Posts Tagged ‘Not good enough’

Stop Giving Your Power Away!

November 11, 2019

i am woman

I am man

Before you read this post, I’d like to thank the veterans for their service on today’s celebration of Veterans Day in the U.S.A.

“Why can’t you be more like ­­­­­­­­­­your cousins?” was one of my mother’s mantras.

Translated: who you are isn’t good enough.

A funny twist is when I told this to my cousin, she said her mother implied she should have been more like me!

My mother passed away in 1988, and I still remember her mantras verbatim. Early programming is powerful. It creates one of the voices that chatters in the back of our heads.

Families share attitudes, perspectives and behaviors. The next generation perpetuates how they’ve been raised by passing it on to their children – until someone like you decides to wake up and make more conscious choices.

This pattern is referred to in Exodus 34:7. “Visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.”

You can break the patterns. It starts by becoming aware of them and making new choices… and realizing you are more than good enough.

Here’s another of mom’s favorites: “Where did you get those crazy ideas? You certainly didn’t get them from anyone on my side of the family.”

Translated: there’s something wrong with you and the way you think.

The underlying message?

You’re making me uncomfortable, so stop it. I might have to think or change. That ain’t gonna happen if I can help it. It’s easier for me to lay guilt or blame on you rather than look at myself. A tool I know to keep you in line is to shame you into humble submission. So I can try to control the way you think to make it more like what I’m used to.  So I can maintain my false sense of empowerment.

This isn’t a fault of my mom or anyone else (and we’ve all done things like this in the past). She replicated what she was taught and did the best she could.

What do you do when someone tries to make you feel uncomfortable about being you and living your dreams?

Do you stuff what you feel and tow the line?

This may be what you’ve been taught to do from infancy. You try to fit in because, as a little kiddo, you knew you needed help from others to survive.

If the family says you’re stupid, out comes the crowd-pleasing town idiot. You learned to dumb down.

If the family wants you to follow their traditions, you’ll do whatever it takes to belong and be loved. Even if it means you just get crumbs of love. Even if you’re drowning in what floats their boat.

Remember, you’ll rarely be able to please others as they’ll keep changing the hoop they want you to jump through.

In the early days of protest, the Yemenis chanted: “If, one day, a people desires to live, then destiny will answer their call.”

Do you desire to live, I mean really live? That means, not living to please other people.

Are you not living your truth, what’s in your heart, because you’re afraid of the consequences?  Instead, take time for you, your goals and your life.

If you’re existing, just getting by, you’re not living.

To live instead of exist, you must stop giving your power away.

Stop giving away your power by:

  • Trying to please others and worrying about what they think. Instead, follow your inner guidance, your heart, your gut.
  • Living in worry and fear. Instead of thinking what’s wrong or what could go wrong, think about what’s right or could go right.
  • Talking about others and blaming them. Instead, take responsibility for your actions and life.
  • Feeling sorry for yourself, regardless of your circumstances. Instead, look at “what is” and make new choices and actions.
  • Avoiding situations or not telling the truth. Instead, speak up – at least to yourself!
  • Making excuses, aka reasons, to not live your dreams. Instead, stand up for your passion and take action, even small steps. If it doesn’t work one way, do it another.

Don’t make yourself wrong, feel guilty or have regrets about what you haven’t done or your past. What you learned brought you to where you are today.

Instead, make a decision to make new choices. You are so powerful that when you say “I choose,” you set forces in motion to redirect your life.

Use your power to live, really LIVE.

Talk with your inner Essence to discover the best path for you: 

  1. Go within and ask your question.
  2. Listen and write your answers.
  3. Ask for clarity and/or action steps to take.
  4. Take action – consistently.

Take a moment now to breathe and do these four steps.

The Beginning

Reprinted from my May 13, 2011 post.

If you’d like support
in being more empowered,
contact me
for a complimentary
Do What You Love Break Free Session.
If it’s been a while since you’ve had one,
you’re welcome to contact me again.

Email me at:

virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.
I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love.

Copyright © 2019 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Do You Wish Things Had Turned Out Differently?

August 7, 2017

Not happy with her life, she felt depressed for quite a while.

Although her current employment has gratifying moments, she’s caught in a dead-end job that’s light years away from the passion that lights her up.

Why did she stay in a funk for so long? She kept reflecting on her past and projecting it on her future.

In her ego’s way of thinking, success would continue to elude her no matter how hard she tried.  “Nothing will ever work, so why bother?”

Another watched big parts of her life and years-long business eclipse into oblivion, and she felt that she was “losing everything.”

Yet another looked back at a lifetime of accomplishments and compared them to others. She thought life (and money) had passed her by while she was preoccupied dredging through drama, mediocrity and poor choices in relationships and affiliations. Ignoring the good stuff, she felt her grand total added up to not being not good enough.

The ego likes to judge and compare and creates suffering in the process.

However, when each looked deeper, their perspectives changed.

To sum it up in a few words, that was then and this is now.


Now, each is focused on starting a new chapter.

 


Life is full of twists and turns, and the longer you live, the more ups as well as downs occur. Your interpretation of them determines if you see these as mostly peaks or mostly valleys.

Regret is a complete waste of time and energy.

Once, while talking to one of my teachers, I said I felt like several years of my life were a wasteland. With a big world out there, my world felt barren.

He asked, “What did you learn?”

Interestingly, while outwardly my life lacked adventure, it produced one of my biggest growth experiences.

What I thought was a dry desert was actually part of my schooling to more effectively help people get unstuck and, instead, be richly compensated doing what they love. 

When momentum from my former, fast-paced activities slowed down, I thought my life had stalled. I later realized I had been on a fast train heading in the wrong direction. Shifting gears provided an opportunity to let go of my old ways that I thought were my “right” ways.

My new track was the route to greater authenticity, fulfillment and success.

You are scripting your life and business.

You don’t have to try to defend or justify why you are where you are now because of your past history.

Simply live in the present and move forward.

If you don’t like parts of it, how can you put them in a more empowered perspective?


Ask your inner wisdom how everything that’s happened in your life and business has all been a foundation for your next chapter.

 


If you wished your life or business had turned out differently, this is your moment to gain insight and, as if you’re writing a play, create your next act. Script it so that the best is yet to come.

With gratitude,

Virginia

P.S. Know someone who might enjoy reading this? Please forward.

P.P.S. All stories are shared after having received permission. Their intention and mine is that others may benefit.

I work with people, at any age, who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support. I help them be richly compensated doing what they love by aligning with their Soul’s goals.

Not Good Enough in La La Land

February 6, 2017

dream-bigger

Do you know the #1 issue for everyone on the planet?

It even showed up in the #1 nominated movie La La Land when a main character lost all confidence before going for the BIG dream – exhausted from trying, past rejections and feeling positive it wouldn’t work.

At some point, it’s had a starring role in your life, too.

It’s what prevents you from believing in yourself.

It’s hounded you to despair and disappointment creating doubt, anger, fear, lack, anxiety and every limitation.

No, you’re not the only one who thinks other people’s lives are better and, after objective and/or emotional comparison, you reached the conclusion there’s something’s wrong with you.

This is the #1 issue.

You feel you’re not good enough, and you have living proof because (fill in the blank of how you feel you and your life are messed up).

“Not good enough” is only a program in your head that was put there a while ago – when you were a little kid.

This is NOT you.

It’s just a program, and it can be changed!

What does it look like when your software program produces this error message?

Here are some ways people have tried to bolster their spirits to find peace, feel good and create success. You’ve probably used some of these well-worn strategies, too, only to find you’re basically in the same place you started.

Do any of these fixes sound familiar?

  • Trying to control situations or others and getting upset or anxious when it doesn’t work. Trying to control means you feel out of control. You can feel frustrated if things don’t go the way you think they should. After a while, you can give up and might go into depression because this fix has more holes in it than Swiss cheese.
  • Wanting others’ approval by people pleasing; looking for self-worth by rescuing others; holding yourself back because of what others might think; or stuffing your emotions and desires. Dream big? Forget it. Too risky.
  • Feeling insecure because you don’t have enough love, money, health, respect, direction, time, contacts, etc. Playing it safe seems like a good reason to hold yourself back, but you can end up unfulfilled where even you get bored with yourself.
  • Feeling bad about you, what you’ve accomplished, what you’re doing and your future prospects. Oh, what’s the use of trying. Bingo – you’re chasing your tail and going nowhere.
  • Playing the victim so others feel sorry for you even though you sincerely express you don’t want them to and you’re not a victim… but silently craving that someone will make all your problems go away.

What’s a key to break free?

Breaking free is an inside job. Nobody can save you but you. Begin by changing your perspective.

You’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places.

Shift your focus to what you have instead of what you don’t have.

Instead of the agonizing feeling of wanting what you don’t have, recognize the feelings of love, safety and fulfillment you long for are already within you.

You can’t move a car forward and backwards at the same time without spinning in circles.

Likewise, you can’t have and want at the same time.

When you shift your focus to what you have, you’ll discover you are more than enough.

When your energy aligns with this feeling, you can write your ticket to success.

Shift happens!

Feeling you’re not enough is simply a habit.

To help you shift gears, write daily 10-15 things you’re grateful for.

Shifting takes practice, but you’re more than capable of changing your perspective.

Invest a few minutes daily to focus on how things are working out for you.  

Size doesn’t matter – got out of bed, conquered fear of calling a client, landed a promotion. Any acknowledgement will help you change your habit so you feel better about you as you rewrite the trash talk that goes on in your head.

Change your energy, change your life.

Bring on your dreams, and dream BIGGER!