrounded by a supportive and caring manager and team of co-workers. She made money she desperately needed.

For a while, she did a lot of complaining. Delivering pizzas was a far cry from living her dream. “I’m too old for this. A few months ago I could hardly walk, and now I’m slowly carrying heavy boxes of pizza and soda up flights of stairs, and sometimes I don’t even get tips.” She couldn’t see well while driving at night, had a hard time on access roads and finding places, and she hated those stairs and delivering to apartment buildings. To top it off, she decided that people of her race never tipped. She saw that as a fact.

These upsetting things appeared completely out of her control.

She couldn’t govern the randomness of which orders were next in line to deliver, who they’d go to, if they were tippers and where people lived.

Everything changed when she realized she was using her imagination to dwell on annoyances instead of what she chooses to experience.

She decided to change her focus and found that her outcomes improved the more she directed her thinking to what she wanted.

This success inspired her to become very intentional, with her thinking being the only thing that changed. This is what happened on that shift.

1. All her deliveries were to houses except one to an apartment building, and they lived on the first floor.
2. She had no need to travel on any access roads.
3. Locations were easy to find.
4. People of her own race always gave her great tips.
5. She had her best night of tips ever, nearly doubling the tips she made on any good night in the entire three months she worked there.
6. Everyone was friendly and nice.

The following week, she decided to leave that job. She’s now the happiest she’s ever been. She’s confident that financial opportunities she’s considering are going to work out because she’s learned the power of using her imagination wisely.

She discovered that effectively using one’s imagination is more real than the so called “reality” of outer circumstances. 

Now, she’s no longer worried or depressed.

She’s relaxed because she knows money will come and she’ll have time to pursue her dream. Based on opportunities coming her way, she has good reason to continue to believe things will work out.

You’re bigger than anything or anyone that’s upsetting you.

Rearrange your thinking. You are the change that changes your world.

Pay attention to what you’re telling yourself, the conversations in your head, during the day.

It’s not that you won’t be aware of your outer circumstances, but don’t freak out about them! Don’t give in to thinking nothing will ever change. Instead, focus on how you choose your life or business to be.

Take a breath. Shift gears. Imagine your life, really imagine it with your thoughts and feelings, as if it’s the way you choose and that everything’s working out in divine right timing.

And remember to tip well your servers and delivery folks. That’s how they earn their living.

P.S. Know someone who might enjoy this post? Please share.

I work with people, at any age,
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love by discovering
their Soul’s goals.

Copyright © 2018 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.