Posts Tagged ‘Blaming others’

Who’s Controlling Your Life?

June 18, 2018

me you

Here’s a simple formula:

If you’re used to thinking it’s all your fault and you screwed up (again), it’s probably the other person who’s the culprit.

Your programming includes the belief that there’s something wrong or oddly divergent about you, so now you believe it. Then you attract others who accuse you of the same thing, which adds proof that your seeming inadequacy must be true. The only reason this keeps happening is because your beliefs attract experiences that mirror your thinking and feeling. Your core assumption that there’s something wrong with you is false and can leave you feeling your life is out of control.

If you’re used to blaming, pointing fingers and complaining about other people, the issue probably is yours.

Your programming includes not taking responsibility for how you’re creating your life and then projecting your feelings on others. You really believe other people are to blame for the wrongs done to you. On top of that, if you blame hard enough, you might get others to doubt themselves or feel shame… then you feel in control. You can be very annoyed if others don’t go along with your beliefs or you can feel they just don’t get it.  If only they’d apologize, you’d be validated… but the relief doesn’t last for long because the underlying issue hasn’t been released.

Regardless if you unwittingly try to control others’ behaviors or allow others to control how you feel, the underlying trickster is the same.

Here are excerpts from my September 2015 blog post:

Who’s Controlling Your Life?

Ever feel that you want to crawl into bed with the covers pulled over your head? Feelings arise when thoughts add interpretation to emotions… which lead to beliefs… which can create those yucky feelings like frustration, disappointment and suffering. Hey, it’s not just you. We’re all wired like this, and we can change it!

Eckhart Tolle said “the ego believes it is real and tries hard to maintain its supremacy.” He shares that negative states of mind, such as anger, resentment, fear, worry and envy are products of the ego. When it’s in control, these appear to be justified and usually another person is blamed for these feelings. The true cause of this skewed thinking is not found in your life but in the very structure of the egoic mind.

How Can You Tell If You’ve Been Invaded Like The Walking Dead?

Ask if what you believe is true. You’re right, they’re wrong. You have an emotional charge. You can’t shake negative feelings and mind chatter. Your filter believes you see clearly, but your vision is clouded by a finger pointing at inductees into your Villains’ Hall of Fame.

If you’re reading this with some comprehension, in this moment, your ego has taken a hike. Left to the ego’s devices, this information does not compute.

Trekkie Talk

Data, an enlightened artificial intelligence life form, gets it as he talks with a primitive clone of himself in Star Trek Nemesis:

Data: You have been programmed to gather information that can be used against this ship.

Clone: I do not understand.

Data: I know.

And Data detached the clone from its power source.

When the ego’s program is running, there’s little understanding. It’s like seeing through a glass darkly as the person becomes a pawn to do the ego’s bidding. When YOU are in charge, you’ve got the bandwidth, clarity and energy to make your dreams real.

Liberation of Lunacy (LoL)

I created a tool called Liberation of Lunacy (LoL) to free yourself of doubt, limit, fear and lack through your power of choice, perspective and putting your Essence in charge. We’re all a little bit crazy when the ego takes charge. Meanwhile, here’s how to start freeing yourself when the siren sings you’ve really got a hold on me.

You’re More Than Enough

Don’t fall for lies of limitation.

The ego is a tool and will echo what you think and say. So quit beating yourself up. Stop blaming others. Go beyond the separation between you and others. Let go of trying to control or allowing others to control the way you feel and act.

Instead, shift your focus to you are more than enough.  Actually, you’re awesome! Look for what’s good in you. You can do this. You’ll feel lighter, which makes it easier to take action on what’s important to you.

P.S. Know someone who might
like this? Please forward.

I work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck, could 
use new tools or support.

I help them ignite their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.

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I Was Shocked When I Learned This about My Mother

March 13, 2017

My mother, who passed away 29 years ago this month, used what I call mantras –  words she repeated so many times that I still know them verbatim.

Because of regular reiteration, I believed and didn’t question some of them. It was  like learning arithmetic tables, but these were impressed on me with far more feeling.

“When I was young, I used to be happy-go-lucky. Then I met your father.”

Because they argued intensely, she started her day with this mantra: “I wonder what that S.O.B. is going to do to make my life miserable today.”  (Note – she didn’t use initials.)

Obviously, she had no idea that her daily proclamations and emotions were what made her life miserable, not anything my father did or didn’t do.

She thought her suffering was my father’s fault, and I accepted it as true, too. I didn’t have an attitude about him. I liked and loved him. At the same time, I saw her perspective and believed her woeful declarations.

Then about 15 years ago, I was talking to one my teachers about how I felt sorry for them. He knew my parents and replied,

“Your mother wanted your father to change so she wouldn’t have to change.”

What?!!??

This was a throw-a-bucket-of-cold-water-in-my-face moment.

It was his fault. That was a given. Never questioned it. She lived a miserable life because of him.

Here’s the kicker.

As long as she complained about and blamed him, she didn’t have to take responsibility for her own emotions and actions. It was his fault. She was the victim.  Pointing her finger at what she decided were his failings absolved her of cleaning up her attitudes, feelings and thoughts.

In a flash, I realized the blaming wasn’t true. She could’ve been happy if she stopped giving him power over the way she felt.

In a shocking moment, for the first time,  I stopped feeling sorry for them.

I realized that my pity (vs. compassion) was condescending and disrespectful of their choices. They decided how to interact with each other. They had complete control over the way they felt. If they chose to argue as a way of life, and if she chose to feel miserable, those were their decisions.

As emotions create reality, she created a “living hell” for herself where she felt “like a prisoner in my own home.” Her life was a self-fulfilled prophecy.

Think about the implications in your life. Who are you blaming for what doesn’t work and how you feel?

  • Do you want others to behave the way you think they should so you can feel good? In other words, do you want others or situations  to change so you can feel happy? Or will you decide to be happy anyway?
  • Do you let others shape your future by getting angry at strangers who drive weird, crazy acting people, politicians or past hurts? Are you blaming yourself? Or will you take command of your own energy because, if you don’t, you block your dreams coming true?
  • What mantras run through your head? I can’t afford it. There’s never enough. What if  I run out of money? Nothing I do ever works out. My life would be so much better if only…

Even if they’re “wrong,” you still can choose  your attitude and how you respond. As like attracts like, how you feel shapes your future.

What does this have to do with your business or work?

Your feelings and thoughts magnetize your experience, so don’t hand the keys of your  emotions to others and “if only” things would be different. Don’t give your power away.

Allowing others to affect how you feel relinquishes the keys to your kingdom   – or queendom – of success, happiness  and ability to enjoy financial freedom.

By the way, blame is one of ego’s greatest tools; no matter where it’s directed, it holds you back.

You choose how you react and feel.

Your future depends on it.

“When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don’t blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like the lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change”  Thích Nhất Hạnh

 

Know others who’d like to take back their power? Please share this blog post.

 

I work with people who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support. I help them ignite their Soul’s goals and be richly compensated doing what they love.