Archive for the ‘Avoidance’ Category

Is Telling the Truth a Good Idea?

December 7, 2021

“Lie to no one. If there’s somebody close to you, you’re gonna’ ruin it with a lie. If they’re a stranger, who the f— are they you gotta’ lie to?”

Willie Nelson in Thief

It’s easier to speak our truth simply, although people who don’t want to do something or feel the need to hide often go into avoidance or denial, tell lies, get angry, complain, project blame on others, or make up stories – variations on defensiveness.

A man I knew was “speaking-his-truth challenged.” He made excuses when he didn’t return calls, didn’t keep his word, and disappeared for months when he said he’d call in a couple of days. He left several relationships without a word of goodbye.

Once he phoned to say he was house hunting and asked if I knew any homes for sale in my part of town. I suggested he contact a realtor. I made a three-way call with him, and we left a message for a client of mine who’s in the business.

She told me she returned his call two times but never heard back. A month later, I saw him at the post office, inquired about his search, and commented how he never returned my client’s call. He said he thought he called her back two or three times.

“No. You didn’t.”

This college instructor then claimed forgetfulness expecting me to believe he was the absent-minded professor.

Busted, and he still couldn’t come clean.

To his credit, three months later he left a message on my voicemail to apologize for “some behaviors he acted out with me, the last one being about the realtor, realized after doing some soul searching.”

Tell the truth. Keep it simple. When we do we keep our self-respect, our personal power, and integrity.

Sometimes blatant truth telling is unwise. Telling your boss he’s an idiot may not be the best choice unless you’re ready to walk out the door for good.

Silence or responding with kindness may be the more gracious approach… instead of trying to shove truth down someone’s throat who you perceive isn’t capable of digesting it at that moment. (Another lesson I’ve learned after realizing some people are quite oblivious, and I end up looking like a fool in their eyes if I try to press the point.)
 
Diplomacy and kindness go a long way to effective communication.
Well, at least the best you can in the moment. Sometimes journaling or talking to someone else about it first can take off the emotional edge.

The egoic mind feels that it needs to defend itself and wear a mask it wants the world to see; the real you doesn’t.

Your challenge, if you choose to accept, is to speak your truth without defensiveness.

  1. Identify a situation where you’ve been holding back on expressing yourself because of fear of what someone might say, think, or do.
  2. Decide if telling the whole truth is the wisest course of action.
  3. Invoke your Soul energy for courage, wisdom, divine right timing, and effective communication skills. How? Just ask within for help.
  4. Speak your truth diplomatically but straight from your heart, with as much grace as you can muster. Your truth is good enough, with or without explanation.
  5. Be prepared to accept the consequences, knowing that the way out of a situation is often to go through it rather than avoiding it or being defensive.

With a zest for Life,
 
Virginia 


Struggling to tell the truth…
even to yourself?
Contact me at:
virginia@soulgoals.comI work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck or could 
use new tools or support.I help them ignite their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.

Originally posted as an excerpt from my Soulgoal Missive a long time ago.

Copyright © 2021 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

What Do You Do? Follow or Be Courageous?

November 1, 2021

“Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway. You’ll be damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.”

Eleanor Roosevelt

“I’m the man of the house (although he didn’t act like a responsible one, financially or otherwise), and you need to follow me and support me in everything I do.”

However, she wasn’t considered by him to be a good wife because she started to say no.

In the end, she lost her house that she bought before she married, lost her car, lost her savings, nearly lost her mind, plus the police showed up so often that they knew her by name – because when she disagreed, the beatings would begin.

For him, it was a personal affront that she wouldn’t agree with him.
 
She told me, “I was brought up to be compliant with my husband.
But he was an idiot, and the results proved it. He was misogynistic and would never take any advice – but instead would do the opposite.

“I was going in two different directions. How can you follow someone if they’re taking you to a dead end, and all the time you know that direction is wrong?

“Even a rat has enough sense to jump off a sinking ship. I had to leave the relationship. I had to save my life.”

Just because people you “should” believe say something, demand your obedience to follow, repeatedly lie to fit their own purpose but call it the truth, doesn’t make it true.

The good news. If it weren’t for him, she never would have the clarity she has now to speak her truth, especially in a male-dominated industry where she works.

Her ex trained her to no longer be a wimp and not value others’ reactions more than trusting herself.

She knew better. But she allowed herself to be bullied by someone who was metaphorically blind and demanded unreasonable loyalty.

Eventually, she allowed herself to act on what she knew, what she had the courage to honestly see, and leave him.

Sounds crazy? You think you wouldn’t do something like that?

This is what belief systems can do. If a person believes something, even though the belief is false or doesn’t make sense or can be harmful, people often stick with it.

Her belief was she was taught to be compliant to her husband. See where that belief brought her?

While in my twenties and in a horrific marriage, I had a dream. For months later, although I couldn’t understand its significance at the time, I put its quote on my dresser.

FIND THE HEART AND RESCUE IT. 

Friend, what do you see? Is there something in your life where you know better, you’re ignoring it, but you’re following obediently or blindly anyway?
 
Courage. You can allow yourself to know what you know. Call it for what it is, even if only to yourself.

DON’T GIVE AWAY YOUR POWER.

  • Think for yourself, not what others tell you or what you read on the internet.  If what you firmly believe in is showing cracks and not working like you thought it should, reconsider.
  • See, and then take action according to what your gut and heart tell you, along with your logic, instead of what others say you should feel or do or be.

You may discover your personal honesty is the inevitable route to freedom.

“Speak what you think today in hard words and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said today.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Time to reclaim your power?
Contact me to learn how at:
virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck or could 
use new tools or support.

I help them ignite their Soul’s goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.

Original Soulgoal Missive written in 2002   

Copyright © 2021 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Is Your Past Haunting You?

June 28, 2021

A mountain biker rode on a trail she’d been on at least 50 times. During some of those rides, she’d fallen and hurt herself. Because of this history, she was haunted by what the biking community calls “ghosts.”

She remembered the injuries, where the obstacles are located that caused her pain and avoided them.

Her experience changed, though, when she did this very same trail with a group of riders who traveled this way for the first time and were decades younger than her, including a woman who’s a national champion.

Not having negative memories, they tackled the trail with abandon.

While riding she said to herself, “Let’s pretend I haven’t been on this trail before.”

It was a whole new experience. She quickly rode over obstacles, that she’d been avoiding, and was unscathed. Didn’t fall down. Didn’t get hurt.

She told me that it’s the same in business and life.

Don’t let old ghosts from the past, which cause you to hesitate, get in the way of taking action and being successful.

Let go of the bad experiences.

What ghosts can you let go so you can tackle your life, business or work with abandon?

Find a way to create positive momentum so you get through without giving them a second thought.

P.S. Know someone who might like this? Please forward.

If you or anyone you know live with
ghosts of the past that continue to be
a haunting presence, please consider
a complimentary, break-free session.
It is possible to let go and move forward…
and feel the sweet taste of freedom!

I work with people who choose to share
their gifts or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how or feel stuck.

I help them ignite their Souls’ goals
and be richly compensated doing what
they love.


Originally posted on Soulgoals’ Blog, June 5, 2017, Let Go of Ghosts

Copyright © 2021 Virginia Goszewska, All rights reserved.

Stop Giving Your Power Away!

November 11, 2019

i am woman

I am man

Before you read this post, I’d like to thank the veterans for their service on today’s celebration of Veterans Day in the U.S.A.

“Why can’t you be more like ­­­­­­­­­­your cousins?” was one of my mother’s mantras.

Translated: who you are isn’t good enough.

A funny twist is when I told this to my cousin, she said her mother implied she should have been more like me!

My mother passed away in 1988, and I still remember her mantras verbatim. Early programming is powerful. It creates one of the voices that chatters in the back of our heads.

Families share attitudes, perspectives and behaviors. The next generation perpetuates how they’ve been raised by passing it on to their children – until someone like you decides to wake up and make more conscious choices.

This pattern is referred to in Exodus 34:7. “Visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.”

You can break the patterns. It starts by becoming aware of them and making new choices… and realizing you are more than good enough.

Here’s another of mom’s favorites: “Where did you get those crazy ideas? You certainly didn’t get them from anyone on my side of the family.”

Translated: there’s something wrong with you and the way you think.

The underlying message?

You’re making me uncomfortable, so stop it. I might have to think or change. That ain’t gonna happen if I can help it. It’s easier for me to lay guilt or blame on you rather than look at myself. A tool I know to keep you in line is to shame you into humble submission. So I can try to control the way you think to make it more like what I’m used to.  So I can maintain my false sense of empowerment.

This isn’t a fault of my mom or anyone else (and we’ve all done things like this in the past). She replicated what she was taught and did the best she could.

What do you do when someone tries to make you feel uncomfortable about being you and living your dreams?

Do you stuff what you feel and tow the line?

This may be what you’ve been taught to do from infancy. You try to fit in because, as a little kiddo, you knew you needed help from others to survive.

If the family says you’re stupid, out comes the crowd-pleasing town idiot. You learned to dumb down.

If the family wants you to follow their traditions, you’ll do whatever it takes to belong and be loved. Even if it means you just get crumbs of love. Even if you’re drowning in what floats their boat.

Remember, you’ll rarely be able to please others as they’ll keep changing the hoop they want you to jump through.

In the early days of protest, the Yemenis chanted: “If, one day, a people desires to live, then destiny will answer their call.”

Do you desire to live, I mean really live? That means, not living to please other people.

Are you not living your truth, what’s in your heart, because you’re afraid of the consequences?  Instead, take time for you, your goals and your life.

If you’re existing, just getting by, you’re not living.

To live instead of exist, you must stop giving your power away.

Stop giving away your power by:

  • Trying to please others and worrying about what they think. Instead, follow your inner guidance, your heart, your gut.
  • Living in worry and fear. Instead of thinking what’s wrong or what could go wrong, think about what’s right or could go right.
  • Talking about others and blaming them. Instead, take responsibility for your actions and life.
  • Feeling sorry for yourself, regardless of your circumstances. Instead, look at “what is” and make new choices and actions.
  • Avoiding situations or not telling the truth. Instead, speak up – at least to yourself!
  • Making excuses, aka reasons, to not live your dreams. Instead, stand up for your passion and take action, even small steps. If it doesn’t work one way, do it another.

Don’t make yourself wrong, feel guilty or have regrets about what you haven’t done or your past. What you learned brought you to where you are today.

Instead, make a decision to make new choices. You are so powerful that when you say “I choose,” you set forces in motion to redirect your life.

Use your power to live, really LIVE.

Talk with your inner Essence to discover the best path for you: 

  1. Go within and ask your question.
  2. Listen and write your answers.
  3. Ask for clarity and/or action steps to take.
  4. Take action – consistently.

Take a moment now to breathe and do these four steps.

The Beginning

Reprinted from my May 13, 2011 post.

If you’d like support
in being more empowered,
contact me
for a complimentary
Do What You Love Break Free Session.
If it’s been a while since you’ve had one,
you’re welcome to contact me again.

Email me at:

virginia@soulgoals.com

I work with people
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.
I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love.

Copyright © 2019 Soulgoals, All rights reserved.

Feel Overwhelmed with the Clock Ticking?

March 26, 2018

clocks and woman

A mastermind team did an exercise called “Strategy for Success,” which included prioritizing personal and professional goals, identifying obstacles, followed by strategies to overcome each one. If there was a roadblock, what could they do about it?

Procrastination was a big obstacle. Many delays were due to questioning themselves. Are they capable? Are they good enough? Are they doing the right thing?

Avoidance happened when their goals involved new activity and knowledge that differed from how they’d done things in the past. They were growing their businesses in new ways, which meant doing things they’d never done before.

Venturing into an arena unknown to them brought on self-doubt, which immobilized them from moving forward.


One woman, who took on a new-to-her project, didn’t know how to complete it. She simply didn’t have the expertise to finish the job. With deadlines looming, she held herself back from doing a pile of other work, that she easily knows how to do, until she finished her worrisome project.

It turned out that a business associate had already offered, completely free of charge, to help her every step of the way. He also told her point blank that she was fully capable of doing this work on her own once she learned the steps.

All she really needed was help to walk through each step. Then she’d have it.

After she completed his initial instructions, she felt that she should know how to finish it on her own. However, because she had no prior experience with it, there’s no way she could know.

She was stuck because her self-esteem felt jeopardized.

She didn’t want to call him for help because that made her feel there was something wrong with her abilities and herself. That she wasn’t good enough.

So she remained frozen for way too long, which meant she wasn’t receiving income for a stack of work she could do.

By changing her perspective, she was able to see how asking for help had nothing to do with her self-worth, and she was willing to contact him again. 
 


When going outside the known and our comfort zone, when choosing to take ourselves to another level, it’s likely new tools and skills will be needed. This has nothing to do with not being good enough or a reason to be afraid of rejection!

Once we get over our “yes, buts,” “you don’t understand,”  “I was told this is the way it is (or I am),” “there’s nothing that can be done” and countless other reasons we try to legitimize why we do things the way we’ve always done, new solutions can appear.

The answers to get you through any challenge live within you. You’ll either get pointed in a direction, a direct insight will come, you’ll overhear something by chance… somehow your personal GPS will show you the way.

Pay attention to your inner nudges. They provide clues.

Be open to step back and see things in a new perspective. The seemingly impossible may actually be possible with a different approach.

Niels Bohr, who won the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1922, wrote this:

“Every great and deep difficulty bears in itself its own solution. It forces us to change our thinking in order to find it.”

Bohr, who contributed to understanding atomic structure and quantum theory, tapped into his creativity to use outside the box thinking, which allowed him to be part of breakthrough discoveries.

Expand your territory. Change your perspective. Open to breakthroughs.

P. S. Know someone who might be interested in this TIP?  Please share.

I work with people, at any age,
who choose to share their gifts
or business in a BIGGER way
but don’t know how, feel stuck
or would benefit from new tools
or support.

I help them be richly compensated
doing what they love by aligning
with their Soul’s goals.

Copyright © 2018 Resolved for Results, All rights reserved.

The Voice in Your Head Lies

February 1, 2017
doll-with-colored-hair

Even if you appear coordinated and that your life fits together, what’s going on in your thinking might leave you feeling like a shell with a confused head.

Or maybe you’ve been telling yourself that your life is a mess no matter which way you look at it.

Or you feel blessed that all is well, but you wonder how to elevate your set point to a higher altitude you’ve never experienced before.

Conflicting voices in your head can torment you.

Do any of these sound familiar?

You and nothing you do is good enough. What’s wrong with you? You’re never going to get ahead. You screwed up, again. What a loser. What makes you think anything’s gonna change? It’s not going to work, so why chance it? You’ve tried before and you remember how bad it turned out, so what’s the use of trying again? You oughta be a lot further ahead than where you are now… especially at your age.

There are countless ways to beat yourself up.

What if a “friend” said things to you like this, on and on and on?

For a while, you might feel immobilized – how could you do anything with this weight on you?

Why bother taking action? With the wind taken out of your sails, you’re left with no energy.

Instead, procrastinate. Lose interest.  Be indecisive. Watch too much TV. After all, you might make another mistake. Play it safe. Do nothing.

Another option is feeling vengeful and lashing out against the world. How dare they?! How can you do this to me?

Or be arrogant and proud. They think they’re all that and then some. Well, I’ll put them in their place.

When you snapped out of your stupor from getting way too many demoralizing hits below the belt, you’d either want to leave, give them a piece of your mind or shorten any air time you’d give them.

You don’t have to put up with this from others. Most importantly, you don’t have to put up with badgering thoughts that are on instant replay in your brain!

How can you stop the momentum of that train on its way to become a wreck?

When you stop to listen to the conversation in your head and observe it, you might notice something very important.

It lies. That negativity is not the truth.

Do you like liars? Probably not. So stop listening to these horror stories. They’re NOT true!

Instead of acting like an obedient servant to lunacy – yours or others – choose to stop it.

That’s why I named my technique Liberation of Lunacy because when the ego takes over, we’re all a little crazy.

Instead, ASK for your essence to be in the driver’s seat of your life and business.

You’re a Divine child. You’re more than good enough. If you diss you, you diss your Creator.

The rest of that silly stuff is only a program in your head, and you can replace that software.

You can start by making a choice. What thoughts, ideas or outcomes do you choose instead?

I choose _________________________.

You’re that powerful so if you choose, it makes a difference. Really. Choose to let go of the burdensome yoke of enslavement you’ve been carrying.

Choose to be free.

Now don’t go straddling the fence between listening to goofy ideas and choosing. Perching on pointy fence tops is very uncomfortable.

You have a choice to listen to those inane voices in your head or not.

How do I know they’re not telling you the truth? Because your essence never talks to you like this. Your spirit is always supportive. It may lovingly ask what you learned, but it never disparages you.

Here’s another approach.

The next time the dictator/ victim/ bully/ procrastinator/ naysayer in your head tells you that you can’t do something, say with resolve, “Watch me do it. Watch me.”

With gratitude,

Virginia

I work with people who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support. I help them ignite their Soul’s goals and be richly compensated doing what they love.

Copyright © 2017 Resolved for Results, All rights reserved.

Are You Running Away From Your Fear?

January 17, 2017

girl-and-stuffed-animal

Your success accelerates and happiness blooms when you let go of fear and the ego’s grasp.

Fear subtly whispers what if the worse happens. It can have you look calm or cheerful, but inside quiet trepidation runs like a persistent, low grade fever. It can breed a full-blown panic humbling you to beg a divine power for help – hoping/doubting if anyone is listening to your prayers or wondering if they’ll bother to answer them.

Fear can masquerade as anger, frustration, pain, avoidance, blaming, complaining, feeling like a victim, sadness, apathy, bullying, guilt, rescuing, suffering as well as every facet of unhappiness.

Fear creates lack of clarity and direction while triggering procrastination or immobilizing you from taking action, dreading that you’ll make a mistake and then you-know-what will hit the fan.

Although miserable to experience, these outcomes provide a compelling distraction from looking at the culprit – your underlying fear.

However, just like in the Wizard of Oz when the curtain was pulled back, there’s nothing substantive to fear.

  1. Fear is only a scary story in your head.
  2. You can more effectively deal with real issues when you’re not emotionally clouded.
  3. You continue to attract unwanted circumstances until you stop running away from your fear, let it go and see it for what it is: a no-thing.
  4. You only attract what you can handle, so there’s no reason to fear anything. 

When you stop thinking and talking about your problems as if you’re in a Stephen King novel, you stop generating your real-life, horror stories.

FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real.

The ego will lead you to believe that you’ll have more pain if you look at your fear.

However, it’s the embellished, painful narratives of what horrible fate might happen in the future or remembering what happened in the past that snags you.

When you focus on the past and future, you bypass present time, and this is where your personal empowerment dwells.

How can you know if you’re doing this? Listen to your own stories. What’s the timeline – past, present or future?

Ego will play you like a fiddle – directing your attention to what you don’t have (like enough money, time, love, health, direction or success), past and future worries, anywhere but the Now.

If you allow yourself to look at your inner bogeyman, with an intention of letting it go, you’ll find freedom.

Ask for your inner spirit to shine your courage so you can let go of fear and find the tools and support to release what’s holding you back.

You can begin now:

  • Be willing to let go.
  • Ask for help – inwardly and outwardly.
  • Journal to bring clarity and with the intention of letting go.
  • Open to receive a life and business that exceeds your wildest expectations.

When you feel afraid you give your power away. Choose to take it back.

If you don’t get this job or deal, you can get another.

If one way doesn’t work, it’s not the end of the world. Another can be even better. (By the way, I used to be a master at making mountains out of molehills, so I know how much anxiety, pain and self-destruction this habit generates.)

No person, circumstance, financial condition, politician, economic outlook, industry predictions, threats, doctor’s diagnosis, the past or unknown future can affect you unless you let it.

Dwelling on fear or what doesn’t work is emotional quicksand that sabotages your success.

A woman told me about a dream she had with a ferocious lion. Instead of running away, she walked toward it and through it. It had no substance.

You pay a high price for letting fear run your life. Drama. Stress. Challenging relationships. Attracting more fear than money. Confusion. Unconsciously repelling business. Poor health. A life that doesn’t feel like it’s worth living.

You can change now.

Make a decision that instead of listening to the nagging, fear-based story in your head, and judging yourself for having it, you’ll focus on what you choose and what’s working.

Results? You’re happier. Your business and finances grow. You attract love from all the right places. Your health improves.

You’re worth it.

I work with people who choose to share their gifts or business in a BIGGER way but don’t know how, feel stuck or would benefit from new tools or support. I help them ignite their Soul’s goals and be richly compensated doing what they love.

Copyright © 2017 Resolved for Results, All rights reserved.

YOU KNOW MORE THAN YOU THINK

November 29, 2012

You’re programmed for low self-esteem and to give away your power. Not just you. Everyone’s brainwashed living in their own hypnotic trance. Part of the gig on earth is to snap out of it.

It starts innocently enough with directives like “draw inside the lines.” We obediently follow to fit in. That’s the hook. Fit in to survive. I mean, how else can a little kid make it in this world without going along with family and society’s customs – even if they’re wacky and don’t make sense?

Did you hear this? “When you’re under my roof, you’ll do what I say.” Then, miraculously, when you move out you turn on a switch and think for yourself. More likely, the programmed voice in your head continues until you realize it’s an old recording.

Myths start early. Do you know any people who stepped on a crack on a sidewalk and broke their mother’s back?

How about obeying authority figures? If doctors or others recommend flu shots or anything they think you should do and doubt your sanity if you decline, do you give your power away by going along because “they” know better, everybody does it,  or you don’t like conflict?

Maybe you journeyed into alternative remedies. Do you give your power away to holistic professionals, stones, pills or potions to heal you or so you can revel in eternal youth?

Consider that any healing starts within and radiates to your thoughts, feelings and physical body.

When this current travels inside to out, whatever you use externally can truly work. Otherwise, you’re giving your power away to something outside of you but feeling clever, at least for as long as the “healing” sticks.

Step back from your emotions, opinions, the way you’ve always seen things, knee jerk reactions, fear, anger, stress, anxiety, and worry. Let’s go deeper.

Your association with a product, technique, love-of-your-life or belief alters how you feel, and you respond like a tuning fork resonating with a frequency. Nevertheless, only YOU can maintain that vibration with your thoughts, attitudes, perspectives and feelings. It may be easier to stay in tune with consistent contact. But, if you’re looking for the fountain of youth, even plastic surgery won’t help if bitterness replaced a young-at-heart attitude.

For whatever you seek, God, the Infinite Source, is your supply.

You have the power NOW to create what you choose. Awaken to this, and you attract supportive people, circumstances, and things.

Everything is given according to your belief. By connecting to the remembrance within that you’re made in the image and likeness of God, you can realize you are way more than enough. (Otherwise God would be a slouch, and that just ain’t true. Excuse me, God. Just sayin’.) The more you believe and align with this, the more you’re in divine flow and row, row, rowing down the stream.

Life can provide evidence to prove the opposite, too. However, believing you’re a helpless slug slithering over the soil leaves a slimy shadow.

The reason people are able to create miracles is they ask for them, believe, are open to receive, and have faith and confidence life will provide.

Me? I got a Ph.D. in 11th hour saves. Why? Because it took me that long to let go and trust. I used worry as a strategy. Spoiler alert: worry only makes things worse.

Strong emotional reactions skew perspective, too. By the way, they have nothing to do with what you think you’re upset about. They’re often from unresolved pain or the irritation of having given away your power. Blaming others is giving your power away, too. Take responsibility. Look deeper.

Everyone has childhood experiences where fear ruled. My highly charged, emotional upbringing with screaming parents introduced me to fear as my companion. Like holding onto a childhood blanket, I continued the legacy of anxiety into adulthood by attracting stressful situations. It really didn’t matter what it was: health; relationships; financial; whatever. As long as something went wrong, I could feel that ole, familiar, sickening dread.  Like everyone else, I have stuff to deal with, but I’m not entertaining the emotions of fear-worry-stress as houseguests anymore.

What emotional instant replays do you have?

What emotions do you usually feel when you’re down for the count? Awareness leads to freedom.

Instead of automatically giving your power to an emotion, your taste buds, the next shiny object, any member of genus Homo sapiens, the internet, a calendar date, scientists, politicians or habits, take a deep breath and question. Question everything, including cherished beliefs. What’s the truth underneath? Find quiet time and journal. Amazing insights emerge, and your self-confidence rises.

You’re not alone in this process. You know the rug that stuff got swept under? Life is forcing everyone to clear out those dust bunnies and move on.

Make a clean sweep by seeing through illusions and making empowering choices. It’s never too late.

In the words of Dr. Benjamin Spock, “Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”

STOP GIVING YOUR POWER AWAY & LIVE YOUR DREAMS

May 19, 2011

“Why can’t you be more like ­­­­­­­­­­your cousins?” was one of my mother’s mantras. Translated: who you are isn’t good enough. A funny twist is when I told this to my cousin, she said her mother implied she should have been more like me!

My mother passed away in 1988, and I still remember her mantras verbatim. Early programming is powerful. It creates the voice that chatters in the back of your head.

Families share attitudes, perspectives and behaviors. The next generation perpetuates how they’ve been raised by passing it on to their children – until someone like you decides to wake up and make more conscious choices.

This pattern is referred to in Exodus 34:7. “Visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.”

You can break the patterns. It starts by becoming aware of them and making new choices… and realizing you are more than good enough.

Here’s another of mom’s favorites: “Where did you get those crazy ideas? You certainly didn’t get them from anyone on my side of the family.” Translated: there’s something wrong with you and the way you think.

The underlying message?

You’re making me uncomfortable, so stop it. I might have to think or change. That ain’t gonna happen if I can help it. It’s easier for me to lay guilt or blame on you rather than look at myself. A tool I know to keep you in line is to shame you into humble submission. So I can try to control the way you think to make it more like what I’m used to.  So I can maintain my false sense of empowerment.

This isn’t a fault of my mom or anyone else (and we’ve all done things like this in the past). She replicated what she was taught and did the best she could.

What do you do when someone tries to make you feel uncomfortable about being you and living your dreams?

Do you stuff what you feel and tow the line? This may be what you’ve been taught to do from infancy. If you don’t fit in, you won’t survive.

If the family says you’re stupid, out comes the crowd pleasing town idiot. You learned to dumb down.

If the family wants you to follow their traditions, you’ll do whatever it takes to belong and be loved. Even if it means you just get crumbs of love. Even if you’re drowning in what floats their boat.

Remember, you’ll never be able to please others as they’ll keep changing the hoop they want you to jump through.

In the early days of protest, the Yemenis chanted: “If, one day, a people desires to live, then destiny will answer their call.”

Do you desire to live, I mean really live? That means, not living to please other people.

Are you not living your truth, what’s in your heart, because you’re afraid of the consequences?  Instead, take time for you, your goals and your life.

If you’re existing, just getting by, you’re not living.

To live instead of exist, you must stop giving your power away.

Stop giving away your power by:

  • Trying to please others and being worried about what they think. Instead, follow your inner guidance, your heart, your gut.
  • Living in worry and fear. Instead of thinking what’s wrong or what could go wrong, think about what’s right or could go right.
  • Talking about others and blaming them. Instead, take responsibility for your actions and life.
  • Feeling sorry for yourself, regardless of your circumstances. Instead, look at “what is” and make new choices and actions.
  • Avoiding situations or not telling the truth. Instead, speak up – at least to yourself!
  • Making excuses, aka reasons, to not live your dreams. Instead, stand up for your passion and take action, even small steps. If it doesn’t work one way, do it another.

Don’t make yourself wrong, feel guilty or have regrets about what you haven’t done or your past. What you learned brought you to where you are today.

Instead, make a decision to make new choices. You are so powerful that when you say “I choose,” you set forces in motion to redirect your life.

Use your power to live, really LIVE. 

Talk with your soul to discover the best path for you: 

  1. Go within and ask your question.
  2. Listen and write your answers.
  3. Ask for clarity and/or action steps to take.
  4. Take action – consistently.

Take a moment now to breathe and do these four steps.

The Beginning

SPEAK UP: IT’S TIME TO LIVE YOUR LIFE – PART 2

May 13, 2011

A Tarantula Living Its Life As A Tarantula

It takes courage to see through intimidation. 

There’s a real danger that Yemen will fall to al-Qaida, and their President Saleh uses this to try and control people through fear. The people’s choice: repressive regime or the bogeyman? 

In spite of this potential terror, there are those who no longer are willing to be repressed. And they don’t believe these are the only choices. 

Tawakkol Karman, a female Yemeni activist and writer reported: “We cannot let the bogeyman of al-Qaida and extremism be used to stall historic change in our country; Saleh invokes this threat in an attempt to cling to power, as if he is the only one capable of bringing stability and tackling terrorism. It would be foolish to believe his lies.” 

It reminds me of the empty warning, “no one will ever love you like I do.” Settle for less or be left with something worse or nothing. 

Are you afraid of living your dream? 

What if you try and don’t succeed? 

What-if-the-worse-happens is a tune that plays like a broken record on the shadowy grooves of fear. 

Here’s a mishmash of some of my clients what-ifs: “If I fail, I’ll end up penniless and ashamed, living under a bridge with my dog in a soggy cardboard box, scorned by family and friends saying, ‘I told you so.’” 

What what-if influences you not to live your dreams? What are the odds it will happen?

As Mark Twain said, “I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” 

You’re not born with fear. You learned it.

The movie The Tale of Despereaux is a lesson on how to train an optimistic mouse to be mousy. (Spoiler alert – they didn’t succeed.) 

The Mother instructed: “You can’t be a mouse if you don’t learn to be afraid… There are so many wonderful things in life to be afraid of – if you just learn how scary they are.” 

The timid older brother adds: “Sometimes they just need to see the older ones do it. No one starts out afraid.” 

Guidance given to the parents: “He won’t be afraid unless you allow him to be afraid.” 

What are you afraid of?

Controlling others through trying to shut them up doesn’t just  happen on the other side of the world. We do it to ourselves. 

We’re all bullied by limiting perspectives and illusions that we believe are true. 

For example, do you avoid any of these? 

  • Confrontation – so you steer clear of people and situations?
  • Contacting someone and being rejected – so you procrastinate?
  • Telling the truth – so you tell little lies as a cover up?
  • Taking action to live your dream – so you settle for existing rather than living? 

Avoidance is another way you terrorize yourself. It’s a way of shutting you up and shutting you down from really living by keeping you in your place. 

It’s time to speak up and be heard. LISTEN to your heart and soul. 

If you want others to listen to you, start by listening to yourself! 

Here are seven steps to help you LIVE your life: 

  1. Breathe deeply in a relaxed way.
  2. Write your ideal life.
  3. Write what your life is like right now.
  4. Ask your soul for clear communication.
  5. What steps can you take to align your ideal and what is?
  6. Take consistent action – even if it’s one small step at a time.
  7. Choose to make changes gently, with grace and ease.

 The answers may differ from what you now think.

At first they may not make sense. You may glimpse a piece rather than the whole puzzle. You may see an image rather than words.

Don’t judge them. You’re opening communication and learning your language. If you’re not sure what the answers mean, ask again.

Take a moment now.

Ask your soul to speak up: LOUDLY so you can hear; CLEARLY so you understand without a shadow of a doubt.

The time to be afraid of the bogeyman is gone.

A rose proudly shares its beauty, even though its life is short. A tarantula boldly lives its life for what it is – a tarantula.

It’s time to live your life to the fullest. Empower yourself by asking your soul to speak up – and listen.