Archive for the ‘Abusive Relationships’ Category

Is This YOUR Time of Freedom? Special 4th of July Message

July 4, 2020

In recognition of the Fourth of July, I’m reposting a previous blog, with a few changes, that received great feedback. Note that you can see some of the highlighted words etched into the wall behind Thomas Jefferson – “mind of man.” May you enjoy the spirit of freedom! Virginia

While living in Washington, D.C., I often parked my car, ran up 58 steps and gazed in awe at the towering and erect presence of one of the great men who founded the United States of America. Thomas Jefferson also served as our third President from 1801 to 1809.

Open around the clock, sometimes I visited the Jefferson Memorial late at night when I could be alone in this hallowed sanctum.

Standing amidst the white marble steps and building, my eyes would gaze at the 129′ bronze statue as well as excerpts of the Declaration of Independence, whose principal author was Jefferson.

However, the reason I kept returning was to slowly turn in a circle to read the inscription under the dome:

I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man.”  Thomas Jefferson to Dr. Benjamin Rush, September 23, 1800.

I didn’t realize at the time how these words, which still bring tears to my eyes, would be emblazoned within me. They inspired my lifetime passion, “upon the altar of God,” to help others and myself live in freedom through liberation of the “tyranny over the mind of man.”

The definition of tyranny includes the oppression, often cruel, of people or a government over others. Another aspect of tyranny is an unreasonable or arbitrary use of power or control.

For me, there’s a twist to this. It reminds me of a quote by American Navy Commodore Oliver Hazard Perry in 1813.  Most famously, it was quipped by cartoonist Walt Kelly on a couple of Earth Day posters when Pogo said:

The voice in your head, motivated by an insecure ego, can be your enemy and create the greatest form of tyranny.

These inner rants, such as you’re not good enough, you don’t deserve better and feeling full of regrets or fear, can be cruel, unreasonable, oppressive and arbitrary. If you allow this to dominate your thoughts and feelings, you relinquish control of your life to a limiting belief – because it’s a lie! 

Know that you have the power of choice! 

You can choose to listen to your inner essence/ soul/ spirit, whatever you choose to call the wise part within, instead.


Especially those familiar with my teachings about making conscious choices, you might be interested in this. When I was thirty years old, I had the first sentence of the following quote by Jefferson on a wall plate of a light switch:

“Freedom is the right to choose: the right to create for oneself the alternatives of choice. Without the possibility of choice, and the exercise of choice, a man is not a man but a member, an instrument, a thing.”

Pondering this message regularly, I knew there was more to it than I could understand at the time. I’m now aware of this:

We are free to choose. We are free to choose how we think and feel and believe! We are so free, we can choose fear or freedom.

We choose our thoughts, which impact our emotions, which create our lives. What hinders our freedom is allowing our minds to be tyrannized by any limiting beliefs. From anyone. From any circumstance or condition. From a part of our inner voice, our ego’s voice, that’s tyrannical.

 


A client showed me a picture of a tow truck driver who quickly and skillfully used multiple cables to turn upright a parked truck that had been hit by a car and had completely flipped over.

The driver was very good-natured, and his demeanor radiated a cheerful attitude and peace.

Both of his arms stopped below his elbows.

He had a prosthetic leg, too.

He is a living demonstration of choosing his attitude and outlook on life. He wasn’t tyrannized by his physical condition and whatever caused it.


 

We in America celebrate our country’s birthday on the Fourth of July, our Independence Day. It’s a time of freedom.

While talking with others about a life-changing break for freedom I made during the week of July 4th when I was 20, others shared their stories of freedom that happened around this time, too.

I broke free from a physically, mentally, emotionally and controlling abusive relationship. It took me seven times over two years to leave him without being hunted down and brought back. I made a decision to be free, and I started a new life the week of July fourth.

Soon the French will celebrate their day of freedom on July 14, Bastille Day. July is a time of freedom.

Tyranny or freedom? 

You can choose to hold in your mind’s eye the freedom and intentions that our forefathers envisioned while founding the United States.

What freedom and independence do you choose for you?

Start with freeing yourself from the tyranny of your mind, where no circumstance, nothing and nobody can touch you.

P.S. Know someone who might
benefit from reading this? Please forward.I work with people
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.
I help them ignite their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.

http://www.soulgoals.com

Copyright © 2020 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

How My Client Lost His $100 Million Empire

January 28, 2019

Here’s a blurry picture that he took of me next to his Lamborghini in his parking garage. See the angled object to the left? The doors open up to reveal the steering wheel and car’s interior. It’s one powerful beast of a car to ride in.

 

I remember the day he told me that he “got it.” While driving after a team meeting, the words he’d been hearing woke him up. His imagination creates his world, and he controls his imagination. That was his turning point.

Joining one of my first Success Teams in 1995, he was so brilliant then that I sometimes took notes when he spoke.

He started as a small business owner and then moved out-of-state where he built an empire valued around $100 million in a cutthroat industry. His personal monthly take home, not including his business profits, was $40,000 a month.

Looking to pass on techniques that created his success, he flew me in to train his salesmen. Sitting at one end of the conference table, he introduced me as the reason he achieved what he did.

There’s a 1970’s commercial that says, “When EF Hutton talks, people listen.” When he finished talking, not only did everyone turn 180 degrees to hear what I had to say, I literally heard the swish as their heads swung in my direction.

That month, he hit his first million dollar month.

However, his focus changed, and he wanted to be free to fulfill… well, anything he wanted.

After that, we lost contact for three years. It wasn’t until his lifestyle behaviors, let’s say of wine, women, song and ego gratification, created such heavy, negative consequences that he reached out to me again.

Being very conscious of his physical appearance, he worked out a lot. He told me later that he knew alcohol put on weight… so he started to use cocaine instead.

With dramatic personality changes, he felt that as long as he paid people well, including close family members who worked for him, he could be verbally abusive and treat them however he wanted.

As time went on, things became very bad. That’s when he contacted me to fly in and work for him.


Once, while looking for validation, he said to me, “Come on, Virginia, I’m your most successful client. Right?” For him, money was the penultimate symbol of success.


The drugs rewired his brain, and I slowly began to acknowledge that he wasn’t the same man I once knew. Too slowly. I still bought into his reasoning, his excuses.

I still saw him as the awesome man he used to be. I’d known this man for decades and saw him through that filter. Even after I bailed him out of jail. Even as I was asked to sit outside his office the next day when I went to work and discovered the law put on locks to bar entry.

His family staged clever, false, illegal strategies against him. However, the way he reacted and handled it nailed his own coffin.

There was always an explanation that it was someone else’s fault. This included when he railed against the judge in a long letter to all his clients that the judge was in cahoots with the other side.

We were shopping in Whole Foods when he told me that, earlier in the day, in a court in another state, a judge officially stripped him of it all. His $100 million empire — gone.

This occurred during the time I invited him into my home to offer a safe haven and supportive modalities to help him get back on track.

At least, that’s what I thought was happening.

That week, I watched him sit in a chair in my living room, lost in a world of his own, angrily and vulgarly name-calling siblings who did him wrong.

On the fifth day of his visit, his welcome abruptly ended when he viciously shouted at me like a repeating rifle, in my own home where he was a guest, accusing me of trying to get him killed. How much were they paying me? How could I betray him like that? Why was I lying?

With a drug-addled brain, his former good discernment was replaced with a dark and out-of-control imagination. Earlier in the week, he shared with me how he was paranoiac, afraid and suspicious of people.

It reminded me of when I walked behind a man on a sidewalk in Times Square, New York City, who was having an angry conversation with someone who didn’t exist physically but was very alive in his head, like an endless, repetitive loop of a broken record.


My client, my friend, became a cherry on top of my life lesson of the year, ranging from business to an intimate relationship:

See people for who they are and how they’re showing up NOW — not how they used to be, not who their words tell you they are, not as a fantasy of how you’d like them to be.


I realized how I did this in a relationship, too. I saw a man that I was dating not for how he was showing up in the world. I believed the image he was projecting to me.

The worst part is that he believed his own lies.

Once, I told him, “I don’t trust you.” He replied, “You don’t trust yourself.” 

He was redirecting my attention so I would doubt myself, but I think he believed he was communicating some insightful truth. Later I realized: yes, he was right. I didn’t trust myself that he wasn’t a man to be trusted.

Not long after he spoke those words, drama from his emotional dishonesty overflowed into my life.

When I asked one of my teachers what those experiences were all about, he told me, “People hear and believe what they want to believe.” He added to see people for how they’re showing up, not how you want them to be or their potential.

That was my HUGE wake-up call!!

People Hear and Believe What They Want to Believe. 

I wasn’t paying attention to what is but living out of past images that were!

I see the same things in today’s world.

When politicians’ true colors start to show, some people remain in denial. They won’t separate their wishful thinking about who they thought the politicians were from how they’re actually showing up. Evidence to the contrary be damned.

May you wake up to SEE.  May you have the courage to set aside your filters, those oh so comforting protective mechanisms, to see whatever there is in your life that would benefit from your clear sight.

 

P.S. Know someone who might enjoy this post? Please share.

Ready to find clarity
to go beyond your self-limiting
filters and live life on your terms?
Contact me for a complimentary
Do What You Love Break Free Session.

Email me at:

virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people, at any age,
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love by aligning
with their Soul’s goals.

Copyright © 2019 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Are Crazy People Taking Over Your Life?

September 18, 2017

 

 

Homer's scream

One afternoon, while on Broadway in midtown Manhattan, New York City, I walked a few people behind a man who was having an animated argument with someone. Speaking in a loud voice with gesticulating hands, I wondered who was the recipient of such a tirade.

It was just him battling with himself.

Someone and something really got to this guy, and he allowed it to drive him to act crazy.

Throughout your life, some people have done you wrong, and some may have gotten to you.

In the past (or maybe present), you’ve been:

  • abused, misused, ignored, rejected, undermined, betrayed, robbed, disappointed, manipulated, misunderstood, humiliated, put down or the focal point of someone’s greedy, crazy, unconscious, demeaning, insecure, unfair or malevolent intent.

Often the perpetrators have been those most trusted and least expected to turn on you, such as:

  • close friends, family, significant others, church members, neighbors, co-workers, clients, bosses or business associates.

The results may have left you feeling that you’ve lost:

  • hope, your confidence, your spark of life, your capacity to find joy, your ability to ever succeed again or even care about it, your connection to the universe or your faith in God.

“The most important question you can ever ask is if the world is a friendly place.”  Einstein


It’s a big question to ponder. Your answer determines if you’re going to let the crazies, past and present, or less-than-favorable circumstances get to you, and consequently, impede your ability to be open to the success and enjoyment you richly deserve.

Are you letting undesirable memories occupy your attention so much that you won’t allow yourself to see that the world is a friendly place?

Often we’re attached to how we expect people and things are supposed to be. When they go haywire, our ego/ brain loves to binge watch reruns of movies about our sad stories over and over again.

Instead, change the channel and focus on something in your life that works.

Relitigating your past by vacillating between trying to prove how you’re right and “how dare they” doesn’t help. Have you noticed? You won’t end up feeling better, and feeling good is important as it’s a key to attract success.

Personally, instead of letting go of my faith in life and humanity, I (eventually) learned to have greater discernment.

As Kenny Rogers sang in “The Gambler:”

You’ve got to know when to hold ’em

Know when to fold ’em

Know when to walk away

And know when to run.

Some people in my life who appeared to be helpful, trustworthy, supportive, emotionally healthy, well-meaning and even spiritually awake… I came to realize were toxic.

I could grumble about them incessantly, which I’ve done. I found it more useful, though, to see them as my teachers: learn my lessons, chalk it off to another life experience and move on.


It took me a while to see people for who they are, not for who I thought they were or wanted them to be.   


Here’s an interesting twist.

Underneath this crazymaking, there’s a whole lot of disapproval going on.

Sometimes the other person starts it, and we respond back with disapproval and judgment, or vice versa.

When we enmesh ourselves in disapproval energy, we give others the power to control our happiness — from complete strangers whose driving we don’t like to annoying people in our day-to-day lives.

When we expect others to behave or show up in a certain way so we can feel good about ourselves, in essence we’re saying:

You need to change so I don’t have to change. My caring about you is conditional. It’s dependent on you acting the way I think you should. Otherwise, I might feel that I’ve lost control.

When the awareness comes that we alone have control of our attitude, then we don’t need others to be different so we can feel good.

Of course, do what’s wise to take care of yourself, but you get to choose your attitude.

Energy changes when practicing this. The crazies start to evaporate from your life like the morning fog when the sun comes up.

Do you allow others to affect your psyche, your joy of living, your success, your ability to pick yourself up and start again regardless of whoever or whatever happened or is happening to you?

It’s your choice.

With gratitude,

Virginia

I work with people, at any age, who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support. I help them be richly compensated doing what they love by aligning with their Soul’s goals.  

Copyright © 2017 Resolved for Results, All rights reserved.

THE CAT (LITTER) BURGLAR!

November 2, 2013

??????????Let’s say you’re a cat.  Like a good kitty, you do your duty in a litter box and then leave to do other important cat business – like sleep. Later, as nature demands, you return to the box, and your signature kitty bon bons are gone! You might think someone stole my poop. From your human servants’ point of view, they’re doing their duty by removing yours.

Life. Are you living it or is it a living hell? It depends on your perspective.

In the past, I embraced a popular belief: you spot it; you got it. Aka: if you point your finger at someone, there are three fingers pointing back at you. While this is often true, it’s hard to believe an infinite God has limited life to only one reason for why all things happen.

I used to psyche myself out when I believed everything is a reflection of me. When street lights flickered as I walked by, I thought my inner light was on the fritz, and my self-confidence fluttered.  After discussing this with a mentor, he pointed out that the world doesn’t revolve around me.

Wiser, when this phenomena happened again, I noticed that street light poles have numbers and reported those that needed new bulbs.

This awakening may be a relief, especially for those in abusive relationships searching for how they’re a schmuck, too. The lesson may be that you’re not a sicko. The cad may be teaching you to find your inner cojones and not allow others to manipulate you into feeling inferior because of their controlling tactics.

It also works when people phone and assume you have a responsibility to listen to their incessant fears or problems.

When it becomes evident they want an audience and someone to rescue them from their own negativity instead of changing, it’s not a lack of compassion to cancel membership from the Dump-of-Collecting-Others’-Pain Club. I mean, would you open the door to your home to let someone unload their garbage? Why allow others to dump their emotional junk… except fear of their reaction that there’s something wrong with you?

Here’s a perspective:

If you think you’re usually the one who’s wrong, it’s probably them.

If you think others are usually the ones who are wrong, it’s probably you.

How’s your perspective working for you? Don’t let your beliefs or others’ opinions deter you from trusting your inner voice and truth. Then again, if you think the world centers around you, you won’t really care.