I Learned This While Existing in a Living Hell

During my twenties, miserable because of a five-year relationship, I had a dream. For years I kept its message on my dresser, although I didn’t know what it meant or how to do anything about it:

 Find the Heart and Rescue It 

He had a Ph.D. in psychology and was a revered member of our spiritual community, which played into why it took me a while to realize I lived with a self-centered, master manipulator who cared only for himself.

He easily saw my vulnerabilities of low self-esteem and self-doubt and how to use them to intimidate me and undermine my self-confidence while bending me to his will.

Although we had been dating long distance, he lived a six-hour drive away, we solidified our legal commitment to be together within three weeks after my father passed away. 

Note: It’s recommended to avoid making big decisions after experiencing a death.

In our second month together, I was bullied to let go of my business and with it my financial freedom. Amongst countless other examples, he listened in on my phone conversations and would scream at me non-stop if I didn’t do what he wanted. He even left me stranded in a southwestern desert at 3 PM in the middle of the summer with no cash or credit cards as he drove away – to return 30 minutes later. 

In our third month together, the stress of what my life had become short-circuited my adrenals, thyroid, blood sugar and more – so I wasn’t able to speak my words in the right order, think well, have physical energy to move and would cry if someone said hello. 

Enabling this behavior was my belief there was something wrong with me. Years later, when I saw the 1944 movie Gaslight with Ingrid Bergman, I recognized that this was what he tried to do… make me believe I was crazy so he could control me.

My unhappiness induced me to question and think. 
 

He insisted his reality was truth, but was it? His created what I called a living hell on earth.

I made a bad choice to be with him, which put me on a sorrowful path. Eventually, I figured out that regardless of how many good choices I subsequently made, I was still on the wrong path. 

I had to listen to my heart, my truth, and not give my power away.
Even if others claimed to know more or be an authority.
Even at the risk of losing my worldly goods. 
Even with my perceived HUMILIATION that, once again, I made a relationship mistake.

Actually, it was my ego’s need to protect this self-image that held me back the most. 

My survival ultimately depended on my ability to listen to my guidance, speak up for MYSELF and not be cowered into obedient silence and submission.

When I got honest with me, changes occurred, which made my exit easy. I packed my car and was gone in three weeks. 

The good news is that this experience taught me to think for myself and not believe others’ so-called authority. I learned to separate what I saw was true vs. what others told me I should believe.

And be the coach I am today.

It’s like the person who says the proverbial, “Yes, I’ll still love you in the morning” … not. Beware: many people lie to get what they want. Many believe their own lies!

What life do you want to live? Are you living it? Are you willing to honestly speak up, at least to yourself, and acknowledge what’s in your heart? 

Don’t wait for permission. It’s YOUR life!

Edited excerpt from Soulgoals’ Blog Post May 8, 2011

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If you’d like support
to listen to
your heart and
what to do about it,
contact me
for a complimentary
Soulgoals’ Break-Free Session
by phone.
Email me at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people who choose to
enhance their lives or share their gifts 
in a BIGGER way but
don’t know how, feel stuck or could use new tools or support.

I help them be richly compensated doing what
they love by connecting with their Soul’s goals.

Copyright © 2022 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

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Is Telling the Truth a Good Idea?

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“Lie to no one. If there’s somebody close to you, you’re gonna’ ruin it with a lie. If they’re a stranger, who the f— are they you gotta’ lie to?”

Willie Nelson in Thief

It’s easier to speak our truth simply, although people who don’t want to do something or feel the need to hide often go into avoidance or denial, tell lies, get angry, complain, project blame on others, or make up stories – variations on defensiveness.

A man I knew was “speaking-his-truth challenged.” He made excuses when he didn’t return calls, didn’t keep his word, and disappeared for months when he said he’d call in a couple of days. He left several relationships without a word of goodbye.

Once he phoned to say he was house hunting and asked if I knew any homes for sale in my part of town. I suggested he contact a realtor. I made a three-way call with him, and we left a message for a client of mine who’s in the business.

She told me she returned his call two times but never heard back. A month later, I saw him at the post office, inquired about his search, and commented how he never returned my client’s call. He said he thought he called her back two or three times.

“No. You didn’t.”

This college instructor then claimed forgetfulness expecting me to believe he was the absent-minded professor.

Busted, and he still couldn’t come clean.

To his credit, three months later he left a message on my voicemail to apologize for “some behaviors he acted out with me, the last one being about the realtor, realized after doing some soul searching.”

Tell the truth. Keep it simple. When we do we keep our self-respect, our personal power, and integrity.

Sometimes blatant truth telling is unwise. Telling your boss he’s an idiot may not be the best choice unless you’re ready to walk out the door for good.

Silence or responding with kindness may be the more gracious approach… instead of trying to shove truth down someone’s throat who you perceive isn’t capable of digesting it at that moment. (Another lesson I’ve learned after realizing some people are quite oblivious, and I end up looking like a fool in their eyes if I try to press the point.)
 
Diplomacy and kindness go a long way to effective communication. Well, at least the best you can in the moment. Sometimes journaling or talking to someone else about it first can take off the emotional edge.

The egoic mind feels that it needs to defend itself and wear a mask it wants the world to see; the real you doesn’t.

Your challenge, if you choose to accept, is to speak your truth without defensiveness.

1. Identify a situation where you’ve been holding back on expressing yourself because of fear of what someone might say, think, or do.
2. Decide if telling the whole truth is the wisest course of action.
3. Invoke your Soul energy for courage, wisdom, divine right timing, and effective communication skills. How? Just ask within for help.
4. Speak your truth diplomatically but straight from your heart, with as much grace as you can muster. Your truth is good enough, with or without explanation.
5. Be prepared to accept the consequences, knowing that the way out of a situation is often to go through it rather than avoiding it or being defensive.

With a zest for Life,
 
Virginia 

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Struggling to tell the truth… even to yourself? Contact me at: virginia@soulgoals.comI work with people who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or could  use new tools or support.I help them ignite their Soul’s goals and be richly compensated doing what they love. Originally posted as an excerpt from my Soulgoal Missive a long time ago.

Copyright © 2021 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

11 Inspirational Quotes on Success & Your Dreams by Paulo Coelho

In the first week of its release in 1988, only one person bought a copy from a local bookseller of the now classic The Alchemist by Brazilian writer Paulo Coelho. One more copy was bought from that same person six months later. After one year, his publisher cancelled Coelho’s contract. He was 41 and desperate.

However, this living legend never lost faith in his dream or his book, in spite of ingrained beliefs. He writes in his introduction, “we are told from childhood that everything we want to do is impossible. We grow up with this idea, and as the years accumulate, so too do the layers of prejudice, fear, and guilt. There comes a time when our personal calling is so deeply buried in our soul as to be invisible. But it’s still there.”

Despite defeats and his fears, he went from one publisher to the next, and his book was picked up by U.S. publisher HarperCollins. After a time, President Bill Clinton was photographed with a copy. Julia Roberts commented about The Alchemist during an interview for Vanity Fair magazine. With acclaims from Rush Limbaugh to Will Smith, The Alchemist became a phenomena. The book hit a milestone by being on the New York Times bestseller list for over 300 weeks and is now an international bestseller translated into more than 80 languages.

As Coelho describes in the Introduction, “A man sets out on a journey, dreaming of a beautiful or magical place, in pursuit of an unknown treasure. At the end of his journey, he realizes the treasure was within him the entire time.”

Each year, hundreds of thousands walk the Camino in Spain or Portugal. I became enchanted with this quest in another of his international bestsellers The Pilgrimage, a novel that blends adventure with self-mastery.

Regardless if you choose to fulfill your heart’s desire or enjoy better health, a loving relationship, financial prosperity or happiness, may you be inspired to live your dream!

Enjoy these quotes by Paulo Coelho.

“It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.”

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”

“Don’t give in to your fears. If you do, you won’t be able to talk to your heart.”

“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.”

“Don’t waste your time with explanations: people only hear what they want to hear.”

“If you want to be successful, you must respect one rule – Never lie to yourself.”

“When I had nothing to lose, I had everything. When I stopped being who I am, I found myself.”

“There is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it’s because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It’s your mission on earth.”

“One day you will wake up and there won’t be any more time to do the things you’ve always wanted. Do it now.”

 
I work with people who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or could use new tools or support.

I help them be richly compensated doing what
they love by discovering their Soul’s goals.

Copyright © 2018 Virginia Goszewska.  All rights reserved.

TIP: Defy the Odds. She Lives!

In my last TIP, I asked people to send love to my cat Micha.

It worked.

Your energy helped her cross the chasm from pain and a seemingly assured, immediate passing to, quite miraculously, staying in the land of the living.

 

Her ordeal brought up questions.

Why, I thought, did she become so ill at midnight on Saturday when there was little I could do – like she did late Saturday night, December 26? Repeated other times, too, this was a pattern.

Then, I realized, it’s because I couldn’t do anything.

She needed time to rebound, and if I had a choice to rush her to the vet, I might come to the wrong conclusion. She wasn’t ready to go. How soon or late that will be is her choice.

She has an innate sense of timing.

I wondered why she insisted that I be in her vicinity when she ate.

I joked with myself that it was a conspiracy to get me in the kitchen to prepare food instead of snacking. When I made enough headway in soup preparation so it didn’t make sense to stop, she’d finish eating.

Then, I remembered. I told her she had to eat foodies to live.

She wanted to show me she got the message, and this is her answer. She’s eating.

Communication comes in a variety of ways. Verbal language is only one form.

Here’s more of what I learned.

Micha’s not encumbered by limitations of human logic about what is or isn’t possible.

For over two years, in spite of numerous doctors saying her thyroid numbers were so high that there was no point to her staying alive, she decided to live.

She does what we are all capable of doing but often don’t.

She instinctively tunes in instead of overthinks.

I knew that people would send love and blessings if I asked.

I knew it would make a difference.

Your love strengthened her while she was making her choice to stay or go.

Your blessings helped her beat the odds beyond meds not working and the doctor’s death sentence.

Your energy boosted her spirit so she could more easily focus on healing her body.

Your TIP is to defy the odds.

• Tune in to what’s true for you.
• Believe in your dreams.
• Trust in your innate sense of timing and instincts.
• Don’t put all your trust in naysayers, even if they’re experts.
• Pay attention to messages life is communicating.
• Immerse yourself in a vortex of positive, supportive energy to energize whatever is important to you.

I consciously created a mastermind by asking for your support with Micha.

Thank you.

Allow your intentions to turn into results with grace and ease – surpassing your wildest imagination.

Defy the odds of what you think is possible.

For Micha, please keep your love and blessings coming.

YOU KNOW MORE THAN YOU THINK

You’re programmed for low self-esteem and to give away your power. Not just you. Everyone’s brainwashed living in their own hypnotic trance. Part of the gig on earth is to snap out of it.

It starts innocently enough with directives like “draw inside the lines.” We obediently follow to fit in. That’s the hook. Fit in to survive. I mean, how else can a little kid make it in this world without going along with family and society’s customs – even if they’re wacky and don’t make sense?

Did you hear this? “When you’re under my roof, you’ll do what I say.” Then, miraculously, when you move out you turn on a switch and think for yourself. More likely, the programmed voice in your head continues until you realize it’s an old recording.

Myths start early. Do you know any people who stepped on a crack on a sidewalk and broke their mother’s back?

How about obeying authority figures? If doctors or others recommend flu shots or anything they think you should do and doubt your sanity if you decline, do you give your power away by going along because “they” know better, everybody does it,  or you don’t like conflict?

Maybe you journeyed into alternative remedies. Do you give your power away to holistic professionals, stones, pills or potions to heal you or so you can revel in eternal youth?

Consider that any healing starts within and radiates to your thoughts, feelings and physical body.

When this current travels inside to out, whatever you use externally can truly work. Otherwise, you’re giving your power away to something outside of you but feeling clever, at least for as long as the “healing” sticks.

Step back from your emotions, opinions, the way you’ve always seen things, knee jerk reactions, fear, anger, stress, anxiety, and worry. Let’s go deeper.

Your association with a product, technique, love-of-your-life or belief alters how you feel, and you respond like a tuning fork resonating with a frequency. Nevertheless, only YOU can maintain that vibration with your thoughts, attitudes, perspectives and feelings. It may be easier to stay in tune with consistent contact. But, if you’re looking for the fountain of youth, even plastic surgery won’t help if bitterness replaced a young-at-heart attitude.

For whatever you seek, God, the Infinite Source, is your supply.

You have the power NOW to create what you choose. Awaken to this, and you attract supportive people, circumstances, and things.

Everything is given according to your belief. By connecting to the remembrance within that you’re made in the image and likeness of God, you can realize you are way more than enough. (Otherwise God would be a slouch, and that just ain’t true. Excuse me, God. Just sayin’.) The more you believe and align with this, the more you’re in divine flow and row, row, rowing down the stream.

Life can provide evidence to prove the opposite, too. However, believing you’re a helpless slug slithering over the soil leaves a slimy shadow.

The reason people are able to create miracles is they ask for them, believe, are open to receive, and have faith and confidence life will provide.

Me? I got a Ph.D. in 11th hour saves. Why? Because it took me that long to let go and trust. I used worry as a strategy. Spoiler alert: worry only makes things worse.

Strong emotional reactions skew perspective, too. By the way, they have nothing to do with what you think you’re upset about. They’re often from unresolved pain or the irritation of having given away your power. Blaming others is giving your power away, too. Take responsibility. Look deeper.

Everyone has childhood experiences where fear ruled. My highly charged, emotional upbringing with screaming parents introduced me to fear as my companion. Like holding onto a childhood blanket, I continued the legacy of anxiety into adulthood by attracting stressful situations. It really didn’t matter what it was: health; relationships; financial; whatever. As long as something went wrong, I could feel that ole, familiar, sickening dread.  Like everyone else, I have stuff to deal with, but I’m not entertaining the emotions of fear-worry-stress as houseguests anymore.

What emotional instant replays do you have?

What emotions do you usually feel when you’re down for the count? Awareness leads to freedom.

Instead of automatically giving your power to an emotion, your taste buds, the next shiny object, any member of genus Homo sapiens, the internet, a calendar date, scientists, politicians or habits, take a deep breath and question. Question everything, including cherished beliefs. What’s the truth underneath? Find quiet time and journal. Amazing insights emerge, and your self-confidence rises.

You’re not alone in this process. You know the rug that stuff got swept under? Life is forcing everyone to clear out those dust bunnies and move on.

Make a clean sweep by seeing through illusions and making empowering choices. It’s never too late.

In the words of Dr. Benjamin Spock, “Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”

ARE YOU TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT YOUR 2011?

People often say or think things they may believe are true but, at closer analysis, there’s a deeper truth that lies beneath.

Here are some examples:

Statement: “I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.”

Truth: I didn’t say anything because she might feel or say something that would make me feel uncomfortable. I didn’t want to deal with my feelings or feel helpless because I wouldn’t know what to do.

Statement: “I practice my faith religiously, but those people aren’t living by the true word.”

Truth: I’m being judgmental and not practicing unconditional love. Others have nothing to do with my faith or religion. My attitude is about my insecurity and fear of change and being different.

Statement: We have to save the planet.

Truth: It’s important to be good stewards of the earth. Furthermore, she supports all life on the planet so it makes sense to treat her well. But she’s more than capable of saving herself. She has earthquakes, floods and other means to correct imbalances. It’s our species we’re looking out for when we think we have to rescue her. Grandstanding can also serve politically.

What does this have to do with you telling the truth about your 2011? The following questions may help you clarify deeper truths about your life’s direction.

Questions: What do you really choose your life to be this year? Is it an old program of an outdated dream? Do your resolutions sound good but you don’t really care about them? Are your goals about what you think you should do? Are they habitual or dutiful?

Are you really happy or is it a façade of happiness? Do you feel good about yourself? Are you having fun and enjoying life? Do this year’s goals offer a course correction to living in a more satisfying way?

Or are your goals and resolutions coming from your heart and soul?

What would inspire you to feel gratified with your work? What brings you a deeper sense of purpose? What lights you up when you think about if only I could…

Truth: Your soul knows your ideal goals, and your soul is you.

How can you discover your truth at a soul level?

1. Think about a question that, when responded to, would elicit answers to offer you clear direction.
2. Breathe.
3. Silently ask your question with the intention of getting an answer.
4. Trust that answers come and in divine right timing.

Sometimes parts of answers come one at a time like puzzle pieces. Sometimes they pop in as a flash of insight in odd moments.

Relax and know that your truth is within, always available to you, and serves as your guiding light for 2011 and beyond.