Posts Tagged ‘Dysfunctional friends’

A Different Way of Helping People… That Actually Helps

April 3, 2023

The Home Edit on Netflix inspired me to massively reorganize my home.

I let go of 2/3rds of my clothes and shoes. I threw away bags of stuff, sold some, and brought countless carloads to Goodwill.

For a variety of reasons, they no longer fit who I am now.

I categorized what was left (grouping similar items together in the same area). I bought containers so everything on my shelves had their own place. I stepped back to look at all my rooms, closets, drawers and cupboards with an eye for them to be aesthetically pleasing. The end goal is to maintain the system.

There’s not a paper on my desktops.

Following was the yard edit. I cut and dumped the equivalent of truckloads of pruned trees and branches.



Months of this focus led me to ask questions about editing my life.

  • How was I using my time?
  • Why were individuals in my life?
  • I paid attention to attitudes, beliefs, patterns, actions of myself and others.
  • When did I feel unhappy or stressed? 
  • What did I like or just put up with?

When I honestly paused to see, I admitted to myself what didn’t serve me.

I saw where I was taking care of others above taking care of me. 

Why? For logical reasons:
they needed me, my help, to talk, something… and regularly being on that vibrational frequency was interfering with my ability to create a life that I choose.

It was time for me to draw the line and stop tolerating the vibrational dissonance.


Use whatever excuse you can to vibrate in harmony with those things you’ve been saying you want. And when you do, these things that are a vibrational equivalent flow into your experience in abundance… That which is like unto itself is drawn.

Abraham-Hicks


Once, while in a car for hours with a woman who’d been experiencing her friend’s drama for hours, I asked: “Why are they even your friends?”

It was the same question I’d been asking myself about everything in my life. Why is this/ are they in my life?

She replied something about how they’re dysfunctional. However, my point wasn’t about them, but I left her answer alone.

My intention was about her. What vibration are you choosing? To use colloquial expressions, as birds of a feather flock together, as water seeks its own level, her love and caring for her friends were aligning her with energy of drama. 

Wonder why sometimes you don’t move forward in life the way you thought you could? With what vibrational frequencies are you aligning yourself?


“When you find vibrational alignment with You,
you personally thrive.“

Abraham-Hicks



For me, why did some drain my energy?

I learned from YouTuber Richard Grannon regarding narcissists that “you’re dealing with a performance to elicit a response from you that caused you to serve them.”


Whaaat?

Some people try to pull you in, to do things for them and satisfy their needs, with their stories, circumstances, neediness or emotions in order to elicit a response from you. This is how they cause you to serve them, in ways you wouldn’t have done if they hadn’t evoked or played on your emotions somehow.

They may want your money, your time, your stuff, your sex, your advice, your energy, your conversations, you doing things for them, your emotional support, and on and on.

They may not respect your boundaries when you say “no,” but they can be sooo grateful to you for helping them.

Yes. It feels good to make a difference by helping others. Until their needs surface again. And again.

I realized I wasn’t helping. They were using me as a band-aid.

Are you rescuing or trying to fix others? You might believe you should do this to be a loving and good friend or family member. However, you may be holding others back from learning their lessons!

If you try to “teach” them, aka rescue or fix them instead of being an example, you may be holding them back spiritually.

Consequence: they keep coming back to you for help, and your enabling doesn’t motivate them to learn their lessons.

Ask yourself honestly. Is the relationship 50-50 or more like 90-10, you giving more than receiving?

You can let go of the toxicity and drama in your life. Maybe you’ve outgrown that, and it’s no longer a fit.

Of course, be willing to extend a helping hand!! However, if your hand gets tired from the repetitive performance, here’s an option.

HAVE COMPASSION. BLESS OTHERS.

LET THEM KNOW YOU BELIEVE IN THEM TO FIND A WAY THROUGH THEIR SITUATION.

BUT DON’T DO THE WORK FOR THEM.

Be empowered. Happy. Surround yourself with supportive people who love you for who you are, not because of how you can serve them.

Edited post from Soulgoals’ Blog of November 14, 2022

Copyright © 2023 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.


Ready to be free of helping others more and helping yourself less? 
Contact me to learn how at:

virginia@soulgoals.com
http://www.soulgoals.com

I help women to tune in to their true Selves, see clearly and live their personal and professional dreams.
Advertisement