Posts Tagged ‘Who's controlling you’

Who’s to Blame? Is It Your Fault or Theirs?

April 10, 2023

Who’s Controlling Your Life?

Here’s a Simple Formula:

If you’re used to thinking it’s all your fault and you screwed up (again), it may be the other person who’s the culprit:

Your programming could include the belief that there’s something wrong with or oddly divergent about you, and now you’re convinced that’s true. (By the way, that program was put there by someone else, probably in childhood.) Because of this belief, and like attracts like, you attract others who accuse you of the same thing. This adds false evidence that your seeming inadequacy must be correct, and your life can feel controlled by what others think about you.

If you’re used to blaming, pointing fingers and complaining about others, the issue may be yours:

This programming could include not taking responsibility for how you’re creating your life as well as projecting your feelings on others. You believe other people, the government or circumstances are to blame for the wrongs done to you, and your words reveal you feel victimized or persecuted (although you might never think of yourself this way).

You can generalize: everybody feels that way or everyone knows that. Furthermore, if you blame hard enough, you might get others to doubt themselves or feel shame… then you feel in control. You can be very annoyed if others don’t go along with your beliefs, or you could feel they just don’t get it. If only they’d see the light from your perspective or apologize, you’d feel validated. But the relief doesn’t last for long because your concealed programming is still running.

Regardless, if you unwittingly try to control others’ behaviors or allow others to control how you feel, the underlying trickster is the same. It isn’t about You but your egoic self, a false identity that you’ve spent your life thinking is you!

Who’s Controlling Your Life?

Ever feel that you want to crawl in bed with the covers pulled over your head? Feelings arise when your story about them adds interpretation to emotions… which leads to beliefs… which circles back to those yucky feelings like frustration, disappointment and suffering. Hey, it’s not just you. We’re all wired like this, and we can change it!

Eckhart Tolle said, “the ego believes it is real and tries hard to maintain its supremacy.” He shares that negative states of mind, such as anger, resentment, fear, worry, blame and envy, are products of the ego. When it’s in control, these grievances appear justified, and usually someone or something else is blamed for these feelings. (Obviously, says the ego, it’s their fault.)

The true cause of this skewed thinking is not found in You but in the very structure of your egoic mind.

An Alternative:

You have the ability to:

  • Let go of allowing others and external circumstances control the way you feel and act.
  • Let go of trying to control how others think and live their lives.
  • Stop investing your emotional energy into who’s right and wrong.

Instead, make new choices. Shift your focus away from others’ and your so-called faults to seeing that you are more than enough. Actually, you’re awesome! Look for what’s good in you.

When people can’t find perfection in themselves, they judge others.

So allow others to be who they are, learning lessons just like you. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. It doesn’t mean you don’t have boundaries. But accept life for what it is.

You can have emotional mastery. Acceptance is your ticket to freedom. Resistance is futile.

You can do this. You’ll feel lighter, which makes it easier to take action on what’s important to you.

P.S. Know someone who might
like this? Please forward.

Edited Excerpt from Soulgoals’ Blog, originally posted on June 18, 2018

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