Archive for the ‘Self-esteem’ Category

I Confess. I Didn’t Know How to Handle This… Until Now.

June 12, 2017

Arguing earthworms

An acclaimed author and speaker sat across the aisle from me during a shuttle bus ride to a conference.

She was recognized by the woman sitting behind her who started a conversation between the two of them.

Just as the ride ended, with a sweet smile and feigned good intentions that she probably believed were innocent and necessary to express, she trashed the famous person with subtle (not really subtle) advice/put downs.

As an observer, I watched the powerful woman’s face drop as she didn’t know what hit her. While disembarking from the bus, I quietly told her that she didn’t do what the accuser claimed, and the other woman was making stuff up.
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After meditating about me and out of so-called concern, a woman decided to list extensively my shortcomings since the beginning of our friendship. She had a pattern of telling me these every couple of years for fifteen years. Adding insult to injury, her skewed perspective caused her opinions to have more holes than Swiss cheese. Her last sharing was her final one with me.


Can you recall interactions that left you wondering whaa – what just happened?

Or maybe you’ve claimed the title of tell-it-like-you-think-others-should-be-or-should-know-about-themselves.

I confess. In the past, handling crazy-makers like these often left me clumsily dumbfounded and reactive. Maybe a month or a year later, I’d think of a clever yet still unsatisfactory response.

Recently during a session with one of my teachers, the sky opened and fairy dust of understanding gently rained upon me.

I’m sharing my pixie enlightenment about some reasons why others use manipulative behaviors that blind-side and what to do about it.

Also, a heads up if this is your M.O. You may choose to stop it. As Dale Carnegie wrote, the pay off is that you’ll win friends, influence more people and feel authentically better about yourself.

THE WHY:

When people are afraid, they look to fight anybody. They will attack a strong person. (You might be perceived as strong by others, even if you don’t feel that way about yourself).

The underlying, usually unconscious thinking of pointing out faults of a strong person is this: I’m insecure. Let’s see if I can take you down to my level.

It’s someone else’s fault, and they’re going to point it out. “Others” are doing something wrong.

Those who use passive-aggressive behavior look for weak parts and take aim at those frailties. 

  1. It can create self-doubt in the other person and throw them off-balance.
  2. It can invert the strong person’s attention onto themselves and away from the aggressor’s shortcomings.

However, the problem actually rests within them. They don’t want to work on their own issues, so they blame others. Again, the focus is on others and their faults so the perpetrators don’t have to look at themselves.

It reminds me of what Eckhart Tolle said regarding people who complain about others, including other drivers.  Disapproval of others makes their ego feel “morally superior,” even to strangers driving in cars.

Passive-aggressiveness is a self-esteem boosting technique born out of feelings of inadequacy or helplessness. It’s one way to get attention and have people listen, which they might not have experienced in their past. 

In short, one way passive-aggressiveness works is to criticize how others are wrong in order to feel better about themselves, enhance superiority or get something they want. 

WHAT TO DO:

Don’t agree or argue with them. Tell them, “I appreciate what you’re saying, but I don’t agree.”

They want you to defend yourself or argue. If you don’t, they look like an idiot.

Eventually, they’ll stop trying to attack because you offer no resistance. Their attempts to get you to provide fuel to fill up their tank of self-esteem isn’t working (instead of finding it within themselves).

Also, they can’t understand you if you talk with them logically when they’re seeing things emotionally. You’re both on different wavelengths. You can’t hear an FM station when you’re tuned into AM.

People blaming “the others,” be it personally, politically, in business or otherwise, is a scapegoat from looking at their own issues.

Does any of this fairy dust bring clarity to you, your business or work?

With gratitude,

Virginia

P.S. Know someone who might like this? Please forward.

I work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how or feel stuck.

I help them ignite their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.

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TIP: Going in 2 Directions Takes You Nowhere

December 13, 2016

pigpen

 

Arms outstretched with people gently pulling from either side, participants of my Supercharge Your 2017 workshop this weekend felt what it’s like to go in opposite directions.

The results: they swayed a bit to the left and right, but stayed in the same position, going nowhere.

Your contradictory thoughts can keep you stuck, a part of you wants to go forward while another holds you back.

For example:

You choose success, but there are those pesky, opposing thoughts.

  • You worry about things, like what if you don’t succeed. Remember how things didn’t work out before and how disappointed you felt? Maybe people who pointed out your limitations were right. And who are you to make more money than your parents?
  • Better play it safe. Save yourself from discouragement. You long for better, but your thoughts keep you where you are.

You choose to be in a relationship, but…

  • Oh, get real. They start out great, and then they’re more trouble than they’re worth. Look at your history. However, you feel desperate for a loving partner. But if you haven’t found “the one” by now, it’s too late. They probably won’t like the way you look, anyway.
  • Even if you meet Mr. or Ms. Right, it might not go anywhere with attitudes like these or the relationship you’re in remains unsatisfying.

When your energy goes in opposite directions:

  1. You feel discouraged, and your confidence wanes. Then you don’t have what it takes to share your gifts or business in a bigger way.
  2. Your energy is like Pigpen from the Charlie Brown comics, who’s pictured above. Your doubt and low self-opinion swirl around you. People can feel it, which motivates them to run in the other direction.

Your TIP is to focus on one direction by believing in yourself, your dreams, your goals.

On average, people only access 10% of who they are. That’s the personality seen in everyday life that’s filled with doubts and negativity.

Choose to tap into the rest of you, the 90% that’s your inner Self, and you’re unlimited!

Ask, right now, for 100% of you to be present, and your life begins to get on track to be happier, more focused, single-minded, Soul-directed.

It takes practice, especially if you’re in the habit of complaining about others, your past or current conditions. But you can align more and more with your inner Self.

With empowered energy, you can go where you choose or someplace better.

 

I work with people who long to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how or feel stuck. I help them ignite their Soul’s goals and be richly compensated doing what they love.

For more information on upcoming masterminding teams or a complimentary Do What You Love Break-Free Session, email me at vg@ResolvedForResults.com

TIP: My Embarrassment – Kinda

October 19, 2016

cat-surprised

Full disclosure: I was sitting on the… well, where I was sitting is beside the point. Except that I just woke up and felt relaxed.

The crazy thought came to me: what would I say if someone asked this question. Can you name an embarrassing moment?

The only thing that came to mind is what if a client saw me the way I look now.

The night before I returned home at midnight after seeing Patrizio in concert (reference to last week’s TIP) and would travel soon to be with a friend and see him perform again that night.

Before I left, however, I decided to book a Liberation of Lunacy phone session (LoL) with a new client. LoL is a technique I created to liberate fear, anxiety, lack, limit and doubt through your power of choice, perspective, love and putting your Essence in charge.

Lunacy because we’re all a little crazy when our ego’s in charge.

Liberation because people feel tremendous relief from the mental and emotional burdens they’ve been carrying. They free themselves to pursue their goals in a bigger way and get powerful results.

Usually I’m showered and dressed before my sessions. I feel fresher and more present.

With my time considerations, I decided to wear a lightweight bathrobe that I’ve used for projects around the house – paint stained and with, shall I delicately call it, a plunging and very revealing neckline.

During her session, we were deeply focused to help her release.

Apparently, there’s a beep that goes off when FaceTime turns on. I didn’t hear it but suddenly noticed that I was seeing a face instead of the phone’s keypad.

I asked what happened, and she said FaceTime came on. I stumbled around to turn it off, confusing because I already had it turned off in my setting.

I was so engaged in the process that I didn’t consider the ramifications of a new client observing her coach she’s never met in what could be a test run for Halloween.

Oh well. Nothing I could do about it. It is what it is. Time to get ready to leave.

However, the next day during a follow up call, I asked about it. She informed me about the beeps and had the good grace to turn FaceTime off when she realized what was happening.

That explains why her voice didn’t reflect shock.

Here’s the powerful part.

I casually had the thought that morning. I had no resistance to it happening because it was playful, mental banter. Never even considered any real consequences.

There was no wondering if I could create such a scene. No doubt to gnaw at me. No fear or anxiety. Just a pure idea, a simple thought going out into the universe.

Within a couple of hours, what I claimed as an embarrassing moment occurred.

Law of Attraction at work.

Whatever we focus on comes to pass. Casual thoughts included. Silly thoughts. Angry thoughts. Frustrating thoughts. Any thought.

Thoughts create feelings. Our feelings manifest.

We are that powerful.

You are that powerful.

So if you don’t like something in your business or life, don’t feed it by thinking about it.

Think about something else.

It’s your life. Don’t turn your power and happiness over to another person, a politician, someone who “done you wrong,” or any situation – even if it feels hopeless.

There’s always a way out!

I spent the weekend watching The Truth About Cancer Ultimate Live Symposium online with nearly 50 world-renowned doctors and experts with a mission to educate, expose and eradicate cancer. The information works for any illness.

Cancer and other diseases are not death sentences.

There are countless alternative modalities and strategies for healing that work! Redirect your focus to see them and take action.

We always have a choice: hold onto old beliefs or be open to transform into something more wonderful.

This is true for your health, your business, your finances, your life.

Choice: at times, needlessly suffer or die leaving loved ones behind or be open to change.

It’s about education. Outside your box exists a magnificent world of possibilities.

YouTube videos on the life-saving work of The Truth About Cancer is a great place to start for your health.  

Your TIP is to use your power on YOUR behalf to consciously create what you choose.

Masterminders will recognize that this is inspired by Resolved for Results Principle #6:

I believe I am worthy and deserve to achieve my goals or something better, and I choose to use my personal empowerment on my behalf which allows me to serve life more fully.

There is a new Resolved for Results mastermind team forming, which includes the classy and dynamic woman who graciously turned off FaceTime without missing a beat.

If you have a yearning to break-free of your current circumstances and be richly compensated doing what you love in a BIGGER way (or even clarifying what that is), this is your invitation.

Email me at vg@ResolvedForResults.com to learn more.

Recently I talked with a Masterminder who told me that when she was little she prayed and prayed to make her the person God wanted her to be – a good person and here to do something. Now in her sixties, for the first time ever, it’s happened. No more low self-esteem. She’s happy, shares her many talents and lives everyday with meaning and gusto, feeling great about herself and life.

Imagine how much you can manifest with joy and by skipping the embarrassing hard parts.

TIP: Have More Fun & Adventure for Success

August 1, 2016

IMG_3677

Outside on a corner of my roof, wasps like to party – in spite of my calling the flying insect police on them a few times.

Meanwhile, one of the screens on my back porch was knocked down, and a couple of wasps found their way inside.

Although they could have escaped easily the same way they got in, they congregated on a screen that’s near party central and has no way out.

They gravitated toward what they know is home even though they weren’t able to get there from where they were. Even though they have the tools, the wings to fly, their approach wasn’t working.

They escaped when I did a catch and release with them.

It can be like having goals. Some people can know where they want to go, but it’s not possible to get there from where they are.

The business model and all the tools of the trade can be in place. Yet, success, if any, is limited.

If you’re speeding along on a track where you know that your life or business could be greater, it can be challenging to recognize you’re on the wrong track let alone know how to get on the right track for you.  

How can you know if you’re on the right track?

Check out how you feel. Do you have good feeling mojo, momentum created from feeling good?

Here’s how some people from this morning’s mastermind group described it at the end of our call:

  • I have so much energy, I can’t wait to go to work and create.
  • I don’t doubt myself. I own who I am and what I do.
  • I feel anchored, grounded and filled with enthusiasm.
  • What a magical way to start my week.

While masterminding, people share their vision of team members living their dreams. Someone once said, “where else do you go to hear regularly how wonderful you are?”

Which creates better results? The voice in your head doubting your ability to succeed OR being open to infinite possibilities and knowing you will thrive.

“Through others’ words and how they see me, It helps me see and acknowledge my gifts,” a team member commented.

“In the past, I had limiting beliefs about myself which took away from what I’m doing. My thinking was that I didn’t have enough experience, education and more.

“I made up stories from my childhood about how I couldn’t do things.

“Now I know that I and my experiences are more than enough. I have self-confidence, self-worth and self-esteem. I value my own talent whereas before I thought I needed degrees, something other than what I had and be someone different.”

Newton’s First Law of Motion states that a body at rest will remain at rest unless an outside force acts on it, and a body in motion at a constant velocity will remain in motion in a straight line unless acted upon by an outside force.

In other words, we’ll keep doing what we’re doing unless acted up by an outside force, just like the wasps. They knew their goal, but their best instincts were not producing viable results.  

Stuck and limited are boring and not fun, especially when you’re destined for much more.

If you’d love to change your life and business into adventurous success that surpasses your wildest imagination, there’s a new Resolved for Results group starting this week.

Contact me at vg@ResolvedForResults to discover if this is a key to unlock your business and life to be awesome!

Don’t be stuck doing the same thing hoping for different results. Your TIP is identify one way for your business or life to be more fun and adventurous.

Now implement it with the intention that this is your turning point.

If you’re open to receive outside help to have more fun as you create greater success and adventure, contact me at vg@ResolvedForResults.com

YOU KNOW MORE THAN YOU THINK

November 29, 2012

You’re programmed for low self-esteem and to give away your power. Not just you. Everyone’s brainwashed living in their own hypnotic trance. Part of the gig on earth is to snap out of it.

It starts innocently enough with directives like “draw inside the lines.” We obediently follow to fit in. That’s the hook. Fit in to survive. I mean, how else can a little kid make it in this world without going along with family and society’s customs – even if they’re wacky and don’t make sense?

Did you hear this? “When you’re under my roof, you’ll do what I say.” Then, miraculously, when you move out you turn on a switch and think for yourself. More likely, the programmed voice in your head continues until you realize it’s an old recording.

Myths start early. Do you know any people who stepped on a crack on a sidewalk and broke their mother’s back?

How about obeying authority figures? If doctors or others recommend flu shots or anything they think you should do and doubt your sanity if you decline, do you give your power away by going along because “they” know better, everybody does it,  or you don’t like conflict?

Maybe you journeyed into alternative remedies. Do you give your power away to holistic professionals, stones, pills or potions to heal you or so you can revel in eternal youth?

Consider that any healing starts within and radiates to your thoughts, feelings and physical body.

When this current travels inside to out, whatever you use externally can truly work. Otherwise, you’re giving your power away to something outside of you but feeling clever, at least for as long as the “healing” sticks.

Step back from your emotions, opinions, the way you’ve always seen things, knee jerk reactions, fear, anger, stress, anxiety, and worry. Let’s go deeper.

Your association with a product, technique, love-of-your-life or belief alters how you feel, and you respond like a tuning fork resonating with a frequency. Nevertheless, only YOU can maintain that vibration with your thoughts, attitudes, perspectives and feelings. It may be easier to stay in tune with consistent contact. But, if you’re looking for the fountain of youth, even plastic surgery won’t help if bitterness replaced a young-at-heart attitude.

For whatever you seek, God, the Infinite Source, is your supply.

You have the power NOW to create what you choose. Awaken to this, and you attract supportive people, circumstances, and things.

Everything is given according to your belief. By connecting to the remembrance within that you’re made in the image and likeness of God, you can realize you are way more than enough. (Otherwise God would be a slouch, and that just ain’t true. Excuse me, God. Just sayin’.) The more you believe and align with this, the more you’re in divine flow and row, row, rowing down the stream.

Life can provide evidence to prove the opposite, too. However, believing you’re a helpless slug slithering over the soil leaves a slimy shadow.

The reason people are able to create miracles is they ask for them, believe, are open to receive, and have faith and confidence life will provide.

Me? I got a Ph.D. in 11th hour saves. Why? Because it took me that long to let go and trust. I used worry as a strategy. Spoiler alert: worry only makes things worse.

Strong emotional reactions skew perspective, too. By the way, they have nothing to do with what you think you’re upset about. They’re often from unresolved pain or the irritation of having given away your power. Blaming others is giving your power away, too. Take responsibility. Look deeper.

Everyone has childhood experiences where fear ruled. My highly charged, emotional upbringing with screaming parents introduced me to fear as my companion. Like holding onto a childhood blanket, I continued the legacy of anxiety into adulthood by attracting stressful situations. It really didn’t matter what it was: health; relationships; financial; whatever. As long as something went wrong, I could feel that ole, familiar, sickening dread.  Like everyone else, I have stuff to deal with, but I’m not entertaining the emotions of fear-worry-stress as houseguests anymore.

What emotional instant replays do you have?

What emotions do you usually feel when you’re down for the count? Awareness leads to freedom.

Instead of automatically giving your power to an emotion, your taste buds, the next shiny object, any member of genus Homo sapiens, the internet, a calendar date, scientists, politicians or habits, take a deep breath and question. Question everything, including cherished beliefs. What’s the truth underneath? Find quiet time and journal. Amazing insights emerge, and your self-confidence rises.

You’re not alone in this process. You know the rug that stuff got swept under? Life is forcing everyone to clear out those dust bunnies and move on.

Make a clean sweep by seeing through illusions and making empowering choices. It’s never too late.

In the words of Dr. Benjamin Spock, “Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”