Archive for the ‘Abusive Relationships’ Category

I Learned This While Existing in a Living Hell

May 9, 2022

During my twenties, miserable because of a five-year relationship, I had a dream. For years I kept its message on my dresser, although I didn’t know what it meant or how to do anything about it:

 Find the Heart and Rescue It 

He had a Ph.D. in psychology and was a revered member of our spiritual community, which played into why it took me a while to realize I lived with a self-centered, master manipulator who cared only for himself.

He easily saw my vulnerabilities of low self-esteem and self-doubt and how to use them to intimidate me and undermine my self-confidence while bending me to his will.

Although we had been dating long distance, he lived a six-hour drive away, we solidified our legal commitment to be together within three weeks after my father passed away. 

Note: It’s recommended to avoid making big decisions after experiencing a death.

In our second month together, I was bullied to let go of my business and with it my financial freedom. Amongst countless other examples, he listened in on my phone conversations and would scream at me non-stop if I didn’t do what he wanted. He even left me stranded in a southwestern desert at 3 PM in the middle of the summer with no cash or credit cards as he drove away – to return 30 minutes later. 

In our third month together, the stress of what my life had become short-circuited my adrenals, thyroid, blood sugar and more – so I wasn’t able to speak my words in the right order, think well, have physical energy to move and would cry if someone said hello. 

Enabling this behavior was my belief there was something wrong with me. Years later, when I saw the 1944 movie Gaslight with Ingrid Bergman, I recognized that this was what he tried to do… make me believe I was crazy so he could control me.

My unhappiness induced me to question and think. 
 

He insisted his reality was truth, but was it? His created what I called a living hell on earth.

I made a bad choice to be with him, which put me on a sorrowful path. Eventually, I figured out that regardless of how many good choices I subsequently made, I was still on the wrong path. 

I had to listen to my heart, my truth, and not give my power away.
Even if others claimed to know more or be an authority.
Even at the risk of losing my worldly goods. 
Even with my perceived HUMILIATION that, once again, I made a relationship mistake.

Actually, it was my ego’s need to protect this self-image that held me back the most. 

My survival ultimately depended on my ability to listen to my guidance, speak up for MYSELF and not be cowered into obedient silence and submission.

When I got honest with me, changes occurred, which made my exit easy. I packed my car and was gone in three weeks. 

The good news is that this experience taught me to think for myself and not believe others’ so-called authority. I learned to separate what I saw was true vs. what others told me I should believe.

And be the coach I am today.

It’s like the person who says the proverbial, “Yes, I’ll still love you in the morning” … not. Beware: many people lie to get what they want. Many believe their own lies!

What life do you want to live? Are you living it? Are you willing to honestly speak up, at least to yourself, and acknowledge what’s in your heart? 

Don’t wait for permission. It’s YOUR life!

Edited excerpt from Soulgoals’ Blog Post May 8, 2011



If you’d like support
to listen to
your heart and
what to do about it,

contact me
for a complimentary
Soulgoals’ Break-Free Session
by phone.

Email me at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people who choose to
enhance their lives or share 
their gifts 
in a BIGGER way 
but
don’t know how, feel stuck or could 
use new tools or support.

I help them be richly compensated doing what
they love by connecting with their Soul’s goals.

Copyright © 2022 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Annoying People in Your Life?

April 4, 2022

A client was annoyed because she consistently attracted unqualified customers.

One got nastily irate when she told him that his application didn’t go through.  Although she quickly let him go as a customer, she knew she had to change her focus to stop attracting dodo birds – who went extinct centuries ago.

Whatever you focus on, talk or think about grows.

In the past, she complained about how many applicants didn’t qualify. Because she focused on lack, what she didn’t want and have, she kept attracting more applicants who didn’t qualify.

Now she focuses her attention on having great applicants who both qualify and purchase her high-end products, all with grace and ease.

Her new perspective is working.

Are there similar (annoying) types of people or circumstances showing up in your life again and again?

Here’s how you can gain clarity about what you’re doing to attract that and release the energy.

Journal about how you feel when the dodo birds get you down. For example, you can write about:

  • Does how you feel remind you of how you felt about people or events from your past?
  • When you notice the patterns, observe them and choose to let them go.
  • Replace them by writing about your ideal perspective.
  • After, refocus on your wonderful dreams and goals instead of what you don’t want.

WRITING, not just thinking about, what’s bothering you can help you SEE what you’re thinking and doing to create this what-the-#(!X&!! in your life. You’re worth the time to discover what’s going on AND turn it around.

It’s time to soar with the eagles. You deserve it.


Know someone who might enjoy reading this? Please forward.

If you’d like help to soar with the eagles, contact me
about a complimentary Soulgoals’ Break-free Session at 
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people who choose to have a better life or business but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support.

I help them be richly compensated doing what they love by connecting with their Soul’s goals.

Edited excerpt from a July 31, 2017 Soulgoals’ post

Copyright © 2022 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Can You Be Grateful About What Bugs You?

November 22, 2021

Once I asked someone who’s wise why things in my life weren’t working. I said that I practiced gratitude every morning and night.

The reply I received was what was I doing the rest of the day? 

Gratitude, continuous gratitude, will change your life!

That can seem easier said than done at times, until we realize…

we’re rarely angry for the reason we think we’re angry. How dare they!

That feeling is not necessarily about the other person or situation being wrong. The emotion triggered may be from a similar, emotional memory or our perception that may or may not be accurate.

The reason we have charged emotions is because those challenging feelings surface (and then we get bugged about things) when it’s time for them to be released.

Have you noticed how sometimes people can jump to the wrong conclusion and then become upset by their interpretation, even if it’s false?

Regardless if the other was right or actually the wrongdoer, holding on to a lack of forgiveness or a one-sided, limiting perspective might feel empowering. It might feel validating, proof that you’re right and the other is wrong.

However, there might be another side of the story that’s not being considered because of being locked into a particular viewpoint.

The ego loves feeling right.

But your Essence knows the trap of self-righteousness and sees things differently.

A mother copped an attitude about perceived activity regarding her senior-aged daughter. Things she never did. Not even close. In fact, her accusations were ludicrous.

The whole issue could have been easily dismissed, but not even going to mediation altered her mother’s foolish perspective.

Rather than talking about it or seeing proof to the contrary, she set a court date!

She had her daughter evicted from her house through a court order the day before Thanksgiving. Her daughter had nowhere to go.

By the way, she had invited her daughter, who was down on her luck, to live with her. To do that, she had to sell her car and belongings and move over a thousand miles away.

Replacing her anger, frustration, hurt and fear of what her own mother was doing to her, the daughter began to send her mother love, disregarding any of her mother’s unforgiving attitudes.

The mother began to soften and question her hardline approach.

Empowerment through shifting your perspective to love and gratitude are more truly empowering than feeling justification through a lack of forgiveness or holding onto the feeling of what bugs you. Maybe there’s another angle you’re overlooking.

Perhaps, given an opportunity, you can clear the energy on whatever might be bugging you through discussion or seeing things from a different viewpoint. It doesn’t matter if that does or doesn’t work, love is the greatest healer.

Even if others are convinced you’re wrong, you can be emotionally free.

So if you get annoyed at your world and whatever bugs you about it, consider that there might be another perspective so that you can send love and give thanks, instead.

With gratitude,

Virginia

Edited from an excerpt of a November 19, 2018 Soulgoals’ Blog Post

Contact me to learn how a shift in perspective can dramatically improve your life:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck or could 
use new tools or support.

I help them ignite their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.

Copyright © 2021 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

What Do You Do? Follow or Be Courageous?

November 1, 2021

“Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.”

Eleanor Roosevelt

“I’m the man of the house (although he didn’t act like a responsible one, financially or otherwise), and you need to follow me and support me in everything I do.”

However, she wasn’t considered by him to be a good wife because she started to say no.

In the end, she lost her house that she bought before she married, lost her car, lost her savings, nearly lost her mind, plus the police showed up so often that they knew her by name – because when she disagreed, the beatings would begin.

For him, it was a personal affront that she wouldn’t agree with him.
 
She told me, “I was brought up to be compliant with my husband.
But he was an idiot, and the results proved it. He was misogynistic and would never take any advice – but instead would do the opposite.

“I was going in two different directions. How can you follow someone if they’re taking you to a dead end, and all the time you know that direction is wrong?

“Even a rat has enough sense to jump off a sinking ship. I had to leave the relationship. I had to save my life.”

Just because people you “should” believe say something, demand your obedience to follow, repeatedly lie to fit their own purpose but call it the truth, doesn’t make it true.

The good news. If it weren’t for him, she never would have the clarity she has now to speak her truth, especially in a male-dominated industry where she works.

Her ex trained her to no longer be a wimp and not value others’ reactions more than trusting herself.

She knew better. But she allowed herself to be bullied by someone who was metaphorically blind and demanded unreasonable loyalty.

Eventually, she allowed herself to act on what she knew, what she had the courage to honestly see, and leave him.

Sounds crazy? You think you wouldn’t do something like that?

This is what belief systems can do. If a person believes something, even though the belief is false or doesn’t make sense or can be harmful, people often stick with it.

Her belief was she was taught to be compliant to her husband. See where that belief brought her?

While in my twenties and in a horrific marriage, I had a dream. For months later, although I couldn’t understand its significance at the time, I put its quote on my dresser.

FIND THE HEART AND RESCUE IT. 

Friend, what do you see? Is there something in your life where you know better, you’re ignoring it, but you’re following obediently or blindly anyway?
 
Courage. You can allow yourself to know what you know. Call it for what it is, even if only to yourself.

DON’T GIVE AWAY YOUR POWER.

  • Think for yourself, not what others tell you or what you read on the internet.  If what you firmly believe in is showing cracks and not working like you thought it should, reconsider.
  • See, and then take action according to what your gut and heart tell you, along with your logic, instead of what others say you should feel or do or be.

You may discover your personal honesty is the inevitable route to freedom.

“Speak what you think today in hard words and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said today.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Time to reclaim your power?
Contact me to learn how at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck or could 
use new tools or support.

I help them ignite their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.

Original Soulgoal Missive written in 2002   

Copyright © 2021 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Is This YOUR Time of Freedom? Special 4th of July Message

July 4, 2020

In recognition of the Fourth of July, I’m reposting a previous blog, with a few changes, that received great feedback. Note that you can see some of the highlighted words etched into the wall behind Thomas Jefferson – “mind of man.” May you enjoy the spirit of freedom! Virginia

While living in Washington, D.C., I often parked my car, ran up 58 steps and gazed in awe at the towering and erect presence of one of the great men who founded the United States of America. Thomas Jefferson also served as our third President from 1801 to 1809.

Open around the clock, sometimes I visited the Jefferson Memorial late at night when I could be alone in this hallowed sanctum.

Standing amidst the white marble steps and building, my eyes would gaze at the 129′ bronze statue as well as excerpts of the Declaration of Independence, whose principal author was Jefferson.

However, the reason I kept returning was to slowly turn in a circle to read the inscription under the dome:

I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man.”  Thomas Jefferson to Dr. Benjamin Rush, September 23, 1800.

I didn’t realize at the time how these words, which still bring tears to my eyes, would be emblazoned within me. They inspired my lifetime passion, “upon the altar of God,” to help others and myself live in freedom through liberation of the “tyranny over the mind of man.”

The definition of tyranny includes the oppression, often cruel, of people or a government over others. Another aspect of tyranny is an unreasonable or arbitrary use of power or control.

For me, there’s a twist to this. It reminds me of a quote by American Navy Commodore Oliver Hazard Perry in 1813.  Most famously, it was quipped by cartoonist Walt Kelly on a couple of Earth Day posters when Pogo said:

The voice in your head, motivated by an insecure ego, can be your enemy and create the greatest form of tyranny.

These inner rants, such as you’re not good enough, you don’t deserve better and feeling full of regrets or fear, can be cruel, unreasonable, oppressive and arbitrary. If you allow this to dominate your thoughts and feelings, you relinquish control of your life to a limiting belief – because it’s a lie! 

Know that you have the power of choice! 

You can choose to listen to your inner essence/ soul/ spirit, whatever you choose to call the wise part within, instead.


Especially those familiar with my teachings about making conscious choices, you might be interested in this. When I was thirty years old, I had the first sentence of the following quote by Jefferson on a wall plate of a light switch:

“Freedom is the right to choose: the right to create for oneself the alternatives of choice. Without the possibility of choice, and the exercise of choice, a man is not a man but a member, an instrument, a thing.”

Pondering this message regularly, I knew there was more to it than I could understand at the time. I’m now aware of this:

We are free to choose. We are free to choose how we think and feel and believe! We are so free, we can choose fear or freedom.

We choose our thoughts, which impact our emotions, which create our lives. What hinders our freedom is allowing our minds to be tyrannized by any limiting beliefs. From anyone. From any circumstance or condition. From a part of our inner voice, our ego’s voice, that’s tyrannical.

 


A client showed me a picture of a tow truck driver who quickly and skillfully used multiple cables to turn upright a parked truck that had been hit by a car and had completely flipped over.

The driver was very good-natured, and his demeanor radiated a cheerful attitude and peace.

Both of his arms stopped below his elbows.

He had a prosthetic leg, too.

He is a living demonstration of choosing his attitude and outlook on life. He wasn’t tyrannized by his physical condition and whatever caused it.


 

We in America celebrate our country’s birthday on the Fourth of July, our Independence Day. It’s a time of freedom.

While talking with others about a life-changing break for freedom I made during the week of July 4th when I was 20, others shared their stories of freedom that happened around this time, too.

I broke free from a physically, mentally, emotionally and controlling abusive relationship. It took me seven times over two years to leave him without being hunted down and brought back. I made a decision to be free, and I started a new life the week of July fourth.

Soon the French will celebrate their day of freedom on July 14, Bastille Day. July is a time of freedom.

Tyranny or freedom? 

You can choose to hold in your mind’s eye the freedom and intentions that our forefathers envisioned while founding the United States.

What freedom and independence do you choose for you?

Start with freeing yourself from the tyranny of your mind, where no circumstance, nothing and nobody can touch you.

P.S. Know someone who might
benefit from reading this? Please forward.I work with people
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.
I help them ignite their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.

http://www.soulgoals.com

Copyright © 2020 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

How My Client Lost His $100 Million Empire

January 28, 2019

Here’s a blurry picture that he took of me next to his Lamborghini in his parking garage. See the angled object to the left? The doors open up to reveal the steering wheel and car’s interior. It’s one powerful beast of a car to ride in.

 

I remember the day he told me that he “got it.” While driving after a team meeting, the words he’d been hearing woke him up. His imagination creates his world, and he controls his imagination. That was his turning point.

Joining one of my first Success Teams in 1995, he was so brilliant then that I sometimes took notes when he spoke.

He started as a small business owner and then moved out-of-state where he built an empire valued around $100 million in a cutthroat industry. His personal monthly take home, not including his business profits, was $40,000 a month.

Looking to pass on techniques that created his success, he flew me in to train his salesmen. Sitting at one end of the conference table, he introduced me as the reason he achieved what he did.

There’s a 1970’s commercial that says, “When EF Hutton talks, people listen.” When he finished talking, not only did everyone turn 180 degrees to hear what I had to say, I literally heard the swish as their heads swung in my direction.

That month, he hit his first million dollar month.

However, his focus changed, and he wanted to be free to fulfill… well, anything he wanted.

After that, we lost contact for three years. It wasn’t until his lifestyle behaviors, let’s say of wine, women, song and ego gratification, created such heavy, negative consequences that he reached out to me again.

Being very conscious of his physical appearance, he worked out a lot. He told me later that he knew alcohol put on weight… so he started to use cocaine instead.

With dramatic personality changes, he felt that as long as he paid people well, including close family members who worked for him, he could be verbally abusive and treat them however he wanted.

As time went on, things became very bad. That’s when he contacted me to fly in and work for him.


Once, while looking for validation, he said to me, “Come on, Virginia, I’m your most successful client. Right?” For him, money was the penultimate symbol of success.


The drugs rewired his brain, and I slowly began to acknowledge that he wasn’t the same man I once knew. Too slowly. I still bought into his reasoning, his excuses.

I still saw him as the awesome man he used to be. I’d known this man for decades and saw him through that filter. Even after I bailed him out of jail. Even as I was asked to sit outside his office the next day when I went to work and discovered the law put on locks to bar entry.

His family staged clever, false, illegal strategies against him. However, the way he reacted and handled it nailed his own coffin.

There was always an explanation that it was someone else’s fault. This included when he railed against the judge in a long letter to all his clients that the judge was in cahoots with the other side.

We were shopping in Whole Foods when he told me that, earlier in the day, in a court in another state, a judge officially stripped him of it all. His $100 million empire — gone.

This occurred during the time I invited him into my home to offer a safe haven and supportive modalities to help him get back on track.

At least, that’s what I thought was happening.

That week, I watched him sit in a chair in my living room, lost in a world of his own, angrily and vulgarly name-calling siblings who did him wrong.

On the fifth day of his visit, his welcome abruptly ended when he viciously shouted at me like a repeating rifle, in my own home where he was a guest, accusing me of trying to get him killed. How much were they paying me? How could I betray him like that? Why was I lying?

With a drug-addled brain, his former good discernment was replaced with a dark and out-of-control imagination. Earlier in the week, he shared with me how he was paranoiac, afraid and suspicious of people.

It reminded me of when I walked behind a man on a sidewalk in Times Square, New York City, who was having an angry conversation with someone who didn’t exist physically but was very alive in his head, like an endless, repetitive loop of a broken record.


My client, my friend, became a cherry on top of my life lesson of the year, ranging from business to an intimate relationship:

See people for who they are and how they’re showing up NOW — not how they used to be, not who their words tell you they are, not as a fantasy of how you’d like them to be.


I realized how I did this in a relationship, too. I saw a man that I was dating not for how he was showing up in the world. I believed the image he was projecting to me.

The worst part is that he believed his own lies.

Once, I told him, “I don’t trust you.” He replied, “You don’t trust yourself.” 

He was redirecting my attention so I would doubt myself, but I think he believed he was communicating some insightful truth. Later I realized: yes, he was right. I didn’t trust myself that he wasn’t a man to be trusted.

Not long after he spoke those words, drama from his emotional dishonesty overflowed into my life.

When I asked one of my teachers what those experiences were all about, he told me, “People hear and believe what they want to believe.” He added to see people for how they’re showing up, not how you want them to be or their potential.

That was my HUGE wake-up call!!

People Hear and Believe What They Want to Believe. 

I wasn’t paying attention to what is but living out of past images that were!

I see the same things in today’s world.

When politicians’ true colors start to show, some people remain in denial. They won’t separate their wishful thinking about who they thought the politicians were from how they’re actually showing up. Evidence to the contrary be damned.

May you wake up to SEE.  May you have the courage to set aside your filters, those oh so comforting protective mechanisms, to see whatever there is in your life that would benefit from your clear sight.

 

P.S. Know someone who might enjoy this post? Please share.

Ready to find clarity
to go beyond your self-limiting
filters and live life on your terms?
Contact me for a complimentary
Do What You Love Break Free Session.

Email me at:

virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people, at any age,
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love by aligning
with their Soul’s goals.

Copyright © 2019 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Are Crazy People Taking Over Your Life?

September 18, 2017

 

 

Homer's scream

One afternoon, while on Broadway in midtown Manhattan, New York City, I walked a few people behind a man who was having an animated argument with someone. Speaking in a loud voice with gesticulating hands, I wondered who was the recipient of such a tirade.

It was just him battling with himself.

Someone and something really got to this guy, and he allowed it to drive him to act crazy.

Throughout your life, some people have done you wrong, and some may have gotten to you.

In the past (or maybe present), you’ve been:

  • abused, misused, ignored, rejected, undermined, betrayed, robbed, disappointed, manipulated, misunderstood, humiliated, put down or the focal point of someone’s greedy, crazy, unconscious, demeaning, insecure, unfair or malevolent intent.

Often the perpetrators have been those most trusted and least expected to turn on you, such as:

  • close friends, family, significant others, church members, neighbors, co-workers, clients, bosses or business associates.

The results may have left you feeling that you’ve lost:

  • hope, your confidence, your spark of life, your capacity to find joy, your ability to ever succeed again or even care about it, your connection to the universe or your faith in God.

“The most important question you can ever ask is if the world is a friendly place.”  Einstein


It’s a big question to ponder. Your answer determines if you’re going to let the crazies, past and present, or less-than-favorable circumstances get to you, and consequently, impede your ability to be open to the success and enjoyment you richly deserve.

Are you letting undesirable memories occupy your attention so much that you won’t allow yourself to see that the world is a friendly place?

Often we’re attached to how we expect people and things are supposed to be. When they go haywire, our ego/ brain loves to binge watch reruns of movies about our sad stories over and over again.

Instead, change the channel and focus on something in your life that works.

Relitigating your past by vacillating between trying to prove how you’re right and “how dare they” doesn’t help. Have you noticed? You won’t end up feeling better, and feeling good is important as it’s a key to attract success.

Personally, instead of letting go of my faith in life and humanity, I (eventually) learned to have greater discernment.

As Kenny Rogers sang in “The Gambler:”

You’ve got to know when to hold ’em

Know when to fold ’em

Know when to walk away

And know when to run.

Some people in my life who appeared to be helpful, trustworthy, supportive, emotionally healthy, well-meaning and even spiritually awake… I came to realize were toxic.

I could grumble about them incessantly, which I’ve done. I found it more useful, though, to see them as my teachers: learn my lessons, chalk it off to another life experience and move on.


It took me a while to see people for who they are, not for who I thought they were or wanted them to be.   


Here’s an interesting twist.

Underneath this crazymaking, there’s a whole lot of disapproval going on.

Sometimes the other person starts it, and we respond back with disapproval and judgment, or vice versa.

When we enmesh ourselves in disapproval energy, we give others the power to control our happiness — from complete strangers whose driving we don’t like to annoying people in our day-to-day lives.

When we expect others to behave or show up in a certain way so we can feel good about ourselves, in essence we’re saying:

You need to change so I don’t have to change. My caring about you is conditional. It’s dependent on you acting the way I think you should. Otherwise, I might feel that I’ve lost control.

When the awareness comes that we alone have control of our attitude, then we don’t need others to be different so we can feel good.

Of course, do what’s wise to take care of yourself, but you get to choose your attitude.

Energy changes when practicing this. The crazies start to evaporate from your life like the morning fog when the sun comes up.

Do you allow others to affect your psyche, your joy of living, your success, your ability to pick yourself up and start again regardless of whoever or whatever happened or is happening to you?

It’s your choice.

With gratitude,

Virginia

I work with people, at any age, who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support. I help them be richly compensated doing what they love by aligning with their Soul’s goals.  

Copyright © 2017 Resolved for Results, All rights reserved.

THE CAT (LITTER) BURGLAR!

November 2, 2013

??????????Let’s say you’re a cat.  Like a good kitty, you do your duty in a litter box and then leave to do other important cat business – like sleep. Later, as nature demands, you return to the box, and your signature kitty bon bons are gone! You might think someone stole my poop. From your human servants’ point of view, they’re doing their duty by removing yours.

Life. Are you living it or is it a living hell? It depends on your perspective.

In the past, I embraced a popular belief: you spot it; you got it. Aka: if you point your finger at someone, there are three fingers pointing back at you. While this is often true, it’s hard to believe an infinite God has limited life to only one reason for why all things happen.

I used to psyche myself out when I believed everything is a reflection of me. When street lights flickered as I walked by, I thought my inner light was on the fritz, and my self-confidence fluttered.  After discussing this with a mentor, he pointed out that the world doesn’t revolve around me.

Wiser, when this phenomena happened again, I noticed that street light poles have numbers and reported those that needed new bulbs.

This awakening may be a relief, especially for those in abusive relationships searching for how they’re a schmuck, too. The lesson may be that you’re not a sicko. The cad may be teaching you to find your inner cojones and not allow others to manipulate you into feeling inferior because of their controlling tactics.

It also works when people phone and assume you have a responsibility to listen to their incessant fears or problems.

When it becomes evident they want an audience and someone to rescue them from their own negativity instead of changing, it’s not a lack of compassion to cancel membership from the Dump-of-Collecting-Others’-Pain Club. I mean, would you open the door to your home to let someone unload their garbage? Why allow others to dump their emotional junk… except fear of their reaction that there’s something wrong with you?

Here’s a perspective:

If you think you’re usually the one who’s wrong, it’s probably them.

If you think others are usually the ones who are wrong, it’s probably you.

How’s your perspective working for you? Don’t let your beliefs or others’ opinions deter you from trusting your inner voice and truth. Then again, if you think the world centers around you, you won’t really care.