Before you read this post, I’d like to thank the veterans for their service on today’s celebration of Veterans Day in the U.S.A.
“Why can’t you be more like your cousins?” was one of my mother’s mantras.
Translated: who you are isn’t good enough.
A funny twist is when I told this to my cousin, she said her mother implied she should have been more like me!
My mother passed away in 1988, and I still remember her mantras verbatim. Early programming is powerful. It creates one of the voices that chatters in the back of our heads.
Families share attitudes, perspectives and behaviors. The next generation perpetuates how they’ve been raised by passing it on to their children – until someone like you decides to wake up and make more conscious choices.
This pattern is referred to in Exodus 34:7. “Visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.”
You can break the patterns. It starts by becoming aware of them and making new choices… and realizing you are more than good enough.
Here’s another of mom’s favorites: “Where did you get those crazy ideas? You certainly didn’t get them from anyone on my side of the family.”
Translated: there’s something wrong with you and the way you think.
The underlying message?
You’re making me uncomfortable, so stop it. I might have to think or change. That ain’t gonna happen if I can help it. It’s easier for me to lay guilt or blame on you rather than look at myself. A tool I know to keep you in line is to shame you into humble submission. So I can try to control the way you think to make it more like what I’m used to. So I can maintain my false sense of empowerment.
This isn’t a fault of my mom or anyone else (and we’ve all done things like this in the past). She replicated what she was taught and did the best she could.
What do you do when someone tries to make you feel uncomfortable about being you and living your dreams?
Do you stuff what you feel and tow the line?
This may be what you’ve been taught to do from infancy. You try to fit in because, as a little kiddo, you knew you needed help from others to survive.
If the family says you’re stupid, out comes the crowd-pleasing town idiot. You learned to dumb down.
If the family wants you to follow their traditions, you’ll do whatever it takes to belong and be loved. Even if it means you just get crumbs of love. Even if you’re drowning in what floats their boat.
Remember, you’ll rarely be able to please others as they’ll keep changing the hoop they want you to jump through.
In the early days of protest, the Yemenis chanted: “If, one day, a people desires to live, then destiny will answer their call.”
Do you desire to live, I mean really live? That means, not living to please other people.
Are you not living your truth, what’s in your heart, because you’re afraid of the consequences? Instead, take time for you, your goals and your life.
If you’re existing, just getting by, you’re not living.
To live instead of exist, you must stop giving your power away.
Stop giving away your power by:
- Trying to please others and worrying about what they think. Instead, follow your inner guidance, your heart, your gut.
- Living in worry and fear. Instead of thinking what’s wrong or what could go wrong, think about what’s right or could go right.
- Talking about others and blaming them. Instead, take responsibility for your actions and life.
- Feeling sorry for yourself, regardless of your circumstances. Instead, look at “what is” and make new choices and actions.
- Avoiding situations or not telling the truth. Instead, speak up – at least to yourself!
- Making excuses, aka reasons, to not live your dreams. Instead, stand up for your passion and take action, even small steps. If it doesn’t work one way, do it another.
Don’t make yourself wrong, feel guilty or have regrets about what you haven’t done or your past. What you learned brought you to where you are today.
Instead, make a decision to make new choices. You are so powerful that when you say “I choose,” you set forces in motion to redirect your life.
Use your power to live, really LIVE.
Talk with your inner Essence to discover the best path for you:
- Go within and ask your question.
- Listen and write your answers.
- Ask for clarity and/or action steps to take.
- Take action – consistently.
Take a moment now to breathe and do these four steps.
The Beginning
Reprinted from my May 13, 2011 post.
If you’d like support
in being more empowered,
contact me
for a complimentary
Do What You Love Break Free Session.
If it’s been a while since you’ve had one,
you’re welcome to contact me again.
Email me at:
I work with people
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.
I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love.
Copyright © 2019 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.
Soulgoals' Blog 