A Different Way of Helping People… That Actually Helps

The Home Edit on Netflix inspired me to massively reorganize my home.

I let go of 2/3rds of my clothes and shoes. I threw away bags of stuff, sold some, and brought countless carloads to Goodwill.

For a variety of reasons, they no longer fit who I am now.

I categorized what was left (grouping similar items together in the same area). I bought containers so everything on my shelves had their own place. I stepped back to look at all my rooms, closets, drawers and cupboards with an eye for them to be aesthetically pleasing. The end goal is to maintain the system.

There’s not a paper on my desktops.

Following was the yard edit. I cut and dumped the equivalent of truckloads of pruned trees and branches.

---

Months of this focus led me to ask questions about editing my life.

• How was I using my time?
• Why were individuals in my life?
• I paid attention to attitudes, beliefs, patterns, actions of myself and others.
• When did I feel unhappy or stressed? 
• What did I like or just put up with?

When I honestly paused to see, I admitted to myself what didn’t serve me.

I saw where I was taking care of others above taking care of me. 

Why? For logical reasons:
they needed me, my help, to talk, something… and regularly being on that vibrational frequency was interfering with my ability to create a life that I choose.

It was time for me to draw the line and stop tolerating the vibrational dissonance.

---

“Use whatever excuse you can to vibrate in harmony with those things you’ve been saying you want. And when you do, these things that are a vibrational equivalent flow into your experience in abundance… That which is like unto itself is drawn.“

Abraham-Hicks

---

Once, while in a car for hours with a woman who’d been experiencing her friend’s drama for hours, I asked: “Why are they even your friends?”

It was the same question I’d been asking myself about everything in my life. Why is this/ are they in my life?

She replied something about how they’re dysfunctional. However, my point wasn’t about them, but I left her answer alone.

My intention was about her. What vibration are you choosing? To use colloquial expressions, as birds of a feather flock together, as water seeks its own level, her love and caring for her friends were aligning her with energy of drama. 

Wonder why sometimes you don’t move forward in life the way you thought you could? With what vibrational frequencies are you aligning yourself?

---

“When you find vibrational alignment with You,
you personally thrive.“

Abraham-Hicks

---

For me, why did some drain my energy?

I learned from YouTuber Richard Grannon regarding narcissists that “you’re dealing with a performance to elicit a response from you that caused you to serve them.”

Whaaat?

Some people try to pull you in, to do things for them and satisfy their needs, with their stories, circumstances, neediness or emotions in order to elicit a response from you. This is how they cause you to serve them, in ways you wouldn’t have done if they hadn’t evoked or played on your emotions somehow.

They may want your money, your time, your stuff, your sex, your advice, your energy, your conversations, you doing things for them, your emotional support, and on and on.

They may not respect your boundaries when you say “no,” but they can be sooo grateful to you for helping them.

Yes. It feels good to make a difference by helping others. Until their needs surface again. And again.

I realized I wasn’t helping. They were using me as a band-aid.

Are you rescuing or trying to fix others? You might believe you should do this to be a loving and good friend or family member. However, you may be holding others back from learning their lessons!

If you try to “teach” them, aka rescue or fix them instead of being an example, you may be holding them back spiritually.

Consequence: they keep coming back to you for help, and your enabling doesn’t motivate them to learn their lessons.

Ask yourself honestly. Is the relationship 50-50 or more like 90-10, you giving more than receiving?

You can let go of the toxicity and drama in your life. Maybe you’ve outgrown that, and it’s no longer a fit.

Of course, be willing to extend a helping hand!! However, if your hand gets tired from the repetitive performance, here’s an option.

HAVE COMPASSION. BLESS OTHERS.

LET THEM KNOW YOU BELIEVE IN THEM TO FIND A WAY THROUGH THEIR SITUATION.

BUT DON’T DO THE WORK FOR THEM.

Be empowered. Happy. Surround yourself with supportive people who love you for who you are, not because of how you can serve them.

Edited post from Soulgoals’ Blog of November 14, 2022

Copyright © 2023 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

---

Ready to be free of helping others more and helping yourself less? 
Contact me to learn how at:

virginia@soulgoals.com
http://www.soulgoals.com

I help women to tune in to their true Selves, see clearly and live their personal and professional dreams.

Advertisement

THE CAT (LITTER) BURGLAR!

Let’s say you’re a cat.  Like a good kitty, you do your duty in a litter box and then leave to do other important cat business – like sleep. Later, as nature demands, you return to the box, and your signature kitty bon bons are gone! You might think someone stole my poop. From your human servants’ point of view, they’re doing their duty by removing yours.

Life. Are you living it or is it a living hell? It depends on your perspective.

In the past, I embraced a popular belief: you spot it; you got it. Aka: if you point your finger at someone, there are three fingers pointing back at you. While this is often true, it’s hard to believe an infinite God has limited life to only one reason for why all things happen.

I used to psyche myself out when I believed everything is a reflection of me. When street lights flickered as I walked by, I thought my inner light was on the fritz, and my self-confidence fluttered.  After discussing this with a mentor, he pointed out that the world doesn’t revolve around me.

Wiser, when this phenomena happened again, I noticed that street light poles have numbers and reported those that needed new bulbs.

This awakening may be a relief, especially for those in abusive relationships searching for how they’re a schmuck, too. The lesson may be that you’re not a sicko. The cad may be teaching you to find your inner cojones and not allow others to manipulate you into feeling inferior because of their controlling tactics.

It also works when people phone and assume you have a responsibility to listen to their incessant fears or problems.

When it becomes evident they want an audience and someone to rescue them from their own negativity instead of changing, it’s not a lack of compassion to cancel membership from the Dump-of-Collecting-Others’-Pain Club. I mean, would you open the door to your home to let someone unload their garbage? Why allow others to dump their emotional junk… except fear of their reaction that there’s something wrong with you?

Here’s a perspective:

If you think you’re usually the one who’s wrong, it’s probably them.

If you think others are usually the ones who are wrong, it’s probably you.

How’s your perspective working for you? Don’t let your beliefs or others’ opinions deter you from trusting your inner voice and truth. Then again, if you think the world centers around you, you won’t really care.

GET A ROUND TUIT

You haven’t heard from me for a while because I’ve been focusing on my mastermind groups, having fun and  a whirlwind of completions. You know, those pesky nags that remind you of unfinished business.

Years ago, I attended a lecture by the late Zig Ziglar where he gave us his business card  – a  wooden, round TUIT. Translated: get around to it. Stop procrastinating and take action.

Recently, my eyes opened to the big picture of what I’d been tolerating. The broken blinds – hey, they worked if I didn’t raise them. The dangling coat hanger because I didn’t install the molly bolts correctly. The clusters of daddy long legs that resided on my porch and invaded my house when the door opened. Half the burners on my stove not heating well, etc., etc. It was time for change.

My mailbox I refinished looks great even though I didn’t know what I was doing.

I found that projects often come with obstacles and learning curves. Wasn’t I surprised to discover, while proudly using my electric hand sander for the first time, that I refinished my weather-beaten, wooden mailbox with the sandpaper attached inside out. It turned out great anyway.

I asked questions only to find that many “experts” give crazy advice and don’t know what they’re talking about but act like they do. However, my intentions eventually drew the right people and solutions to me. I continue to tackle projects in spite of my ignorance. I learn and then I’m no longer clueless on those subjects. Not knowing what to do no longer stops me for long.

I’m motivated because stuff left undone as well as unresolved history drain energy making it challenging to focus on goals. Plus, results feel great.

Make room for your destiny. Courageously take action. Throw out your holey undies; no, they’re not sacred. Connect with folks you’ve been meaning to contact. Clearing space in your head and environment releases a power for your dreams to come true.

Believe in you. You don’t have to know how to manifest your goals or even what they are.  If you have that gut feeling that now-is the-time-for-change, then now is the time to get around TUIT.

If you choose to receive support, coaching, direction, focus and clarity, my Resolved for Results course is a game-changer to create results beyond your wildest imagination. www.ResolvedForResults.com

I am grateful to support your choices and see you receiving them!