During my twenties, miserable because of a five-year relationship, I had a dream. For years I kept its message on my dresser, although I didn’t know what it meant or how to do anything about it:
Find the Heart and Rescue It
He had a Ph.D. in psychology and was a revered member of our spiritual community, which played into why it took me a while to realize I lived with a self-centered, master manipulator who cared only for himself.
He easily saw my vulnerabilities of low self-esteem and self-doubt and how to use them to intimidate me and undermine my self-confidence while bending me to his will.
Although we had been dating long distance, he lived a six-hour drive away, we solidified our legal commitment to be together within three weeks after my father passed away.
Note: It’s recommended to avoid making big decisions after experiencing a death.
In our second month together, I was bullied to let go of my business and with it my financial freedom. Amongst countless other examples, he listened in on my phone conversations and would scream at me non-stop if I didn’t do what he wanted. He even left me stranded in a southwestern desert at 3 PM in the middle of the summer with no cash or credit cards as he drove away – to return 30 minutes later.
In our third month together, the stress of what my life had become short-circuited my adrenals, thyroid, blood sugar and more – so I wasn’t able to speak my words in the right order, think well, have physical energy to move and would cry if someone said hello.
Enabling this behavior was my belief there was something wrong with me. Years later, when I saw the 1944 movie Gaslight with Ingrid Bergman, I recognized that this was what he tried to do… make me believe I was crazy so he could control me.
My unhappiness induced me to question and think.
He insisted his reality was truth, but was it? His created what I called a living hell on earth.
I made a bad choice to be with him, which put me on a sorrowful path. Eventually, I figured out that regardless of how many good choices I subsequently made, I was still on the wrong path.
I had to listen to my heart, my truth, and not give my power away.
Even if others claimed to know more or be an authority.
Even at the risk of losing my worldly goods.
Even with my perceived HUMILIATION that, once again, I made a relationship mistake.
Actually, it was my ego’s need to protect this self-image that held me back the most.
My survival ultimately depended on my ability to listen to my guidance, speak up for MYSELF and not be cowered into obedient silence and submission.
When I got honest with me, changes occurred, which made my exit easy. I packed my car and was gone in three weeks.
The good news is that this experience taught me to think for myself and not believe others’ so-called authority. I learned to separate what I saw was true vs. what others told me I should believe.
And be the coach I am today.
It’s like the person who says the proverbial, “Yes, I’ll still love you in the morning” … not. Beware: many people lie to get what they want. Many believe their own lies!
What life do you want to live? Are you living it? Are you willing to honestly speak up, at least to yourself, and acknowledge what’s in your heart?
Don’t wait for permission. It’s YOUR life!
Edited excerpt from Soulgoals’ Blog Post May 8, 2011
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to listen to
your heart and
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Email me at:
virginia@soulgoals.com
I work with people who choose to
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in a BIGGER way but
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