Posts Tagged ‘kindness’

Is Telling the Truth a Good Idea?

December 7, 2021

“Lie to no one. If there’s somebody close to you, you’re gonna’ ruin it with a lie. If they’re a stranger, who the f— are they you gotta’ lie to?”

Willie Nelson in Thief

It’s easier to speak our truth simply, although people who don’t want to do something or feel the need to hide often go into avoidance or denial, tell lies, get angry, complain, project blame on others, or make up stories – variations on defensiveness.

A man I knew was “speaking-his-truth challenged.” He made excuses when he didn’t return calls, didn’t keep his word, and disappeared for months when he said he’d call in a couple of days. He left several relationships without a word of goodbye.

Once he phoned to say he was house hunting and asked if I knew any homes for sale in my part of town. I suggested he contact a realtor. I made a three-way call with him, and we left a message for a client of mine who’s in the business.

She told me she returned his call two times but never heard back. A month later, I saw him at the post office, inquired about his search, and commented how he never returned my client’s call. He said he thought he called her back two or three times.

“No. You didn’t.”

This college instructor then claimed forgetfulness expecting me to believe he was the absent-minded professor.

Busted, and he still couldn’t come clean.

To his credit, three months later he left a message on my voicemail to apologize for “some behaviors he acted out with me, the last one being about the realtor, realized after doing some soul searching.”

Tell the truth. Keep it simple. When we do we keep our self-respect, our personal power, and integrity.

Sometimes blatant truth telling is unwise. Telling your boss he’s an idiot may not be the best choice unless you’re ready to walk out the door for good.

Silence or responding with kindness may be the more gracious approach… instead of trying to shove truth down someone’s throat who you perceive isn’t capable of digesting it at that moment. (Another lesson I’ve learned after realizing some people are quite oblivious, and I end up looking like a fool in their eyes if I try to press the point.)
 
Diplomacy and kindness go a long way to effective communication.
Well, at least the best you can in the moment. Sometimes journaling or talking to someone else about it first can take off the emotional edge.

The egoic mind feels that it needs to defend itself and wear a mask it wants the world to see; the real you doesn’t.

Your challenge, if you choose to accept, is to speak your truth without defensiveness.

  1. Identify a situation where you’ve been holding back on expressing yourself because of fear of what someone might say, think, or do.
  2. Decide if telling the whole truth is the wisest course of action.
  3. Invoke your Soul energy for courage, wisdom, divine right timing, and effective communication skills. How? Just ask within for help.
  4. Speak your truth diplomatically but straight from your heart, with as much grace as you can muster. Your truth is good enough, with or without explanation.
  5. Be prepared to accept the consequences, knowing that the way out of a situation is often to go through it rather than avoiding it or being defensive.

With a zest for Life,
 
Virginia 


Struggling to tell the truth…
even to yourself?
Contact me at:
virginia@soulgoals.comI work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck or could 
use new tools or support.I help them ignite their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.

Originally posted as an excerpt from my Soulgoal Missive a long time ago.

Copyright © 2021 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Short Stories about Kindness, Anger and Frank Sinatra

March 3, 2020

How would you feel if this were you?

 A friend waited behind a car as it sat through not one but TWO green lights. Well, he had several choice words for that man.

 Angrily he drove his car next to the driver and a little girl who sat next to him. The man turned to my friend and said, “I have to take my daughter to the hospital, but I don’t know which way to turn. Can you help me?”
 

 His anger and judgment vaporized with this new perspective.
 


 
While waiting at a counter in a small shop, the woman next to me wanted to reclaim a lay-away that had been there for several months. The clerk very politely explained that their policy was for 30 days, she didn’t have a record of it, and the owner wasn’t present.

The customer responded by heartlessly debasing the clerk for being rude, which she wasn’t being at all.

After she left, the clerk told me that the customer had no idea of the challenges in her life and how much courage it took for her just to come to work.

 

 If the customer looked beyond her self-interests, she may have handled things differently.
 



Then there’s this story of kindness with Frank Sinatra.

 At a party hosted by Frank Sinatra at his ex-wife’s home, a young woman accidentally knocked over one of a pair of alabaster birds and smashed it. His daughter Nancy began to say how they were one of her mother’s favorites, but Frank stopped her with a look. As 40 guests stared in stunned silence, he quickly walked over to the other bird. He flicked it with a finger to the floor and smashed it, too.  Then he kindly put his around the woman and told her in a way to diffuse the situation and her discomfort, “That’s okay, kid.”
 

 Ahhh, grace in action.
 


 
From individuals to world politics, I’ve heard many stories this week of missed opportunities for consideration, kindness or communication.
 

An acting manager complicated instead of resolved a situation while treating a customer like a low-life.
A delay in a project with no urgent deadline elicited unnecessary rebuke.
People locked into negative viewpoints while refusing dialogue.

 

 The ego wears many masks including: righteous indignation; superiority posing as the high road; impatience; sticking it to people; projecting one’s issues onto others; belittling; and judgment.

 How do you respond when things don’t go your way and your buttons are pushed?

 Everyone has bad days and maybe you could’ve done some things differently. But there are times you’ve chosen grace and kindness. You’ve listened; considered other viewpoints before jumping to conclusions; welcomed communication; and allowed people to be themselves although different from you.

 The most important person to be kind and non-judgmental to is you. You can’t give away what you don’t have.

 How does this affect your goals?  

 When you’re hard on yourself and others, you may repel what you want most or find it slipping through your fingers once you get it.

 What can you do about it right now? Just change your perspective – consider another way of looking at things.

 Ask yourself, “What did I learn?”

Fast forward to the present moment as you leave the past behind. Benefit from your lessons and move on to your next adventure. One option is to do it without judgment, with grace.

Reprinted from Soulgoals Blog Archives February 28, 2011

Tired of being hard on yourself?

Ready for something way better?
If so, contact me for a complimentary
Do What You Love Break-Free Session at
virginia@soulgoals.com
 

I work with people
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love by tuning in to
their Soul’s goals.

Copyright © 2020 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

KINDNESS, ANGER & FRANK SINATRA

February 28, 2011

 How would you feel if this were you?

 A friend waited behind a car as it sat through not one but TWO green lights. Well, he had several choice words for that driver.

 Angrily he drove his car next to the driver and a little girl who sat next to him. The man turned to my friend and said, “I have to take my daughter to the hospital, but I don’t know which way to turn. Can you help me?”

 His anger and judgment vaporized with this new perspective.

 While waiting at a counter in a small shop, the woman next to me wanted to reclaim a lay-away that had been there for several months. The clerk very politely explained that their policy was for 30 days, she didn’t have a record of it, and the owner wasn’t present.

The customer responded by heartlessly debasing the clerk for being rude  which she wasn’t being at all. After she left, the clerk told me that the customer had no idea of the challenges in her life and how much courage it took for her just to come to work.

 If the customer looked beyond her self-interests, she may have handled things differently.

Then there’s this story of kindness with Frank Sinatra.

 At a party hosted by Frank Sinatra at his ex-wife’s home, a young woman accidentally knocked over one of a pair of alabaster birds and smashed it. His daughter Nancy began to say how they were one of her mother’s favorites, but Frank stopped her with a look. As 40 guests stared in stunned silence, he quickly walked over to the other bird. He flicked it with a finger to the floor and smashed it, too.  Then he kindly put his around the woman and told her in a way to diffuse the situation and her discomfort, “That’s okay, kid.”

 Ahhh, grace in action.

 From individuals to world politics, I’ve heard many stories this week of missed opportunities for consideration, kindness or communication. An acting manager complicated instead of resolved a situation while treating a customer like a low-life. A delay in a project with no urgent deadline elicited unnecessary rebuke. People locked into a negative viewpoint while refusing dialogue.

 The ego wears many masks including: righteous indignation; superiority posing as the high road; impatience; sticking it to people; projecting one’s issues onto others; belittling; and judgment.

 How do you respond when things don’t go your way and your buttons are pushed?

 Everyone has bad days and maybe you could’ve done some things differently. But, there are times you’ve chosen grace and kindness. You’ve listened; considered other viewpoints before jumping to conclusions; welcomed communication; and allowed people to be themselves although different from you.

 The most important person to be kind and non-judgmental to is you. You can’t give away what you don’t have.

 How does this affect your goals?  When you’re hard on yourself and others, you may repel what you want most or find it slipping through your fingers once you achieve it.

 What can you do about it right now? Just change your perspective – consider another way of looking at things.

 Ask yourself, “What did I learn?”

Fast forward to the present moment as you leave the past behind. Benefit from your lessons and move on to your next adventure. One option is to do it without judgment, with grace.