5 Steps to Make Change Easier

In this part of my dream, I was in a room filled with well-worn, cushioned, reclining chairs. I thought there was an available seat near a window that overlooked trees, but it was taken. In fact, every seat I could see was taken except for a too-small-for-me wooden chair at my side. I thought there might be a chair available on the other side of the smallish room. But if I left the wooden chair, someone else might take it, and I could be left with nothing. Then I woke up.

It’s a risk to let go of what’s available, even if it isn’t a fit, uncomfortable and too small. In my dream, there wasn’t a reason why I had to stay in that room, even if there wasn’t a place to sit on the other side.

I awoke knowing to let go of people, attitudes and situations that no longer fit the person I’ve become.

We often settle for things that don’t work when we feel that the familiar is safe and secure – or at least known. This may lead us to believe the unknown is risky.

However, nothing stays the same forever. Economies go up and down. People and work change. A seemingly stable Japan reeled with a massive earthquake, tsunami and nuclear explosions.

Pandemics, as rare as they are, shatter old routines so we learn and grow to meet the challenges… or not.

It reminds me of a woman who didn’t want to move because she enjoyed the companionship of a friend who lived nearby. Soon after, that friend sold her house and moved out of town.

Some are afraid of leaving a job that’s on a downward spiral. Others cling to non-supportive relationships. Some hold onto old business models.  

Is something really better than nothing? And who says that replacing something will leave you with nothing? Perhaps a newly created space of seeming nothing will lead to something even better.

While writing, I saw a client’s email that I saved three years ago:

I recently met a wonderful woman who was reduced to tears by “friends” she admired but had rejected her. My advice? Don’t waste your time. Look for WONDERFUL people who make you feel good. And focus on your wonderful self who is “crying” to be born and nurtured.

Spring and Easter are great times to resurrect anew, something even better.

Change is always for good. Something positive always emerges, regardless of appearances. But you don’t have to wait for a catastrophe to make a change.

What Have You Outgrown?

Are you discouraged, stuck or frustrated about something that hasn’t been working? Are you holding on to a belief about it? This may be the reason your life or business isn’t what you’d like it to be.

Perhaps you only need a change in attitude or perspective. Another viewpoint may reveal the solution.

By the way, don’t think you’ve got to see the big picture and know all the pieces before taking action. You can start where you are and with what you know right now.

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TIP: You’re always given your next step – listen within for what it is. You can prevent overwhelm by redirecting your focus on the present and doing one thing at a time.

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You can make change easy on yourself by using these five steps:

1. Be willing to consider a change. Willingness opens you to possibilities even if you’re not ready to commit to a change. 
2. Take consistent action in your new direction. If you were to make a change, what action would you take? Do it. Then tune in to the next step, and do that. 
3. Get support from a friend or a coach. Discussing possibilities and being heard can be powerful steps to clarity, action and change.
4. Choose that the change and lessons learned be gentle. If you believe change is hard, it is. There are people who remain positive even in the face of disaster. Set an intention to make changes with grace and ease.
5. Breathe your way through it. Breathing deeply in a relaxed way puts you in divine flow instead of the flow of fear.

Give yourself a gift of a new beginning. You have the power within to create changes without drama, with grace and ease.

Reposted from Soulgoals’ Blog March 15, 2011

If you’d like help in 
discovering why some aspect of
your life or business isn’t working,
what to do about it, and change it 
for the better,
contact me
for a complimentary
Do What You Love Break Free Session.

Email me at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love by discovering
their Soul’s goals.

Copyright © 2021 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

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Feel Like You Missed the Boat? It Wasn’t Your Boat!

Ever feel that you missed your boat or your ship has already sailed?

Aka, you missed your opportunity. You blew it. Circumstances are stacked against you, and now what? Humpty Dumpty can’t be put together again. Do not pass Go because your life is one big frustration that’s taking a nosedive from a high diving board into a shallow pool.

Forget this mental noise. Dump all these beliefs because they’re so not true.

You can bounce back from wherever you are, only not in the way you may have thought. (That’s a blessing although it may not seem it.) There are other financial opportunities. That wasn’t the only person or deal in the world. You’re not too old or too stupid. You can get out of a hole if you stop digging.

Despite appearances, there are more ships at YOUR port. You’ll see them if you stop looking at the ones that left.

The universe isn’t limited and neither are you! Life isn’t designed for you, your business, your choices, and the loonies to be perfect. Life is designed for you to grow and expand. This is how shiFt happens.

You have countless opportunities!

If your dream “ticket to paradise” was eaten by the dog or you screwed things up so badly that there’s no turning back, different but better opportunities are waiting for you. And you’re all the wiser because of it.

We learn; we move on. Exit stage left the drama king or queen in us who plays the victim as we beat ourselves up or feel sorry for ourselves. Our good takes its bow on center stage as we open and are willing to receive something better.

I’ve relaunched my life so much, often like a phoenix rising from the ashes, that I lost count of the times I rebooted emotionally, financially and physically. I’m sure you’ve had your share, too.

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Lao Tzu said: “New Beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” Got it?  They aren’t failures.

In the words of former Navy Seal Richard “Mack” Machowicz: “Not dead. Can’t quit.”

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If not for one of the seemingly endless, excructiatingly painful times of my life, I would neither be coaching nor writing you now. A significant crisis was my catalyst for a new direction. I was too beaten down to continue my old ways. During my healing, I discovered how my life experiences, including how to release the pain I was in, groomed me to do well what I do and draw on my history of accomplishments more meaningfully. What gifts did your challenges bring  you?  TIP: You didn’t miss the boat! It wasn’t your boat! The stories you tell yourself about your business and life are what create your feelings of loss, failure, frustration, suffering… or success. To see the bigger picture with a more positive viewpoint, look back to a time when things went to you-know-where in a handbasket. What good came from it? No, don’t think about last week’s mishaps or unresolved issues you haven’t been able to wrap your brain (or heart) around. Look back far enough so you have the benefit of hindsight without the emotional charge. If you’re stuck, instead of tuning into your defiant side, ask the wise part of you for perspective. Learn. Be confident knowing that life is on your side. Good comes out of seeming bad just as fire brings necessary ecological change. Google “benefits of fire” if you doubt this. How has your business or you emerged better for your challenges? What boats did you board instead?

If you’d like to 
find YOUR boat,
contact me for a a complimentary session:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people
who choose to enjoy life more,
share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.
I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love by aligning
with their Soul’s goals. 

Reposted from Soulgoals’ blog November 10, 2015

Copyright © 2021 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

How to Skate Through Life… even in hard times

The Skating Minister by Henry Raeburn

Wouldn’t you rather skate through life than be burdened by it?

My dream this morning gave me a roadmap how.

Let’s say you wanted to ice skate in winter, but there wasn’t a place to do it.
However, you had a place where water could be added to create a pond.

So, you filled that space with an available water source.

Gave it time to freeze.

Now you can skate.

Makes sense. But what does this have to do with anything?

Where’s your focus?

Worrying about problems is how we might believe we’re being responsible, but that’s looking in the wrong direction for answers. Although habits can be hard to break, you do have other choices.

You could:

• whine about not being able to skate because there isn’t a place to do it.
• blame wildlife for drinking the water that could’ve frozen.
• feel sorry for yourself or tell your story so others can feel sorry for you.

However, you still can’t skate if you choose any of these.

You can’t have a problem without already having the answer.
But, if you keep looking at the problem and feeling bad about it, you won’t see the solution!

You have a place within, at the core of who you are, that already has the solution – the space for the pond.

If you’re open to receive, your inner guidance will fill you with answers.

To continue with this metaphor, if you allow answers time to transform from fluid to solid, thoughts and feelings can materialize into solutions.

Here’s where Mastermind Principle #3 from my Soulgoals program comes in handy:

I trust my Self and listen to the voice within.

What if you stay loyal to the what-if-it-doesn’t-work thinking?

Results: Frustration, anger, blame, struggle, complications and disappointment. Same ole, same ole. Your focus is on what doesn’t work, so you magnetize more of the same. Success goes up and down like a seesaw.

Sound familiar?

What else you can do? How can you skate through life?


First step:  Notice how you greet situations.

Is it with fear, doubt, discouragement or other negative feelings?

Instead, focus on any positive experiences you’ve ever had about this.

If you don’t have one, imagine how you’d like it to be. 

Here are examples:

• Before a sales presentation or any potentially challenging situation, remember ones that went great. It doesn’t matter if you’ve put your foot in your mouth a hundred times before. But if once, your long lost uncle bought a candy bar you were selling in grade school, and you felt happy, go to those thoughts and good feelings.
• Feeling weak in the knees because you’re about to talk with someone? Instead, recall moments of empowering interactions.
• If you’re used to feeling the other shoe is going to drop, feeling good may seem downright unnatural.  However, with practice and positive results, you’ll feel more comfortable.

Forget what you may have heard about doubting yourself. That was misery wanting company.

Feeling good IS your natural state. Enjoy skating.

Reposted from October 27, 2015

If you’d like help to live
an ideal life you’ve imagined,
(yes, it’s possible),
contact me at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck or could 
use new tools or support.
I help them ignite their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.

Escape the Quicksand of Fear

Fear was my #1 issue during a personal growth session in 1991. It took us two hours to reveal what the particular fear was until I realized it was everything!

It took me years to recognize the insidious ways fear had molded my life since childhood.

Like attracts like, so when the vibration of fear precedes actions, the results reflect that energy. More things to fear.

What follows is lack; struggle; failure; disappointment; frustration; worry; anxiety; loss of business; financial hardship; and that dreadful fear of the future – “what if” things don’t work out and I face a fate worse than death?

Especially when I felt the fear was justified, being afraid grew exponentially; it was like adding sugar to yeast. “Just look at my circumstances. Anyone in them would feel this way.”

Once when my budget was screaming “ouch,” I feared missing a credit card payment. I knew someone this happened to, and her rates skyrocketed. My negative musings caused me unconsciously to pay my bill from an account where I don’t keep money… and I missed my payment.

My preoccupation with my imagined, financial ruin also had me overlook paying my water bill. I opened the top portion of a letter sent to alert me and set it aside thinking it was next month’s bill. Only after coming home from burying my cat who suddenly died and discovering my water had been turned off did I see it was a disconnect notice.

I had the money, but I was so consumed with fearing future disasters that I created them!  As Job said, “For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me.”

You may have been pulled into the quicksand of fear. Once you start sliding down its slippery slope, every frantic breath has you descend into it more deeply.

All my successes occurred when I let go of fear.

What is quicksand, and how does it work?

Quicksand is just a soupy mix of water trapped in ordinary sand that can’t escape. It’s a liquefied soil that can’t support weight. It can occur almost anywhere if the right conditions are present.

Contrary to being the frightening, bottomless pit portrayed in the movies, it rarely is deeper than a few feet.

Stepping into quicksand will not swallow you whole or suck you under, but thrashing about will force you deeper into it. The more you struggle, the faster you sink.

Most people who drown in quicksand or in any liquid are those who panic and start flailing their arms and legs. However, it’s easier to break free of it than you may think.

To escape you have to stop fighting. The key is not to panic.

The way out is to relax and make slow movements back to the surface. Because your body is less dense than the quicksand, you will float to the surface if you let go of the struggle and relax. In fact, it’s easier to float on quicksand than on water. Once afloat, you can find your way back to safety.

Hmm, so similar to fear – how we drown in it and how we can escape its murky mud.

Let go of struggling and relax!

Originally posted on February 26, 2012

 

If you’d like help escaping the quicksand in your life,
contact me at virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck or could 
use new tools or support.

I help them ignite their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.”

Escaping the Quicksand of Fear

Fear was my #1 issue during a personal growth session in 1991. It took us two hours to reveal what the particular fear was: everything! It took me years to recognize the insidious ways fear had molded my life since childhood.

Like attracts like. When the vibration of fear precedes actions, the results reflect that energy. What follows is lack; struggle; failure; disappointment; frustration; worry; anxiety; loss of business; financial hardship; and that dreadful fear of the future – “what if” things don’t work out and I face a fate worse than death?

Especially when I felt justified, being afraid was like adding sugar to yeast – “Just look at my circumstances. Anyone in them would feel this way.” Fear multiplied which attracted more things to be afraid about.

Once when my budget was screaming “ouch,” I feared missing a credit card payment. I knew someone this happened to, and her rates skyrocketed. My negative musings caused me unconsciously to pay my bill from an account where I don’t keep money… and I missed my payment.

My preoccupation with my imagined, financial ruin also had me overlook paying my water bill. I opened the top portion of a letter sent to alert me and set it aside thinking it was next month’s bill. Only minutes after coming home from burying my cat who suddenly died and discovering my water had been turned off did I see it was a disconnect notice.

I had the money, but I was so consumed with fearing future disasters that I created them!  As Job said, “For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me.”

You may have been pulled into the quicksand of fear. Once you start sliding  down its slippery slope, every frantic breath has you descend into it more deeply.

All my successes occurred when I let go of fear.

What is quicksand, and how does it work?

Quicksand is just a soupy mix of water trapped in ordinary sand that can’t escape, a liquefied soil that can’t support weight. It can occur almost anywhere if the right conditions are present. Contrary to being the frightening, bottomless pit portrayed in the movies, it rarely is deeper than a few feet.

Stepping into quicksand will not swallow you whole or suck you under, but thrashing about will force you deeper into it. The more you struggle, the faster you sink.

Most people who drown in quicksand or in any liquid are those who panic and start flailing their arms and legs. However, it’s easier to break free of it than you may think.

To escape you have to stop fighting. The key is not to panic.

The way out is to relax and make slow movements back to the surface.

Because your body is less dense than the quicksand, your body will float to the surface if you let go of the struggle and relax. In fact, it’s easier to float on quicksand than on water. Once afloat, you can find your way back to safety.

Hmm, so similar to fear – how we drown in it and how we can escape its murky mud.

Reprinted from Soulgoals’ Archive  posted on February 26, 2012

Tired of fighting your fears? If so, contact me for a Break-Free Session at virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way (or just feel better) but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support.
I help them be richly compensated by tuning into their Soul’s goals.

Copyright © 2020 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Stop Shoulding on Yourself

Have you ever had a deadline or goal but felt stuck and simply couldn’t take action? Maybe you were “shoulding” on yourself and immobilized from your mental tyranny.

In August 2001, every day for two weeks, I sat in front of my computer to write a seminar…and not one word came. Nothing.

I put so much pressure on myself that I stifled any creativity to write.

Eventually, I listened to what I was telling myself: I should’ve already done this, and I should’ve done it years ago.

I made peace with the situation by shifting my perspective from feeling “resistance is futile” to: I am where I am, and from here I will start.

Over the next four months I wrote a 60-page workbook… and then, because it became so big, I didn’t know what to do with it. After all of that work, it sat on a pile.

Fast forward seven years. I remembered the workbook when I discovered I didn’t like a manual for a four-day retreat I was to facilitate. Oh, did I mention it was less than a week away?

The workbook was a key for breakthroughs and fun throughout the event and saved me from being in another writing rut.

Retreat Workbook

TIP: Stop shoulding on yourself. Self-judgment holds you back. Like it or not, this is where you are, so make peace within by allowing you to be in the present moment.

When you accept yourself and your circumstance, you let go of the shoulds, pressure and negative self-talk.  Then any small step will get you started. When this happens, you get out of your rut and pave the way for momentum.

This is a reprint from July 2010

If you’d like support
to stop judging,
contact me
for a complimentary
Do What You Love Break Free Session.

If it’s been a while since you’ve had one,
you’re welcome to contact me again.

Email me at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love.

 

Copyright © 2019 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.