Posts Tagged ‘Nothing in common’

I Deleted 200 Phone Contacts

April 8, 2019

My contact list cleansing started innocently when my journaling meandered to an experience that happened a few months ago. On multiple occasions, I had conversations and hugs with a woman who works at a local store. We enjoyed some similar interests.

Longer story short, I invited her to my home; she was going to give me ideas about colors to paint my rooms. I thought it would be a nice opportunity to know her better, too.

She was to arrive at 2 PM. An hour earlier, I started to prepare food dishes that I planned for her visit.

At 2:01, she texted me: “Hey Virginia. This date won’t work.”

Mmmm, like she just realized this one minute after she was supposed to arrive? No other comment?

I texted a cordial reply.

Next I invited my 79-year old neighbor to join me as I lured her with a change of beverage from tea to wine. We savored my array of appetizers and our conversation.

While journaling, it occurred to me that the name of the woman who was a no-show started with an “A,” was at the beginning of my phone Contacts, and I saw it practically every time I opened my list.

As I don’t plan on needing this woman’s number anymore — she’s changing jobs, I’m unlikely to see her again, there’s no reason for her to call me and the thought of her was attached to this experience — why was I keeping her phone number?

Delete contact.

Ms. “A” was the beginning of 200 more contacts who met their expunged destinies. After a while, I realized I was following a method similar to cleaning closets. If I haven’t talked with them for a long while and we no longer share mutual interests… DELETE CONTACT! If I really need their numbers, I could find a way to get them.

  • I no longer have anything in common with this person. Delete.
  • Most people in this organization and I are on different wavelengths. Delete. Delete. Delete.
  • These people are unkind, in general and to me. Others have already blocked them. Delete. Delete.
  • For years, I’ve neither talked with nor do I have any interest in communicating with these people, who I’ve known since before the invention of the telephone. Delete. Delete.
  • Do I really think they’re going to realize they were the jerks and owe me an apology? Wake up! Delete. Delete.
  • These people are dead! Find another way to remember them. Delete. Delete.

And so the process began with a keen consideration about why I kept them on my list.


As clarity came once I got into the swing of why and how to let go, it became easier to release.

Letting go was liberating. I felt empowered. 

I discovered that a part of me had been holding myself back.

Until I finished letting go of them on my list, I didn’t realize that I also deleted unconscious thoughts and feelings that I should be the person that some of them wanted me to be. I let go of ugly interactions.

Especially if I hadn’t talked with them for years and didn’t believe there’d be future contact, what was I holding onto

In part, I’d been holding onto memories or a vision of rewriting who we are together, that our lives hadn’t drifted in different directions.

For others, it meant that for me to have a mutually satisfying relationship with them, I’d have to be who I used to be or someone else to fit in.

That’s no longer an option, and this exercise let go of old energy to make room for me to be ME in a bigger way.


Before computerization, I pulled out cards with contact info of people I knew when I lived on the other side of the country. I didn’t want to let them go, but we hadn’t talked because we were no longer involved with mutual activities. I secured the cards with a rubber band and filed them with other papers.

When I found the pile of cards later, I couldn’t even remember who they were.

We grow. We move on.

No longer seeing certain names so frequently helps to refocus on the now and the future instead of the past.

I often feel profound gratitude to be with friends and clients who have traveled life’s roads with me, or our paths have periodically intersected, sometimes for decades. I’ve also discovered that the caliber of these individuals is often worlds apart from those who I attracted 10, 20 or more years ago. With my current peeps, I can more fully be myself. They understand my heart and what I teach. As a result their lives, and mine because of them, have gotten better and better.

Removing those 200 contacts created space, and the universe doesn’t like a vacuum. This means I’m attracting those who are in greater energetic alignment with who I am now.

What are you willing to let go of so you can move on to bigger and better things?

P.S. Know someone who might enjoy this post? Please share.

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